Straight baby thighs son

April 13, 2011 1:40 PM

Ghostface Killah's Top 10 Softest Rappers in the game
posted by AceRock (79 comments total)

Maybe I'm just not into Ghostface Killah, but I found this really offensive (and difficult to read).
posted by misha at 1:42 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

This page is in [Ghostface Killah]. Would you like to translate it? [Translate] [Nope]
posted by saturday_morning at 1:44 PM on April 13, 2011 [28 favorites]

I would like to see a word frequency cloud based on this article.
posted by ixohoxi at 1:45 PM on April 13, 2011 [4 favorites]

Metafilter is straight baby thighs, nahmean?
posted by mullacc at 1:45 PM on April 13, 2011 [15 favorites]

Context:

tell the kid Wiz, its all love i respect him as a artist and got no issues wit him at all, Once again the website is fake, its not ya boy!

I think the Markov Twitter generator would do a lot better at mimicking Ghost than this incomprehensible mess.
posted by jng at 1:46 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm glad Ghost got that dictaphone working again.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:46 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is fake, right? Ghostface Killah didn't actually write this. But of course, that would mean that somebody else wrote it and attached Ghostface Killah's name to it, and that sounds like a bad idea to me. I have it on good authority that the Wu Tang Clan is not something with which to fuck.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:47 PM on April 13, 2011 [59 favorites]

OH GOD SWEET JESUS OH GOD KILLER BEES
posted by shakespeherian at 1:48 PM on April 13, 2011 [12 favorites]

Genius.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:48 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ghostdini! I just like saying that. I dunno about mocking dudes in wheelchairs though. Maybe he ran over the god's toe or something.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:49 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's really more of an oral thing.
posted by tigrefacile at 1:50 PM on April 13, 2011

Man, there's no reason for a parody. The real Ghost is hilarious enough as it is.
posted by naju at 1:51 PM on April 13, 2011 [4 favorites]

Here, ixohoxi.
posted by Trielli at 1:52 PM on April 13, 2011 [6 favorites]

it's me, I'm the softest rapper. I'm so soft Mr. Whipple will chastize you when hugging me.
posted by boo_radley at 1:54 PM on April 13, 2011 [7 favorites]

Sorry, this is the context:

Ghostface Killah recently made some negative comments on Wiz Khalifa‘s “Roll Up” single:

“This Roll Up shit kinda soft, nam sayin. By that a nigga mean you could probably rock a cryin baby to sleep wit this shit, nah mean. This some shit for the nurseries n shit nam sayin.”

Wiz Khalifa stopped by the “Star & Buc Wild Morning Show” recently to talk about his music and what he’s up to. Star asked Wiz Khalifa what his thoughts were about Ghostface Killah and the disparaging comments he made about hiss latest single “Roll Up“, and he replied:

He played himself, seriously, because we the young generation, when he said thats corny, him saying its a corny stuff makes him a corny individual, so he’s corny

The Ghost tweet explaining that his remarks were faked was what came after.
posted by jng at 1:54 PM on April 13, 2011

I dunno about mocking dudes in wheelchairs though.

That's Drake, on Degrassi. The joke is that Drake is in all three of the top three slots on this list.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:54 PM on April 13, 2011 [12 favorites]

I'm actually kinda impressed by how many ways he found to say "YOU SIR ARE SOFT AND INEFFECTUAL" that don't boil down to "LOL UR GAY" or "LOL UR WOMANLIKE".

I mean, there was some of that, and the article is some grade-AAA idiocy either way. But misogyny and homophobia are so standard in hip-hop trash-talking that it stands out when they aren't the predominant element.
posted by ixohoxi at 1:54 PM on April 13, 2011 [4 favorites]

Also for a surprise, recommend you google whipple.
posted by boo_radley at 1:55 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Trielli: Hah! Thanks. I expected "namsayin" to be bigger.
posted by ixohoxi at 1:55 PM on April 13, 2011

For anyone confused, Wiz Khalifa was previously known as Wiz Dubai
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:58 PM on April 13, 2011 [18 favorites]

I got a chuckle out of it. I was thinking about how this latest generation of rappers is able to talk about stuff that rappers before had less agency to talk about. I'm not saying rappers before ~2006 (that's like, the Seinfeld mix-tape, right?) couldn't talk about girl problems, and social pressures and shit, it's just that doing that would basically resign you to being an indie-rapper, or backpacker. Kid-Cudi and Kanye sell millions of records talking about their insecurities. It's like tight-pants and vans rappers versus baggy pants and tims rappers.

