MetaFilter

My daughter is a voracious reader, at 13. I’ve always made reading a part of our winding-down routine at night. I read to her until she was a comfortable enough reader that I was “too slow”, and now we read at opposite ends of the couch. I think modeling this behavior is important, plus taking her to the library at least weekly and letting her pick out whatever she wants. She definitely went through a phase of reading books that I deemed “beneath her”, but hey at least she was reading. She got... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sacrifix at 8:37 PM on May 5, 2024

I have the perfect book for her! Raising Kids beyond the Binary: Celebrating God’s Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children was written in an educational, Christian vernacular and is easily accessible. My Christian Dad read it and it really resonated with him.

Disclosure: We know the Bruesehoff family through the state church body and I was on the street team for this book prior to its release.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:21 AM on April 29, 2024 marked best answer

I don't have any better advice than what has been shared in multiple posts above with respect to your relationship.
My only question/suggestion would be to ask how you are connected to the groups that you share your stance on the war in Gaza. Are you connected with any activist groups or and groups working on providing humanitarian aid? There is an incredible about of "ambient grief" right now -- and people feeling particularly powerless. I work on a college campus and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pantarei70 at 5:51 PM on April 26, 2024

I'm also very surprised that so many folks here seem to think that this is an unusual response to have to a partner supporting the intentional starvation of civilians. I don't think there would be this much confusion (or so much grace being granted to the partner) if he outed himself as a Trump supporter or a transphobe--and to me and many, many other people, this is a position that I find equally if not more vile and unconscionable and it seems that the OP does as well. My sense is that many... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lizard2590 at 1:13 PM on April 26, 2024

The entire world also tells young people that their lives don’t matter and, as a general rule, people in their 60’s have more power than kids.

I was a lifeguard for many years and had versions of this scenario play out several times. Always an older woman complaining that young people are annoying them. I completely side with you: there is no right to not get wet while you’re already almost completely wet. I know many won’t agree with that but I still feel that way 30+... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by scantee at 10:00 AM on April 15, 2024

Date told me that when he calls Fido and Fido does not come right away, he punishes Fido by hitting him.

It sounds like you broke up with Date? That was the right call.

I don't want to psychologize Date too intensely from afar, but it sounds like he is one of those guys who mistakes his dog for his masculinity; he won't have it constrained externally, because that would somehow make him less Manly, but he also wants... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 2:32 PM on March 12, 2024

I think it's easy to get wrapped up in the aspects relating to the dog/gogs in general, but really, I think this experience helped you (correctly) ID out this guy as the kind of person who thinks rules meant for everyone can be rewritten as suits an exceptional person such as himself, but nevertheless also has rules for everyone else. Those guys kind of suck, and if I'm reading you right that you broke it off, I think you did yourself a solid.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DirtyOldTown at 2:32 PM on March 12, 2024

"Protest votes" are meaningless. Write a letter to your elected representatives instead (that way they'll actually know which issue you're protesting).

Just wanted to chime in that this is unequivocally false--at least from the perspective of actual political strategists. See this article about the wildly successful 'uncommitted' campaign in Michigan:

""We have led a movement that is far... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lizard2590 at 4:38 PM on February 29, 2024

The best way is to vote for Barbara Lee for Senate. And, since you have the luxury in CA, it is a low-risk signal to just not vote for Joe Biden in the primary and the general.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kensington314 at 4:11 PM on February 28, 2024

We use Asana, most people like it, it has a low learning curve, and it is free.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by anastasiav at 8:46 AM on February 1, 2024

I think you should trust your kid, and not do anything hasty. That teaches them that they can be trusted and that's vastly more important than any knee jerk restrictions will be beneficial.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Sebmojo at 3:36 PM on January 22, 2024

NPD also gets misdiagnosed as BPD, and is even more resistant to obtaining help.

Please don't stay for the kids. Even well-treated BPD can be incredibly damaging for them.

The best thing you can do to cope is to go into it with a willingness to try... but with the understanding that if she is not putting in even more effort than you are, that trying will not accomplish anything but harm.

