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The flags you mention are all fair things to flag, but also maybe as if your level of concern is a bit catastrophe driven? Like, you WILL for sure get hurt in romance, so that's not really worth worrying about, and, like, if someone travels more than you want, that might only be a problem for a few weeks out of the year, for a couple years- careers change- so that alone might not be a sound reason ... a breakup, you know? Like not all these things have to feel catastrophic- some could just be pet peeve ...
posted to Ask MeFi by nouvelle-personne at 9:59 AM on June 13, 2024

To answer the specific question, I've been reading psychology articles lately and one of the reasons breakups can be so hard is that they really mess with our self-identity (how we view ourselves) and how we represent ourselves to others. Breakups make us lose track of who we are as people, and most people hate feeling confused in that way. This psypost article explains how that can often lead ... with their partner even if it was a really bad relationship. I think the desire for a "bad breakup" (which seems pretty common) instead of a ...
posted to Ask MeFi by JZig at 11:43 PM on April 27, 2024

I hear you that you're worried that a "break" is a pre-breakup. That's not necessarily the case. At all. Clarify that you both plan for the break to be shortish and finite, and that you won't see or date or consider other people -- you're still in your relationship. This would just be a breathing space so he doesn't have to worry about you for a little while and can just focus on ...
posted to Ask MeFi by amtho at 12:10 PM on January 24, 2023

You've found this level of incompatibility after four months? Four months in is supposed to be rainbows-and-unicorns time. I don't think you will long regret a breakup. I believe there is someone more compatible out there for you.
posted to Ask MeFi by humbug at 9:42 AM on December 21, 2022

I'm sorry you are faced with such a difficult decision and an emotionally gut-wrenching action you need to take. I have been there, as have many. It's easier in some ways when you can vilify your partner and have the clarity that brings; when you love them and it just doesn't feel right... that's really hard. What can the heart tolerate? The pain of the breakup will be immense-- your heart will ...
posted to Ask MeFi by MyBeautifulThrowaway at 11:47 AM on November 28, 2022

People have covered telling your partner not to joke about this, but I wonder, have you told your partner yet how upset you are over this? If not, or even if you've only told him some half-truth about how you're feeling, step one (assuming he is someone you feel safe with) is to let him know how this is impacting you - even if in the process you end up sobbing. You should also feel okay about ... who are fine with the idea of adoption. Such men exist, so even if you and your current boyfriend breakup at some point, there will be other men out ...
posted to Ask MeFi by coffeecat at 8:18 AM on February 18, 2022

put on some David Byrne and wash this foul taste out! Maybe until you pick up Chris Frantz's memoire, "Remain In Love", wherein Frantz relates that the last straw in the band's breakup was Byrne's racist rants against aboriginals in Australia, and (having traveled all the way there) Bryne refused to go on for barefoot savages.
posted to MeFi by StickyCarpet at 7:28 AM on November 15, 2021

In line with the advice to not date until your divorce is finalized While I generally agree with this, I do think there are some cases where a divorce is only the last paperwork step of a relationship that had been not-present for a while. Only you know if this is your situation or not. I'm a 50's woman who met my current partner when I was in my late 30s and he was still finalizing some steps ... having a kid. Some people feel really strongly about this kind of thing, some do not. - if your breakup was not amicable (for either of you) and you ...
posted to Ask MeFi by jessamyn at 10:45 AM on August 22, 2021

I did a whole Metatalk post on how I thought it would be good to be less judgmental towards people not adhering closely to COVID precautions, how we were all trying to do something very hard for a very long period without much support, how we should adopt a harm reduction model. This is not that. This is just purely selfish, calculating behavior from middle-aged adults in comfortable ... the chips are down, and it's not good. I don't know if this requires some kind of dramatic friend-breakup, but I do know I wouldn't trust or respect ...
posted to Ask MeFi by praemunire at 10:31 PM on March 14, 2021

One low-key project is to go out and walk around the neighborhood after dark and take photos of all the neighbors' Christmas lights. Yes they'll be blurry unless you have a fancy phone but that just makes them artsy. You can post them to social media if you like. It can also be a kind of record of this weird, weird time you're living through. This place you are in is temporary. It's a ... you're going to live. Be kind to yourself, the way you would be to a friend that just had a breakup and is having a shitty holiday. ...
posted to Ask MeFi by emjaybee at 8:45 PM on December 22, 2020

