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Presidential candidates 2012
May 17, 2011 11:43 AM Subscribe

2012 Presidential Candidates - Comparing the 2012 Presidential Candidates on the issues with profile, issue and trivia comparisons.

Republican Presidential Contenders for 2012

PollingReport.com

posted by nickyskye (139 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

The the "Republican Contenders" link lists Palin and Gingrich as "front-runners" tells you all need to know about the state of the GOP bench these days.
posted by Trurl at 11:50 AM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

My mother was so, so happy that Gingrich threw his hat into the ring, I tried to hit my balls with a hammer to see if I could kill all the remaining gametes from that side of the family.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:50 AM on May 17, 2011 [41 favorites]

This must be about how they felt when we were looking at John Kerry and Al Gore—although Kerry and Gore are not nearly at the level of these fools, of course, it was hard to get worked about them at the time.
posted by theredpen at 11:53 AM on May 17, 2011

The the "Republican Contenders" link lists Palin and Gingrich as "front-runners" tells you all need to know about the state of the ~~GOP bench~~country these days.
posted by DU at 11:53 AM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

A serial divorcee and a quitter... wheee
posted by edgeways at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2011

Are the Dems going to go with that charming fellow they had back in 2008? What's he been up to?
posted by Legomancer at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

That was pretty much the most depressing thing I've read this week.
posted by elsietheeel at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2011

The the "Republican Contenders" link lists Palin and Gingrich as "front-runners" tells you all need to know about the state of the GOP bench these days.

I'm not sure Gingrich will remain a front runner for long.
posted by jedicus at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, is "electability concern" code for "total dumbass" under Palin?
posted by theredpen at 11:54 AM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

What does it take to make it onto the "declined" list?
posted by ShutterBun at 11:57 AM on May 17, 2011

The non-front runner Repubs seem like a reasonably electable bunch. How do the biggest wingnuts always end upo winning these nomination races?
posted by GuyZero at 11:57 AM on May 17, 2011

Ron Paul is listed as both a "Declared 2012 Republican Presidential Candidate" and his summary says "Ron Paul has repeatedly stated that he has 'no plans' to run for President in 2012."

Sounds about right.
posted by adamrice at 11:58 AM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, is "electability concern" code for "total dumbass" under Palin?

Code for "moderate Democrats will not vote for her over Obama," more like, but not as fun to say as "dumbass."
posted by aught at 11:58 AM on May 17, 2011

Newt Gingrich campaign slogan for 2012: I love America, until it gets cancer.

(not my joke, but damn funny)
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:58 AM on May 17, 2011 [29 favorites]

is "electability concern" code for "total dumbass" under Palin?

In her case, yes.

In Haley Barbour's case, it's code for "hood-wearing racist".
posted by Trurl at 11:59 AM on May 17, 2011

Jeb Bush's statement about not running for president is odd:

Q. You going to run for president?
A. No.
Q. Not ever?
A. I don’t know about that. But I’m not running any time that I’m aware of. 2012 for sure.

I think the Repubs are just giving all the kids on the short bus a chance at pretending to run for President. I mean, none of them have a chance in hell. At all of the 2012 debates, all Obama has to do to answer is say, "Yeah, well, I killed bin Laden." Case closed.
posted by crunchland at 12:00 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

The non-front runner Repubs seem like a reasonably electable bunch. How do the biggest wingnuts always end upo winning these nomination races?

A few of them seem... sane... but keep in mind that list also includes Santorum, Cain, Bolton and Bachmann
posted by edgeways at 12:01 PM on May 17, 2011

Romney: loses all teabagger support, base stays home, gets crushed.
Pawlenty: if he loses Iowa, he won't win the nomination. Complete unknown outside of the Midwest, gets crushed.
Gingrich: Literally skeletons in the closet. Republican "values voters" stay home, gets crushed.
Palin: Hahahahaha.
Bachmann: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Huntsman: Unknown, flip-flops on his Mormon faith, served in Obama's administration, the lizard-brain GOP teabagger base stays home, gets crushed.
Daniels: Unknown. Fiscally sound, social moderate, won't win the base.
Paul: GOOGLE ME.
Santorum: DON'T GOOGLE ME.
Cain: Republican party's attempt at "see, we aren't all old white guys!". Republican base stays home, or alternately hangs themselves in their closets.
Roemer: Challenges Gingrich for most-marriages achievement.
Bolton: Appeals to the lizard brain wing, but loses all moderate votes, gets crushed.
posted by mark242 at 12:01 PM on May 17, 2011 [85 favorites]

Needs more charts and infographics for us morans.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:02 PM on May 17, 2011

How do the biggest wingnuts always end upo winning these nomination races?

