Time to dust off the Holy Calipers of St. Anselm again...
July 10, 2011 2:21 PM Subscribe
‘Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated!’ After a photograph was leaked showing Father Andres Garcia Torres hugging a 28-year-old Cuban seminarian, the Bishop of Getafe ordered him to take an HIV test and undergo a psychological evaluation and followup treatment, with the goal of curing homosexuality. The priest claims that he was humiliated after being asked by the psychologist whether he had been raped as a child, or if he had seen his parents having sex, and went to the media and his congregation with his claims, denying homosexuality and claiming that he and the seminarian were photographed after removing their vestments after a hot day. His congregation has mobilized on his behalf, while the father wants to go to The Vatican to contest the ruling. Meanwhile, the bishop, who initially denied the story and claimed that the priest was being dismissed for pastoral reasons, has been caught in a lie after the release of a letter documenting the priest's claims.
This post was deleted for the following reason: I don't feel like riding this merry-go-round today. If this isn't a "look at these asshles" post then I don't know what one is. -- jessamyn
What a crazy story, the Catholic church acted like the....well, Catholic church.
posted by Felex at 2:48 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by Felex at 2:48 PM on July 10, 2011
*sigh* oh good grief.
I feel bad for the guy if he's being falsely accused. But the whole "measure my anus" trope is offensive and ignorant.
I'm sure it's a cultural difference (the emphasis on "passive homosexual" in the first link certainly indicates that), but jeez. The human body simply doesn't work that way.
Interesting that the congregation is behind him. I hope they'd be supportive of him regardless of his sexuality, but who knows?
The whole thing reminds me vaguely of the Bishop Eddie Long thing which was going on here in the US earlier this year.
posted by hippybear at 3:02 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
I feel bad for the guy if he's being falsely accused. But the whole "measure my anus" trope is offensive and ignorant.
I'm sure it's a cultural difference (the emphasis on "passive homosexual" in the first link certainly indicates that), but jeez. The human body simply doesn't work that way.
Interesting that the congregation is behind him. I hope they'd be supportive of him regardless of his sexuality, but who knows?
The whole thing reminds me vaguely of the Bishop Eddie Long thing which was going on here in the US earlier this year.
posted by hippybear at 3:02 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
I guess I'm in favor of measuring all priests' anuses. I mean why not, right.
posted by frenetic at 3:08 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by frenetic at 3:08 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
Oh God, don't give the TSA any ideas.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:17 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:17 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
By offering up the anus for review, doesn't this give you more fuel for the blaze?
posted by Senator at 3:19 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by Senator at 3:19 PM on July 10, 2011
"for they know not what they do"
Holy Calipers of St. Anselm...mu-hah!
posted by clavdivs at 3:19 PM on July 10, 2011
Holy Calipers of St. Anselm...mu-hah!
posted by clavdivs at 3:19 PM on July 10, 2011
Just because a man has a dilated stance doesn't mean he's gay.
posted by ryanrs at 3:35 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by ryanrs at 3:35 PM on July 10, 2011
everyone knows blow jobs are genderless
There is an odd cultural thing at play possibly. I am not sure if it is true in Spain but it has been true in many European cultures. A man can fuck any hole he likes and it wont have an affect on their sexuality. But take it in the butt and you may as well be singing showtunes in a sequined gown.
Really odd.
posted by munchingzombie at 3:45 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
There is an odd cultural thing at play possibly. I am not sure if it is true in Spain but it has been true in many European cultures. A man can fuck any hole he likes and it wont have an affect on their sexuality. But take it in the butt and you may as well be singing showtunes in a sequined gown.
Really odd.
posted by munchingzombie at 3:45 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
This religion shit has got to stop.
posted by MattMangels at 3:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by MattMangels at 3:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Christ, what an asshole.
posted by LordSludge at 3:57 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by LordSludge at 3:57 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
Christ! What a magnificent asshole!
Hey. Does Jesus poop?
posted by loquacious at 4:03 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Hey. Does Jesus poop?
posted by loquacious at 4:03 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Of course he does. Haven't you ever heard the phrase "holy shit"?
posted by hippybear at 4:07 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by hippybear at 4:07 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
He's just jealous because the pope gets his balls cupped.
posted by Splunge at 4:27 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by Splunge at 4:27 PM on July 10, 2011
I had a good (atheist) friend who has a very well connected Catholic family, and she'd often offer a spirited defence of the Catholic Church on the basis that it does a lot of good via provision of educational and health services. In my view, the child abuse scandals, generalised stance in favour of homophobia at policy level and especially their stance against condoms (including stating that condoms increase the spread of AIDS(!)) in the face of millions of African AIDS deaths outweigh that. In her view, not.
