May 30, 2000

7:11 PM

I'm giving $30 to some Metafilter user. I'm stealing this idea from the Shiny Thing giveaway that usr/bin/girl held a while back. I liked her contest, but I would have liked it more if we got to see everything people asked for. So here goes.
I will buy one lucky Metafilter user something off of the Web of a $30 value or less (I will pay shipping and taxes).
To enter: add a comment to this post. The comment must link to the thing you want and provides a bit of contextualizing commentary. (I'd prefer it if the link pointed to something that has at least a semi-permanent home on the Web, no eBay please.) I will choose and announce a winner within (roughly) the next forty-eight hours.
This winner will be chosen based on a single criteria -- "coolness." Whatever item I find the most "cool" wins. I make no claim that my definition of what's "cool" will match any commonly socially-accepted definitions (or your own personal definition, for that matter). Decision of judge is final.
I set the bar here: in order to win, your item must be at least as cool as this; otherwise I will declare myself the winner.
Have fun. Play fair.
posted by jbushnell (62 comments total)

I need this Book Badly...
posted by Almac at 7:27 PM on May 30, 2000

You can't buy my love with your little games. fool.
posted by chaz at 7:59 PM on May 30, 2000

I want me some CHICKEN, baby!

Yeeeeeeeeeee-haw!
posted by Succa at 7:59 PM on May 30, 2000

Does it get much cooler than a titanium spork? I don't think so.
posted by CrayDrygu at 8:03 PM on May 30, 2000

Look at this cool t-shirt from Kung Fu Nation. It's just the raddest thing I ever did see.
posted by nickdoro at 8:10 PM on May 30, 2000

the coolest thing I can think of (right now, this moment) is The Dust Blows Forward ~ Captain Beefheart. I have to return the borrowed CD set tomorrow :-(
posted by blivet at 8:21 PM on May 30, 2000

I've always wanted this. It is cool.
posted by zenhues at 8:22 PM on May 30, 2000

Does it count if I kick in the other $5? Because I've been eyeing Creative Time's tattoo kit, with tattoos from artists Mary Beyt, Rodney Alan Greenblat, Tibor Kalman, Lady Pink, Cary Leibowitz/Candyass, Sol Lewitt, Daniel J. Martinez, Shirin Neshat, Robert Reitzfeld, Alexis Rockman, Peter Saul, Roger Shimomura, Kiki Smith and Tom Wesselman.
posted by judith at 8:49 PM on May 30, 2000

I was gonna say your Devo cd and a buck, to win "Price is Right" style, but now I gotta vote for the spork guy. Love that Spork.
Who won USR/BIN/GIRL's contest anyway? I don't recall the winner being announced.
posted by thirteen at 8:53 PM on May 30, 2000

I want a desk clock that just screams "I am a big geek". But not enough to buy it for myself.
posted by flestrin at 8:56 PM on May 30, 2000

It's animated, it's cyberspacey, it's heavily discusses on Geeks in Space, it's Lain. There's about a hundred other DVDs I'd recommend - first and foremost Being John Malkovich, which includes an interview with Spike Jonze where he pukes, and City of Lost Children because it's *gorgeous* - but this one would make my world better. And ain't that what this contest is all about?
posted by creon at 9:09 PM on May 30, 2000

Poi Dog Pondering was never my favorite band, but they're good, regardless. Still, this post isn't quite as cool as the photos.
posted by cadence at 9:24 PM on May 30, 2000

How about 30 pounds?

I want a Wallace and Grommit animated clock.
posted by mathowie at 9:25 PM on May 30, 2000

hyper-peppy!

if I had a robot, I would not be so lonely all the time at school where my pets are not allowed to come (roommates do not count as pets)... plus its name is hyper-peppy!
posted by rabi at 9:27 PM on May 30, 2000

I want a half-pint klein bottle. Because I think a zero-volume, one-sided bottle would really tie my living room together. Plus, it's guaranteed for FIVE WHOLE YEARS to be free of magnetic monopoles - who else gives you that, I ask you.
posted by icathing at 9:35 PM on May 30, 2000

I love the caffeine mug. There is plenty of time for sleep when you are dead.
posted by Dean_Paxton at 9:37 PM on May 30, 2000

The contest is over. I want this.

One year of DNS from Joker.com oughta do it. In exchange for the registration I will host a blog to run this contest as often as people come forth and volunteer their $30.
posted by costas at 9:59 PM on May 30, 2000

I would like to have many benders. Take a look they are dolls that have magnets and you can position them any which way you want...

The ultimate office cube conversation piece... They cost 7.99 each.
http://www.hogwildtoys.com/benders.asp
posted by efader at 10:07 PM on May 30, 2000

The ultimate in poker faces, commie playing cards.
http://www.color.spb.ru/eng/cards/komandir.htm
posted by Sqwerty at 10:31 PM on May 30, 2000

For my first post on metafilter, I would like to win the competition with this entry: The Mosque Clock.
Sheer genius...
posted by skinnyjimmy at 10:37 PM on May 30, 2000

Start with KLEENGUARD REPEL Coveralls then add a Flashing Electroluminescent Armband. Then you're ready to go clubbing with all the popular kids.

