Windex should have subsidized this video....
March 8, 2011 11:40 AM   Subscribe

A Day Made of Glass. (A vision of the near-future from the makers of Gorilla Glass.) posted by zarq (63 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
Lots of cool tech there that feels very near-future, but my god do I not want to see TV in my bedroom or bathroom like ever (it's a rule in my house that we only have one TV). Half of the demos were cool, half seemed like info overload.
posted by mathowie at 11:45 AM on March 8, 2011


I also like Gorilla Glass.
posted by box at 11:47 AM on March 8, 2011


Should they throw stones?

Interesting that this is the one vision of the future that doesn't have volumetric displays. Nobody wants a big glass ball in every room. Has to be flat screen. And touchscreen, so you are always in contact with the product.
posted by DU at 11:48 AM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Also, I like how "specialty glass" gets to take all the credit for the computer science on display (swidt) in that video.
posted by DU at 11:49 AM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


mathowie: "but my god do I not want to see TV in my bedroom or bathroom like ever"

We added a set to our bedroom when my wife was placed on bedrest during her pregnancy. Now the only people who ever watch that tv are our kids, for a little while each morning while we're getting dressed. Otherwise it just collects dust.

But yeah, I vote 'hell no' for the bathroom, too. Way too much connectivity for my luddite heart.
posted by zarq at 11:51 AM on March 8, 2011


Whenever I see shit like this one thought always jumps into my head: "Where the fuck are these all white houses, pristine in their cleanliness and beauty?"
posted by Fizz at 11:56 AM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Excellent! In the future, everyone will be rich!
posted by surrendering monkey at 11:56 AM on March 8, 2011 [13 favorites]


No taggers in The Near Future, it would seem. They must have taken to the hills after the revolution failed and Banksy was unmasked on live bathroomvision.
posted by Iridic at 11:56 AM on March 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Your . . . future.

An . . . expensive . . . world . . . of . . . very . . . deliberate . . . gestures.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:56 AM on March 8, 2011 [8 favorites]


Excellent! In the future, everyone will be rich!

And also a vague ethnic minority.
posted by Fizz at 12:03 PM on March 8, 2011


But yeah, I vote 'hell no' for the bathroom, too. Way too much connectivity for my luddite heart.

Getting a smartphone has totally changed the way I poop. I can't imagine what this would be like.

/gross
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:09 PM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


DU : " Interesting that this is the one vision of the future that doesn't have volumetric displays. Nobody wants a big glass ball in every room. Has to be flat screen. And touchscreen, so you are always in contact with the product."

Check out those old AT&T ads. It used to be that convenience and conducting business remotely was our more efficient vision of the future. Now, being able to physically manipulate and customize technology in our immediate environment while keeping it unobtrusive seems to be all the rage.

I'm still holding out for my damned flying car, though.
posted by zarq at 12:11 PM on March 8, 2011


Well, with all this smart glass, we won't need springs anymore. It's a good thing, too. I hope I never see another spring as long as I live...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:14 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Where the fuck are these all white houses, pristine in their cleanliness and beauty?

White, white, white is the color of our carpets!
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:18 PM on March 8, 2011


...from the makers of Gorilla Glass

and Agent Orange. Because They Care about Your Future.
posted by doctor_negative at 12:19 PM on March 8, 2011


My favorite part was when an asian woman walked up to the bus stop and everything switched into Chinese. Was she wearing some sort of transponder or is the bus stop just racist?
posted by Riptor at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2011 [15 favorites]


After watching the entire video, I'm pretty sure that this shit will never take off. I could be wrong, but it seems much more efficient to work on making display technology portable enough to implant in contacts or sunglasses or something like that. Link it up to a smartphone and project this data onto these surfaces via the glasses.