Sort of offensive, but, eh, pretty funny and on point too.
posted by codacorolla at 1:58 PM on April 13, 2011 [4 favorites]

Yeah, for those not in the loop on Drake's illustrious career, he played a person in a wheelchair for a few years on the new Degrassi. I don't remember what the character's backstory was - he was just generic wheelchair guy like the guy on Glee.
posted by GuyZero at 1:59 PM on April 13, 2011

I HATE IT I LOVE IT!
posted by Theta States at 2:02 PM on April 13, 2011

WOT NO KANYE
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:03 PM on April 13, 2011

I don't remember what the character's backstory was - he was just generic wheelchair guy like the guy on Glee.

Sorry, gotta jump in to correct you there, GuyZero.

Drake (real name Aubrey Graham) played a character named Jimmy who was a star basketball player at his high school. He was paralyzed from the waist down after a school shooting late in the show's run.

/degrassi-nerd
posted by chara at 2:08 PM on April 13, 2011 [4 favorites]

That's Drake, on Degrassi. The joke is that Drake is in all three of the top three slots on this list.

Yup, but I can't pass up a chance to tease Ghost (even fake ghost) about his sensitive toes.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:13 PM on April 13, 2011

This just reminds me of the Ice-T/Soulja Boy Twitter fight, which was all the more depressing because it was real.
posted by Copronymus at 2:15 PM on April 13, 2011

No, the fake Ghostface was right. The new Wiz Khalifa is utterly wack.
posted by dhammond at 2:21 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure that if I had an aura, it would be moist.
posted by facetious at 2:28 PM on April 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm actually kinda impressed by how many ways he found to say "YOU SIR ARE SOFT AND INEFFECTUAL"

Right. The wheelchair sells that point. As a wheelchair user, *ahem*

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK MEXICO!

Also, I am so fucking bad ass that I key motherfuckin Range Rovers here in the hood that block the curb cuts. I am so fucking bad ass that if I see one more wheelchair as shorthand for being ineffectual I will

LEAP OUTTA MY CHAIR THROUGH THE SCREEN AND CUT ANY PERSON WHO LAUGHS AT THAT SHIT BECAUSE THAT IS STRAIGHT UP FUCKED UP

BELIEVE
posted by angrycat at 2:30 PM on April 13, 2011 [13 favorites]

Is that a picture of Ellen, under Asher Roth?
THAT alone makes this article worth it.
HILARIOUS!

Also, angrycat, you should change your name as it doesn't seem to suit your personality. Maybe "babythighscat" or something. JK!
posted by hal_c_on at 2:32 PM on April 13, 2011

Yeah, worth it just to make fun of those pictures of Drake. Otherwise not much going on, although the context helps it. (And yeah, he's pretty right about Roll Up. It's not just soft, it's also really boring.)
posted by penduluum at 2:32 PM on April 13, 2011

"WOT NO KANYE"

Amma let u finish but Kanye's the softest rapper of ALL TIME
posted by klangklangston at 2:32 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ok so the thing that is weird about this, to me, is that this seems like a mostly real thing. Someone actually wrote this out instead of copy and pasting it. And yet if you look at this place's front page, it looks mostly like one of those disturbing linkfarms where you got one letter wrong in a real domain name and it's all METAGILTER: WHAT YOU NEED, WHEN YOU NEED IT. You know? It seems like that, and yet there is this thing on it that seems like an actual person trying to be actually funny.

