"Michelle Obama took the time to personally slap this out of my mouth."

June 17, 2013 12:54 PM

To kick off each week the staff of NPR's "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" posts Sandwich Mondays on The Salt blog, to look at some of the more... unusual sandwich offerings from America's commercial kitchens. This week, they recreate Wendy's nine patty T-Rex burger, which recently went extinct.
posted by zarq (58 comments total)

That actually looks pretty good but yeah; bring at least three other people to eat it with you.
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:07 PM on June 17, 2013

No, that looks as awful as any other stunt burger. Even if you could eat it all, it would become greasy and cold before you could finish it. Even on the poster it looks disgusting, a stack of meat mattresses stacked with bright yellow plastic and some barely recognisable toppings at the top. Once you get down to the actual burger, it looks like somebody had already tried to eat it, then regurgitated it halfway through.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:18 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Lewis and Clark: "Each man consumed nine pounds of meat per day, when available". About 4 T-Rex orders.
posted by stbalbach at 1:18 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

That actually looks pretty good

For definitions of good where good means it will probably kill you. Did America invent grossly oversize food?
posted by doctor_negative at 1:19 PM on June 17, 2013

Brief derail: is anyone else here worried about Carl? Just me? Carry on.
posted by pxe2000 at 1:20 PM on June 17, 2013 [15 favorites]

I am worried about Carl. I think he was supposed to be back by now.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:22 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Last night's dinner at my house: sandwiches containing roast eggplant, roast potato slices, fresh basil, tomato sauce, grated Parmesan, slices of Havarti, hummus, shiitake mushrooms, shallots and garlic. On sourdough.
posted by miyabo at 1:22 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Also I am waiting for them to take on the chocolate chip cookie grilled cheese.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:25 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I hate finding out what radio personalities look like about 95% of the time. We should start doing [RADIO FACE SPOILER] warnings.
posted by cmoj at 1:25 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Even if you could eat it all, it would become greasy and cold before you could finish it.
This is an opportunity for a device that keeps the burger the ideal temperature as you're jamming it into your gullet.
posted by plinth at 1:25 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

As of this Minnesota Public Radio blog post dated June 7, Carl is getting better.
posted by briank at 1:26 PM on June 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

Did y'all see Peter's note about Carl a week or so ago? Carl had an update. I think they'll forgive me for lifting it from the FB page:

"The rumors of my demise have been grossly exaggerated. I am however, dying to return to Wait Wait. The Docs suggest that in order to get over this inflammation of the arteries thing, I need to rest, eat well and exercise. I can and will do those things. I will try to accept this and be a good patient and obey the powers that be. In the meantime I’m bored out of my mind. I very much look forward to getting back on the job soon doing what I have the most fun doing, being on the radio with all of my dear listeners, friends and colleagues. The very best to you all and thank you so much for your kind concern and good wishes. It really helps. Carl"

We're all thinking good thoughts for him, too. Everybody here still goes around reporting it all day when they ride in the elevator with him. In the meantime, I must say I've been enjoying Bill Kurtis as well, so I'm coping.

I love Sandwich Monday. I especially love it when the same angry people come back every week to get mad about Sandwich Monday.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 1:26 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

I saw that, Linda, but it looks like Bill's still guest-hosting. :(
posted by pxe2000 at 1:28 PM on June 17, 2013

I'm sorry if this makes anybody think less of me but, even though the T-Rex seems a little much for me, "renegade Canadian Wendy's franchise" sounds like heaven on Earth.

(I'm actually not sorry.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:29 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I have a sandwich concept, it's twenty cheeseburger patties and the buns are two complete individual shooter sandwiches, you wrap it up with interlaced bacon strips and deep fry it in donut batter, serve with a bunch of Ron Swanson jokes voila. I think it will generate a lot of blog traffic
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Yeah, Carl's not back yet. I'm just sayin' -- hopefully, Carl's on the mend. Patience! With luck, he'll be back soon.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2013

Chocolate chip grilled cheese sandwiches are so not the thing to look at when you're trying to eat healthier and PMSing at the same time. oh god it's everything i've ever wanted. *weeps, pounds floor*
posted by WidgetAlley at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

A local restaurant that just re-opened has a burger stuffed with pulled pork and it is only two patties plus the stuffing and it is impossible to eat, at least as a proper handheld sandwich.

That does not make it any less fucking delicious.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:32 PM on June 17, 2013

Huh, the rest of the world doesn't know about pepperoni rolls? How sad.
posted by octothorpe at 1:33 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

The one about the Dunkin' Donut breakfast sandwich is excellent:

Miles: I always wondered why Dunkin' Donuts spells it "donut" instead of "doughnut." But, looking at this, I see where they put all the extra "ugh."
Ian: Yeah, I'm just going to abbreviate "donut" to "don't."

posted by Homeboy Trouble at 1:34 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

I had lunch at Wendy's. But that is just too, too much!

It's hilarious, but come on, at what point is it just about the athleticism of over-eating?

There is NO ONE on this planet who needs 9 patties.