It's not a failure on your part... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by stormyteal at 1:23 PM on December 27, 2023

I'm in the "yes you should tell him specifically what the common ones are" camp. A friend of mine ran around her college (!) campus using one all day long, because some jerk in lab taught it to her as a new vocabulary word, telling her that it meant something different. She cheerfully used it in conversation with me that evening, and I had to explain what she'd been actually saying all day long, and she was mortified.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Blue Jello Elf at 1:45 PM on November 24, 2023

A relative of mine was laid off while in the last stages of interviewing with another company. They were given a month’s severance so was on payroll. Never brought it up to the new company, new company never asked about it, they were hired and even negotiated salary. I don’t even think anyone knew they were laid off, just thought they found a new job. You’re especially in the early stages, I don’t think it’s necessary.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by inevitability at 12:46 PM on November 16, 2023

As English is a lawless wasteland of vocabulary and grammar, whether this sentence is "correct" or "incorrect" could be the subject of infinite debate with no consensus. This sentence is, however, awkward, and does not sound like the output of an entirely fluent speaker. chesty_a_arthur's and We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese's suggestions are both good alternatives.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Faint of Butt at 11:52 AM on November 16, 2023

I agree that you said yes when you shouldn't have, but you're allowed to change your mind. Email back with something like, "Sorry, all, I'm realizing I'm at my Scrabble limit! Gonna have to back out of this one. I wish you all a great game!"

In the future, in the moment, use something like, "Hmmm, I'll have to think about it," rather than agreeing to things you don't want to do.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lapis at 7:19 PM on November 5, 2023

Your spouse has very serious eating issues. They are almost certainly not issues that can be fixed and will most likely get worse. There is no victory end game here, and if there were, you wouldn't be the one winning the game, it would be the person who learned to perceive some patterns to manage his own condition, based on his ability to finally recognize cues that you never will be able to recognize because you inhabit a different body.

Right now... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Jane the Brown at 4:59 AM on October 31, 2023 marked best answer

In my opinion the really dangerous part is when kids like this are exposed to something that strongly challenges their parents liberal beliefs, and then decide that everything their parents believe must be completely wrong. In my online experience a smart young man on the spectrum who realizes their parents are wrong (correctly or not) about some aspects of liberal beliefs has a high chance of getting sucked into something like the right wing version of the "rationalist" community... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by JZig at 8:34 AM on October 2, 2023

I do this, unfortunately. Usually to my spouse. For me, it comes from growing up in a home environment with a hypercritical parent who severely punished accidents and mistakes. I'm very physically clumsy (potentially dyspraxic, but no diagnosis or support as a kid because that would have spoiled my dad's deep need to portray an image of total perfection at all times) and so I got punished for this a lot as a kid.

I know it's unhelpful and useless even as I'm saying it,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by terretu at 8:56 AM on September 8, 2023 marked best answer

Honestly, fuck her.

1. You should never side with management over your coworkers.
2. It's perfectly fine to talk badly about management.
3. Don't do this on company-run communication methods.
4. Her reaction is completely bizarre and does not reflect on you at all.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rhymedirective at 11:11 AM on June 18, 2023

The best way to keep your 'out clothes' looking nice is to buy some 'home clothes', which you wear to cook, clean, whatever at home. Actual hard labor is another set of clothes, which you expect to stain, so either pay for like Duluth or Carhartt quality or buy them really cheap.


Change into your 'out clothes' when you leave the house, and demote your out clothes to 'home clothes' when they are too dirty for public presentation. And you can wear your 'home... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by The_Vegetables at 8:16 AM on June 6, 2023 marked best answer

B doesn't volunteer information that seems logical to A to volunteer, because it's information that seems logical to B to infer.

The most important thing here is just to make peace with the fact that logic has nothing to do with any of this. There can't be any progress until you manage to discard logic as a potential tool for adressing this particular issue. You're going to need an entirely different toolbox.

And probably also accept that... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sohalt at 12:48 PM on June 3, 2023

If honking caused accidents, every car in Massachusetts would be totaled.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kevinbelt at 9:33 AM on May 8, 2023

Update. Joe is not trustworthy, confirmed. He has thrown Max under the bus. Max will be laid off. It turns out that my “win” was not a win at all. I suspect it was carefully orchestrated by the director and Joe to get Max to do the grunt work of transferring knowledge to the team eventually owning his thing. For anyone reading this, never trust anyone, especially leaders.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by redlines at 8:27 AM on March 18, 2023

I don't know whether you were emotionally abusive or not. But I can see how you might come across as manipulative.

In this post you are ostensibly concerned about whether or not you were emotionally abusive, but you are quite vague about your behavior.

