Conspiracy theory theory
July 13, 2011 9:08 AM Subscribe
Bad news for the tin-foil hat brigade: tin-foil hats themselves may be a government conspiracy, according to a study carried out at MIT, which finds that they actually amplify radio waves at the frequencies allocated to the US military. An interview with the study's author provides some additional context.
This post was deleted for the following reason: we sort of talked about exactly this a few years ago -- jessamyn
Typical government misdirection. This is about aluminum foil, not tin foil.
posted by Hoopo at 9:13 AM on July 13, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Hoopo at 9:13 AM on July 13, 2011 [5 favorites]
You mean bad olds, not news ;P
posted by symbioid at 9:14 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by symbioid at 9:14 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yeah, we don't really do foil anything in the community, not anymore. I chopped of my head years ago and never looked back.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:17 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:17 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I switched from tin foil hats to metal dental fillings years ago.
posted by DU at 9:17 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 9:17 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
You must admire the devious genius of it all.
posted by vibrotronica at 9:18 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by vibrotronica at 9:18 AM on July 13, 2011
delivered-with-a-completely-straight-face line: "we don't really know what frequencies the government is using to read our minds" this is why i love science.
posted by wch at 9:19 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by wch at 9:19 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Faraday Balaclava have been going downhill ever since they left 4AD.
posted by griphus at 9:22 AM on July 13, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by griphus at 9:22 AM on July 13, 2011 [7 favorites]
The real conspiracy: where did the Illuminati stash the missing i in Aluminium?
posted by joe lisboa at 9:26 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by joe lisboa at 9:26 AM on July 13, 2011
I have switched from tinfoil to stealth technology, my head is now completely radar invisible.
posted by doctor_negative at 9:26 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by doctor_negative at 9:26 AM on July 13, 2011
You laugh, but I used to live with a guy who would only watch TV while holding a sheet of Saranwrap in front of his face. See the CIA cameras built into the TV couldn't see through the thin plastic, so they wouldn't know it was him watching CNN or whatever.
He had some other eccentricities about him, but was otherwise a sweet and completely harmless guy. Would that all mental illness was so benign.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:36 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Wouldn't it have been easier to just apply the sheet of Saran-wrap to the TV itself?
posted by penduluum at 9:38 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by penduluum at 9:38 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
SURE THATS THAT THEY WANT US TO BELIEVE!!!11
posted by entropicamericana at 9:42 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by entropicamericana at 9:42 AM on July 13, 2011
With all of those angles in a conductive material, the tin-foil hat is obviously meant to make it easier to track you with airborne radar.
Any really paranoid person knows you need a stealth tinfoil hat, with round edges, coated in radar absorbant material, such as "iron ball paint"
Ironically, this is best supplied by careful aging of the inside steel liner of a WWII M1 helmet, then using Coca Cola to reform the rust into iron nanoparticles, which are then used to impregnate the outer cloth covering.
You end up with a ratty looking helmet that is effective against inbound lead and radar at the same time.
posted by MikeWarot at 9:45 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Any really paranoid person knows you need a stealth tinfoil hat, with round edges, coated in radar absorbant material, such as "iron ball paint"
Ironically, this is best supplied by careful aging of the inside steel liner of a WWII M1 helmet, then using Coca Cola to reform the rust into iron nanoparticles, which are then used to impregnate the outer cloth covering.
You end up with a ratty looking helmet that is effective against inbound lead and radar at the same time.
posted by MikeWarot at 9:45 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study 17 Feb 2005
Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets...
So, by now the "network analyser[sic]" is probably available for download as a $1.99 iPhone app. And Apple and Google are certainly giving the FCC a run for its information-gathering money...and probably rank higher on the aluminium-chapeau-wearing set's watch(ed) list.
posted by obscurator at 9:53 AM on July 13, 2011
Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets...
So, by now the "network analyser[sic]" is probably available for download as a $1.99 iPhone app. And Apple and Google are certainly giving the FCC a run for its information-gathering money...and probably rank higher on the aluminium-chapeau-wearing set's watch(ed) list.
posted by obscurator at 9:53 AM on July 13, 2011
Yeah, I heard about this years ago through the "usual channels". "Don't use foil" they said, "It's a Trap!" they said, so I listened and I formulated an excellent plan! Monkeys! I found myself a couple of Capuchin monkeys, just hanging out, doing their thing, and I "persuaded" them to watch several thousand hours of "happy" government-approved military-industrial-entertainment-complex generated television content, including Reality TV, soap operas, and several of the popular crime acronym NCI-SI New Vegas Miami shows, and Glee, while administering a number of really potent pharmacological cocktails. The monkeys got nothing, they needed to be sober for this. Then, I fashioned a number of harnesses and weather protective hoods which allow me to strap the monkeys directly to my head while keeping them warm and dry. The government can scan all they want, all they're going to get from me now is a constant stream of thoughts about the desire to eat, masturbate, watch more Glee, and possible eat some more.
