MetaFilter

"While you were gone I had a chance to think about where this might be headed..." I was once on the receiving end of a similar "just not that into you" one-sided breakup, and to this day I still say it was the best breakup I ever had. The guy handled it nobly and masterfully and he should give lessons in how to do it. He emphasized a few points which helped it go down ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Miko at 1:02 PM on April 14, 2008

Can I get over my ex while still retaining hope that we might get back together someday? Not really. On the other hand, you can move on. When I've been through really sad breakups where we both still cared about each other but just couldn't usefully make a relationship work, I've always had a sort of long view and a short view. The long view was something like "Well maybe the world will ... my approach works for most people but in many cases, I've dealt with the short term pain of a breakup by saying [to my ex, or just to myself] ...
posted to Ask MeFi by jessamyn at 9:59 PM on January 29, 2008

I've often said that a broken heart is like any broken bone: STAY OFF IT. If you put additional pressure on it, it will get worse, and the chances of it healing completely decrease significantly. It's pretty much a certainty that you will have to get over it. You can do it now, or you can do it in five months -- after sinking into an even deeper funk thinking about her for weeks on end, or ... friendship, etc. I've been there, and the end result can be far more damaging than the initial breakup. The sooner you make this break, the better ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Metroid Baby at 9:40 PM on January 29, 2008

MC and Scody - I totally agree with what you're saying, and agree that as a rule, a period of no contact is a good thing. One definitely has to get out of the habit to talking on the phone, emailing all the time, hanging out, depending on that person for everyday emotional support, etc.. I'm just disagreeing with the idea (not from you, specifically, but the general advice on the thread and on ... that there has to be no contact for however long it takes to be completely and 100% over the breakup. I agree that you can't call your ex every time ...
posted to Ask MeFi by moxiedoll at 7:02 PM on January 21, 2008

seconding moxiedoll. "no contact" is dumb. i've been booted out the door, romance-wise, by some of america's most gracious women, but i have never had an acrimonious breakup, the wrecks of relationships past are still my closest friends today. i still get to visit them, take them out to dinner, get to meet their grandkids, and help them out when they need it, i just sleep on the couch ...
posted to Ask MeFi by bruce at 5:47 PM on January 21, 2008

Love him as much as you can now and live one day at a time until you cheat on him or he cheats on you or something horrible happens because you're young. Then have a terrible breakup. Then go away to school. Have several relationships there. Then go to graduate school. Meet someone there, date for a while and marry him but--this is important--do not have any kids. Enter the profession the two of ...
posted to Ask MeFi by The Bellman at 8:50 PM on January 15, 2008

Would you feel the same way if it had been a boyfriend who was called on to help, and a woman stranded, or are you agreeing that sometimes it's different when a woman is asked for this kind of assistance? Here's another way to put the question: How would you feel about a woman who was in this situation, with a cellphone and a bunch of friends she could call for help, but who told her boyfriend, ... an otherwise good relationship, it calls for serious thinking and conversation, not an immediate breakup. ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Salamandrous at 12:09 PM on December 15, 2007

My personal opinion is that having kids should be limited to those who 1) want them, 2) can afford them (realistically) and 3) can raise them without screwing them up. "Biological imperative" is no reason for a man to have kids, as far as I'm concerned. I admit that many women are wired to desire actual childbirth, and we face the additional pressure of not having nearly as much ... . Maybe if I did know you, I'd find you the most charming couple ever and lament any talk of a breakup! But I'd still stand by this assessment: if ...
posted to Ask MeFi by Dee Xtrovert at 10:53 PM on November 11, 2007

This situation is exactly what it seems like: you are ill matched, he is way overly emotionally attached. You will never satisfy what he wants emotionally and you will never stop being annoyed by him. He thinks his happenstance college boyfriend of four months just happens to be The * Love * Of * His * Life * and you seem to be mainly in it for the sex (I only say this because it is the only ... the drama just... a little... more...). But no advice and no force on earth will prevent this breakup from being unpleasant. Most are. And the ...
posted to Ask MeFi by nanojath at 11:37 PM on March 9, 2007

Having re-read the thread several times and given myself time to calm down (I was having a bad day before I even started reading this thread, so you can imagine what the thread itself did), I'd like to say something from the perspective of someone currently diagnosed with several personality disorders, including borderline*. I was diagnosed as such two years ago, and have been in therapy for six ... into a panic. If you want to leave her, then tell her so as soon as possible. She will feel the breakup as the most painful thing that has or will ...
posted to Ask MeFi by talitha_kumi at 9:25 AM on February 27, 2007

I don't think it's a coincidence that you fell in love right before the big change to your wife's career and the move to the "dream city." I'm guessing that subconsciously you chose to fall in love because it's a way out of a "dream" that deep down you know isn't your dream anymore. So it seems that you want to leave, but you feel guilty because of the depression, so you ... the positive things that are happening for her right now may make her better able to deal with the breakup of her marriage. Perhaps she can make a ...
posted to Ask MeFi by hazyjane at 12:29 AM on November 9, 2006

Please don't move to NZ before you have your shit together as a couple. We're really nice and speak English and stuff, but we're also a foreign country. You will have unexpected difficulties, little things will throw you right off, and you will have all sorts of issues to cope with from the practical (immigration, accomodation, employment) to the intangible (culture shock, homesickness, making new ... monkey sex, swift cohabitation, followed by depression, disappearance of hot monkey sex, angst, breakup and getting back together) but we have now had ...
posted to Ask MeFi by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:19 PM on February 4, 2006