Smart politicians are very careful about the process of campaigning against an incumbent, even one whose approval ratings are not stellar. They'll be even more careful now that Obama has had a popular foreign policy success and the economy slowly continues to improve.
posted by aught at 12:02 PM on May 17, 2011

I am full of dread that this country is increasingly screwed until: A. There's a revolution or B. The power of money is removed from the political process. I hope the revolution isn't too bloody and destructive.
posted by Daddy-O at 12:08 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

Cancer survivor, YouTube sensation and former mathematician with the US Navy, Herman Cain has a résumé that demands your attention. His experience on all three major fronts of American politics
- corporate, legislative and media –

I guess the whole, having actually served in political office does not count as a "major front" of politics.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:10 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

mark242's comment is spot on and hilarious.
posted by Daddy-O at 12:10 PM on May 17, 2011

blue_beetle: Needs more charts and infographics for us morans.

A Graphical Overview of the 2012 Republican Field, courtesy of Nate Silver (from Feb 4, 2011)

See also: Wives per GOP presidential candidate, 1988-2012 (March 11, 2011) - NOTE: this doesn't mean at the same time, and they aren't including Palin or Bachmann.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:10 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Timothy Gay Sr is a true outsider. He may not have the political experience as the others. However he does know how it feels to struggle. Like most Americans do.

**intrigued, clicks through to introduction**

Timothy Gay Sr stands 5'9" on a good day. He again knows the everyday struggles that the average American faces. He knows it first hand by going threw that daily.

Well, I'm convinced. GAY 2012!!
posted by Pallas Athena at 12:12 PM on May 17, 2011

You mean Newton LEROY Gingrich?
posted by BeerFilter at 12:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

It looks like a list of real estate agents...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 12:16 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Gingrich: Literally skeletons in the closet

I find it hard to believe that Mr. Gingrich literally has skeletons in his closet, as that is a very impractical place to put them. Closets are for clothes, mark242, and skeletons take up a surprising amount of room, believe me, even if they are human remains and merely must be stood upright and dusted periodically. If Mr. Gingrich literally has a skeleton collection, he most likely stores them in his cellar, or perhaps he lines them up along the walls of his garage, like an honour guard greeting him when he arrives home.
posted by cmonkey at 12:17 PM on May 17, 2011 [22 favorites]

GAY 2012!!

He has an assault charge, DUI, and wants to drill for oil in Hawaii, but I'd still trust him to babysit before Gingrich.
posted by theodolite at 12:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Republican base stays home, or alternately hangs themselves in their closets.

Not on a Tuesday silly, they save the autoerotic asphyxiation for Thursdays when their wives are out at Christian Womens' Knitting Night.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

It looks like a list of ~~real estate agents~~ white collar criminals.

FTFY.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 12:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Here's what's going to happen:

Romney will win the nomination. He's the only viable candidate the Republicans have got. But, because of his Mormon-ness and because he helped establish universal health care in Massachusetts, Romney will have to draft Huckabee as his running mate. (Huckabee wins the Miss Congeniality award on the conservative pageant circuit. His pulling out of the race is simply an indication that he's not going to run for the office of president, not that he won't appear on the 2012 ticket in some way.)

If Romney can't get Huckabee as a running mate, and ends up with someone less conservative, the Tea Partiers will split off and run a third-party candidate. I can imagine a Paul/Palin ticket, or more likely, a Paul/Bachmann ticket.

