Lords A-Leaping +24%, Gold Rings +39% While Maids A-Milking Unchanged
December 23, 2022 3:58 PM Subscribe
The Christmas Price Index is up a whopping 10.5% from 2021, the third highest year-over-year increase in the index’s history.
I only learned last week that “5 golden rings” refers to ring-necked pheasants, not jewelry.
And I can’t help but think, that poor woman. She’s thinking, finally, God, a nice reasonable gift, at last. But no, her guy rolls up all “FLAP FLAP SQUAWK SQUAWK SURPRISE” and it’s more of these goddamn birds again.
posted by mhoye at 4:25 PM on December 23, 2022 [28 favorites]
And I can’t help but think, that poor woman. She’s thinking, finally, God, a nice reasonable gift, at last. But no, her guy rolls up all “FLAP FLAP SQUAWK SQUAWK SURPRISE” and it’s more of these goddamn birds again.
posted by mhoye at 4:25 PM on December 23, 2022 [28 favorites]
"Think you know everything about the global tax deal? Take our quiz."
Wait, there's some kind of global tax deal? I obviously haven't been paying attention. Hmm... "Large companies would pay more taxes in countries where they have customers and less in countries where they have headquarters, employees, and operations. Additionally, the agreement sets out a global minimum tax of 15 percent, which would increase taxes on companies with earnings in low-tax jurisdictions."
Huh. Well. Does this mean a partridge in every pot?
posted by clawsoon at 4:38 PM on December 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
Wait, there's some kind of global tax deal? I obviously haven't been paying attention. Hmm... "Large companies would pay more taxes in countries where they have customers and less in countries where they have headquarters, employees, and operations. Additionally, the agreement sets out a global minimum tax of 15 percent, which would increase taxes on companies with earnings in low-tax jurisdictions."
Huh. Well. Does this mean a partridge in every pot?
posted by clawsoon at 4:38 PM on December 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
She’s thinking, finally, God, a nice reasonable gift
I like to think she's bird obsessed and her true love continues to up the ante with more and more birds but she absolutely takes it in stride. Why yes I did prepare a lake for these swans the other summer.
posted by solarion at 5:32 PM on December 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
I like to think she's bird obsessed and her true love continues to up the ante with more and more birds but she absolutely takes it in stride. Why yes I did prepare a lake for these swans the other summer.
posted by solarion at 5:32 PM on December 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
I just noticed, after hearing it for decades, that when the Muppets sing "The Twelve Days of Christmas," Gonzo gets the line about the French hens. He also gets pretty excited about the fat goose in "Christmas is Coming."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:52 PM on December 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:52 PM on December 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Unwrapping the Yuletide Dystopia of Brazil
Christmas offers the country’s citizens a distraction from the violence and overall grimness of their everyday lives. Gilliam illustrates this in one of the film’s most effective comic sequences, in which our middle-aged middle-management hero Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce) meets with his wealthy socialite mother Ida (Katherine Helmond) and her friends for lunch in a swanky restaurant. Midway through the meal, another bomb goes off, maiming several waiters and patrons. We see bloody bodies stumbling away from the erupting flames, but no one at Sam’s table even notices. Instead, Ida gleefully declares, “I saw the most wonderful idea for presents at the chemist. Gift tokens! Surgical gift tokens!”
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:11 PM on December 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
Christmas offers the country’s citizens a distraction from the violence and overall grimness of their everyday lives. Gilliam illustrates this in one of the film’s most effective comic sequences, in which our middle-aged middle-management hero Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce) meets with his wealthy socialite mother Ida (Katherine Helmond) and her friends for lunch in a swanky restaurant. Midway through the meal, another bomb goes off, maiming several waiters and patrons. We see bloody bodies stumbling away from the erupting flames, but no one at Sam’s table even notices. Instead, Ida gleefully declares, “I saw the most wonderful idea for presents at the chemist. Gift tokens! Surgical gift tokens!”
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:11 PM on December 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
solarion, I’m sure you’re right: it is sung by the recipient, who describes "her true love" and not "that madman with the bird fetish and theater friends".
posted by clew at 6:35 PM on December 23, 2022 [15 favorites]
posted by clew at 6:35 PM on December 23, 2022 [15 favorites]
Why yes I did prepare a lake for these swans the other summer.
Unfortunately the household of all that avian activity got a new owner who immediately determined cows were unnecessary, so the maids a-milking all lost their jobs right before the holidays.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:36 PM on December 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
Unfortunately the household of all that avian activity got a new owner who immediately determined cows were unnecessary, so the maids a-milking all lost their jobs right before the holidays.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:36 PM on December 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
These folks are overpaying for their lords a leaping. I bet I can find ten dandies to jump up and down a bit for like $250 and a rack of Pabst.