- You say you cry uncontrollably sometimes? But you never say what makes you cry uncontrollably. There's a big difference between crying uncontrollably because you were... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by MiraK at 10:52 PM on February 18, 2023

Look, this is how people often are - especially if they didn't come up with really good role models - until they learn to do better. You are describing a whole lot of peoples' 20s here.

You were in a mediocre relationship, and neither of you were bringing your best selves. It doesn't sound like either of you were particularly weaponizing your issues for great gain, you were just both messy at each other.

You are not a monster. If you were a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Lyn Never at 4:58 PM on February 18, 2023

Was it Lives of the Monster Dogs?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Countess Elena at 7:39 AM on February 19, 2023 marked best answer

I took piano. Parents said I had to take piano for seven years. I hated it. After my seven years were up I never touched it again. I love classical music and attend the symphony regularly. To this day the sound of a solo piano sets my teeth on edge.

I took dance, a few different kinds. Parents said I had to take ballet for five years. I hated it. After my five years were up I never touched it again. To this day I don't enjoy dancing.

I played... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by phunniemee at 4:52 PM on February 1, 2023

If your child is doing fine academically and socially, teachers don't think he needs an evaluation, and you're seeing similar behaviors or worse with his peers, then

(1) He's 9. Let him do his own homework.

(2) He's 9. He should grow out of it, most people do, and for the ones who don't, contrariness followed by regret isn't something that can be medicated away.

(3) He's 9. Let him do his own homework. It's possible that... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by betweenthebars at 4:26 PM on December 22, 2022

Not to minimize your concerns, but there are issues everywhere.

Veteran teacher here, and what you're describing is completely normal behavior for a post-pandemic child.

The most basic way to frame this is that kids are now very, very different than kids before the pandemic, and the school system is nowhere near figuring out where they are and what they need. To some extent, all kids are living with some level of trauma, and what you're seeing... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by yes I said yes I will Yes at 5:45 AM on December 22, 2022

If a black hole is surrounded by gas, and black hole is consuming stuff, it's probably creating sound-like energy waves.

But the kind of sound depends on the gas densities and circumstances. Here's another more recent example of sound being extracted from black hole observations. In that case the sound is far outside of the range of human hearing, but they've transposed it up.

Many celestial objects make noise. Our sun would be deafeningly loud... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mcbaya at 5:43 AM on October 25, 2022

In addition, Perjurer has posted a Twitter thread of producer's notes and Easter eggs and this really did go all feature film documentary, didn't it?
posted to MetaFilter by NoxAeternum at 9:17 PM on November 22, 2021

I just read The Absolute Book by New Zealand author Elizabeth Knox, it kinda fits a lot of your criteria. Unusual mashup of real world crime/mystery/conspiracy theories with diversions into an alternate world and Purgatory to hunt down a lost soul. Modern themes of capitalism, environmentalism, gender roles, etc. TBH I found the whole thing a bit of a mess, but it was one of those glorious messes where you can't help but admire the ambition of it all. There were a couple of mini-stories... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mannequito at 10:26 PM on July 14, 2021 marked best answer

Biden Concerned Ambitious Agenda Could Be Stalled By Him Not Really Caring If It Happens Or Not
posted to MetaFilter by bleep at 11:09 AM on October 30, 2021

I've been following this case for years. For me (and I am not alone here), this is a federal case run amok, unmoored from the usual protections that having a magistrate oversee your case is supposed to provide. Chevron drowned Donziger in paper. They demanded access to records and communications that most judges wouldn't ever consider. And the district judge in this case basically announced from the get-go that Chevron would enjoy every advantage and that Donziger would get no leeway. None.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by 1adam12 at 4:53 PM on October 30, 2021

As a disabled person (which your wife is), it was revelatory to me when someone stopped reassuring me that I wasn’t being inconvenient and instead said “it’s ok to be a pain in the ass. You are allowed.”

