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The Dark Cloud hanging over most Super Bowls
February 5, 2011 5:00 AM   Subscribe

Not too excited about the upcoming Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl halftime show? Take heart, it probably won't be the worst one ever.
posted by Midnight Rambler (75 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
"...no, white people can't replace Run DMC."

"...it's an awful mess of whiteness, because nothing celebrates African-American music and tradition like 100 white people dancing off-beat."

"...here are the top 5 worst (we're reserving a spot in next year's list for the Black Eyed Peas, who are set to play Sunday's halftime show)"

Hmmm... considering that 3 of the 4 members of Black Eyed Peas are black, but Rolling Stone is clearly not expecting great things from them, and one is white, and we know that ain't gonna be any good... I'm thinking the only way out of this mess is an all-Chinese halftime show.

hey, 20 people on one bicycle is impressive as hell, no doubt about it
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:12 AM on February 5, 2011


For some reason I feel like I should apologize for my generation although I know I am in no way a spokesperson for that generation. But back when I was about 16 and wearing a denim jacket, Aerosmith was pretty fucking cool. I don't know who those guys with "N Sync were.
posted by marxchivist at 5:17 AM on February 5, 2011


That's one lazy article - how the hell do you leave off last year's sad, sad performance by Rodger Daltrey and that pedophile who call themselves the Who?
posted by item at 5:19 AM on February 5, 2011 [5 favorites]


And I wanna defend The Who, but I saw about 20 seconds of that thing last year and couldn't and I just couldn't watch it, and now I'm old and agreeing with item.....fuck.
posted by marxchivist at 5:21 AM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


My juh-juh-juh-juh-generation....
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:22 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I knew someone who claimed that her mother FORCED her to be in Up With People. At least... that is what she claimed. She did smile alot, though.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:32 AM on February 5, 2011


OMG, the Black Eyed Peas! Not... not... a band from this millennium! Nooooo!!!!!!
posted by fairmettle at 5:35 AM on February 5, 2011


Isn't being considered the best of the Super Bowl halftime shows a bit like being the least infected corpse in a zombie plague?
posted by Thorzdad at 5:36 AM on February 5, 2011 [12 favorites]


I have a friend who was in Up With People around five years ago and LOVED the experience. He got to see Asia and hook up with several of his fellow cute UWP boys. He didn't get to appear at the Super Bowl, which is too bad as I'm certain he and his troupe would've been vastly more entertaining than Rodger Daltrey and that pedophile and that Beatle's son who call themselves the Who.
posted by item at 5:41 AM on February 5, 2011


Up with people down with the Who.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:43 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Super Bowl halftime show is the Branson, Missouri of rock 'n' roll.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:48 AM on February 5, 2011 [13 favorites]




Plusses to the writer for recognizing when the new millennium started and for realizing that the word 'salute' applied to anything other than bringing one's hand to one's brow is doomed to failure. Has anyone anywhere ever seen a good performance that was labelled "A Musical Salute To" anything?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:35 AM on February 5, 2011


I'm just here to favourite every disparaging comment about "The" "Who"'s performance. I don't know if that was the worst halftime show, but it was definitely the most depressing.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:43 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Has anyone anywhere ever seen a good performance that was labelled "A Musical Salute To" anything?

Yes. And brevity's a plus.

I'm a geezer and I like the Black Eyed Peas fine. At least they're lively. I am so f'n tired of my generation forcing classic rock and more classic rock and rereleasing classic rock in new formats so we can hear even MORE classic rock and now the freaking MUZAK is classic rock and Jesus Christ, enough already with classic rock. Shut up with it already. I don't care if I never hear a song made before 1997 again my entire life. Roger Daltrey, you hoped you'd die before you got old but sadly you didn't. And you paraded your tired, lame ass in the SuperBowl to prove it. No more music from my g-g-generation. P-p-please.
posted by umberto at 6:54 AM on February 5, 2011 [14 favorites]


