Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name
February 20, 2018 12:37 PM Subscribe
Can you tell I've been reading a lot of old Far Side cartoons lately?
posted by Naberius at 12:42 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 12:42 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
That article is nicely complimented by this one: Ranking The Winter Olympic Sports By How Fast I Would Die While Doing Them
posted by the duck by the oboe at 12:43 PM on February 20, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by the duck by the oboe at 12:43 PM on February 20, 2018 [12 favorites]
I was also particularly glad that they explained why curling isn't quite at the bottom of the list as I expected.
posted by Naberius at 12:46 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by Naberius at 12:46 PM on February 20, 2018
Wait... Curling is more dangerous than Ski Jumping?
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
I like that BMX and mountain biking are more dangerous than boxing & taekwondo on the summer Olympics list. And equestrian is low since we aren't talking about safety for the horses.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Kind of amazed that luge is less dangerous than curling.
posted by briank at 12:50 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by briank at 12:50 PM on February 20, 2018
I was also particularly glad that they explained why Curling isn't actually at the bottom of the list.
Repetetive stress? Huh. I guess “slipped on ice and smashed head open” (see: that MetaFilter meetup that time) is something that gets weeded out long before anyone reaches Olympic competition.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:52 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Repetetive stress? Huh. I guess “slipped on ice and smashed head open” (see: that MetaFilter meetup that time) is something that gets weeded out long before anyone reaches Olympic competition.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:52 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
I always cringe during the couples ice skating when the guy hoists the gal with one hand and spins her like a propeller and I presume that at some point in the history of the sport this move has culminated in a horrible injury or two, but I'm not going to google it.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:53 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:53 PM on February 20, 2018
I'm pretty sure most curlers start playing and practicing with a beer in one hand while they play. No wonder they keep getting injured at the Olympics where they're not allowed to play as they trained.
posted by loquacious at 12:54 PM on February 20, 2018 [22 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 12:54 PM on February 20, 2018 [22 favorites]
Kind of amazed that luge is less dangerous than curling.
No kidding! I'd have guessed bobsleigh/luge/skeleton were right at the top of the list, they look to combine the fastest speeds with the least control.
It's also really interesting how inconsistent the switch between snowboard and skis affects the rate for comparable events. Ski: cross is way safer than snowboard: cross, but for halfpipe you're safer on a board than skis.
posted by solotoro at 12:58 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
No kidding! I'd have guessed bobsleigh/luge/skeleton were right at the top of the list, they look to combine the fastest speeds with the least control.
It's also really interesting how inconsistent the switch between snowboard and skis affects the rate for comparable events. Ski: cross is way safer than snowboard: cross, but for halfpipe you're safer on a board than skis.
posted by solotoro at 12:58 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
One of my good friends is a curler. Loquacious speaks the truth.
The aerials skiing event also results in a high rate of injury, particularly during the Sochi Games, where the injury rate was 48.8 per 100 athletes, a staggeringly high figure.
Every single time I watch the aerials, I am Absolutely. Amazed. that they don't land on their head more. How do you learn how to do that in the first place? "Ok, try doing this complicated flip thing, but remember that if you don't do it 100% perfectly you will have a major concussion at best and die at worst..."
posted by Melismata at 12:59 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
The aerials skiing event also results in a high rate of injury, particularly during the Sochi Games, where the injury rate was 48.8 per 100 athletes, a staggeringly high figure.
Every single time I watch the aerials, I am Absolutely. Amazed. that they don't land on their head more. How do you learn how to do that in the first place? "Ok, try doing this complicated flip thing, but remember that if you don't do it 100% perfectly you will have a major concussion at best and die at worst..."
posted by Melismata at 12:59 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
(Although perhaps especially for events for which only the 2014 games gave data, there's not a large enough sample to draw any conclusions.)
posted by solotoro at 12:59 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by solotoro at 12:59 PM on February 20, 2018
If you've ever wondered what the safest possible halfpipe run would look like, this video is your answer.
Note: that is still better than I could do.
posted by fedward at 1:02 PM on February 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
Note: that is still better than I could do.
posted by fedward at 1:02 PM on February 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
I guess “slipped on ice and smashed head open” (see: that MetaFilter meetup that time) is something that gets weeded out long before anyone reaches Olympic competition.
Well, unless some rank amateur manages to weasel their way into the Olympics as, like, the Guatemalan curling team or something like that. (see Elizabeth Swaney.)
And finally, note how low Biathlon is on that list. See? Guns don't kill people. Snowboards kill people.
posted by Naberius at 1:04 PM on February 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
Well, unless some rank amateur manages to weasel their way into the Olympics as, like, the Guatemalan curling team or something like that. (see Elizabeth Swaney.)