Honestly, a lot of people minimize and somewhat gaslight disabled people’s concerns about the impact on other people. It comes from a good place, but it is seriously crazy making to KNOW you are being an annoyance or causing disruption and have people reassure you that... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Bottlecap at 12:26 PM on October 21, 2021 marked best answer

I agree with the encouragement to seek counseling together. Respectfully, you're expressing expectations about appropriate reactions and drawing uncertain conclusions from how those reactions make you feel. It's a well-trod path, this situation that sees peoples' expectations quietly leading to frustrations. If you think your partner doesn't care if you live or die, but you're not confident in your interpretation of the situation, it may be worth clearing that up with the help of a professional... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 5:24 AM on September 27, 2021

This reminds me of my disillusionment with Found and Post Secret - I loved the first few but before long the "found" and "anonymous" letters and lists and items started becoming suspiciously poignant or well-written, almost as if a creative writing student was using the platform as a prompt. Unless there's some compelling reason to think otherwise, I've always considered all anonymous correspondence on the internet to be, if not... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by BlackLeotardFront at 1:34 PM on September 13, 2021

Hired Gun
SoulTrain: The Hippest Trip in America
The History of Funk
The Joy of Abba
NY77: The Coolest Year in Hell
Public Enemy: Prophets of Rage
Waylon Jennings: My Heroes Have Always Benn Cowboys
Planet Rock: The Story of Hip-Hop and the Crack... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:18 PM on March 9, 2021

For anyone who reads this posting later, I wanted to mention that I found a big list of podcasts for kids at Kids Listen. If you click on FIND PODCASTS, you can get a breakdown by age. Very useful.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Dansaman at 10:16 PM on September 13, 2019

It sounds like her fear, which I believe is genuinely felt by her (I'm not commenting on its validity), is the root of a lot of this. How do we deal with that fear?

Depends on which fear?

Like, her "fear" of male violence is not only baseless in this context but it's also fake - pure performance. If she was terrified of empowering violent men, she would not be working with Johnny Depp, let alone speaking in his... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by MiraK at 5:10 PM on June 11, 2020

[One comment removed. Transphobia isn't an "equally valid" opinion and if you feel otherwise you should get off MetaFilter and never come back.]
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 1:03 PM on June 11, 2020

Movement to defund police gains 'unprecedented' support across US (Guardian)

Government officials have long dismissed the idea as a leftist fantasy, but the recent unrest and massive budget shortfalls from the Covid-19 crisis appear to have inspired more mainstream recognition of the central arguments behind defunding. “To see legislators who aren’t even necessarily on the left supporting at least a significant decrease in New York police department [NYPD] funding is... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by katra at 11:57 AM on June 4, 2020

Lean on Me on the streets in DC.

Music and song is power.

Chanting is marching.

Dance is unity and strength.

STAY THE FUCK UP AND STRONG.
posted to MetaFilter by loquacious at 11:27 PM on June 3, 2020

Something beautiful and positive. Chills. Crying.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday Live in Washington, DC

0 views, I just found this in a random thread on reddit. People marching and singing.
posted to MetaFilter by loquacious at 10:12 PM on June 3, 2020

As I posted earlier, please do not think more leadership is what we need

THANK YOU

I am so fucking tired of this call for more leadership. It is so pervasive. I am not singling out Biden here, just the most recent example, but I tried to start watching some speech or ad by him recently and the first line was something like

"America is crying out for leadership"

and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by lazaruslong at 3:50 PM on June 3, 2020

On Unicorn Riot: The Tiny Media Collective That Is Delivering Some of the Most Vital Reporting from Minneapolis (The New Yorker)
Unicorn Riot—its members claim they chose the cryptic name for its pure euphony—does reporting across the country, but it was founded in a particular powder keg. “Minneapolis has a very contentious past with the police,” Niko Georgiades told me. A citizen of the city, Georgiades and six colleagues founded the horizontally organized group in March of 2015.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Ahmad Khani at 2:34 PM on June 3, 2020

An excellent thread by Boots Riley on how closely connected capitalism is to racism:

Because the source of the crime isn’t in the Black communities other POC communities, or even White working class communities- the source of the crime is on 5th ave, in Bel Air, and silicon valley.

But, since the racist ideas about Black people and other POC- as I laid out above- are necessitated by capitalism, the job of the police in the Black community is... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Ouverture at 11:55 AM on June 3, 2020

But a Republican congressional staffer and combat veteran, who asked for anonymity to speak freely, said the damage may already be done. Esper and Milley “have squandered the moral legitimacy of a nearly 245-year-old institution in a single farcical late spring promenade,” the staffer said. “They have no honor and to hell with them both."

It's telling that the American military's moral legitimacy had been preserved during centuries of war crimes... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Ouverture at 10:39 AM on June 3, 2020

This is the breaking story about a police shooting in Brooklyn. and this is the video on twitter that purports to show it. Information is sparse but there is official confirmation of an officer involved shooting and one death.
posted to MetaFilter by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:16 PM on June 2, 2020