Can't wait for the sequel: 702 Gouldman Lane: Electric Boogaloo

September 25, 2023 8:39 PM

701 Gouldman Lane: The Movie
posted by jacquilynne (18 comments total)

That's upsetting, but upsetting in the sort of way where I want to read the oral history of it
posted by wotsac at 9:04 PM on September 25, 2023

production values on real estate ads must be going up along with real estate prices?
posted by yinchiao at 9:54 PM on September 25, 2023

I only watched the first 15 seconds because my day in downtown PDX has been dystopian enough, but is the robot valet/assassin included?
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 10:09 PM on September 25, 2023

Who the hell wears sunglasses indoors?
posted by boilermonster at 10:22 PM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Who the hell wears sunglasses indoors?

a) people who are sensitive to fluorescent lighting

b) people who are sensitive to bright indoor lighting

c) people who are sensitive to sun coming in through the windows

d) those of us who get migraines
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 10:32 PM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

sunglasses indoors?

There is a species I've heard about which is preoccupied with "looking cool", and in fact which confuses that with "being happy". Apparently I should stay away from certain architectural styles if I wish to avoid them.
posted by amtho at 11:15 PM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]

Who the hell wears sunglasses indoors?

I do

So I can, so I can
Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
So I can, so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes
posted by chavenet at 1:17 AM on September 26, 2023 [12 favorites]

That was the worst real estate add I've seen in life. Kill it with fire.
posted by talking leaf at 3:31 AM on September 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

production values on real estate ads must be going up along with real estate prices?

One of the more interesting things about this property is that the price has just been stuck in the 3.8-4.5M range since its first sale with a house on it. It dropped in to the 2M range in 2012, but it's mostly just been stuck, through an era of rapidly climbing prices.
posted by wotsac at 6:38 AM on September 26, 2023

It's such a weird juxtaposition of the spy/bling thing (enough YSL shots in the start to convey "ohh, we're all rich here") and yet the house is so soulessly spec house with enough cheap and soon to be hopelessly dated fittings that I can't help but laugh.

This house is absolutely perfect for someone who is insufferably suburb rich and wants to flaunt it to people who'll judge them for not being rich enough.
posted by drewbage1847 at 7:49 AM on September 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

I have a feeling YSL's legal team would have some thoughts about this if they became aware of it.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:24 AM on September 26, 2023

I liked the music, so there's that. (They list the artist but not the song in the credits.)
posted by gentlyepigrams at 10:31 AM on September 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

In case anyone else doesn't want to waste 9+ minutes watching a real estate ad for a luxury home:

IT'S A REAL ESTATE AD FOR A LUXURY HOME.
posted by mikeand1 at 11:11 AM on September 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

The aspiration: a group of high level operators battle for a secret

The accessories: overconfident, flashy lieutenants in an up and coming mob get together in a vacant villa to plan a heist. It is doomed by their hubris to go catastrophically wrong.

The clothes: low level mob hangers on- muscle, arm candy, servants, hanging out while their grey bosses negotiate a deal entirely off screen

The vibe: very middle class DC fantasy role play sex party weekend. The hired facilitators lead the very uncomfortable group in an ice breaker game
posted by wotsac at 2:14 PM on September 26, 2023

I thought that was a really neat short film! Told through no dialogue, a compelling soundtrack (that sounded a lot like Radiohead, and I want to hear more), and a pretty nifty narrative involving Salsa(?), intrigue, and pretty darn slick shots and editing. I had no idea it was for a house listing, and that's a pretty dumb premise to make a 10 minute movie. My first thought was questioning whether it was AI... didn't check the info until the end to see that it was real people.

All that said, the house was boring, you could buy any of that from any mass-produced seller, and it's just about as bland as anything in suburbia. House buying should be exciting for other reasons! Like making it your own! And smashing down walls.
posted by Snowishberlin at 3:45 PM on September 26, 2023

Whew, right up until the end, I was really worried the front door didn't open all the way.
The song is Gaz Coombe's Walk the Walk, off 2018's World’s Strongest Man.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:22 PM on September 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Can someone who knows more about filmmaking tell me why this looks so bad? Even leaving aside the janky low-framerate drone shots, the whole thing is just really flat and artificial looking. (I'm an audio guy; to me, it's the equivalent of a badly-mixed song where everything is either too up-front or sort of muffled and there's no intent to the decisions.)

Is it the lighting? The color grading? Something else? Whatever it is, it makes it look like what it is, which is a low-budget local commercial.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:34 AM on September 29, 2023

The song is Gaz Coombe's Walk the Walk, off 2018's World’s Strongest Man.

Thank you! I need to investigate Coombe further.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 5:16 PM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]