And finally, note how low Biathlon is on that list. See? Guns don't kill people. Snowboards kill people.
posted by Naberius at 1:04 PM on February 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
I presume that at some point in the history of the sport this move has culminated in a horrible injury or two
Yes. Pairs FS accidents have even resulted in TBIs. Has occurred in practices, at fairly major comps.
posted by NorthernLite at 1:06 PM on February 20, 2018
Yes. Pairs FS accidents have even resulted in TBIs. Has occurred in practices, at fairly major comps.
posted by NorthernLite at 1:06 PM on February 20, 2018
Indeed, NorthernLite. Do not look for videos of Tatiana Totmianina.
posted by Melismata at 1:08 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by Melismata at 1:08 PM on February 20, 2018
(Singles skaters & ice dancers can also have some serious damage -concussions, broken bones, etc.)
posted by NorthernLite at 1:08 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by NorthernLite at 1:08 PM on February 20, 2018
I remember seeing an article years ago where the author talked about how much they love the winter Olympics because it was a chance to see rich white people happily injuring themselves. I can't find it now, but it's nice to know that there is at least one fan out there who is picking out the sports to watch based on that chart.
Admittedly, I really enjoyed watching the slopestyle stuff and I'm not horribly surprised that people get injured with that. It combines jumping onto mental poles with skis or snowboard with three separate jumps at increasingly high speeds. The acrobatics are amazing, the risks are horrifying.
posted by Hactar at 1:11 PM on February 20, 2018
Admittedly, I really enjoyed watching the slopestyle stuff and I'm not horribly surprised that people get injured with that. It combines jumping onto mental poles with skis or snowboard with three separate jumps at increasingly high speeds. The acrobatics are amazing, the risks are horrifying.
posted by Hactar at 1:11 PM on February 20, 2018
Melismata, I saw that comp (SkateAmerica) on tv, and people I know were sitting front row in the area of the rink where it happened. Freaked them out.
Also, among otheres, poor Paul Binnebose
posted by NorthernLite at 1:14 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, among otheres, poor Paul Binnebose
posted by NorthernLite at 1:14 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, the history of winter sports is pretty much danger with more danger on top of it, with various bits of danger strapped to you or being strapped to danger.
Downhill skiing: "You see that big mountain covered in ice?" "The one with all the rocks and glaciers?" "Let's climb to the top of it." "With the avalanches? And the bears/wolves?" "And then let's strap some planks to our feet, slippery planks." "On the ice and snow, at the top of the mountain, with the avalanches and glaciers and wolves and/or bears." "Right, and let's put some sharp metal bits on those slippery planks, and then go really fast down the mountain."
Luge/bobsled: "Hey, that wasn't nearly enough danger or fast enough, and this sledding around thing is kind of cool. Let's do all that in a box or on a slab with razorblades on it at like 100 mph down a manmade ice glacier, and let's make it really hard to steer."
Ice skating/hockey: "Hey, there's this frozen lake. Let's go out on it." "You mean the lake that killed Uncle Bob when he fell through?" "Yeah, and let's get some boots with razor blades on them, and run around on the frozen lake!" "On the ice, over the freezing water, with razors on your feet." "Right, and then when we get bored with going really, really fast we can get some sticks and a rock and hit it around and whack on each other a whole lot, maybe start some fights or brawls out there."
Figure skating: "Yeah, but can you make it pretty and hide the blood?"
Ski jumping: "Slippery razor-blade planks on ice - with flying!"
Freestyle big air: "Hahaha, posers. Hold my beer."
Giant half-pipe: *rips bong* "Hold your what, now?"
Giant Slalom: "Let's make the mountain steeper, twistier and more dangerous!"
Biathalon: "That running around on slippery razor blade planks in the mountains with all the wolves and avalanches and stuff sure is fun, but let's add guns!"
Curling: "Let's get wicked drunk on the ice and throw rocks at each other and fuck around with brooms for some reason, eh? What could possibly go wrong?"
Armchair practial historical analysis: Most winter sports appear to be fueled by a dangerous cultural mix of boredom, severe winter weather, alcohol and no small amount of poor judgement about the effects of gravity.
posted by loquacious at 1:17 PM on February 20, 2018 [46 favorites]
Downhill skiing: "You see that big mountain covered in ice?" "The one with all the rocks and glaciers?" "Let's climb to the top of it." "With the avalanches? And the bears/wolves?" "And then let's strap some planks to our feet, slippery planks." "On the ice and snow, at the top of the mountain, with the avalanches and glaciers and wolves and/or bears." "Right, and let's put some sharp metal bits on those slippery planks, and then go really fast down the mountain."
Luge/bobsled: "Hey, that wasn't nearly enough danger or fast enough, and this sledding around thing is kind of cool. Let's do all that in a box or on a slab with razorblades on it at like 100 mph down a manmade ice glacier, and let's make it really hard to steer."
