German police save man from baby squirrel terror
August 10, 2018 10:23 AM   Subscribe

 
A three-year-old boy in Cornwall, UK was left covered in blood the previous year after being bitten a pack of six squirrels.

Squirrels are, one and all, ravening agents of slaughter.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:34 AM on August 10 [6 favorites]




i too like to break into houses and scream for food and then fall asleep moments later
posted by poffin boffin at 10:50 AM on August 10 [22 favorites]


MOVIE TRAILER VOICE: “Squirrel attacks are not always so benign. ”
posted by Fizz at 10:55 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Squirrel Girl's face heel turn was inevitable.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:03 AM on August 10 [9 favorites]


Squirrels are, one and all, ravening agents of slaughter.

or as some smart guy once put it on the radio, "they're just rats with good PR."
posted by philip-random at 11:04 AM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Jokes aside, it's easy to chuckle, but rodents (like most animals) can be vicious when they want to be, so I understand the terror.
posted by Fizz at 11:04 AM on August 10 [4 favorites]


*The Ghost of Alfred Hitchcock scribbles notes*
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:04 AM on August 10 [4 favorites]


i laugh but really if a human child of similar age burst into my home screaming for bikkies i would call in an airstrike
posted by poffin boffin at 11:07 AM on August 10 [27 favorites]


The Squirrel of Caerbannog
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:21 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


The squirrel was taken into custody after it abruptly fell asleep.

I love this, because it leaves open the possiibility that the cops would have let it continue to terrorize people had it not fallen asleep.
posted by Gorgik at 11:26 AM on August 10 [27 favorites]


The German word for squirrel (das Eichhörnchen) forms a nice symmetry, where English speakers have a tough time pronouncing the two "ch"s and the "ö", and the English word "squirrel", where German speakers have their own tough time, adding extra syllables in an endearing fashion (e.g. squer-rel).
posted by jason6 at 11:34 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


Definitely the lost member of Sour Cream and the Chives (too deep on the Squirrel Girl references?)
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:38 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]


German speakers have their own tough time, adding extra syllables in an endearing fashion (e.g. squer-rel).

Wait a moment, that is wrong? Are you saying squirrel rhymes with whirl? *Insert mind blown gif* (yes, I am German)
posted by Skybly at 11:47 AM on August 10 [17 favorites]


I get the feeling that this will be continued after he has his nap.
posted by arcticseal at 11:49 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Squirrels are terrifying, especially as babies! Here's mine : https://youtu.be/R2AR6FPwRrA
posted by newfers at 11:51 AM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Obligatory reference to "Squirrel Cop" on This American Life.
posted by me3dia at 12:01 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


Are you saying squirrel rhymes with whirl?

It does for my family, my circle of friends, and me. That's why I sometimes jokingly spell it "skwrl." I believe the "skwi-rel" pronunciation is more common in British English than it is in American English.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:01 PM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Wait a moment, that is wrong? Are you saying squirrel rhymes with whirl?

Depending on where you are in the US, squirrel could be pronounced with one syllable or two. Even when two syllables, though, it’s a fast word. Those “r”s move things right along.
posted by greermahoney at 12:03 PM on August 10


It's rightly pronounced 'skvrl'. As in 'moose and...'.
posted by hanov3r at 12:12 PM on August 10 [8 favorites]


Squirrel is more like a syllable and a half, at least in most UK English. The latter syllable is often more implied or slurred than properly pronounced, but it's definitely not "skwirl".
posted by Dysk at 12:16 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


Squirrels are known to chase after human beings when in need of food or help.

Dumb squirrels. Don't you know should also be screaming "Feed me!" or "Help me!" when charging a defenseless human?
posted by njohnson23 at 12:31 PM on August 10


Baby squirrels are pretty cute. Generally harmless. But here's some things about baby squirrels:

They have teeth and jaws that are meant to chew tough things.
Their little cute paws are meant for digging and grasping bark, and have extremely sharp claws.
When squirrels can't grip they use their claws to dig in.
(You are too big for a baby squirrel to grip.)
Squirrels can swing from their back feet on just their claws.
(You are much softer than a tree.)
They move at rodent speed, which is at least four times as fast as a human.
There is no escaping the claws when they leap at your legs to climb your ribs and neck up to your hair.
You can't hide from them. They can smell you.
You smell like food.
Did I mention the superspeed piercing claws?

Source: Was friends with baby squirrel.
posted by zennie at 12:44 PM on August 10 [32 favorites]


"Friends" with baby squirrel.
posted by medusa at 1:01 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


"Friends" with baby squirrel.

This is like friends with benefits, except instead of “benefits” Read “terrible terrible curse.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:07 PM on August 10 [7 favorites]


The urban dictionary has a few thoughts on squirreling ..., including:

When two straight men take their pants off and tickle each-others nuts and the first one to get wood loses.