I've been seeing an ACT therapist for about a year and a half. A big part of my motivation for starting to see him was that, in a time of many major life upheavals, I would periodically "lock up." I don't want to call these lock-ups "breakdowns," because I think that word is outdated and ambiguous, but that's how I'd describe them at the time. Using the language I've learned in ... that this is what I was doing for/with other people. When my friend came over after a horrible breakup and I let him push his face into my shoulder ...
posted to Ask MeFi by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 12:36 PM on August 4, 2020

I want to start dating again and have no prospects and also this is way more complicated than normal because of coronavirus. My now-ex broke up with me the same week the lockdowns started in March, and I figured that was it, I’d be alone forever. Maybe 3 weeks ago I was feeling lonely and the breakup had kinda receded in my thoughts and I made a profile on Tinder. Yes, Tinder. It’s ...
posted to MetaTalk by rue72 at 7:47 PM on July 10, 2020

I'm okay-ish. Still lucky to be employed and receiving regular pay, to live in a nice house with plenty of indoor and outdoor space and a person who loves me lots of access to nature during quarantine, not to have been ill myself or to have known anyone I'm really close with who's had it, not to have lost anyone from it, to have the joy of riding my bike a lot. Most of what's keeping me ... the change while feeling more than moderately annoyed about it. A friend who went through a breakup right before lockdown said something along the ...
posted to MetaTalk by terretu at 3:59 AM on May 20, 2020

I am giving a lot of allowances to my ex. Our relationship merited a slow, thoughtful breakup which rapidly became somewhat impossible given the global situation. In normal times we probably would have gone to counseling to, you know, mediate stuff -- there would have been ways to meet for coffee on neutral ground to talk logistics, cry over beers with our friends, look for new apartments and ...
posted to MetaTalk by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:38 AM on May 12, 2020

At age 31, I quit my job after having saved up for travel for the previous year. I was feeling stuck after being in a post-breakup period and getting nowhere with online dating. I felt like I was stuck and needed a major change of everything. So off I went, first doing a year of overseas work and travel through New Zealand. That led to another 6 month stint of solo backpacking through India. ...
posted to Ask MeFi by exquisite_deluxe at 12:40 PM on January 18, 2020

I'm sorry you're going through this. We can't know what happened for her, but in general I have found it helpful to remember a few things about breakups like this. 1. It was out of the blue for you because you didn't fantasize about breaking up when things were difficult. It might not have been out of the blue for her. 2. It was out of the blue for you because she didn't communicate what was ... here) that she doesn't or can't communicate as openly as you seem to need in a partner. This breakup will be really painful but when you're ready to ...
posted to Ask MeFi by nantucket at 6:26 AM on January 11, 2020

I think - and I thought this regarding your earlier questions, too - that overcomplicating both his and your motivations is a defensive tool, employed when the simple truth is too painful to deal with and needs to be covered over. defending yourself is good, and this is an effective strategy. but you can't let yourself go so far into it that you forget it isn't really the point or necessarily ... rule. What you are not seeing, in your analyses of what he said and what he meant, is that his breakup lines were not arguments and not exploratory ...
posted to Ask MeFi by queenofbithynia at 4:50 PM on September 23, 2019

The easy answer would be gender, but now after some years i'm picking it back up and figuring out what to do with it. I think my real answer would be I've been letting go of the unrealistic ideas of me and people around me of what a smart person is over the last eight years. I think a lot has just been growing up and getting real-world experience over being a teenager with teenage thoughts. But ... that have very real effects on me. My ex revealing (casually, with good intentions) after the breakup that, after four years, he didn't believe me ...
posted to MetaTalk by gaybobbie at 8:38 AM on August 23, 2019

Your obsessive thoughts about this make it sound like you're a victim of "toxic monogamy" culture, which supports very strict ideas of how romantic relationships should be and severe punishments for transgressions. The important thing to consider is how you are building and supporting your relationship with your partner, in whatever way you two want it to look. Beating yourself up (and ... a breakup to punish yourself??) is absolutely not doing that. (Changing how you engage with your other ...
posted to Ask MeFi by metasarah at 9:42 AM on June 1, 2019

I agree with sallybrown. If you don't want to act now, I'd probably pass the message via your friend not directly. You want your first direct contact with her to be about wanting to see her, not about NOT wanting to see her (yet). Also, I'd keep it light in how you explain it to your friend. That it's your personal preference to get things squared away first. Mrs. Six cheated and that, plus ... divorce to be final is unnecessary. Some people view divorce papers as just paperwork and view the breakup talk or the moving out as the End of the ...
posted to Ask MeFi by salvia at 4:48 PM on April 20, 2019