Ice skating/hockey: "Hey, there's this frozen lake. Let's go out on it." "You mean the lake that killed Uncle Bob when he fell through?" "Yeah, and let's get some boots with razor blades on them, and run around on the frozen lake!" "On the ice, over the freezing water, with razors on your feet." "Right, and then when we get bored with going really, really fast we can get some sticks and a rock and hit it around and whack on each other a whole lot, maybe start some fights or brawls out there."
Figure skating: "Yeah, but can you make it pretty and hide the blood?"
Ski jumping: "Slippery razor-blade planks on ice - with flying!"
Freestyle big air: "Hahaha, posers. Hold my beer."
Giant half-pipe: *rips bong* "Hold your what, now?"
Giant Slalom: "Let's make the mountain steeper, twistier and more dangerous!"
Biathalon: "That running around on slippery razor blade planks in the mountains with all the wolves and avalanches and stuff sure is fun, but let's add guns!"
Curling: "Let's get wicked drunk on the ice and throw rocks at each other and fuck around with brooms for some reason, eh? What could possibly go wrong?"
Armchair practial historical analysis: Most winter sports appear to be fueled by a dangerous cultural mix of boredom, severe winter weather, alcohol and no small amount of poor judgement about the effects of gravity.
posted by loquacious at 1:17 PM on February 20, 2018 [46 favorites]
Let's do all that in a box or on a slab with razorblades on it at like 100 mph down a manmade ice glacier, and let's make it really hard to steer.
(Skeleton) Nah, too boring, let's do this head first, even faster.
Short track: let's make the above-mentioned skating harder for ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER REASON than to invite the possibility that we could be wiped out and possibly injured.
Actually IIRC, biathlon was originally conceived for soldiers, and was good training (running around a lot and then having to shoot while tired). The fact that those people can ski and then shoot at such a small target without shaking even half a millimeter blows my mind every time.
posted by Melismata at 1:25 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
(Skeleton) Nah, too boring, let's do this head first, even faster.
Short track: let's make the above-mentioned skating harder for ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER REASON than to invite the possibility that we could be wiped out and possibly injured.
Actually IIRC, biathlon was originally conceived for soldiers, and was good training (running around a lot and then having to shoot while tired). The fact that those people can ski and then shoot at such a small target without shaking even half a millimeter blows my mind every time.
posted by Melismata at 1:25 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
Kind of amazed that luge is less dangerous than curling.
Maybe it’s because, in luge/skeleton/bobsled, less skill translates into less speed, thereby mitigating the danger somewhat? So, like, if someone super sucks at it (Elizabeth Swaney used to do skeleton, incidentally, and...yeah) it’s hardly dangerous at all. There’s a reason those sports are dominated by sprinters — the running start matters! If you’re not going fast at the top, you’re basically just doing the Lazy River waterpark tube ride. And as you’re going down the track, if you’re slipping and sliding, you’re losing speed that way too (or acceleration, anyway).
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing? The ice is just a bunch of added danger and waste with no real benefit at this point. These days, a good third of all NHL teams are based in cities whose citizens have only encountered ice in their drinks. Why keep up the façade?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:36 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Maybe it’s because, in luge/skeleton/bobsled, less skill translates into less speed, thereby mitigating the danger somewhat? So, like, if someone super sucks at it (Elizabeth Swaney used to do skeleton, incidentally, and...yeah) it’s hardly dangerous at all. There’s a reason those sports are dominated by sprinters — the running start matters! If you’re not going fast at the top, you’re basically just doing the Lazy River waterpark tube ride. And as you’re going down the track, if you’re slipping and sliding, you’re losing speed that way too (or acceleration, anyway).
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing? The ice is just a bunch of added danger and waste with no real benefit at this point. These days, a good third of all NHL teams are based in cities whose citizens have only encountered ice in their drinks. Why keep up the façade?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:36 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
I was also particularly glad that they explained why Curling isn't actually at the bottom of the list.
I was surprised that this wasn't rum and coke related. In my experience, most curling-related injuries can be linked to rum and coke. The others are related to rye and ginger.
posted by bonehead at 1:36 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
I was surprised that this wasn't rum and coke related. In my experience, most curling-related injuries can be linked to rum and coke. The others are related to rye and ginger.
posted by bonehead at 1:36 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing? The ice is just a bunch of added danger and waste with no real benefit at this point. These days, a good third of all NHL teams are based in cities whose citizens have only encountered ice in their drinks. Why keep up the façade?
Until rollerblading comes up with a way of triggering a brawl by spraying shaved ice in the opposing goalie's face the ice stays. Tradition matters.
posted by srboisvert at 1:42 PM on February 20, 2018 [16 favorites]
Until rollerblading comes up with a way of triggering a brawl by spraying shaved ice in the opposing goalie's face the ice stays. Tradition matters.
posted by srboisvert at 1:42 PM on February 20, 2018 [16 favorites]
Short track: let's make the above-mentioned skating harder for ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER REASON than to invite the possibility that we could be wiped out and possibly injured.