I'm not sure what to make of it.
posted by kavasa at 2:34 PM on April 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

(not funny to make fun of pictures of Drake because it's funny that a person is in a wheelchair, but funny because Drake played that character. Hope we're cool, angrycat.)
posted by penduluum at 2:34 PM on April 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

Leadbelly and Bukka White could have taken the lot of them.
posted by joannemullen at 2:34 PM on April 13, 2011

This just reminds me of the Ice-T/Soulja Boy Twitter fight, which was all the more depressing because it was real.

Sgt. Gutter's response to Thugnificent.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:37 PM on April 13, 2011

The most useful thing I learned from all this is: Ghostface Killah is looking for an intern.
posted by msalt at 2:41 PM on April 13, 2011

Trielll beat me to it! (here's mine)
posted by ao4047 at 2:43 PM on April 13, 2011

Kid Cudi, who I only know as the upstairs neighbor above the NYC Mefi 10th party, has gotten arrested and/or tazed 3 times for fighting onstage during his performances. That doesn't sound so soft. Although he does seem to be a nice guy, as are his bodyguards and drivers.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:46 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Thank you for the context! I had no idea this was a parody. I fail at the internet.
posted by misha at 2:46 PM on April 13, 2011

Kid Cudi, who I only know as the upstairs neighbor above the NYC Mefi 10th party

... I think I speak for everybody when I say that I'm going to need to hear more about that. Or get directed to a link or something, if the story's already been told.
posted by penduluum at 2:48 PM on April 13, 2011

Not much to tell, our party was in the basement, with the ground floor as a sort of holding area. Kid Cudi lives on the second floor. I now have a workshop/studio in the basement. He has a car and driver parked out front pretty much 24/7. Two on the weekends.

I didn't learn his stage name until last week. He was just Scott before that. The landing outside his door smells rather pungent, even when his mom is visiting.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:53 PM on April 13, 2011 [3 favorites]

Was any of that English?
posted by cerulgalactus at 3:04 PM on April 13, 2011

Ayo this nigga scared of females n probably cries when he fucks. Straight up.

There's no shame in crying when you fuck. I also cry at the opera and over a really good cheese plate. I once cried at an etchings exhibition. Crying at wonderful things is a sign of breeding, you declasse piece of shit.

Loved Supreme Clientele, by the way. Made me cry.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:08 PM on April 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

Is it LOLLESBIANS, LOLESBIANS, or LOLBIANS? I'm not down with the hipster lingo.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:11 PM on April 13, 2011

Ayo Cudi aka Kid Cuddli at the bottom of the list right here. Ayo no offense cos the god actually dont hate this nigga or nothin…but the nigga joints is softer than cotton panties son. It aint even like the nigga wack tho. He jus soft. The nigga do be evenin his shit out from time to time tho…so he get that coveted #10 spot for that shit namsayin. The nigga did serve a nigga in the crowd at his show wit the 1 piece combo so Imma give him that credit where its due n shit namsayin. Even tho that shit probably aint leave a mark on that nigga. That shit mussa took the nigga some heart at least nahmean.

Hey, that hoss Kid Cudi? More like Kid Cuddly! I mean, no offense or nothing, I don't hate him or nothing, but this sunuvabitch's songs is as soft as my cousin's underpants! It ain't even like he's bad at rapping or nothing, it's just that he's soft. I mean sometimes he's okay, so that's why he's number 10. I mean, the sunuvabitch did knock a muthafucker out at one of his concerts, so credit where credit's due, if you know what I mean. Dude probably didn't even bruise from it, but at least his heart was in the right place, right?
posted by codacorolla at 3:13 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

There's no shame in crying when you fuck.

It's when your partners cry that you should probably be feeling the shame.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:37 PM on April 13, 2011

Cudi's your upstairs neighbor and you didn't invite him to the party? No wonder he's always going on about being a lonely stoner. He probably just feels left out!
posted by naju at 3:43 PM on April 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

There's no shame in crying when you fuck. I also cry at the opera and over a really good cheese plate. I once cried at an etchings exhibition. Crying at wonderful things is a sign of breeding, you declasse piece of shit.

