Fly The Portly Skies
November 4, 2004 4:11 PM Subscribe
American waistlines are hurting airline profit margins. Who likes sitting next to an obese person on a plane? But who can feel bad for Corporate Welfare mothers who openly ask for handouts?
Damnit, now I'm going to have Spinal Tap lyrics playing in my head all night.
"The bigger the waistband, the deeper the quicksand, you know what I mean!"
"Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em!"
Thanks Crash and Mayor Curley.
Crash, how do you feel about the Fat Boys?
posted by fenriq at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2004
"The bigger the waistband, the deeper the quicksand, you know what I mean!"
"Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em!"
Thanks Crash and Mayor Curley.
Crash, how do you feel about the Fat Boys?
posted by fenriq at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2004
This thread is destined for glory. Glory!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:25 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:25 PM on November 4, 2004
"American waistlines are hurting airline profit margins." And here I thought it was the gross mismanagement of many major carriers and the fact that these same carriers haven't been able to ask for a government handout for awhile that have been hurting their bottom line. Good to know it is the extra ten pounds of bottom line the average American has put on.
posted by bakiwop at 4:31 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by bakiwop at 4:31 PM on November 4, 2004
Snap!
posted by DrJohnEvans at 4:32 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by DrJohnEvans at 4:32 PM on November 4, 2004
If this is true, they should give anorexics and people with dwarfism a discount.
And of course, heavy-but-fit people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Williams sisters, and the entire NFL need to be paying more, too.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:35 PM on November 4, 2004
And of course, heavy-but-fit people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Williams sisters, and the entire NFL need to be paying more, too.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:35 PM on November 4, 2004
clearly airlines would achieve peak operating efficiency flying only ethiopians to and from ethiopia. fuck. more outsourcing.
posted by quonsar at 4:41 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by quonsar at 4:41 PM on November 4, 2004
They lost $275mil on more fuel from heavier passengers? Don't they gross that much money everyday flying people around the country? Why not just add a $1-3 surcharge to tickets instead of whining to the US Gov't for handouts?
posted by mathowie at 4:59 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by mathowie at 4:59 PM on November 4, 2004
I don't understand why they deregulated the ticket prices but didn't deregulate the maintenance. All that safety stuff has got to be costing the airlines a lot. Why not something like the "Volvo of Airlines"? Those who wanted that namby pamby stuff could pay the extra for it while those who were a little more cost-conscious would save money in exchange for some additional risk.
posted by tommasz at 5:05 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by tommasz at 5:05 PM on November 4, 2004
those who were a little more cost-conscious would save money in exchange for some additional risk
This, actually, would be great!
...except for the fact that the planes are flying over the houses of people who did NOT make the same gamble. Tell ya what, if I get $500 for every plane that flies within 5km of my house, I'll support your idea.
posted by aramaic at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2004
This, actually, would be great!
...except for the fact that the planes are flying over the houses of people who did NOT make the same gamble. Tell ya what, if I get $500 for every plane that flies within 5km of my house, I'll support your idea.
posted by aramaic at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2004
I have always wanted to open an airline that catered to larger travellers.
I would call it "Jumbo Jet" and have large seats, ample leg room, and Lane Bryant models serving delicious food. The logo would be a curvaceous pin-up girl, about a size 16.
If you were a thinner person, you would enjoy the extra room. If you were a chunky person ... you would enjoy the extra room. If you like big girls ... you enjoy the stewardesses. Anyway you slice it, everyone enjoys their flight.
posted by macadamiaranch at 5:14 PM on November 4, 2004
I would call it "Jumbo Jet" and have large seats, ample leg room, and Lane Bryant models serving delicious food. The logo would be a curvaceous pin-up girl, about a size 16.
If you were a thinner person, you would enjoy the extra room. If you were a chunky person ... you would enjoy the extra room. If you like big girls ... you enjoy the stewardesses. Anyway you slice it, everyone enjoys their flight.
posted by macadamiaranch at 5:14 PM on November 4, 2004
macadamiaranch, I think you're onto something! Of course prices would be a lot higher. Wouldn't business class be the same thing? or even better just flying on private jets, which isn't as expensive as it used to be.
posted by tomplus2 at 5:23 PM on November 4, 2004
posted by tomplus2 at 5:23 PM on November 4, 2004
Good to know it is the extra ten pounds of bottom line the average American has put on.