Also, let's put the razorblades on flappy springs to make it even more fun! Especially in the corners!
posted by bonehead at 1:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, let's put the razorblades on flappy springs to make it even more fun! Especially in the corners!
posted by bonehead at 1:49 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Wait... Curling is more dangerous than Ski Jumping?
Well, there was the on-ice smoking.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:51 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
Well, there was the on-ice smoking.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:51 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing?
I don't know how rollerblading is now, but to me it always felt clunky and slow compared to ice skating. I mean, I know it's not clunky or slow, but I remember the skates feeling heavier and the movement feeling much more constrained than what I was used to on the ice.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:53 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
I don't know how rollerblading is now, but to me it always felt clunky and slow compared to ice skating. I mean, I know it's not clunky or slow, but I remember the skates feeling heavier and the movement feeling much more constrained than what I was used to on the ice.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:53 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
Also, even on in-line rollerblades turning is for shit compared to ice skates. Roller hockey isn't anywhere near as fast or dynamic.
posted by bonehead at 1:59 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 1:59 PM on February 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
I always cringe during the couples ice skating when the guy hoists the gal with one hand and spins her like a propeller
It's a delightful combination of ballet and knife throwing.
We were just riffing on this on facebook the other day. Most of the winter sports sound like someone's bad drunk idea.
ballet AND knife throwing = pairs figure skating
rollercoaster BUT ALSO headfirst on a skateboard = skeleton
snowboarding BUT FOR SOME REASON out of a 10 storey building = big air
posted by phunniemee at 2:02 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
It's a delightful combination of ballet and knife throwing.
We were just riffing on this on facebook the other day. Most of the winter sports sound like someone's bad drunk idea.
ballet AND knife throwing = pairs figure skating
rollercoaster BUT ALSO headfirst on a skateboard = skeleton
snowboarding BUT FOR SOME REASON out of a 10 storey building = big air
posted by phunniemee at 2:02 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
I went curling for the first time three weeks ago.
I broke my toe.
posted by librosegretti at 2:07 PM on February 20, 2018 [26 favorites]
I broke my toe.
posted by librosegretti at 2:07 PM on February 20, 2018 [26 favorites]
(Skeleton) Nah, too boring, let's do this head first, even faster.
The Skeleton is a marginally safer. Not only the position is less aerodynamic but unlike the Luge and Bob, the runners are like a steel frame from a beach chair, unlike the sharper edges of Luge.
I dunno, but if I went off the sled in a bank and happened to fall in front of it, I'd rather what was coming behind me weren't two long knives with a 25kg handle at 65km/k.
posted by lmfsilva at 2:10 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
The Skeleton is a marginally safer. Not only the position is less aerodynamic but unlike the Luge and Bob, the runners are like a steel frame from a beach chair, unlike the sharper edges of Luge.
I dunno, but if I went off the sled in a bank and happened to fall in front of it, I'd rather what was coming behind me weren't two long knives with a 25kg handle at 65km/k.
posted by lmfsilva at 2:10 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
It's a delightful combination of ballet and knife throwing.
Don't forget the sex appeal:
Canadian Duo Bang Their Way to Olympic Gold
Pornhub front page taken over by clips of Virtue and Moir’s gold medal routine
One of those is satire. Maybe.
posted by bonehead at 2:11 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
Don't forget the sex appeal:
Canadian Duo Bang Their Way to Olympic Gold
Pornhub front page taken over by clips of Virtue and Moir’s gold medal routine
One of those is satire. Maybe.
posted by bonehead at 2:11 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
Until rollerblading comes up with a way of triggering a brawl by spraying shaved ice in the opposing goalie's face the ice stays. Tradition matters.
I was actually specifically thinking of the tradition that puts the skates in more direct contact with the goalie. (Do NOT google that.)
posted by Sys Rq at 2:18 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
I was actually specifically thinking of the tradition that puts the skates in more direct contact with the goalie. (Do NOT google that.)
posted by Sys Rq at 2:18 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
One time in school I saw a girl get hit by a curling stone. She was standing on the edge of the ice talking to a friend on the other sheet and the rock was going to hit the side except she was in the way. It took her down like a ton of bricks, but I guess because she was standing on the ice, her feet didn't offer much resistance so she literally got bowled over without shattering her ankles or really any sort of serious physical harm. Cried her face off though, mostly because everyone blamed her for not paying attention.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:45 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:45 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
I broke my toe.