Astro Zombie is Senator Boehner?
posted by me & my monkey at 3:52 PM on April 13, 2011

'All That I Got is You' totally makes me tear up.
posted by box at 3:55 PM on April 13, 2011

Yeah, offensive, but that's the rap game namean (my new favorite word)?

Hey Ghostface does have a pedigree, he was the brain of the Wu-Tang.

This was the best top ten thing I've seen in a while.
posted by thebestusernameever at 4:05 PM on April 13, 2011

I totally (can) cry when I fuck which is exactly why it was such a fucking hilarious insult and made me rotf. Some weak shit here from dudes who spend half their lives defending snark. buck up.
posted by victors at 4:07 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm partial to "namsayin", myself.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 4:29 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: It's really more of an oral thing.
posted by ob at 4:51 PM on April 13, 2011

It's when your partners cry that you should probably be feeling the shame.

What if they're crying from laughter?

That's cool, right?
posted by Sys Rq at 4:54 PM on April 13, 2011

Real, fake, whatever. Ghost has at least half a dozen lifetime passes.
posted by Rangeboy at 4:58 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Periodically I feel the need to broaden my horizons.

So in an effort to appreciate the rap that the young people were listening to, I bought a bunch of Wu-Tang albums. I sat down in my comfy chair to tap into the zeitgeist of American music! Well, some of it was quite clever, and I did enjoy hearing people work The Guns of Navarone into a poetic composition, but there was a lot of calling people uncomfortable names, so I felt okay not continuing my exploration of that specific genre of rap music. I can appreciate the artistry from way over here and listen to other stuff instead.

However, I could not figure out how anyone could tell who was doing what bits of the song, since there were about three hundred people on each track and they didn't have a little libretto with the cds like they do in opera.

I had no idea which one was Ghostface Killah, but now I do, because obviously he was the one who said namsayin a whole bunch.

Namsayin?
posted by winna at 5:02 PM on April 13, 2011

I laughed my ass off.

Come on, Drake..Wheel Chair Jimmy... Drake.
posted by djduckie at 5:07 PM on April 13, 2011

Re: Drake. He's popular. Like, really, really popular. Even here, in the Greater Toronto Area, where everyone knows he's Aubrey Graham, the guy from the shitty kiddie soap Degrassi: The Next Generation, who raps with a Dirty South accent despite hailing from fucking Forest Hill--Canada's 90210--and by all right should be afforded no cred whatsoever.

And, I mean, it's not like he's even slightly good at rapping.

His popularity? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:10 PM on April 13, 2011 [5 favorites]

I somewhat like Drake as a producer but my immediate question upon seeing the title was "Is Drake on here?" And there he is, thrice.

A lot of this is offensive for so many reasons. However, I did want to catalog some of the many metaphors for "soft" because that took a lot of creativity.

softer than cotton panties
whole aura jus moist
look like a victim
more Sean than Big
nigga was weepin in a corner
marshmallow
made out of baby powder/human baby powder in the flesh
for people "under the age of 22" or "have...vagina"
broad repellant
This dudes music is like thongs
played hisself
scared of females
cries [during coitus]
straight baby thighs
straight glitter blooded
makes lambs look dangerous
3 ply softness
droppin vagina bombs
posted by Danila at 5:13 PM on April 13, 2011 [14 favorites]

Mefi: namsayin?
posted by bwg at 5:28 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Let's hope Mr. Killah never finds out about these guys.
posted by puny human at 5:30 PM on April 13, 2011

Re: Drake. He's popular. Like, really, really popular. Even here, in the Greater Toronto Area, where everyone knows he's Aubrey Graham, the guy from the shitty kiddie soap Degrassi: The Next Generation, who raps with a Dirty South accent despite hailing from fucking Forest Hill--Canada's 90210--and by all right should be afforded no cred whatsoever.

And, I mean, it's not like he's even slightly good at rapping.