"I am the squirreling Champion!" - Jeremiah
or
"Wes and Jeremiah, stop squirreling! It's really not cool."

posted by philip-random at 1:08 PM on August 10 [5 favorites]


There is no escaping the claws when they leap at your legs to climb your ribs and neck up to your hair.
You can't hide from them. They can smell you.
You smell like food.
Did I mention the superspeed piercing claws?
Put like that it reminds me of one of my cats. Particularly when he's perched on my chest, rear claws hooked in in case I try to throw him off, staring into my eyes without blinking while not-very-gently massaging my throat with his claws. You know, his usual friendly reminder he fancies food - and should a trip to the kitchen not be forthcoming my nose looks tasty, after a lick or two.

Ah, the furry little monsters we find cute.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 1:09 PM on August 10 [6 favorites]


Last summer a freaking massive squirrel chased and threatened me on two separate occasions. He was really built, like he lifted tiny squirrel weights in his spare time. The second time he went for me I was tentatively walking down my street, hoping he wasn't around, when he shot out from a bush on the other side of the street and charged me. He wasn't phased at all by my screeching or purse swinging. A few days later I saw him corner a woman and her large dog. I put my head down and scurried home, because I'm a coward and that squirrel is a bully.
posted by Stonkle at 1:13 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


I'm from a country without any native squirrels, and I use both syllables! In... in case anybody was still wondering?
posted by Berreggnog at 1:26 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


Fiends with benefits.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:28 PM on August 10 [8 favorites]


Many years ago, we lived in an apartment with a little back yard. One day, I saw a young squirrel eating a dead fallen oak leaf. I realized that the baby was too dumb to be natural. We had an old bird cage. I put it just outside our door. It soon collected five young squirrels. Apparantly, someone had a pet squirrel that had kits and just dumped them outside. Bad someone!

We researched 'pet squirrel'. It is not to be attempted lightly.

We put out food for them, and after a week or so they stopped coming to the cage. We hoped at least some survived.
posted by hexatron at 1:46 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


We get lots of visitors from Japan and they all take great delight in seeing the squirrels because they don't have them over there and squirrels are pretty fun to watch. I like that our visitors are so excited about the squirrels because it reminds me to enjoy them myself. Yes they dig up my bulbs, destroy my bird feeders, and always act like they're going to jump in front of me when I'm driving my car or riding my bike, but I can't get mad at them.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:56 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


I swear, interacting with nature seems to be a dying art. I feed squirrels and chipmunks all the time. They are very friendly when you bribe them with a little food. I never had a single problem with them.

I once saved a baby squirrel from an attacking hawk once with my shoe, literally shooing it away. The squirrel danced a jig around me when the bird flew away. It knew. It survived and was a fixture in my backyard for a long time, but it got big and fat when I introduced it to pistachios.

I had an elderly neighbour who used to walk with peanuts, and the squirrels would coming running to him, doing flips and jigs, and climb all over him as he petted them. He was like the squirrel whisperer.

They are feisty and love cookies and French fries. I knew someone who had one as a pet. It used to sleep on his shoulder.

Squirrels are awesome. This guy should feel silly. I mean it.
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 2:00 PM on August 10 [5 favorites]


Squirrels around the Capitol will fucking bite people for food because so many tourists feed them. A friend of a friend got bitten *hard* on the hand, drawing blood, just because she was holding her lunch while trying to catch Pokemon.
posted by pykrete jungle at 2:11 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


My (German-speaking) child has shouted excitedly about every squirrel they’ve seen in the past 4 months. We’re in Canada, so that’s a lot of squirrels.

“SKÖRL! SKÖRL! Schau, Sisi, ein SKÖRL!”
posted by frimble at 2:16 PM on August 10 [21 favorites]


Yeah, I was very confused by the Squirrel Girl song.
Apparently, some people think Squirrel rhymes with Girl.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:30 PM on August 10


Depending on where you are in the US, squirrel could be pronounced with one syllable or two.

My haikus demand that "squirrel" be syllable.
posted by numaner at 2:31 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


Squirrels around the Capitol will fucking bite people for food because so many tourists feed them.

yeah those squirrels don't play. also tourists to DC are just the worst.
posted by numaner at 2:32 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]




I was used to fat and happy Eastern squirrels, so the hard-pressed gray squirrels around here (San Jose) were a surprise. They aren't very common and tend to be smaller and sparse-tailed, except those in the old cemeteries, where there are a lot of oak and other seed producing trees plus grave flowers, they seem to like those once they've gone to seed a bit. For around here, I saw one of them digging hard at a patch of earth so dry and worn that even the dead grass was gone, presumably for roots. And if they get truly desperate, they'll eat the green peaches from our tree, carefully skinning them with small bites and then eating the flesh. Oddly, they usually leave the seed. It's definitely a food of last resort, though, they only do it occasionally even though they travel through the tree every day. I wish they'd eat more in fact, I can't thin the peaches on the higher branches.