Did you spill your beer?
posted by loquacious at 3:21 PM on February 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
Did you spill your beer?
posted by loquacious at 3:21 PM on February 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
I've run into Elizabeth Swaney a couple of times and have a lot of admiration for her. She might be the only person ever admitted to West Point, Berkeley, Harvard, and MIT. She ran for governor of California, tried out to be a pro cheerleader, and tried to go to the Olympics on the Venezuelan skeleton team last time around. She works in tech and has a minor cult following on social media. She also wrote extensively about her multi-year abusive marriage in The Toast. She deserves a biography or maybe a movie. Honestly I wish I were that courageous.
posted by miyabo at 4:01 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by miyabo at 4:01 PM on February 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
I'm much happier to fall on ice than gravel.
Source: I was a competitive ice skater for 4 years as a preteen. I've fallen on ice a *lot*. It's not that bad.
I also learned to unicycle, so I've fallen on pavement. It's much bloodier and, if you fall on unprotected skin, involves a lot of gravel bits *in* said skin.
At least if you get ice bits stuck in you they have the grace to melt.
posted by nat at 4:27 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Source: I was a competitive ice skater for 4 years as a preteen. I've fallen on ice a *lot*. It's not that bad.
I also learned to unicycle, so I've fallen on pavement. It's much bloodier and, if you fall on unprotected skin, involves a lot of gravel bits *in* said skin.
At least if you get ice bits stuck in you they have the grace to melt.
posted by nat at 4:27 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
In case you were under the impression that ice dancing is safer than pairs skating because there aren't any throws or jumps, here's an absolutely ludicrous move from last night's free dances. The best part was when one of the CBC commentators - who also happened to be their coach - said that the two of them basically invented the lift on their own while messing around during practice ("look ma, no hands!"). Ice dancers are insane.
posted by btfreek at 4:41 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by btfreek at 4:41 PM on February 20, 2018
When I think of flat-out danger at the winter games, I always think of Picabo Street. She went all-out in everything she did, she was an absolutely fearless athlete. It was a joy *and* a fret festival to watch her blast down those hills.
posted by dancestoblue at 4:58 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by dancestoblue at 4:58 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing? The ice is just a bunch of added danger and waste with no real benefit at this point.
Are you a Canadian who has never ice skated? Ice is WAY better and safer than skating on pavement.
When you fall on ice at high speed you slide.
When you fall on pavement at high speed you smear.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:20 PM on February 20, 2018 [13 favorites]
Are you a Canadian who has never ice skated? Ice is WAY better and safer than skating on pavement.
When you fall on ice at high speed you slide.
When you fall on pavement at high speed you smear.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:20 PM on February 20, 2018 [13 favorites]
Also, good luck trying to hockey stop in rollerblades.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:20 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by leotrotsky at 6:20 PM on February 20, 2018
especially the sports where you wear a helmet...
posted by randomkeystrike at 6:24 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by randomkeystrike at 6:24 PM on February 20, 2018
Also, good luck trying to hockey stop in rollerblades.
You can hockey stop on inlines. I used to do it all the time. Just like on ice you have to be going fast enough or you just end up turning or high siding it.
You can even spray bits of gravel, but it's not the same as launching a few cups of shaved ice at someone.
posted by loquacious at 6:32 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
You can hockey stop on inlines. I used to do it all the time. Just like on ice you have to be going fast enough or you just end up turning or high siding it.
You can even spray bits of gravel, but it's not the same as launching a few cups of shaved ice at someone.
posted by loquacious at 6:32 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
When you fall on ice at high speed you slide.
When you fall on pavement at high speed you smear.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:20 PM on February 20
I ride my bike every day, a couple of weeks ago all of Austin was covered in a sheet of ice. I anticipated every hazard except one -- there's this one curve that's on a downhill and then a long straight and I *love* to fly 'round and down that curve and then scream down this long straight flat, where you hook a sharp left and onto a bridge over Barton Creek and my headlight hit that bridge and "HOLY FUCKING DOGSHIT I'M SCREWED !!!!!" it was a sheet of ice and down I went, and caromed around 'til I came to a stop. Not even a scrape though; I was of course sore the next day but not even a scratch. Ice is forgiving in that way...........
posted by dancestoblue at 6:56 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
When you fall on pavement at high speed you smear.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:20 PM on February 20
I ride my bike every day, a couple of weeks ago all of Austin was covered in a sheet of ice. I anticipated every hazard except one -- there's this one curve that's on a downhill and then a long straight and I *love* to fly 'round and down that curve and then scream down this long straight flat, where you hook a sharp left and onto a bridge over Barton Creek and my headlight hit that bridge and "HOLY FUCKING DOGSHIT I'M SCREWED !!!!!" it was a sheet of ice and down I went, and caromed around 'til I came to a stop. Not even a scrape though; I was of course sore the next day but not even a scratch. Ice is forgiving in that way...........
posted by dancestoblue at 6:56 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
I guess “slipped on ice and smashed head open” (see: that MetaFilter meetup that time) is something that gets weeded out long before anyone reaches Olympic competition.