I think the Triple is a reach. (Or a wretch)

The Apple, Pecan, Chicken salad is the gill!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:35 PM on June 17, 2013

octothorpe: "Huh, the rest of the world doesn't know about pepperoni rolls? How sad."

My neighborhood pizza place in NY serves them. I'm not sure why they've gotten a rep as a WV regional thing.
posted by zarq at 1:38 PM on June 17, 2013

Maybe use two cronuts for buns, and call it the Paula-Deen-It's-a-Race-Between-Heart-Disease-and-Diabetes burger.
posted by axiom at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, pepperoni rolls are one of the greasiest foods ever created.
posted by zarq at 1:40 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry, Wendy, but your "T-Rex" was a mere shadow of the In-N-Out 20X20, which, while no longer available due to 'quality issues' (and In-N-Out is all about the quality), can be reconstructed with whatever the maximum number of layers still allowed then inserting the required number of "Flying Dutchman" (which is the not-so-secret-menu code for two patties & two cheese with NO bun, veggies or condiments)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:42 PM on June 17, 2013

Also, this will not wendy.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:43 PM on June 17, 2013 [9 favorites]

cmoj: "I hate finding out what radio personalities look like about 95% of the time."

Ditto. Except for the folks from On the Media who bizarrely look exactly like I imagined.

(Ira Glass, too. Except you can practically hear his glasses over the radio.)
posted by brundlefly at 1:57 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

The Sandwich Mondays posts are hilarious. Scroll down to the Rollie. Worth it just for 'Oh, look what it says on the box: "Winner of the Most Likely To Maintain Its Shape Through Your Entire Digestive Tract Award."'.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:02 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Those all look horrific, but that bologna biscuit intrigues me. Fried bologna was one of those "only dad will cook it for us" special breakfast items.
posted by JoanArkham at 2:05 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

This just makes me want to try a peanut butter and pickle sandwich.
posted by antonymous at 2:06 PM on June 17, 2013

Stromboli 5eva.

Since people seem to have forgotten. Bacon Leviathan (NSFW, so the mods don't yell at me again), never 5get!
posted by Ad hominem at 2:08 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

prize bull octorok: I have a sandwich concept

I have no doubt that someone somewhere is already intoning, "Challenge...Accepted."
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:16 PM on June 17, 2013

The Sandwich Mondays posts are hilarious. Scroll down to the Rollie.

"Ian: 'EGG-cellent!' I love the way it 'EGG-scretes' the eggs!"

That commercial is great too, from the first moment where the BAD OLD WAY you've always cooked your eggs is shown in black in while while dopey music plays.
posted by JHarris at 2:37 PM on June 17, 2013

Shit, now I'm really mad at my boyfriend for telling me Tudor's Biscuit World isn't worth a visit every time we go down to WV. Like, I'm not merely annoyed, I'm MAD. And will probably withhold all affection from him for about a week or maybe more.
posted by pineappleheart at 2:41 PM on June 17, 2013

Pepperoni rolls look like those meat bun things you get at Chinese bakeries. Probably less eggy and sweet though.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:46 PM on June 17, 2013

[Suggested wine pairings: Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Drink, Kool-Aid Bursts, simple syrup.]

Yeah, OK, but that applies to everything, right?
posted by irrelephant at 2:56 PM on June 17, 2013

This is the unhealthiest thing a Canadian has done since everything the mayor of Toronto has done.

Canada's really living large of late. Yay for us!
posted by arcticseal at 3:00 PM on June 17, 2013

I just remembered eating something that looked like this at a gas station. It was difficult to find with Google so I suspect they only exist in Canada. Anyway, I can't recommend it.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:00 PM on June 17, 2013

THat's grotesque, Pruitt-Igoe.
posted by Mister_A at 3:06 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

A bit more about stromboli varietals.

The first Stromboli I ever had as a young boy contained pepperoni, ham, and mozzarella. The ends were tapered shut in order to fully encapsulate the cheese. It had a rustic appearance, akin to a small baguette, which belied the molten cheese and pork core. I still think of this as the gold standard, the Brooklyn stromboli.

By time I was out of college the Stromboli had made its way all the way up to Midtown. It has acquired a sheen, most likely provided by an egg wash, and vents. The molten cheese erupted from the slits letting you know it contained seriously hot cheese and allowing for very eye pleasing cheese cascade. The ends were still tapered, as they were each individually made. The various improvements did lend a sort of counter appeal, leading you to believe that something that looked that good must taste amazing,but somehow didn't translate into improved flavor.

Within the past few years Strombolis have reached upper Manhattan. They are ghost of their former selves. They are no longer individually made, simply cut for one long mother Stromboli. They are now several types to choose from, each with only one type of pork product, sausage, pepperoni, ham, and mozzarella. There is also a more upscale VIP option, which contains green peppers of all things. Gone are the multi pork product options. Since each sad "Stromboli" is simply hacked off a larger Stromboli, the cheese simply runs out the ends.

Now you can find them in the frozen food section of Duane Reade next to the chorizo burritos.

Good thing we still have Lard Bread till someone decides to improve that.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:13 PM on June 17, 2013

I did not realize how much I missed Sandwich Mondays until this post. Somehow it got lost when I migrated my feeds from Google Reader.