They get the leftovers from the peanuts I put out for the scrub jays. I'd feed them directly, but they are too shy and will run away instead of waiting for me to put out nuts like the jays will. There's also ground squirrels, but I've only seen those a couple of places around here.
posted by tavella at 3:18 PM on August 10


I raised and released an orphaned red squirrel. Yes, there is nothing like a squirrel getting in your pants leg and climbing. Also, nothing like a squirrel taking a flying leap from one person's head to another. If you wouldn't feed him, he would attack your face. Not a very good pet, but a great wild animal.
posted by acrasis at 3:22 PM on August 10 [3 favorites]




There's also ground squirrels, but I've only seen those a couple of places around here.

Doesn't keep well. Much better to grind your own.
posted by flabdablet at 5:01 PM on August 10 [8 favorites]




Quirrel rhymes with beer-ul, but squirrel rhymes with whirl, girl and pearl. That’s just how it is, I didn’t make the rules.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:05 PM on August 10 [4 favorites]


seeing the squirrels because they don't have them over there

Well, there are squirrels in Japan, but they are comparatively rare. Mostly you'd have to go into the woods / rural areas.

Big difference from US/Europe where they are everywhere in urban/suburban/rural areas.
posted by thefoxgod at 6:45 PM on August 10


Metafilter: Pretty cute. Generally harmless.
posted by lhauser at 7:07 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]


When I was in junior high (1970 or so) my dad trapped a ground squirrel. I honestly think he had no idea what he was getting into. First, since we were in a national forest, it was illegal. Second, it could have been rabid (it wasn’t).

The squirrel lived with us until I was well into college. It hibernated every year and eventually tolerated being petted.
posted by lhauser at 7:14 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


I love that the baby squirrel promptly fell asleep after its reign of terror.

I had a teacher named Mr. Eichhorn...now I know that his name meant Mr. Squirrel in German! (Apparently Eichhörnchen is the more common diminutive.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:48 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]


"Wait a moment, that is wrong? Are you saying squirrel rhymes with whirl? *Insert mind blown gif* (yes, I am German)"

There is a whole subgenre on YouTube of Germans attempting to say "squirrel." It's quite the shibboleth!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:54 PM on August 10 [3 favorites]


There is a whole subgenre on YouTube of Germans attempting to say "squirrel." It's quite the shibboleth!

I tried to show this to my German wife and she objected on the reasonable grounds that there doesn't appear to be another set of videos of anglophones attempting to say "eichhörnchen".
posted by saturday_morning at 3:38 AM on August 11 [1 favorite]


Wait a moment, that is wrong? Are you saying squirrel rhymes with whirl? *Insert mind blown gif* (yes, I am German)

I’m from West Virginia originally. In my little area, Squirrel has two syllables. It’s only pronounced “sqwirl” when preceded by “dam”. YMMV

I have raised baby squirrels back when I did wild animal rehab. I should have realized that a harp, made from trees, with those enticing holes in the back, really reads as a tree to some instinct in baby squirrels.

They were fun and wonderful and scratched up my arms with their tiny claws. However, I removed my hands from the equation as soon as they were old enough to self-feed from a dish (and made them forage the cage as soon as I was sure they could handle it) and stopped interacting with them as soon as possible. They needed to socialize with each other, not a human. Because wild animals who associate people with food are in danger from both well-meaning folks and the evil minded.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 3:56 AM on August 11 [1 favorite]




Canadians trying to say Eichhörnchen

My wife is now satisfied, thank you
posted by saturday_morning at 9:19 AM on August 11 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: My wife is now satisfied, thank you.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 11:06 AM on August 11 [2 favorites]


i too like to break into houses and scream for food and then fall asleep moments later
posted by poffin boffin


Yeah, that behavior is why I gave up dating drummers.

Also, as I type this, Far Squirrel, pronounced sqwirl round these parts, is sitting in my front garden bird feeder, happily picking out corn and sunflower seeds.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 12:12 PM on August 11 [3 favorites]


I once shared a wholesome story about a squirrel.

That story aside, I actually hate squirrels in my urbanish suburban neighborhood. Ever since that time that I caught one running back and forth over my garage roof playing peek-a-boo with my dogs, which wasn't so much cute as it was an obvious deliberate attempt to drive them into a frenzy. Eff squirrels.
posted by vignettist at 3:32 PM on August 11


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