He's like the Backstreet boy(s) of rap. I actually sort of like him in a post-modern, hyper-consumerism with no deeper meaning sort of way.
posted by codacorolla at 5:36 PM on April 13, 2011

Now go down to the store and get me some banana nutriment nahmean.
posted by bayani at 5:55 PM on April 13, 2011

How delightfully colloquial!
posted by Xoebe at 5:55 PM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

YEP!
posted by Flex1970 at 5:56 PM on April 13, 2011

I was thinking about how this latest generation of rappers is able to talk about stuff that rappers before had less agency to talk about.

Go back and listen to Tupac again -- that man was constantly calling for his mama. Seriously, part of what made Tupac such a standout is how he was unafraid to reveal his insecurities. Amidst the standard-issue bombast he frequently admitted that he was simply playing a thug because that's what the audience wanted. Again and again he confessed his fears that he may have chosen the wrong path, that he might not measure up as an artist, that he was going to pay for his sins. This is revealed best when he raps alongside other performers, like on the Thug Life album -- the contrast throws it into sharp relief. The other rappers just talk about how hard they are, and then Tupac comes on and even while he's boasting he also tells us his worries and admits his game with the ladies is all a bluff. That was his genius -- in between the bullshit he revealed truth and honesty and vulnerability.

"Mama come rescue me, I'm suicidal, thinkin thoughts
I'm innocent, so there'll be bullets flyin when I'm caught"

posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 7:06 PM on April 13, 2011 [5 favorites]

Yeah it's copied from the original site (which they link at bottom) and isn't actually Ghost.

Here's the entire post about Drake

These have been around for a minute, wouldn't have expected to see it here tho.
posted by First Post at 8:25 PM on April 13, 2011

Come on, Drake..Wheel Chair Jimmy... Drake.


YOU HEAR THAT MOTHERFUCKIN SQUISHY SOUND? NO THAT AIN'T SOFT WHATEVERTHEFUCK IT'S ME MOTHERFUCKIN COMIN THROUGH YOUR SCREEN
posted by angrycat at 8:53 PM on April 13, 2011

Another Drake post

I happen to like Drake's songs; his lyrics often crack me up

But not nearly has much as the pic of Nicki asking Drake if he's evolving- that shit cracks me the fuck up!

I thought the shit was softer than two niggas on a Sunday at a bed n breakfast together nahmean. The god was like nah fuck this shit...thats some yoga anthems nahmean. Shit sounded gayer than a nigga in a pink smart car wit Abba blastin out the windows.
posted by The Biggest Dreamer at 9:20 PM on April 13, 2011

OH GOD HE DOES DATING ADVICE TOO

You need to establish eye contact first n then move in namsayin. Broads aint like all that shit where it seems like a nigga jus came up a elevator thru the floor n shit. You gon creep her out wit that David Blaine shit son.
posted by The Biggest Dreamer at 9:33 PM on April 13, 2011

Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese: This is why I love Tyler the Creator. If you haven't listen to Bastard (the song, the full album if you'd like). The kid is really hurt that his dad wasn't around.
posted by djduckie at 9:39 PM on April 13, 2011

That shit is soft. You could wrap an egg in it and drop it off the roof.
posted by fuq at 10:07 PM on April 13, 2011

You gon creep her out wit that David Blaine shit son.

This is a pretty apt description of the whole Pick-Up Artist phenomenon, which I will hereafter refer to as David Blaine shit.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:35 AM on April 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

I know that like five people beat me to it, but here's mine:

posted by Green Winnebago at 11:52 AM on April 14, 2011

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/3466945/Ghostface_Killa%27s_Softest_Rappers_in_the_Game
posted by Green Winnebago at 11:52 AM on April 14, 2011

Is anyone else getting a Ray Smuckles vibe here?
posted by Lucien Dark at 1:26 PM on April 14, 2011

Also, angrycat, you should change your name as it doesn't seem to suit your personality. Maybe "babythighscat" or something. JK!

Making your screenname 'BabyThighScat' is a good way to get your IP on an FBI list. Don't Do What Donny Don't Does, Kids!
posted by FatherDagon at 2:50 PM on April 14, 2011