So thank you, zarq, for bringing this small, but not insignificant joy, back into my life.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:49 PM on June 17, 2013

I can't fucking believe Wendy's. I would never eat that T-rex burger. It has vegetables on it.
posted by Sarcasm at 3:51 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I used to work at a Wendy's, and just about every other fast food joint open in mid 1990's Central Oregon.. Wendy's was the only place that had a specific button on the point of sale machine that allowed for the most magnificent monstrosities you can possibly imagine to be birthed into existence from the twisted mind of a bored, overly priviledged, white kid taunting me through the drive through radio in their god damn hot pink Miata. That button is the EXTRA PATTY button. While logic and all common decency may stop the average person from stopping at 3 patties (at the time, the largest burger on the printed menu), there was an unadvertised "Homerun" burger, with 4 patties. On more then one occasion, that fucking kid in his Miata BLASTING Korn's debut album would come up, order a Homerun, and said "Add patty. Add patty. Add patty. Add patty. Add patty. Add patty. No lettuce." and we were forced to practically empty our reserves of patties so this kid could do god knows what to/with that burger.

And that's not even the worst story of my times on the fast food front lines, you don't EVEN want to hear about the downright APOCALYPTIC period in McDonalds history when they had 29 cent hamburgers.
posted by mediocre at 4:03 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

I am imagining a klaxon and flashing red lights accompanied by a recorded voice warning that patty reserve levels are reaching critical.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:10 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Correction, Korn was the music of choice during the McDonalds sponsored war against my soul, the fucking kid in the hot pink Miata was always blasting the same damn Spacehog song.
posted by mediocre at 4:10 PM on June 17, 2013

I'm from WV. Until just this minute, it never even occurred to me that a pepperoni roll wasn't something you could get anywhere in the country, maybe even the world. But now that I think about it, I guess I haven't seen one since I left home. Weird. It's such a simple thing.

We used to get them in school lunch sometimes. Sometimes they even had cheese.

Man now I really want one.
posted by rifflesby at 4:49 PM on June 17, 2013

Ad Hominem, what is lard bread and where is the closest place to Ridgewood Queens that I can eat it?
posted by thecaddy at 5:42 PM on June 17, 2013

I survived a triple whopper with cheese. I was 16. Just a dumb kid who didn't know any better.
posted by Area Man at 5:59 PM on June 17, 2013

Lard bread? Tell me of your homeworld, Usul.
posted by arcticseal at 6:05 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

My own take on the peanut butter and pickle is unsweetened crunchy with chilled bread & butter slices on toasted deli rye. The conflicting and contrasting tastes and textures will keep your tongue confused and amused throughout...
posted by jim in austin at 6:13 PM on June 17, 2013

I think it's nice you can make it a combo for only three dollars more.
posted by sourwookie at 6:14 PM on June 17, 2013

Three dollars more for a combo, compared to what it costs to 'upgrade' to Wendy's other combos, seemed like a lot, but then I realized that a T-Rex combo probably comes with a 5 liters of soda and a bushel of fries.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:55 PM on June 17, 2013

And that's not even the worst story of my times on the fast food front lines, you don't EVEN want to hear about the downright APOCALYPTIC period in McDonalds history when they had 29 cent hamburgers.

They were $.39 when I was a kid. $.49 for cheeseburgers. And now I am sad.
posted by mudpuppie at 7:15 PM on June 17, 2013

Ian: This is the unhealthiest thing a Canadian has done since everything the mayor of Toronto has done.

Tee hee
posted by cacofonie at 7:52 PM on June 17, 2013

The Bloomburg kilt me dead I laughed so hard.
posted by Deoridhe at 10:16 PM on June 17, 2013

McDonalds is a grotesque mockery of anything that could ever be considered 'food'. That being said.. there was a time whereupon I would, if forced by fiat of my compatriots to eat there, order two double quarter pounders with nothing else on. Stripping a bun off each and spackling the burgers together with a packet each of salt and pepper (seriously), I would craft 'The Pounder With Cheese'. In this case, the 'pound' was taken as a verb, as in 'pounding it into your body'. I figured if I was going to have to eat at McDs, might as well make it as horrifying as possible.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:38 PM on June 18, 2013

FatherDagon: "That being said.. there was a time whereupon I would, if forced by fiat of my compatriots to eat there, order two double quarter pounders with nothing else on. Stripping a bun off each and spackling the burgers together with a packet each of salt and pepper (seriously), I would craft 'The Pounder With Cheese'."

So.... a regular Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, with the usual toppings, has over 1200mg of salt. That's more than half the daily recommended allowance. I don't know how much of that you lose by removing the pickle, bun, lettuce and tomato, but I can't imagine it's all that much of a savings. (Let's say around 200mg, because it includes a couple of pickle slices.) I wonder how much salt is in four patties.
posted by zarq at 12:56 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Looked it up. McDonald's Nutrition Facts (pdf). It's 1280mg of salt per sandwich.
posted by zarq at 12:59 PM on June 18, 2013