Well, unless some rank amateur manages to weasel their way into the Olympics as, like, the Guatemalan curling team or something like that. (see Elizabeth Swaney.)
Is this a dare? Seriously? Can't I just continue to enjoy my life as a rank amateur at almost everything else that doesn't involve ER visits, staples in the skull, and a personal staple remover?
posted by maudlin at 7:12 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Well, unless some rank amateur manages to weasel their way into the Olympics as, like, the Guatemalan curling team or something like that. (see Elizabeth Swaney.)
Is this a dare? Seriously? Can't I just continue to enjoy my life as a rank amateur at almost everything else that doesn't involve ER visits, staples in the skull, and a personal staple remover?
posted by maudlin at 7:12 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
You can hockey stop on inlines.
And on fixies too.. But, is a fixie hockey stop faster than threshold breaking on a road bike? This has been bugging me for a while.
posted by Chuckles at 7:24 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
And on fixies too.. But, is a fixie hockey stop faster than threshold breaking on a road bike? This has been bugging me for a while.
posted by Chuckles at 7:24 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
staples in the skull
LIES!!! Staples in the head. Sheesh!
For regular people, I think curling head protection is more important than bicycle head protection. Falls in curling are generally scary as fuck (not for the squeamish).
posted by Chuckles at 7:32 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
LIES!!! Staples in the head. Sheesh!
For regular people, I think curling head protection is more important than bicycle head protection. Falls in curling are generally scary as fuck (not for the squeamish).
posted by Chuckles at 7:32 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
fixie hockey stop faster than threshold breaking on a road bike?
Less effective/longer stopping distance with the slide. The coefficient of moving/sliding friction is lower than static friction. It's easier to continue to slide than to stop. A rolling tire engaged via static friction. This is the genius of a rolling tire. You're always better with limit braking.
posted by bonehead at 7:39 PM on February 20, 2018
Less effective/longer stopping distance with the slide. The coefficient of moving/sliding friction is lower than static friction. It's easier to continue to slide than to stop. A rolling tire engaged via static friction. This is the genius of a rolling tire. You're always better with limit braking.
posted by bonehead at 7:39 PM on February 20, 2018
Sure, but.. a fixie hockey stop has far far greater contact patch. Like minimum double (two wheels on the ground, naturally), possibly triple? Which is not to say I think the hockey stop is better, at all, but.. Bicycle breaking is crap at the best of the times.
posted by Chuckles at 7:51 PM on February 20, 2018
posted by Chuckles at 7:51 PM on February 20, 2018
Metafilter: LIES!!! Staples in the head.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:30 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:30 PM on February 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
But look...Canada has a taxpayer-funded racist who appears on our public broadcaster and who wants more on-ice concussions. This man includes children getting hit hard so they can learn the game, I guess. This is what he says. His name is Don Cherry, and he is getting very old. He will go away eventually, I guess.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:45 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:45 PM on February 20, 2018 [4 favorites]
Slopestyle: Eh, this mountain is boring. Let's blow up a couple of houses and skateparks and sprinkle the debris all over the run.
(Actually, I didn't even realize what I used to know as "snowboard park" was now an Olympic event called slopestyle, and that it now involved a bunch of terrain, obstacles, bowls and parks that looked liked they were designed by Dr. Suess on an acid-fueled vaporwave bender.)
Also, the most ludicrous new winter sport has to be icecross or whatever they're calling it. Super steep/hilly BMX downhill track made out of ice, BMX style racing, but on hockey skates. There's also a lot of variations of skatecross, too, skateboard, inline, longboard, dirtboard, or snowskate, snowboard, snowbike.
posted by loquacious at 8:56 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
(Actually, I didn't even realize what I used to know as "snowboard park" was now an Olympic event called slopestyle, and that it now involved a bunch of terrain, obstacles, bowls and parks that looked liked they were designed by Dr. Suess on an acid-fueled vaporwave bender.)
Also, the most ludicrous new winter sport has to be icecross or whatever they're calling it. Super steep/hilly BMX downhill track made out of ice, BMX style racing, but on hockey skates. There's also a lot of variations of skatecross, too, skateboard, inline, longboard, dirtboard, or snowskate, snowboard, snowbike.
posted by loquacious at 8:56 PM on February 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, apparently double-superpipe is a thing that has happened. (This includes some brief footage of a superpipe "dragon" attachement on a snowcat for grooming/building the pipe.
posted by loquacious at 9:06 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 9:06 PM on February 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
Chuckles: i was always told that tired surface area is largely limited effective normal force perpendicular to the ground and the tire pressure. Not sure what the practical reality is but the force diagram would tell you hockey stop on a Fixie is still suboptimal.
posted by midmarch snowman at 4:36 AM on February 21, 2018
posted by midmarch snowman at 4:36 AM on February 21, 2018
loquacious: "Biathalon: "That running around on slippery razor blade planks in the mountains with all the wolves and avalanches and stuff sure is fun, but let's add guns!""