With all this glass and all of these different monitors, you'd need a dedicated server that can talk to all of these zany peripherals, which would be a pain in the ass to maintain.

on the other hand, YAY RAH RAH FUTURE WE LOVE MINORITY REPORT.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


What my life is really missing is animated gifs on every possible surface, gibbering and thrusting through my line of sight, preventing me from ever really thinking about anything. Mom called to berate me while I was masturbating in the shower, and my boss's face appeared at the bottom of my cereal bowl, which I reflexively hurled to the floor. It was special glass though, so nothing broke. Then my phone rang, but it turned out to be a kitchen knife, so I stabbed myself in the eye and died. My rotting corpse produced a thin, cloudy film of ichor over all the surfaces in my glass house as the months went by. Someone from the city came and hit a tiny circle inscribed on an exterior corner of the house with a tiny hammer. The sound of birdsong rang out as my entire house crumbled into safety dust. Then... the peace of the grave. Look down. The top of my coffin is also glass. You can check the weather on it. The sun reflecting off my bleached out bones illuminates the icon for thunderstorms, later.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 12:22 PM on March 8, 2011 [40 favorites]


And on thin sheets of glass in nursing homes around the country, elderly Gen-X MeFites continue to bitch about the long-dead Boomers...
posted by Ian A.T. at 12:26 PM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


My favorite part was when an asian woman walked up to the bus stop and everything switched into Chinese. Was she wearing some sort of transponder or is the bus stop just racist?

Looked to me like everything was visible in both Chinese and English, by default.
posted by kafziel at 12:29 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh my lord in custard, I loath these corporate videos. Loath as in hate, hate as in despise, despise as in condemn them and all who make them to dying, alone, on a featureless plain punctuated only by thorn trees, dust storms and giant balls of scorpions.

I have seen so many. They have promoted futures of mobile tech, of location-based solutions, of the digital home (the FUCKING DIGITAL FUCKING HOME. MAY IT BURN), of content on demand, of machines of loving grace. And they are ALL made with people I want to pour acid over, placid, beautiful, contextless advertising droids who have no response but a smile and no emotion but drugged contentment. They are NOT human, and I do NOT want to be in their world.

Which is just as well, as the corporates who make these gruesome exhibitions of unfocussed aspiration are always the same bastard hives of evil who prevent any of this happening ever, in this or any other universe. Let me show you their digital home, where everything is locked down so arsepuckeringly tight by DRM and trusted platforms and authenticated usage models and closed, licensed standards that every last iota of creativity and freedom and choice is subservient to the corporate business model. We had that fuckwittery for forty years in the 20th century, when the telcos pissed long and hard into the upturned mouths of anyone who wanted to create their own model of mass personal communication. Result? Pink Princess phones.

No. Do not want. Leave me alone. And never NEVER NNEEVVEERR invite me to a press conference where you try and show me another one of these cognitively void exercises in spending your blasted 70 percent profit margins, if you value your children.

GAAAAAAAH
posted by Devonian at 12:32 PM on March 8, 2011 [11 favorites]


Any environment that sterile and squeaky clean automatically makes me assume the most terrible things about the people who live that way, and I could only imagine throughout the video that the happy go lucky family had a massive underground torture room for their victims.

Now watch it again, with that in mind, it practically screams out at you that their basement is sound proofed and filled with vats of acid. I don't trust these people.
posted by Bushidoboy at 12:33 PM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm still angry
posted by Devonian at 12:38 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Good. That is the correct response.
posted by aramaic at 12:41 PM on March 8, 2011


Any environment that sterile and squeaky clean automatically makes me assume the most terrible things about the people who live that way, and I could only imagine throughout the video that the happy go lucky family had a massive underground torture room for their victims.

They used to have three kids. Then, someone took a Sharpie to mommy's bathtub data display.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:41 PM on March 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Windex fully supports this future.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:42 PM on March 8, 2011 [4 favorites]


Looked to me like everything was visible in both Chinese and English, by default.

Nope, she walks up and you can see it switch from English only to English and Chinese
posted by Riptor at 12:42 PM on March 8, 2011


It made me think how I can clean my shiny granite kitchen counters one day and the next they are covered with a fine layer of cat hair and paw prints from my two cats. If a cat walked across one of those tables she could accidentally email your private porn stash to your mom, in addition to leaving a fine layer of cat hair and paw prints.
posted by lordrunningclam at 12:45 PM on March 8, 2011 [5 favorites]


All I want is a future where you interact with applications by stabbing them repeatedly.
posted by fnerg at 12:50 PM on March 8, 2011


I attached Gorilla tape to my Gorilla glass using Gorilla glue.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:08 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Interior deisgn aside, part of what's interesting here is how prosaic so much of this is, relative to the "you will" ads. The cool touch interfaces? Those are already on every tablet. The video call from a small iPhone-size device? That would be your iPhone. Heck, you can get a giant touch-screen in your bedroom, but remote controls are nicer.
posted by blahblahblah at 1:12 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Jesus H - no thanks. THE LAST THING I EVER WANT FROM MY FUTURE IS SOME FEY LITTLE LEGOLAND WHERE EVERYONE JUST LIMPLY POKES AT ANY SURFACE TO GET WHAT THEY NEED.