From the monkeys, of course. Obviously. My brain is dedicated to much greater things, like how to clean monkey poo off my collar.
Also, how to explain having a monkey strapped to my head when shopping at the grocery store. "Tumor" isn't cutting it the way I expected it to.
posted by quin at 9:55 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
From the monkeys, of course. Obviously. My brain is dedicated to much greater things, like how to clean monkey poo off my collar.
Also, how to explain having a monkey strapped to my head when shopping at the grocery store. "Tumor" isn't cutting it the way I expected it to.
posted by quin at 9:55 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
Is it just me, or does he look a lot like Louis Theroux in that first picture?
posted by kersplunk at 9:58 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by kersplunk at 9:58 AM on July 13, 2011
Don't get me wrong, this is a standard issue joke, but people actually exist who believe this.
I came across a guy in a physics IRC channel around the turn of the century who wanted to calculate the proper thickness of foil to block certain frequencies. He was insane/serious; I figured out who he was, then dug up some of his online writings. He experiences pain that he believes is beamed into his body via EM radiation by unknown American agents using him as a long-term test subject. I'm talking outside a senator's office wearing a sandwich board, hop across continents seeking asylum crazy. (Yeah, I contacted the dean of the school where he had been enrolled and made sure that someone was aware of the situation and would pass information back to his family.) Your standard issue paranoid schizophrenia destroyed what was, from what I could tell, a very promising career by a talented young man.
And, of course, there's nothing you can say to someone like that which cannot be re-interpreted through paranoia. So I check up on him about once a year, see where he is moved, see what conspiracy he is obsessing about and if he is still being tormented by mysterious electromagnetic rays. If he's kidding, he's like Andy Kaufman good.
posted by adipocere at 9:58 AM on July 13, 2011
I came across a guy in a physics IRC channel around the turn of the century who wanted to calculate the proper thickness of foil to block certain frequencies. He was insane/serious; I figured out who he was, then dug up some of his online writings. He experiences pain that he believes is beamed into his body via EM radiation by unknown American agents using him as a long-term test subject. I'm talking outside a senator's office wearing a sandwich board, hop across continents seeking asylum crazy. (Yeah, I contacted the dean of the school where he had been enrolled and made sure that someone was aware of the situation and would pass information back to his family.) Your standard issue paranoid schizophrenia destroyed what was, from what I could tell, a very promising career by a talented young man.
And, of course, there's nothing you can say to someone like that which cannot be re-interpreted through paranoia. So I check up on him about once a year, see where he is moved, see what conspiracy he is obsessing about and if he is still being tormented by mysterious electromagnetic rays. If he's kidding, he's like Andy Kaufman good.
posted by adipocere at 9:58 AM on July 13, 2011
So I check up on him about once a year, see where he is moved ...
I'm a little lost here. Am I supposed to think he's more crazy or less crazy, based on this factoid?
posted by spacewrench at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm a little lost here. Am I supposed to think he's more crazy or less crazy, based on this factoid?
posted by spacewrench at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
So I check up on him about once a year, see where he is moved ...
We have a satellite with SAR (Synthetic Aperture Radar) tracking him 24x7.
Unfortunately, as he finds better ways to shield himself, we have to use more and more power to maintain good signal levels.
posted by MikeWarot at 10:15 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
We have a satellite with SAR (Synthetic Aperture Radar) tracking him 24x7.
Unfortunately, as he finds better ways to shield himself, we have to use more and more power to maintain good signal levels.
posted by MikeWarot at 10:15 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
So, by now the "network analyser[sic]" is probably available for download as a $1.99 iPhone app.
Heh. No . They still cost a quarter-million dollars, although they probably cover a few more GHz of bandwidth.
posted by GuyZero at 10:21 AM on July 13, 2011
Heh. No . They still cost a quarter-million dollars, although they probably cover a few more GHz of bandwidth.
posted by GuyZero at 10:21 AM on July 13, 2011
Brian Eno convinced me to switch to a Lead Hat (the hat of Kings) long ago.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:21 AM on July 13, 2011
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:21 AM on July 13, 2011
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posted by spicynuts at 9:11 AM on July 13, 2011