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This fine-art project is definitely going to give you cancer (or has already given you cancer).
May 16, 2011 9:03 AM   Subscribe

The Hairpin shows us how to how to make a doll into a wine glass in 23 quick steps.
posted by item (35 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
A hammer? Hacksaws are not a newfangled contraption.
posted by oddman at 9:11 AM on May 16, 2011


The end result is what nightmares are made of.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:12 AM on May 16, 2011


23 quick steps

pass
posted by nathancaswell at 9:17 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


MRS. EVERICHON: What happened to all the Riedel glasses I had in here?
EVERICHON: ♫ Look what I maaaade.... ♫
posted by everichon at 9:22 AM on May 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


Wow, that doll's hair is thin. Doll cheerleading must be stressful.
posted by mippy at 9:24 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Apparently, daughters prefer if you ask FIRST before just grabbing one of their dolls and sawing away. Or at least wait till they're fully asleep.

Sheesh. Who knew?
posted by hal9k at 9:24 AM on May 16, 2011


As soon as I punctured the head of my doll, all the air excaped...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:25 AM on May 16, 2011 [3 favorites]



If you were in a real hurry, couldn't you just get one of those baby dolls that wets herself when you add water? (Usually, it's a baby girl doll) You fill it with wine...then....slurp?

Actually, don't.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:25 AM on May 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


I think I'd rather one of these than a teacup glass.
posted by mippy at 9:26 AM on May 16, 2011


Also excellent for improving the flavor of cheap, er, cost-effective wine with those light floral high-notes you only get from plasticizers and mold-release agents.
posted by 7segment at 9:26 AM on May 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


Ewwwwwwwww.
posted by mermayd at 9:27 AM on May 16, 2011


This also works with any small mammal.
posted by tomswift at 9:31 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


7segment, thus the title of this here thread, dagnabbit!
posted by item at 9:32 AM on May 16, 2011


muahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
posted by bayani at 9:32 AM on May 16, 2011


Heh, that made me laugh.
posted by amro at 9:34 AM on May 16, 2011


This is ideal from anyone who wants to drink from the skull of their enemy but also is enemies with dolls.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:36 AM on May 16, 2011 [22 favorites]


item, yeah, my bad. I'll admit to not reading the thread title as I was too busy wretching while imagining what that'd actually taste like...
posted by 7segment at 9:37 AM on May 16, 2011


Well this solves this problem
posted by The Whelk at 9:39 AM on May 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


All I can think of is Sam and Max's "Bad Day on the Moon":

"Give us one of those Elvis-shaped whiskey decanters."
"Yeah, we wanna drink from the neck-hole of the King."
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:39 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Also excellent for improving the flavor of cheap, er, cost-effective wine with those light floral high-notes you only get from plasticizers and mold-release agents.

You are more correct than you might realize.
posted by TedW at 9:42 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


1) Surprised it wasn't about fitting a plastic "partyware" wine glass into the dolls head.

2) Next issue: How to make a doll into a really crackin' bong in 12 steps.
posted by boo_radley at 9:45 AM on May 16, 2011


Excellent! This saves me 6 steps!
posted by gurple at 10:05 AM on May 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


At last! I can drink my victory wine from the skull of my greatest enemy!!!

Seriously, I was badly treated by dolls as a child; they are vicious little so-and-sos.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:17 AM on May 16, 2011


Good god, what have our children been playing with?! What tools of vile debauchery have we handed to them with our own hands?! Our very selfsame hands!
posted by Nomyte at 10:18 AM on May 16, 2011


I'm imagining making a half dozen of these and keeping them on display, in with the nice china. That way when I have guests and someone remarks on them, I can say "Oh no. We only use those for very special occasions..." while making uncomfortably prolonged eye-contact.
posted by quin at 10:20 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


This was brilliant though:

12. Spend a few minutes trying to saw through the stem of your plastic glass with a serrated knife — or just the knife part of your corkscrew — and then quit, because it’s impossible.

Because it so perfectly captures how I work on projects like this; when I have an interest in doing something, but not so much that I planned anything out and am just trying the random tools I have on hand.

posted by quin at 10:23 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure what to make of the completely irrelevant shot of the doll's uplifted skirt and backside.

Anyway, I could almost imagine wanting to do something like this with clown heads, because clowns are bad and the only good clown is a clown whose severed head is holding a tasty beverage.
posted by Gator at 10:29 AM on May 16, 2011


I stopped reading at "it’s covered in holes and therefore useless." How does it end?
posted by rhizome at 10:40 AM on May 16, 2011


What a useful skill/hobby!
posted by troubadour at 11:10 AM on May 16, 2011


Why not give the doll a fauxhawk and stare at it while drinking wine from the plastic wineglass you already have?
posted by ardgedee at 11:27 AM on May 16, 2011


What's that scraping noise I hear? Oh yeah, it's sound of the bottom of the Internet barrel...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 11:34 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


What a strange cry for help.
posted by swift at 11:40 AM on May 16, 2011


The last guy I knew who used tools on a doll heard the line, "My name is Chatty Cathy and I' m going to kill you..."
posted by digsrus at 12:03 PM on May 16, 2011


I see they have omitted a step -- in which it is explained to the reader why they would want to make a non-functional and creepy-as-shit wine glass out of a doll's head in the first place.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:04 PM on May 16, 2011


digsrus: "The last guy I knew who used tools on a doll heard the line, "My name is Chatty Cathy and I' m going to kill you...""

Telly Savalas had a perfectly shaped skull to drink wine from, don't you think?

Wonder where he was buried...
posted by Splunge at 1:18 PM on May 16, 2011


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