(Note: You'll need to hit one of the URLs, let their site set a cookie, and then come back and hit the URL again to go to the correct page.)
posted by treebjen at 10:46 PM on May 30, 2000

You should buy me one of these flashing light watches so that i can look cool in disco nightclubs.
posted by bug at 12:16 AM on May 31, 2000

Fuck all these other guys, just buy me a goddamned sumo-wrestler-fan.
posted by premiumpolar at 12:16 AM on May 31, 2000

Here's my entry.
posted by nate at 12:57 AM on May 31, 2000

All I can say is: Code Name Satan
posted by pixelboy at 4:22 AM on May 31, 2000

If you want something cool, how about a glass of bioluminescent water?
posted by plinth at 5:38 AM on May 31, 2000

I would like a blue Photon Micro-Light II and a red original Photon Micro-Light.
posted by novarese at 5:53 AM on May 31, 2000

Gimme.

the Darwin Single Sided Shirt, Black, XL.
posted by fvw at 6:42 AM on May 31, 2000

What a fun idea, I'm loving reading the entries. The spork! The spork!

Here's mine:

I've never seen anyone wearing a Fray t-shirt in Sydney, and I'd rather like to be the first. The Tell Me a Story shirt in black XL would go down a treat, and save me the hassles of currency exchange to boot.

Whee.
posted by Georgina at 7:53 AM on May 31, 2000

The Hello Kitty Toaster toasts a Hello Kitty face onto every slice... it doesn't get any cooler than that. (Unfortunately, it doesn't get any cheaper than $34.95 either.)
posted by sudama at 8:37 AM on May 31, 2000

Wow. Many good entries. It will be hard to choose-- there is not really a single thing on here that isn't at least a *little* bit cool.
The winner will be decided and announced around midnight tonight, Chicago time.
posted by jbushnell at 8:49 AM on May 31, 2000

I hope I'm still in time to be considered. Plus, I might get disqualified. You can get it for me as a wedding present, Jer--did I mention I'm marrying your friend? Probably September, 2001. But I digress...

Two great fashion trends coming together for the must-have in every bride's wardrobe: Cargo Chucks!
posted by Spyderella at 9:17 AM on May 31, 2000

I don't know if this company is still around, or what, but at the top of my hypothetical "buy me this now" list is this t-shirt. Praise the Lord!
posted by jess at 9:31 AM on May 31, 2000

I'd like to have Sally Struthers shut up. And hey, you get to feed a village for a year.

But the spork is way frickin' cool.
posted by inviolable at 9:52 AM on May 31, 2000

Criteria for hyper-coolness:

1) It must be Japanese.
2) It must have lots of Kanji on the package.
3) It must in some way be ridiculous.
4) It must be incredibly, unbelievably cute.

My choice would be Street Licca, a doll of a 12-year-old girl that comes with DJ headphones and Rough Trade labeled accessories. Tell me that's not the coolest, most absurd thing you've ever seen.

Unfortunately she's $50. So my entry is Angel's Garden Shop Staff Moe. At a cool $30, she's goofy and super-cute and really, just awfully cool.
posted by wiremommy at 9:54 AM on May 31, 2000

I would like the Young Scientist Anatomy Set, a 20-inch-tall toy that sells for around U.S. $11.87.

On May 19, British artist Damien Hirst reached an undisclosed settlement in a copyright infringement lawsuit with the toy's manufacturer, Humbrol. It seems that Hirst's 20-foot-tall bronze sculpture Hymn is an exact replica of the Young Scientist toy with the optional rib-cage cover removed. Before news of the infringement broke, Hirst sold his sculpture to Charles Saatchi for U.S. $1.48 million.

Since Saatchi has established the going rate for this object at $6,166 dollars an inch, I feel that the actual toy is a steal at only 59 cents an inch.
posted by rcade at 10:06 AM on May 31, 2000

Boy, I was going to ask for a Giant poster, but that's not as cool as the spork or the Hello Kitty toaster.

Speaking of toasters, my girlfriend and I got one of these babies used for only $75. If there's ever a contest to give away ridiculously overengineered kitchen accessories, you know where to go!

No, wait, the spork counts for that, too. Dang.
posted by snarkout at 10:26 AM on May 31, 2000

I could really go for anything here, but the "sinner" or the "f*ck with me and i will saw off your legs" shirts are particularly fanciful. not to mention the "touch me, i'm sick" or "mcdonalds isn't food" stickers.
posted by syn at 10:41 AM on May 31, 2000

This is pretty cool. (I can't believe no one beat me to this.)
posted by werty at 10:53 AM on May 31, 2000

Glad to see I'm not the only one with Yuppie kitchen lust, Werty. Mmmm. Outrageously expensive cooking gear. But I think a Sub-Zero refrigerator is well out of the specified price range.
posted by snarkout at 11:31 AM on May 31, 2000

Can you make it 3030? Cause I want this. Badly.
posted by prolific at 11:48 AM on May 31, 2000

damn, somebody beat me to it, I want a domain.