No, Biathalon is the sensible Nordic one: Let's use these slippery planks to move efficiently on the snow, and we'll bring rifles to shoot the wolves and bears.
posted by thefool at 6:20 AM on February 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
No, Biathalon is the sensible Nordic one: Let's use these slippery planks to move efficiently on the snow, and we'll bring rifles to shoot the wolves and bears.
posted by thefool at 6:20 AM on February 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
I really, really, really want Icecross to be an Olympic sport.
posted by cooker girl at 7:00 AM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by cooker girl at 7:00 AM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, as a Canadian in Canada, I realize this is blasphemous suggestion
Let us know where we can send you the care packages of butter tarts, Coffee Crisps and All Dressed chips after you get deported.
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:19 AM on February 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
Let us know where we can send you the care packages of butter tarts, Coffee Crisps and All Dressed chips after you get deported.
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:19 AM on February 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
Sys Rq: " I realize this is blasphemous suggestion, but, like, any reason hockey still needs to be on ice now that Rollerblades are a thing? The ice is just a bunch of added danger and waste with no real benefit at this point."
Well besides roller hockey playing quite a bit different than ice hockey: in places that do get natural ice it is often a lot easier to find a sheet of ice to play on than a nice flat expensive paved surface clear of ice and snow. Ice is basically self maintaining year to year.
posted by Mitheral at 7:25 AM on February 21, 2018
Well besides roller hockey playing quite a bit different than ice hockey: in places that do get natural ice it is often a lot easier to find a sheet of ice to play on than a nice flat expensive paved surface clear of ice and snow. Ice is basically self maintaining year to year.
posted by Mitheral at 7:25 AM on February 21, 2018
Melismata: Every single time I watch the aerials, I am Absolutely. Amazed. that they don't land on their head more. How do you learn how to do that in the first place? "Ok, try doing this complicated flip thing, but remember that if you don't do it 100% perfectly you will have a major concussion at best and die at worst..."
They use large pools and airbags.
posted by TORunner at 7:53 AM on February 21, 2018 [3 favorites]
They use large pools and airbags.
posted by TORunner at 7:53 AM on February 21, 2018 [3 favorites]
And foam pits, and trampolines, and bungee cord harnesses and a lot of gymnastics, working out and training, and more working out and training.
Extrapolating from what I know from being able to do some really basic flips on a trampoline or into water, it's all about the take off. You don't really know where you are or have much control over your body except for crude control of rotational speed by tucking or untucking your limbs.
You learn that windup, takeoff and launch over and over and over again until you start sticking it and consistently landing it in a foam pit or airbag, and then you move to padded ramps or soft snow, and then you move to packed snow.
These training techniques and the use of foam pits and airbags first started in gymnastics. Gravity/board sports didn't really start using them until about the late 1990s and early 2000s with the rise of the X-games, big air super ramps, and the superpipe becoming an Olympic sport.
In the much earlier days of snowboarding (and skateboarding) there wasn't any such thing as a training camp. The progression and evolution of earlier "next generation" compound tricks like the McTwist or big spin inverts like 720 flips were learned and paid for with crashes. A lot of crashes.
I remember when the McTwist was a new trick. If you were a kid in the 80s and good enough at skating vert to pull a handplant invert or 360 air, you wanted to be able to nail the McTwist, and to learn how to do it you just went for it over and over again until you figured it out. The thought of having a friend stand by with crash pads to throw under you wasn't even a concept.
And because of the nature of the McTwist, learning how to do it means falling off the top of the ramp to the flat, landing on the coping/lip of the ramp and simply falling right out of the ramp entirely (in the case of narrow backyard halfpipes) was a pretty regular occurrence. I watched my neighbor trying to learn the McTwist almost every day for a week and he must have crashed hundreds and hundreds of times, including falling on his neighbors fence so many times he eventually smashed out an entire section of it. Mainly with his body.
If you were really lucky you might have a Thrasher pictorial showing a few thumbnails of a McTwist sequence, or a decent video of it on a skate video. Or you might be lucky enough to know someone who knows how to do it, and show you how.
Otherwise all you had to go on was proof that it was possible, and you just kept trying.
(Damnit, I should get a skateboard again. There's a great little bowl and concrete park in town that's usually pretty empty. No, no, I don't want to try to learn to McTwist at my age, but just pumping turns in a bowl is an incredible amount of exercise, like jumping on a trampoline.)
posted by loquacious at 8:26 AM on February 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
Extrapolating from what I know from being able to do some really basic flips on a trampoline or into water, it's all about the take off. You don't really know where you are or have much control over your body except for crude control of rotational speed by tucking or untucking your limbs.