They do that with Our Friend the White Mouse now and then remove portions of his brain.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 1:12 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Windex salivates.
posted by redbeard at 1:12 PM on March 8, 2011


Animated traffic signs on the highway?! That's a terrible idea!
posted by echo target at 1:16 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Reminds me of that old EPCOT ride.
posted by Shike at 1:19 PM on March 8, 2011


This entire branch of technology will be swiftly and utterly outmoded when the wifi optic implants arrive.
posted by Aquaman at 1:23 PM on March 8, 2011


Something like the William should already be cheaply available in every big box store now.

Man, not too long ago I was thinking of pretty much this exact product, down to the honeycomb structure of miniburners. I really, really want one of those. Is it just in concept now, or does this exist?
posted by kafziel at 1:29 PM on March 8, 2011


Enough of these sterile clean corporate versions of the future home. I want Cronenberg-style fleshy quivering biomechanical anuses as my interface devices.
posted by benzenedream at 1:45 PM on March 8, 2011


The kids videos on the fridge brought to mind The Daily Prophet of HP wizard-land! It's all magic! Which made me think of Apple and Steve Jobs magically magic conniptions over his new ipad! Which made me think that if Rowling and Jobs got together ... Hey!!!
posted by kneecapped at 1:55 PM on March 8, 2011


OK, this is stupid, but I was surprised at the fridge. I always thought that one of the innovations that was coming was a display that shows the inside of the fridge, so that you can make your selection (for those who stand there with the door open, which I don't think I've ever seen outside TV) without opening the door.
posted by Eideteker at 2:12 PM on March 8, 2011


Loath as in hate

Loath as I am to complain about such a terrific rant, the word you're looking for is "loathe."

And speaking of pedantry, this video should really have been a Salinger adaptation. "Did you see more glass?" How much more attractive would the future be if it were Glassy as well as glassy, full of gabby quiz-show kids and precocious misanthropes rather than the blank, dare I say glassy stares of the blank soulless future of generic brandvertising?
posted by RogerB at 2:38 PM on March 8, 2011


I have one word... "FINGERPRINTS".. who the hell is cleaning all the finger prints off...
posted by tomswift at 2:38 PM on March 8, 2011


You walk into a store, then select 'Browse Store' from a floating menu?

YOU ARE IN THE STORE BROWSE IT
posted by Hlewagast at 2:57 PM on March 8, 2011 [6 favorites]


A Day Made of Aunt Martha's Farmville Requests Covered In Your Fingerprints
posted by katillathehun at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't understand what problem the William is trying to solve. Why is it better than a gas stove with knobs?

A gas stove does not offer even heat across the surface of a pan. A gas stove requires particularly spaced burners, with no flexibility for broader pans or things that are too wide to go close together. A gas stove does a crappy job heating a pan that isn't perfectly round. A gas stove is useless for stovetop griddles. A gas stove is dangerous in a lot of ways that an electric stove isn't. A gas stove is a pain in the ass to clean. A gas stove is deficient in a lot of ways that the William stove is not.
posted by kafziel at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


A heart made of glass.
posted by Stoatfarm at 3:26 PM on March 8, 2011


Yeah, I'm in favor of most of this, except for the bathroom. Attempt no landings there.

Ironically, Burhanistan, the video even points out just why this is such a TERRIBLE idea: her boss moves her meeting forward 60 minutes (into coffee time? get to work earlier time?) BEFORE SHE'S EVEN HAD BREAKFAST!


Excellent! In the future, everyone will be rich!

And also a vague ethnic minority.


Fizz, I saw a white family, a black man, and an Asian woman. What kind of non-vague ethnic markers would make this more PC for you?


My favorite part was when an asian woman walked up to the bus stop and everything switched into Chinese. Was she wearing some sort of transponder or is the bus stop just racist?


Riptor, why the snark? You already uncovered the "how". It's not much of a a technical progression from your web browser/ISP/cookies, which already tell websites what time zone, country and locale you're in. That seems pretty reasonable to me.