Say, something like this would do.

Or maybe this?

Might I suggest domainmonger.com for your $17 domain name registration.
posted by mkn at 12:25 PM on May 31, 2000

I just want some African biblical action figures.

posted by mcguirk at 12:56 PM on May 31, 2000

i need a medium-sized belle & Sebastian "ampersand" t-shirt. they are my new favorite band.
posted by andy at 1:01 PM on May 31, 2000

I WANT THIS!!!!!! BUY IT FOR ME !!!! PLEEEASE!

http://www.etoys.com/toy/g/product/ert/01/09/
posted by FAB4GIRL at 1:11 PM on May 31, 2000

Oh, I just wanted to add that on those Biblical Action Figures. If they are African why is Eve still white? ;-)
posted by FAB4GIRL at 1:17 PM on May 31, 2000

I need the Guv'ner album Spectral Worship. They kick butt.
posted by andy at 1:56 PM on May 31, 2000

I'm thinking a carbonated beverage backpack (price not listed, but comes complete with dispensing hose and money pouch) would make me the life of all the parties. If that is out of the price range, then I would need the Party Shooter Beer Bong ($4.99) to make myself the ultimate party machine. I would probably need a Big Fat 6-Pack© ($12.95) to go along with the bong. Of course, I want all this beer stuff because I turn 21 on June 15th and I've never had a beer before. ;)
posted by howa2396 at 2:44 PM on May 31, 2000

Well, *this* thread has certainly fulfilled it's hidden purpose...
posted by baylink at 4:20 PM on May 31, 2000

As a professional monster, me like to eat puny humans, but me no like putting up with the h-bombs they keep shooting at me, and that superman guy keeps hurting my head. Me no like that either. So please, it would be really cool if you would buy me this. Then we can all live in peace and harmony. Thank you.
posted by grumblebee at 4:27 PM on May 31, 2000

About those African Biblical Figures:

is it just me, or is Job wearing a Hawaiian shirt?
posted by mkn at 5:33 PM on May 31, 2000

Some Groovy Candy would make me happy. Candy cigarettes, wax lips and Hot Dog gum. What could be better?
posted by bird_on_a_wire at 6:57 PM on May 31, 2000

The

Kryotech SuperG: 1 GHz of Athlon whupass at
-40 deg. C. You can save the freaking universe and keep
the beer cold at the same time. If it got any cooler than
this you'd be pissing barbed wire.
posted by baum at 7:03 PM on May 31, 2000

Could I have a big bag of Ecstasy? Or some Mescaline, if you've got better connections...

Note: please don't get arrested or actually mail me drugs. I find jail annoying.
posted by Ezrael at 8:04 PM on May 31, 2000

You can mail them to me though. Fill out the customs form with "Commercial samples, no value." Works every time.
posted by sylloge at 9:40 PM on May 31, 2000

So midnight Chicago time is 10:00pm here? I can't wait.

I noticed this thread has generated much more than $30 worth of stuff I want now...in fact I'd say I might be spending a couple hundred bucks buying some of the quirky crap that was posted.
posted by mathowie at 9:53 PM on May 31, 2000

I hope no one was planning an eleventh-hour coup: I'm tired and I want to go to bed, so I'm closing up the contest. Ezrael's link to another Metafilter thread provides some fittingly self-referential closure to the contest.
Speaking of self-referential, I thought that Costas' offer to permanently a 30-dollar-giveaway blog if I'd register the domain for a year was an approach to this contest that was definitely cool. I liked the self-referentiality, the perpetuation of the giveaway spirit, and the idea that this contest could yield something permanent. So, Costas, I'm definitely game, contact me and we'll discuss the particulars.
I balked at declaring that an official winner because there's a certain ego-factor: I don't really feel comfortable saying "the coolest thing someone else's willingness to carry on my idea [actually my theft of usr/bin/girl's idea]", so although I'm happy to finance registration of worththirtybucks.com, I also felt the need to declare something else the winner.
I was torn between the bioluminescent water, the African Biblical action figures, and the (fan favorite) titanium spork. Checking the prices, I realized I could cheap out: award a **three-way tie**and still squeak in under $30. (McGuirk, I'll buy you any two of those action figures, your choice.)
Honorable mention goes to the Beefheart 2-CD retrospective and the fray T-shirt: these are the things I'd be most likely to buy for myself, but they lacked the component of spectacular uselessness that characterized my three finalists (and which always characterizes true "coolness").
Everyone blogged good stuff; well worth my $30 to watch it unfold. Winners, please stay on the line.
posted by jbushnell at 10:06 PM on May 31, 2000

PS: Sorry about the typos. It's my bedtime.
posted by jbushnell at 10:11 PM on May 31, 2000

What a greedy lot of people you are. :)
posted by eyesandfists at 5:48 AM on July 14, 2000