I'm totally with you umberto. I think many people would to well if there was an auto-delete feature in iTunes that killed everything older then 10 years every year. I'm over 40 and still even love listening to American Top 40. Just like when I was a teen, most of it is crap, but the rest can be quite good and it can be invigorating to see something new.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:00 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well, that was a mess.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:00 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ugh, the optimism in the year 2000 performance is just sad and somewhat hilarious. Nobody realized what a turd of a decade we were about to live through.
posted by TrialByMedia at 7:02 AM on February 5, 2011 [6 favorites]


Also, every once in a while, NFL films...generally during the course of some blooper show...will show a tiny clip from some late 60's-early 70's halftime show --I think Super Bowl-- that features floats tugging along girls dressed like giant footballs. And one of the girl/footballs has fallen down and is actually being dragged across the field by the float, but no one seems to notice. It's a brief clip, rarely shown, but I have always wanted to see more of it. What happens? Does she get dragged all the way across the field? Do other football/girls step on her? Does she lay, inert, throughout the remainder of the halftime festivities? Inquiring minds want to know, but that's a hard item to search for. Ring any bells?
posted by umberto at 7:03 AM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


I remember seeing just a few minutes of a halftime show with Kiss, and was treated to the mind-boggling sight of a whole bunch of cheerleaders doing a synchronized dance on the field while wearing black wigs and Gene Simmons makeup.



Also: the Who's halftime show was sufficiently lame enough as it was without also throwing in pedophilia accusations against Pete Townshend. Especially since he was exonerated.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:33 AM on February 5, 2011 [8 favorites]


Currently I am working on a music-related website, for which the designers have produced a bunch of Photoshop comps featuring representational pictures of artists, and for whatever reason the Black Eyed Peas are features prominently - so I stare at those fuckers every day now.
posted by Artw at 7:49 AM on February 5, 2011


Without the ability to use Autotune in realtime, there would be no such thing as a "live" Black Eyed Peas performance.
posted by tommasz at 7:56 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]




I hate you JenkinsEar.
Here I am ready to hate on these players for being super rich, one-dimensional, overpaid brats and you go and post an article like that.
Now I don't even know which team to root for.

If you'll all excuse me, I seem to have been knocked off my moral high-horse and it's wandered off, powered by my sense of smug self-satisfaction. I'd better go find it before the Oscars begin.
posted by bitteroldman at 8:03 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I can't name a single song from the Black Eyed Peas (I could google but I don't really care) but they've still got to be better than the sad parade of wrinkled boomer acts they've had for the last few years.

Well except for Bruce, he looked and sounded great.
posted by octothorpe at 8:06 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I also like Black Eyed Peas. I think it'll be a good show.
posted by empath at 8:06 AM on February 5, 2011


(in fact, watching it again, I think they should have just skipped the Superbowl after that and just let prince play for 3 hours every year.)
posted by empath at 8:09 AM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


Prince kicked (relative) ass. In high heeled boots. In the rain.
posted by gottabefunky at 8:22 AM on February 5, 2011 [6 favorites]


I'm not sure whether Bruce Springsteen's Crotch Assault was one of the best or worst halftime show moments.

Just can't decide.
posted by delfin at 8:24 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Glenn Close was in Up With People in the lean early days of her career.

Apparently, she does not like being asked about it.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:24 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Black Eyed Peas feature the laziest, most execrable songwriting in the music industry. It and the NFL deserve one another.
posted by 1adam12 at 8:27 AM on February 5, 2011


Honestly, I think that's bullshit. Will.I.Am is one of the best producers and song writers in music right now, and he's actually pretty innovative in terms of mixing genres up.
posted by empath at 8:34 AM on February 5, 2011


The most infuriating thing about the Black Eyed Peas is they used to be good, but they figured out that lazy crap like this combined with tons of marketing makes a lot more money.
posted by TrialByMedia at 8:40 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]



All these posts about halftime games and commercials and shit . . . do they still play football on Superbowl Sunday?
posted by jason's_planet at 8:45 AM on February 5, 2011


halftime shows, excuse me.
posted by jason's_planet at 8:45 AM on February 5, 2011


Boom Boom Pow wasn't lazy, it was an intentional throw-back to 90's Florida Breaks.