While Romney is the clear front-runner -- the Big Tent Ideal -- he is going to have to go super-conservative with his rhetoric in order to win the nomination. If he doesn't start getting out there now with uber-conservative nonsense, the Tea Partiers will soon start to feel marginalized/ignored/invalidated. This would be a good thing for Dems, and a terrible thing for Republicans, because a rift in the party would destroy their 2012 electoral dreams.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals and become a conservative shill, and (b) that he will not select Huckabee as his running mate. What I'd really love to see is a split in the Republican party, and a division of the base. That probably won't happen, but I'm going to keep holding my breath anyway.

Note: I'd actually love to see Gingrich as the Republican nominee. It would be kind of like Dole '96, which is to say, a total snooze-fest. Besides which, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Newt.
posted by brina at 12:21 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Healthcare section for Gingrich could do with some extensive updating.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:21 PM on May 17, 2011

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, man, that's a good one. Romney has not met an ideal he would not abandon in a heartbeat.
posted by Jugwine at 12:24 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]

I'm curious as to what policies or statements the 2012 Republican candidates will be able to come up with to appeal to the Tea Party base. Because it seems to me that there really isn't a platform beneath the Tea Party; I can't think of a thing that they stand for, only a whole bunch of things they can't stand, but can't propose alternatives, and don't really understand.

It's hard to run on a platform of blind, relentless panic.
posted by MrVisible at 12:27 PM on May 17, 2011

I can imagine a Paul/Palin ticket

I think at this point the last thing Palin wants is an electoral victory. So this may very well happen.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Jugwine: "I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, man, that's a good one. Romney has not met an ideal he would not abandon in a heartbeat."

Oh, but you're wrong -- Romney only believes that abandoning ideals should only happen at the STATE LEVEL!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [8 favorites]

Politico on the Gingrich jewelry bill

Since they're not commenting on whether the debt is paid, presumably it is not paid, at least not fully.

In Callista Gingrich’s last disclosure filing, which covers the 2006 calendar year, she reported that the couple had between roughly $1 million and $2.5 million in assets.

So when Gingrich was 62 years old, he owed a minimum of 10% and a maximum of 50% of his assets to a jewelry store. Fiscal conservatism, folks.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:31 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

Stuck between the Tea Party and a hard place -- "More Tea Party groups say they'll seek candidates to challenge establishment Republicans."
posted by ericb at 12:35 PM on May 17, 2011

Possible Romney bumper sticker: ICH BIN MIT MITT
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:36 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals and become a conservative shill

Don't say this within six feet of any Massachusetts resident while they're drinking, unless you want a faceful of whatever they spit out while uncontrollably laughing.
posted by rollbiz at 12:37 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

So when Gingrich was 62 years old, he owed a minimum of 10% and a maximum of 50% of his assets to a jewelry store. Fiscal conservatism, folks.

And the religious right is already gearing up to mark it as 'unbiblical' debt. Barring other candidates falling apart even more spectacularly than he has, Gingrich is likely toast.
posted by jedicus at 12:39 PM on May 17, 2011

The Republican nominating contest reminds me of the exchange in Arthur Penn's Night Moves:

- Who's winning?

- Nobody. One side is just losing slower than the other.
posted by Trurl at 12:40 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

OK, I get that he doesn't want to say he'll never run, but the wording sounds like other people might make decisions for him, or he might have signed the Intent to Run for President paperwork while drunk last weekend.

Even weirder is Jon Huntsman, who denied accusations that he planned to run against President Obama while serving as his ambassador to China:

"There was no gearing up for a campaign, whatsoever," Huntsman said, explaining that the campaign structure had been put together without his input.

"I didn't even know these people,'' he said, pointing to several campaign staffers nearby. "I did not know them until I got off the plane. … These are all new friends."