You learn that windup, takeoff and launch over and over and over again until you start sticking it and consistently landing it in a foam pit or airbag, and then you move to padded ramps or soft snow, and then you move to packed snow.
These training techniques and the use of foam pits and airbags first started in gymnastics. Gravity/board sports didn't really start using them until about the late 1990s and early 2000s with the rise of the X-games, big air super ramps, and the superpipe becoming an Olympic sport.
In the much earlier days of snowboarding (and skateboarding) there wasn't any such thing as a training camp. The progression and evolution of earlier "next generation" compound tricks like the McTwist or big spin inverts like 720 flips were learned and paid for with crashes. A lot of crashes.
I remember when the McTwist was a new trick. If you were a kid in the 80s and good enough at skating vert to pull a handplant invert or 360 air, you wanted to be able to nail the McTwist, and to learn how to do it you just went for it over and over again until you figured it out. The thought of having a friend stand by with crash pads to throw under you wasn't even a concept.
And because of the nature of the McTwist, learning how to do it means falling off the top of the ramp to the flat, landing on the coping/lip of the ramp and simply falling right out of the ramp entirely (in the case of narrow backyard halfpipes) was a pretty regular occurrence. I watched my neighbor trying to learn the McTwist almost every day for a week and he must have crashed hundreds and hundreds of times, including falling on his neighbors fence so many times he eventually smashed out an entire section of it. Mainly with his body.
If you were really lucky you might have a Thrasher pictorial showing a few thumbnails of a McTwist sequence, or a decent video of it on a skate video. Or you might be lucky enough to know someone who knows how to do it, and show you how.
Otherwise all you had to go on was proof that it was possible, and you just kept trying.
(Damnit, I should get a skateboard again. There's a great little bowl and concrete park in town that's usually pretty empty. No, no, I don't want to try to learn to McTwist at my age, but just pumping turns in a bowl is an incredible amount of exercise, like jumping on a trampoline.)
posted by loquacious at 8:26 AM on February 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
Don't forget, if you ski too long on the mountain, that the yeti will come and eat you.
posted by fiercecupcake at 11:08 AM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by fiercecupcake at 11:08 AM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
And equestrian is low since we aren't talking about safety for the horses.
It's actually one of the most dangerous sports in general. And the horses are only rarely injured, riders are badly injured and even killed quite often.
posted by biscotti at 4:04 PM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
It's actually one of the most dangerous sports in general. And the horses are only rarely injured, riders are badly injured and even killed quite often.
posted by biscotti at 4:04 PM on February 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Don't forget, if you ski too long on the mountain, that the yeti will come and eat you.
At night, the ice weasels come.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:38 PM on February 21, 2018
At night, the ice weasels come.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:38 PM on February 21, 2018
Melismata: Every single time I watch the aerials, I am Absolutely. Amazed. that they don't land on their head more. How do you learn how to do that in the first place? "Ok, try doing this complicated flip thing, but remember that if you don't do it 100% perfectly you will have a major concussion at best and die at worst..."
And foam pits, and trampolines, and bungee cord harnesses and a lot of gymnastics, working out and training, and more working out and training.
Also landing on a slope really reduces the force of impact. That's why a lot of stunts and x-games stuff you see involve landing ramps. As a former BMXer I've 'tested' all kinds of impacts and hurt myself the worst crashing on very small jumps with flat landing surfaces and I have walked away largely unscathed from huge jumps with hillside landings.
posted by srboisvert at 4:19 AM on February 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
And foam pits, and trampolines, and bungee cord harnesses and a lot of gymnastics, working out and training, and more working out and training.
Also landing on a slope really reduces the force of impact. That's why a lot of stunts and x-games stuff you see involve landing ramps. As a former BMXer I've 'tested' all kinds of impacts and hurt myself the worst crashing on very small jumps with flat landing surfaces and I have walked away largely unscathed from huge jumps with hillside landings.
posted by srboisvert at 4:19 AM on February 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
in places that do get natural ice it is often a lot easier to find a sheet of ice to play on than a nice flat expensive paved surface clear of ice and snow. Ice is basically self maintaining year to year.
And if you remove the ice from those venues, what have you got? And how’s the upkeep then?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:07 PM on February 22, 2018
And if you remove the ice from those venues, what have you got? And how’s the upkeep then?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:07 PM on February 22, 2018
I'm not sure what you are getting at. If you remove the ice you have water and then, eventually, ice again. Lakes/ponds don't need much in the way of care to allow for hockey.
posted by Mitheral at 10:57 PM on February 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Mitheral at 10:57 PM on February 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
I... Um... Huh. Beats me. I somehow thought you were talking about indoor rinks, though clearly you weren’t. I guess because I was?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:40 AM on February 23, 2018
posted by Sys Rq at 12:40 AM on February 23, 2018
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posted by Naberius at 12:41 PM on February 20, 2018 [43 favorites]