take this beard and shove it!

November 12, 2010 11:48 AM

KY-Filter! (I finally get to type that): Harvey Westmoreland's Beard was cut and stuffed into his mouth during a fight about a lawnmower.

If that doesn't do it for you, just scroll through a few pages of comments below the story and that'll be the rest of your Friday.

posted by analogue (11 comments total)

The comments are, indeed, amazing:

Harvey had done called my girlfriend a week before this rucckus started. I wish I woulda pumped up the fodder bag for him to wither on. He's a daggum fool for messing with Mr Holts lawnmower to begins with. They was all drunk when I seen them the week before. I don't know nothing about no minors except for them guys under the ground in Chili.

posted by Sticherbeast at 11:50 AM on November 12, 2010

"Troy offered to buy it from me for two hundred and fifty dollars. I paid twenty bucks for it. He thought I was trying to cheat him," Westmoreland said.

Whuh? I know the story says that Troy was drunk, but that's really, really drunk.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 11:51 AM on November 12, 2010

I guess I should have made the title a play off of "fear the beard" somehow.. and I'm not sorry about capitalizing Beard in the post! Extra credit to the first person who names their band "Harvey Westmoreland's Beard"
posted by analogue at 11:54 AM on November 12, 2010

"Troy offered to buy it from me for two hundred and fifty dollars. I paid twenty bucks for it. He thought I was trying to cheat him," Westmoreland said.

I cannot make heads or tails of this. Troy offered $250. Where's the cheating? How is the $20 relevant (other than being the same as in town)?
posted by DU at 11:57 AM on November 12, 2010

I'm a lifelong Kentuckian. I love my state. And shit like this really, really pisses me off.

We've got the most exciting two minutes in sports. We make the greatest drink in the world. We make an iconic piece of sporting gear and an iconic sportscar. We gave the world bluegrass music. We gave the world Daniel Boone, Wendell Berry, Barbara Kingsolver, Thomas Merton, Diane Sawyer and Hunter S. Thompson. I'm just getting started.

But "Kentucky-filter" always points to bullshit like this, or the Creation Museum or some other awful embarrassment.

Which really, really pisses me off.
posted by jbickers at 11:59 AM on November 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

Southern English has a much more developed aspect system than Standard English (all those done calleds). And their use of additional plural markers is also quite distinguishing (all, them, etc.). It's a pity these facts make it the butt of jokes and lolz-dumb talk.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 12:00 PM on November 12, 2010

Without casting aspersions on anyone's geographical location, I love this story. I loved Conan's reenactment of it last night, and I love the comments.

I cannot explain it. I just adore it.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 12:03 PM on November 12, 2010

LOL Rednecks
posted by adamvasco at 12:04 PM on November 12, 2010

And a tragic end to this fine gentleman's observance of Novembeard.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:04 PM on November 12, 2010

DU: Well, Troy may have actually known the street value of the mower, and offered to $250 to test the moral fiber of the coward Harvey Westmoreland, his so-called friend!

jbickers: I think Kentucky is pretty great, as are all of the flyover states.
posted by analogue at 12:05 PM on November 12, 2010

Wait, if Troy was "aggressively" offering to buy the mower and Harvey was refusing, with Troy angrily upping the offer every time then it could make sense. Harvey would be like "I only paid $20 for it--if I wanted to sell it, I would have done so a long time ago!" and Troy saying "You won't sell this piece of crap for $250, you cheater?!?"
posted by DU at 12:06 PM on November 12, 2010