Now, for the most unrealistic portion of the whole thing: those sure were two happy, well-groomed people being awoken on a work day by the room filling with daylight. One, maybe, but ... two? In the same house? Impossible!
posted by IAmBroom at 3:49 PM on March 8, 2011


Did anyone note the contents of the saucepan when it was viewed indirectly?

I would like a nice huge touch work surface like that illustrated, though.
posted by maxwelton at 3:52 PM on March 8, 2011


My favorite part was how, in the car, they not only don't use the technology for a HUD allowing the driver to see maps and directions without taking their eyes off the road, but they go on to remove the physical buttons from the dash to ensure that the driver has to look at the console in order to do anything.

Just a win all around right there.
posted by bjrubble at 4:10 PM on March 8, 2011 [5 favorites]


kafziel: " A gas stove is useless for stovetop griddles"

Not true. I've used one for years (cast iron, but I've also used non-stick aluminum) and have never had a problem. It fits neatly over the burners on one side of the stove, and then heats nicely.
posted by zarq at 4:12 PM on March 8, 2011


Ah, those "You Will" ads from the nineties. They infuriated me to no end. I remember telling people at the time that all this miniaturized and mobile equipment will mean is that your cubicle will get smaller and your job will expect you to be on call at all times. I'm so glad to have been proven wrong...oh wait...
posted by Edgewise at 4:58 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


In the future, working mothers will be able to get dressed and ready for work in exactly 15 minutes.
posted by rh at 5:18 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Just can't wait until every flat surface in my home is a television and I can't get away from email even if I lock myself in my fucking bathroom.
posted by nanojath at 6:06 PM on March 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


This is so ripe for parody.

I think you mean porn parody, and you know what it would be called.
posted by you're a kitty! at 6:19 PM on March 8, 2011


Microsoft loves doing these videos: circa 2009, 2008ish, 2004, 2003ish.
posted by rh at 6:34 PM on March 8, 2011


This would mean that my entire home would look like the greasy, smeared surface of the "oleophobic" glass on my iPod Touch, which generally looks as if I've either been nuzzling it with my oily, oily nose or frying eggs in sweet cream butter on its magical minimalist surface. Throw in the fact that I essentially already live in a dog hair snowglobe and the future seems to guarantee that I'll be forever single, listlessly poking a finger at internet porn on the glass wall while I sit on a glass toilet that's flickering with hyperactive animated ads for toilet paper and watch wayward beagle hairs drifting aimlessly in a sunbeam.
posted by sonascope at 6:34 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


In the future, we're going to need a lot more sand.

I also love the idea of computerized window-darkening in lieu of curtains, so when that breaks you have to duct-tape something over your nice glass window wall if you don't want to give the neighbors a show.

And of course, the more interactive web-connected whatnots in your house, the riper the opportunities for ruining someone's life by hacking them. Hack into the stove and burn the house down! The CSI episodes write themselves.

Also, the bit where the kids started waving and talking to Grandma via the countertop gave me pause...so there's cameras embedded in your countertop now? Into every interactive surface? Yeah, that's not creepy or wrong.
posted by emjaybee at 6:50 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


tl;dw: A company that makes glass imagines a future where glass is extremely important.
posted by defenestration at 7:52 PM on March 8, 2011


tl;dw: A company that makes glass imagines a future where glass is extremely important.

Don't ever ask to see the "video imagining the future" which came out of Enumclaw.
posted by maxwelton at 9:16 PM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I guess the future solves oily fingerprint smudges.
posted by rmmcclay at 9:26 PM on March 8, 2011


Will all this be made out of the new Pyrex, or the old Pyrex?
posted by gorgor_balabala at 6:57 AM on March 9, 2011


I missed the part where the Jason Bateman lookalike says, "Hey, kids! Get your f#$%ing cleats off of my pristine digital kitchen work surface!!"
posted by ericbop at 7:56 AM on March 9, 2011


Continuity error: The kid opens the fridge and takes something out. Immediately reaches up with TWO hands to manipulate the photo on the fridge. When finished, she turns around and still has something in her left hand. Oh, wait. In the future, little girls have 3 arms! How cool is that? I guess the third one is made of glass.
posted by Goofyy at 10:58 PM on March 9, 2011


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