Oh I think it's much more than 10lbs.
posted by cmacleod at 6:05 PM on November 4, 2004
Oh I think it's much more than 10lbs.
posted by cmacleod at 6:05 PM on November 4, 2004
as a conservative, id have to say corporate/industrial welfare is just as fucking offensive as social welfare - if not more.
It strikes me as utterly rediculous that the republicans preach self reliance, rugged individualism and the evils of welfare queens while handing out 800 billion in subsidies a year. As you said, at least the democrat leeches are up front about being leeches.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 10:54 PM on November 4, 2004
It strikes me as utterly rediculous that the republicans preach self reliance, rugged individualism and the evils of welfare queens while handing out 800 billion in subsidies a year. As you said, at least the democrat leeches are up front about being leeches.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 10:54 PM on November 4, 2004
And here I thought it was the gross mismanagement of many major carriers and the fact that these same carriers haven't been able to ask for a government handout for awhile that have been hurting their bottom line. Good to know it is the extra ten pounds of bottom line the average American has put on.
You suggest that those are the reasons for falling airline profits; rather than obese passengers. If we accept the results of this government study, the extra weight of passengers having caused airlines to spend $275 million to burn 350 million more gallons of fuel in 2000 is a factor that will hurt profits regardless of the level of competence or lack thereof employed while managing that airline.
My God I’m fun.
posted by ed\26h at 2:09 AM on November 5, 2004
You suggest that those are the reasons for falling airline profits; rather than obese passengers. If we accept the results of this government study, the extra weight of passengers having caused airlines to spend $275 million to burn 350 million more gallons of fuel in 2000 is a factor that will hurt profits regardless of the level of competence or lack thereof employed while managing that airline.
My God I’m fun.
posted by ed\26h at 2:09 AM on November 5, 2004
Actually it is quite uncomfortable situation to be in, both for the overweight person and the unfortuante person in the seat next to them.
Woman crushed by obese plane passenger - "The obese passenger had to lift the armrest which separates seats in order to be able to fit into her economy seat. However this meant some of her body weight was weighing down on Ms Hewson.
Ms Hewson, who was travelling to Los Angeles, had to be admitted to hospital on her arrival. Her injuries included a blood clot in her chest and torn leg muscles. She still suffers pain and requires a walking stick today."
OBESE PASSENGERS DEMAND RIGHT TO EAT PERSON IN NEXT SEAT - "Controversy over a Southwest Airlines' policy continued today as advocates for the obese angrily insisted overweight passengers should not be forced to buy an extra ticket, but should instead be allowed to eat the person in the seat next to them."
posted by Meridian at 5:37 AM on November 5, 2004
Woman crushed by obese plane passenger - "The obese passenger had to lift the armrest which separates seats in order to be able to fit into her economy seat. However this meant some of her body weight was weighing down on Ms Hewson.
Ms Hewson, who was travelling to Los Angeles, had to be admitted to hospital on her arrival. Her injuries included a blood clot in her chest and torn leg muscles. She still suffers pain and requires a walking stick today."
OBESE PASSENGERS DEMAND RIGHT TO EAT PERSON IN NEXT SEAT - "Controversy over a Southwest Airlines' policy continued today as advocates for the obese angrily insisted overweight passengers should not be forced to buy an extra ticket, but should instead be allowed to eat the person in the seat next to them."
posted by Meridian at 5:37 AM on November 5, 2004
SUV Air!
It costs extra but you get loads of room!
The "free market" meeting a demand, correct?
The Invisible Hand busy at work, right?
No?
Just whiny assed welfare teat sucking mega-corporations wanting a handout?
Did they pay their JesusLand tithes to Tom DeLay yet?
posted by nofundy at 6:50 AM on November 5, 2004
It costs extra but you get loads of room!
The "free market" meeting a demand, correct?
The Invisible Hand busy at work, right?
No?
Just whiny assed welfare teat sucking mega-corporations wanting a handout?
Did they pay their JesusLand tithes to Tom DeLay yet?
posted by nofundy at 6:50 AM on November 5, 2004
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I do. I love the fat chicks.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:17 PM on November 4, 2004