Deeply, deeply weird.
posted by EarBucket at 12:41 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals and become a conservative shill

Maybe I should have said I hope Romney will not veer into Tea Party conservative territory. Or that I hope he remains a flip-flopper. Basically, unless he can turn himself into a complete crazy person overnight, many Republicans will not see him as conservative enough to deserve the nomination. As long as he keeps flipping and flopping, the Dems have some hope.
posted by brina at 12:42 PM on May 17, 2011

I think the Republicans will nominate Newt Gingrich. This is the only election season when his infidelity and divorces won't matter to the primary voters. And to them, he'll seem like the needed intellectual "powerhouse" to combat the incumbent smarty-pants.
posted by anotherpanacea at 12:43 PM on May 17, 2011

Iowa Voter to Newt Gingrich: ‘Why Don’t You Get Out Before You Make A Bigger Fool Of Yourself’ (video).
posted by ericb at 12:43 PM on May 17, 2011

                                        
                                        |   Economy is good        |     Economy is bad
                                        ------------------------------------------------
GOP candidate is visibly crazy          |    Obama wins            |      Obama wins
GOP candidate is ostensibly not crazy   |    Obama wins            |        GOP wins

posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:44 PM on May 17, 2011 [24 favorites]

I hadn't actually heard of Gary Johson. It seems like he was reasonably successful as governor, but I suspect that his social views make him anathema to the Tea Party wing.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 12:45 PM on May 17, 2011

brina: " I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Newt"

Heart, or head? [/snark]
posted by notsnot at 12:45 PM on May 17, 2011

I think it almost has to be Pawlenty. He's terribly boring, but as far as I can tell he's the only credible member of the field who doesn't have any obvious, glaring disqualifiers. He's not a Mormon, or an adulterer, or a libertarian, or clearly insane. He's not going to do anything to inspire the party, but short of a dark horse entering the race (and I can't think of anyone plausible) I think he gets it by default, as long as he can keep playing The Generic Republican as well as he has so far.
posted by EarBucket at 12:48 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Despite Criticism Of Paul Ryan, Gingrich Proposed Nearly Identical Plan In 1995.

Gingrich Seeks to Clarify Comments on Individual Mandate.

Gingrich Blames Press For Ryan Controversy: Liberal Media ‘Took Dramatically Out Of Context What I Said’.
posted by ericb at 12:49 PM on May 17, 2011

Pawlenty could be a credible John Kerry-type candidate. Which doesn't mean much.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:49 PM on May 17, 2011

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Romney will not (a) abandon his ideals

What

Okay, but seriously, it's kind of nuts, as it has been for the last two or so years, watching punditry babble on about this as if Romney's not going to get the nomination in a walk.

His biggest honest to god problem at this point was surviving Iowa, and with Huckabee out he can probably buy it now. Or just ignore it and take New Hampshire in a landslide. Nikki Haley will endorse whoever the frontrunner is in South Carolina because she wants a nice cabinet post in the Department of Not South Carolina. And after that no one else will probably be able to afford competing with him.

I sincerely doubt Huckabee will accept VP for the same reason he didn't run to begin with: the money's too good. If I had to put money now I would either say Daniels as a fellow establishment candidate that the press will lovingly rim for the entire election or whatever white, male Southern governor is most appealing to teabaggers.

| Economy is good | Economy is bad

People also need to stop speculating on this one too. The economy's going to be bad. It's not going to become good in 18 months, unless you mean "marginally better than now" which is still a shit ton worse than in 2008.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:50 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

George Will: Newt Gingrich ‘Is Just Not A Serious Candidate’ For President

He’s been out of elective office for 12 years. … Newt Gingrich’s problems are so far beyond just his multiple marriages and all that. His ethanol love affair right now. ON the 7th of March he said, “Let’s go Qaddafi.” On the 23rd of he says, “I never favored intervention.” He did it on television. … He’s one of these people who says that to understand Barack Obama you need to understand his “Kenyan anti-colonial mentality.” This is just not a serious candidate.

posted by ericb at 12:51 PM on May 17, 2011

Palin will be on somebody's ticket. And I think the nominee is someone as yet unknown. I hate and love these moments. Because somewhere in all of the text is a candidate (and running mate) that we could figure out if we could just make sense of things.

Where's Avenger at right about now?

It's just that this time next year it'll be like "ohhh, that makes perfect sense that this person would run with that person. You could have seen it coming 2 years out."

I see Palin figuring in bigtime. She's the only one that still gets the dummies moving and she treats them like an army.

I'm just trying to figure out how republicans will try to shift things or use the current climate, and then perhaps that will give clues as to who would run.