It's minimal, but it's not lazy. The kick drums in that track are phenomenal.
posted by empath at 8:46 AM on February 5, 2011


Honestly, I think that's bullshit. Will.I.Am is one of the best producers and song writers in music right now, and he's actually pretty innovative in terms of mixing genres up.

don't make me post the lyrics to My Humps. My personal rule is that the quality of any of their songs is inversely proportional to how much Fergie it features.
posted by Challahtronix at 8:50 AM on February 5, 2011 [5 favorites]


I'm not sure whether Bruce Springsteen's Crotch Assault was one of the best or worst halftime show moments.

Best.
posted by inigo2 at 9:01 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Audience participation halftime shows I'd like to see:

Glenn Branca halftime show (everyone gets a guitar)

John Zorn halftime show (everyone gets a sax mouthpiece; ducks get turned on for miles)

Genesis halftime show <1> (flower costumes & pancake makeup)

Genesis halftime show <2> (drum machines & naps)

John Cage halftime show (QUIET!)

Happy Mondays halftime show (maracas & choreographed skeleton dancing)

Tuvan throat singing halftime show (bet on the under, the over, and the overtones)

Steve Reich halftime show (a claptacular clapstravaganza)

Plastic Ono Band halftime show (primal scream therapy for everyone)

Insane Clown Posse halftime show (collected power of Faygo stream lifts stadium off ground; Juggalo apocalypse postpones second half of game)

Residents halftime show (100,000 giant eyeballs)
posted by mintcake! at 9:03 AM on February 5, 2011 [8 favorites]


don't make me post the lyrics to My Humps. My personal rule is that the quality of any of their songs is inversely proportional to how much Fergie it features.
posted by Challahtronix


I don't think you can be a Hollertronix fan and dis bad lyrics.
posted by empath at 9:06 AM on February 5, 2011


Honestly, I think that's bullshit. Will.I.Am is one of the best producers and song writers in music right now,

Would you sump a pump? My pumpy dumpy sump! Lump lump lump how you gonna get how you gonna get how you gonna get all that breast up in that shirt lump lump lump lump lump lump lump

I actually assumed for a long time that the Peas' first language was not English. Once I learned that I was wrong, I mean...fuck.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:11 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


By far the worth halftime show was this.
posted by kevinsp8 at 9:13 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Black Eyed peas thread detected, autopost unit engaged.
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:18 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I remember seeing just a few minutes of a halftime show with Kiss

I remember seeing KISS play before a Superbowl once, (like, hours before. In one of the time-kill slots) but never at the halftime show.

Good shoutout to Prince, though. That was way better than it had any right to be.
posted by Cyrano at 9:30 AM on February 5, 2011


Many years ago I watched the Michael Jackson Superbowl Half-time show. I thought it seemed pretty creepy at the time.
posted by ovvl at 9:54 AM on February 5, 2011


Fergie's finest moment.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:16 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Actually, in a number of interviews, the Black Eyed Peas expressed a fair bit of surprise that Boom Boom Pow became a chart-topper and radio hit; they thought it'd do OK in clubs and remixes, but didn't see it as one of the stand-out songs from the album.

And, speaking as a former DJ, that entire album is quite easy to work into just about any set. I'm not sure if that's intentional, or necessarily a good/bad thing, but it does seem to be one of the most successful genre crossovers I've encountered. A lot of people seem to label this as "generic," which I'd say is unfair to the band -- Fergie's easily one of the best female hip-hop vocalists performing today.

Also, even in spite of what I wrote above, the Black Eyed Peas are a far cry away from being one of my favorite artists. However, compared to every other halftime show I can remember, they're actually current and energetic.
posted by schmod at 10:26 AM on February 5, 2011


And, speaking as a former DJ, that entire album is quite easy to work into just about any set. I'm not sure if that's intentional, or necessarily a good/bad thing, but it does seem to be one of the most successful genre crossovers I've encountered.