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 6:48 PM on December 23, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 6:48 PM on December 23, 2022 [11 favorites]
I only learned last week that “5 golden rings” refers to ring-necked pheasants, not jewelry.
That's not true, tho.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:58 PM on December 23, 2022 [12 favorites]
That's not true, tho.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:58 PM on December 23, 2022 [12 favorites]
I have some methodology questions for these guys, mostly around why the maids-a-milking are earning minimum wage but the lords-a-leaping are being paid real money.
Also, if I'm reading the data correctly, they've calculated a price of $1874.99 per goose-a-laying. This is not only suspiciously specific, but also makes me think that they're sourcing their egg-bearing fowl through the Williams-Sonoma catalog. You want oviparous geese? The pond near my house is lousy with 'em. Come pick some up next April, and let's drive that CPI back down.
posted by Mayor West at 7:07 PM on December 23, 2022 [9 favorites]
Also, if I'm reading the data correctly, they've calculated a price of $1874.99 per goose-a-laying. This is not only suspiciously specific, but also makes me think that they're sourcing their egg-bearing fowl through the Williams-Sonoma catalog. You want oviparous geese? The pond near my house is lousy with 'em. Come pick some up next April, and let's drive that CPI back down.
posted by Mayor West at 7:07 PM on December 23, 2022 [9 favorites]
they've calculated a price of $1874.99 per goose-a-laying
That's just because it's in CAD, the geese are Canadian
posted by oulipian at 7:39 PM on December 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
That's just because it's in CAD, the geese are Canadian
posted by oulipian at 7:39 PM on December 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
Let's reexamine the Lords a leaping, and realize that almost any shitlord and friends, will do anything for a case, no money at all.
posted by Oyéah at 8:12 PM on December 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 8:12 PM on December 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
Anyone who's ever tried to cast a community theater musical knows that you never get a ratio of ten leaping lords to nine dancing ladies. Unless one of the leaping lords is a dancing lady playing in breeches. Probably a second alto, and a real trouper. One of the damn swans is most likely a goose with a hasty paint job. Why do we do it, eh?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:35 PM on December 23, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:35 PM on December 23, 2022 [11 favorites]
That's Canada geese, not Canadian geese, although some Canada geese are Canadian, which does make it confusing. And all of those birds in that song are for eating, which lends a different tenor to the ditty.
posted by mollweide at 10:25 PM on December 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by mollweide at 10:25 PM on December 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Just the one swan, actually at 6:48 PM on December 23
Epoyulensterical!
posted by chavenet at 1:32 AM on December 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Epoyulensterical!
posted by chavenet at 1:32 AM on December 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
I like this version, questioning whether these are romantic gifts, after all... (Text)
posted by freethefeet at 2:41 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by freethefeet at 2:41 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Let's reexamine the Lords a leaping, and realize that almost any shitlord and friends, will do anything for a case, no money at all.
Edgelords a-edging?
posted by Thorzdad at 3:15 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Edgelords a-edging?
posted by Thorzdad at 3:15 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Animated version
Irish version by Frank Kelly
A more elaborate version-- quite upper class-- of freethefeet's link. For some reason, it gets to me that the milk maids aren't just milking cows, they're milking Friesians*. Also, there are very delicate shadings for cordiality and lack of cordiality.
*less obscure than I thought. Apparently the cows are the same as Holsteins in the US.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 4:03 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Irish version by Frank Kelly
A more elaborate version-- quite upper class-- of freethefeet's link. For some reason, it gets to me that the milk maids aren't just milking cows, they're milking Friesians*. Also, there are very delicate shadings for cordiality and lack of cordiality.
*less obscure than I thought. Apparently the cows are the same as Holsteins in the US.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 4:03 AM on December 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
That's just because it's in CAD, the geese are Canadian
Most of the cost is hazard pay.
posted by mhoye at 5:32 AM on December 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Most of the cost is hazard pay.
posted by mhoye at 5:32 AM on December 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Years ago a friend sent me a Christmas card with a sparse but lovely winter photo on the front: just a snowy field and a few elegant branches of a leafless tree. On this he drew a string hanging down from one of the branches with a bullet tied to it.
...A cartridge in a bare tree.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:36 AM on December 24, 2022 [7 favorites]
...A cartridge in a bare tree.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:36 AM on December 24, 2022 [7 favorites]
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posted by phunniemee at 4:03 PM on December 23, 2022 [15 favorites]