RiffTrax Riff-Off
September 28, 2006 8:33 AM Subscribe
It's an old fashioned Riff-Off! RiffTrax, (Mike Nelson from MST3K's new project), is having a contest for fans to write the funniest commentary mocking the oracle-visiting scene from the Matrix. Winning entry gets riffed by Mike himself and wins $500.
This post was deleted for the following reason: self-link, banned
I actually only saw one, from over two months ago, about the launch of the site. Thought the contest was worth letting people know about.
posted by conorlastowka at 8:53 AM on September 28, 2006
posted by conorlastowka at 8:53 AM on September 28, 2006
It is, conorlastowka, thanks, I might well enter this. That scene really does deserve a good hard mocking.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:17 AM on September 28, 2006
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:17 AM on September 28, 2006
I nominate Rod Hilton of The Editting Room, abridged script writer extraordinaire [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS]:
We see a montage of shots from the important mission while RANDALL and THE REBELS discuss the plan in voiceover. Once the discussion is over, the problem is solved. KEANU enters a ROOM OF LIGHT.
INT. WELL-LIT, NON-NOIR WHITE ROOM
KEANU enters a white room, the walls of which are covered in monitors. A chair spins around to reveal THE EXPLAINER.
KEANU REEVES
Who are you?
THE EXPLAINER
I am The Explainer. I designed the matrix screenplay. Unable to decently explain the convoluted plot well, I have resorted to putting myself here in the final act and having you ask all of the questions the audience wants to ask.
(dramatic pause)
You must begin by asking your own questions then gradually switch to asking those of the audience, in order to not make this scene any more awkward than it already is. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
KEANU REEVES
Why am I here?
THE EXPLAINER
Many years ago, shortly before the success of Speed, you sold your soul to the devil in exchange for a promise of notoriety that your piss-poor acting skills do not deserve. This series is the actualization of this promise.
KEANU REEVES
What was the Osiris? And who was that kid in zion who kept pestering me?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to these questions by purchasing The Animatrix, a collection of nine animated shorts from some of Anime's top directors.
KEANU REEVES
Alright. Well, what was that crap Glora said about vampires and werewolves? And how did Jada Pinkett Smith get to Laurence Fishburne during the car chase? And what the hell happened during the power plant takeover climax that-wasn't?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to those questions by purchasing the Enter The Matrix game, available for Windows, Playstation2, Xbox, and Gamecube. Enter the Matrix features awesome gunplay and spectacular martial arts that bend the rules of the Matrix. This game isn't just set in the Matrix universe--it's an integral part of the experience, with a story that weaves in and out of The Matrix Reloaded. Enter the Matrix is the story behind the story.
KEANU REEVES
Fine! Then tell me this, what the hell is with Hugo Weaving saying he and I have some special connection? And how come I can control machines in the real world? And will we win the war if I don't choose the door to my right?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to these questions when you watch The Matrix Revolutions, coming later in 2003.
KEANU REEVES
I hate you.
THE EXPLAINER
Perhaps you should drink more Powerade.
KEANU REEVES
Just answer me one question. We're not going to find out that the real world is in another matrix, are we?
THE EXPLAINER
Christ I hope not.
KEANU leaves and flies to save CARRIE-ANNE MOSS from being shot. She is SHOT anyway. Then KEANU reaches into her matrix code and pulls out the bullet in a comical fashion.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
That was preposterous.
KEANU REEVES
Wait till you see what I do outside of the ship.
THE CREDITS roll, as DISC ONE of the soundtrack is played in its entirety.
END
[END SPOILERS]
posted by ChasFile at 9:34 AM on September 28, 2006
We see a montage of shots from the important mission while RANDALL and THE REBELS discuss the plan in voiceover. Once the discussion is over, the problem is solved. KEANU enters a ROOM OF LIGHT.
INT. WELL-LIT, NON-NOIR WHITE ROOM
KEANU enters a white room, the walls of which are covered in monitors. A chair spins around to reveal THE EXPLAINER.
KEANU REEVES
Who are you?
THE EXPLAINER
I am The Explainer. I designed the matrix screenplay. Unable to decently explain the convoluted plot well, I have resorted to putting myself here in the final act and having you ask all of the questions the audience wants to ask.
(dramatic pause)
You must begin by asking your own questions then gradually switch to asking those of the audience, in order to not make this scene any more awkward than it already is. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
KEANU REEVES
Why am I here?
THE EXPLAINER
Many years ago, shortly before the success of Speed, you sold your soul to the devil in exchange for a promise of notoriety that your piss-poor acting skills do not deserve. This series is the actualization of this promise.
KEANU REEVES
What was the Osiris? And who was that kid in zion who kept pestering me?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to these questions by purchasing The Animatrix, a collection of nine animated shorts from some of Anime's top directors.
KEANU REEVES
Alright. Well, what was that crap Glora said about vampires and werewolves? And how did Jada Pinkett Smith get to Laurence Fishburne during the car chase? And what the hell happened during the power plant takeover climax that-wasn't?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to those questions by purchasing the Enter The Matrix game, available for Windows, Playstation2, Xbox, and Gamecube. Enter the Matrix features awesome gunplay and spectacular martial arts that bend the rules of the Matrix. This game isn't just set in the Matrix universe--it's an integral part of the experience, with a story that weaves in and out of The Matrix Reloaded. Enter the Matrix is the story behind the story.
KEANU REEVES
Fine! Then tell me this, what the hell is with Hugo Weaving saying he and I have some special connection? And how come I can control machines in the real world? And will we win the war if I don't choose the door to my right?
THE EXPLAINER
You will find the answers to these questions when you watch The Matrix Revolutions, coming later in 2003.
KEANU REEVES
I hate you.
THE EXPLAINER
Perhaps you should drink more Powerade.
KEANU REEVES
Just answer me one question. We're not going to find out that the real world is in another matrix, are we?
THE EXPLAINER
Christ I hope not.
KEANU leaves and flies to save CARRIE-ANNE MOSS from being shot. She is SHOT anyway. Then KEANU reaches into her matrix code and pulls out the bullet in a comical fashion.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
That was preposterous.
KEANU REEVES
Wait till you see what I do outside of the ship.
THE CREDITS roll, as DISC ONE of the soundtrack is played in its entirety.
END
[END SPOILERS]
posted by ChasFile at 9:34 AM on September 28, 2006
« Older america goes to far | Plan of St.Gall Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:51 AM on September 28, 2006