Not accidental. Will.I.Am really got into house and electro and spent a bunch of time touring as an electro dj semi-anonymously. A friend of mine booked him at an underground club in LA and she was given strict orders not to say who he really was by his booking agency, but the cat got out of the bag pretty quickly.
posted by empath at 10:31 AM on February 5, 2011


The Black Eyed Peas are the arena rock of hip-hop: not a lot of content, but they're fun to wave your arms to. I'm sure they'll put on a decent performance, and their videos are decent (but not really my thing), but have you ever tried to sit through an entire album? It's dreadfully dull.
posted by Gilbert at 10:35 AM on February 5, 2011


You know, in all honesty, I'm pretty sure "My Humps" is a satire – or at least it was intended to be as silly as it sounds. It's not in the radio cut, but the full version has a minute and a half outro with soft piano music and only three word lyrics: "So real, so real, surreal," etc. Silly lyrics don't mean a bad songwriter.
posted by sonic meat machine at 10:46 AM on February 5, 2011


The Black Eyed Peas are the arena rock of hip-hop

Black Eyed Peas are the KLF of hip-hop. Discuss.
posted by empath at 10:59 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Justified Ancients of Boom Boom?
posted by Babblesort at 11:05 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'll believe that after they burn a giant pile of money.
posted by boo_radley at 11:07 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'll believe that after they burn a giant pile of money

That would be a great (and quite appropriate, really) halftime show.
posted by wildcrdj at 11:09 AM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'll believe that after they burn a giant pile of money

Done.
posted by empath at 11:18 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


empath: "Done. "

"We got all kindsa girl costumes! Sexy shipping clerk! Sexy Girl Scout! Sexy Retail Clerk! Sexy Aerobicist! Sexy SAMUSUNG PHONE SALESWOMAN! Sexy Cake Fetishist! So waddafug are you waitin for! Come on down to Girl's Costume Warehouse!"
posted by boo_radley at 11:26 AM on February 5, 2011


Eh. The Black-Eyed Peas were basically engineered specifically for the purpose of doing a forgettably adequate job at this. I'm not going to watch it, but I'm sure they'll be perfectly average.

As for the game,bitteroldman, I'd say cheer for the Packers. For one thing, they're the only municipally-owned major sports team in North America, which is kind of awesome, and for another thing, anyone who can cheer for Ben Roethlisberger is awful. So there's that.

Go Packers!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:35 AM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Fergie's finest moment.

That's the single weirdest thing I've seen in a long time. I mean, seriously, what the hell was that? I mean, the singing was fine I guess, but is she wearing a wig? And what's with the clowns? Broom swinging and lame yo-yo tricks?

They should make a halftime show out of that video. Heads would explode.
posted by axiom at 12:28 PM on February 5, 2011


, they're the only municipally-owned major sports team in North America, which is kind of awesome

They aren't owned by the city of Green Bay or anything. From my understanding they are owned by shareholders, like any other publicly held company.
posted by IvoShandor at 12:57 PM on February 5, 2011


OK then, Yay Green Bay! And Yay shareholders!

You know, I never liked that Alanis Morissette cover of My Humps - the first time I heard that, I said to myself, didn't Tori Amos already do this a few years back? And everyone was all like Oh Alanis, you are soooo witty and sharp for making fun of stupid Fergie and her stupid song and singing about your tween-aged angst. I think even Fergie sent her flowers or something (well that's what I read anyway).

And I never really understood the hate for that song. Sure, they're not the most eloquent lyrics or representative of high art or fine poetry, but there are far more popular songs that have far worse lyrics, in terms of their grammar, content and offensiveness!

So she's singing about her boobs and her butt and how she gets guys to buy her brand name materials becuase of them. What's worse, a song about that or a song about someone who thinks their life only has meaning when they're with their loved one?

Oh and sorry for the derail, but here's another song about butts, that didn't get so much hate.
posted by bitteroldman at 2:35 PM on February 5, 2011


They aren't owned by the city of Green Bay or anything. From my understanding they are owned by shareholders, like any other publicly held company.

No other NFL team (or for that matter, any US pro team, as far as I know) is publicly owned. Nobody is allowed to own more than 200k shares (out of a total of about 5 million), and new shares haven't been sold since 1998. Oh, and the team is also a non-profit.