This just seems like the type of fairly crappy management that is hard to avoid at bishop level when considering the number of bishops required to serve 1.1 billion members, and maybe some degree of a local Bishop Brennan trying to rid of the Ted they've always disliked.
Pretty dick move, though (no pun intended). Also, the 28yo Cuban is kind of hot for a priest.
posted by jaduncan at 4:38 PM on July 10, 2011
This just seems like the type of fairly crappy management that is hard to avoid at bishop level when considering the number of bishops required to serve 1.1 billion members, and maybe some degree of a local Bishop Brennan trying to rid of the Ted they've always disliked.
Pretty dick move, though (no pun intended). Also, the 28yo Cuban is kind of hot for a priest.
posted by jaduncan at 4:38 PM on July 10, 2011
Hey. Does Jesus poop?
"The body of Our Saviour shat but Our Saviour shat not."
posted by DaDaDaDave at 4:39 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
"The body of Our Saviour shat but Our Saviour shat not."
posted by DaDaDaDave at 4:39 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
That's not "hugging." That's a photo of a couple. A sexy couple. Without shirts.
Setting aside the issue of homosexuality and the priesthood (and the Church in general), you guys don't seriously believe that this priest isn't gay, do you? Are you that blind?
"We removed our vestments." And took a picture. Give me a fucking break.
I dated a priest in grad school. They're all gay- well, maybe 90%. I know. I met them.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 4:42 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Setting aside the issue of homosexuality and the priesthood (and the Church in general), you guys don't seriously believe that this priest isn't gay, do you? Are you that blind?
"We removed our vestments." And took a picture. Give me a fucking break.
I dated a priest in grad school. They're all gay- well, maybe 90%. I know. I met them.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 4:42 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think we have a new Godwin's law. When an anus needs to be measured to "win", you lose.
posted by gjc at 4:47 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by gjc at 4:47 PM on July 10, 2011
The church claims to have "a video, a photo and some internet ads where the priest offered as passive homosexual."
Also, gotta love how the translator tool interprets "examine my anus and see if it is dilated" to "look at my year to see if I have it enlarged."
posted by hermitosis at 4:55 PM on July 10, 2011
Also, gotta love how the translator tool interprets "examine my anus and see if it is dilated" to "look at my year to see if I have it enlarged."
posted by hermitosis at 4:55 PM on July 10, 2011
We need a modest proposal to measure the anuses of all bishops stat! It's the only way to be sure!
posted by jeffburdges at 4:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jeffburdges at 4:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
"a video, a photo and some internet ads where the priest offered as passive homosexual."
They have to observe it closely, over and over again, to make sure.
posted by The Whelk at 4:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
They have to observe it closely, over and over again, to make sure.
posted by The Whelk at 4:56 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Setting aside the issue of homosexuality and the priesthood (and the Church in general), you guys don't seriously believe that this priest isn't gay, do you? Are you that blind?
I'm in favor of allowing others to self-identify as they wish, but acknowledge that sometimes self-denial is a strong part of the psyche.
It's difficult to know from one photograph what has actually happened.
I'd be curious to know what the younger man in the photo has to say about these events, but I didn't see any mention of that anywhere in any of the FPP links.
I am impressed that you've met every Catholic priest who was living during the time you were dating that guy in grad school. That's a very busy social life. How did you ever find the time to complete your degree?
posted by hippybear at 4:57 PM on July 10, 2011
I'm in favor of allowing others to self-identify as they wish, but acknowledge that sometimes self-denial is a strong part of the psyche.
It's difficult to know from one photograph what has actually happened.
I'd be curious to know what the younger man in the photo has to say about these events, but I didn't see any mention of that anywhere in any of the FPP links.
I am impressed that you've met every Catholic priest who was living during the time you were dating that guy in grad school. That's a very busy social life. How did you ever find the time to complete your degree?
posted by hippybear at 4:57 PM on July 10, 2011
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Also known in Catholic circles as "The Test", "anus mirabilis", or just another Tuesday night with the vicar.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:32 PM on July 10, 2011 [11 favorites]