Anyway... as cool as Troy Polamalu is, I can't cheer for any team with Roethlisberger on it. And since TCU (go Frogs!) beat Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl, I figure Wisconsinites deserve to have some football joy.

As far as halftime shows, I know lots of people hate U2 around here but I don't care, their post-9/11 Superbowl set was bloody awesome.
posted by kmz at 2:45 PM on February 5, 2011


The Super Bowl halftime show should be the presentation ceremony for the winners of the NFL's Punt, Pass, and Kick contest and the regional winners of peewee football tournaments. It should take fifteen minutes. Then they should resume the game.

This will never happen.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:55 PM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


For the 2012 halftime show (provided there is a season next season), the Decemberists will play, and complete their year-long shark-jump which was just launched by their album going #1 on the first day.
posted by Danf at 3:09 PM on February 5, 2011


Residents halftime show (100,000 giant eyeballs)

Why has this never happened?
posted by krinklyfig at 5:04 PM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh ... also, I was kicked out of Up With People. My attorney has advised against me saying anything more about it.

...

Not really. Oh, I was really kicked out of the group, long, long ago, but my attorney is in actuality my cat, who doesn't know about Up With People but has advised me to buy tuna. Strange, that always seems to be her advice. Even so, suffice it to say, yeah, free travel at 19 and lots of hormones raging, but the show itself ... how can I put it delicately? I can totally empathize with anyone who doesn't want to talk about their past associations with the group. It's creepy in a Christian youth-group sort of way, which traces back to the UWP's origins as exactly that. In the end, whatever joy I got out of it was sucked dry by the concert-length saccharine drenched song and dance routine we performed nearly every day ("Up, up with people! You meet 'em wherever you go..."), which extended far beyond the stage and into the image we projected as representatives of such a group. When it came down to it, I had no interest in expending any creative energy into that sort of song and dance, on stage or otherwise. Not now, but especially not at the age of 19, when I was just beginning to get into Frank Zappa and world-weary cynicism. And excellent art without compromise. Up With People was not that.

Beyond that, like Glenn Close, I don't like advertising the fact that I was a part of it at one time. I am immediately driven to explain how I was kicked out, and how my parents sort of pushed me into it in the first place ... and that's a pretty boring conversation.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:06 PM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


but my attorney is in actuality my cat, who doesn't know about Up With People but has advised me to buy tuna.

You shouldn't buy tuna, for it is surely evil. Evil.
posted by IvoShandor at 10:21 PM on February 5, 2011


Ironically, I have just come away from reading an interview John Cusack gave last year, in which he says one of the things he remembers about the 80's was watching the Up With People halftime show while on 'shrooms.

I can't decide whether that would have improved the experience, or made it more horrifying.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:03 PM on February 5, 2011


I have watched the Superbowl on shrooms. I do not remember the game at all, but I remember the blanket I had on the couch, because it had a gigantic picture of a tiger on it, and it was awesome.
posted by empath at 11:53 PM on February 5, 2011


One good thing that can be said for those halftime shows: they made for some remarkably funny Lewis Black routines.
posted by Ndwright at 11:41 AM on February 6, 2011


I'd like to see a Weird Al halftime show.
posted by bq at 3:07 PM on February 6, 2011


Okay, I got curious -- I'm watching their show now.

They actually managed to sound like they were using auto-tone at the beginning, and everyone was wearing this sort of weird future-spaceman kind of costume.

Did we know they were going to bring in Slash and Usher as special guests?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:17 PM on February 6, 2011


They actually managed to sound like they were using auto-tone at the beginning, and everyone was wearing this sort of weird future-spaceman kind of costume.

I believe that might be the TRON theme....
posted by mikelieman at 6:40 PM on February 6, 2011


He snuck in a political message into Where Is the Love... expect that to be on fox news tomorrow.
posted by empath at 7:30 PM on February 6, 2011


Take heart, it probably won't be the worst one ever.

I hope no one got too reassured by that.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:12 PM on February 6, 2011


We may scoff at this, but the omega-hipsters of the year 2042 are gonna pop this on the holotube and drink laser beers and laugh their asses off robo-ironically at what the Black Eyed Peas did tonite.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:33 PM on February 6, 2011


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