The funniest thing to me was O'reilly going on and on trying to say that anytime someone criticizes the president, the media accuses them of the r word. So I'm wondering how they'll try to turn that around.

Palin's going to figure in it somehow. She's dumb as bricks but the people following her aren't doing it because they think she's smart. Come the debates, hell, she might just respond to questions by saying she'd have her advisors look into it and have her answer be a non-answer. I expect there'll be lots of talking over interviewers and a play at emotions at every single opportunity. What they say won't make a lick of sense and you could be watching with the sound turned down and not miss a beat. Heck, what if they just didn't show up to debates? Didn't put out a ton of information. Just kind of played dead for a while.

It just feels like all they can do to win is whip people into a blind fury and ride that into office. And Palin will probably take part. But they'll have to time it pretty well, just lurk and do minimal things until the last possible moment, then try to galvanize people quickly by some method or other (monumental lies/misinformation/radical tactics). You'd think that would be the end of the party if they tried that, but given the legislation they've been putting forth (and man I'd love to see a post on all that craziness), it might just happen that way.
posted by cashman at 12:51 PM on May 17, 2011

Palin's done. The Giffords shooting combined with her "target" map and her ham-handed blood libel response seriously wounded her, both with independents and a national media that suddenly became noticeably warier about treating her like a legitimate Presidential candidate.

The other thing that happened to her that I don't think people quite appreciate was Donald Trump's brief foray into politics. Suddenly there was someone willing to say far more outrageous things in front of a camera, and he sucked up all the oxygen from the room. There's only really room for one Head Blowhard, and her fifteen minutes are up. Look for Gingrich to dominate the role briefly until he flames out, at which point either Michele Bachmann or Herman Cain will take up the slack.
posted by EarBucket at 12:55 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Palin will be on somebody's ticket.

Not a chance. How people just saw why Huckabee bailed and think Palin wouldn't do the same astounds me. Not trying to be president has made her millions already.

The only difference, of course, being that Huckabee actually the slightest snowball's chance in hell of actually winning.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I hope Romney and Huntsman are challenged to say whether or not they wear temple garments.

I mean, if these men are going to be standing up against Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong-il, we deserve to know whether they believe their underclothes provide them with protection against evil.
posted by Trurl at 12:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

The economy's going to be bad. It's not going to become good in 18 months

Agreed. I should say "Economy perceived to be improving/not improving"
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:57 PM on May 17, 2011

Or that I hope he remains a flip-flopper.

Oh, he's at it again!

Mitt Romney: Mitt Romney Flip Flops Inside A Speech.

See Mitt Romney Flip-Flop.

Mitt Romney Defines Himself As A Flip-Flopper.

And ... a website devoted to all of his flip-flops: Mitt Romney's Flip-Flops.
posted by ericb at 12:58 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Regarding Romney, he's off to a good start in fundraising.

Romney Flexes Fundraising Muscle In Las Vegas -- "Exploratory committee says it raised $10.25 million in 8-hour, dial-for-dollars event."
posted by ericb at 1:01 PM on May 17, 2011

And ... a website devoted to all of his flip-flops: Mitt Romney's Flip-Flops.

I honestly expected luxury footwear.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:03 PM on May 17, 2011

I will eat my hat if Palin is on the GOP ticket in 2012. There is just no way, for many of the reasons touched on above. I think Gingrich is toast, too, but it is still early. I think Romney basically inherits the nod (i.e., last man standing with the most cash) but I could very well be wrong.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:03 PM on May 17, 2011

Admittedly I'm partially going off the "There's no way. This time, the Democrats got this" feeling as a sign that it's right before the floor falls out.
posted by cashman at 1:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

EarBucket: ""I didn't even know these people,'' he said, pointing to several campaign staffers nearby. "I did not know them until I got off the plane. … These are all new friends.""

This is like that high school prank where your friends forge your signature and sign you up for the Army.
posted by boo_radley at 1:13 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

For the past 3 years, my money's been on Gingrich, given the direction of the Republican party and the fact that he's already got gobs of cash.

Now, I think it's going to be a tossup, statistical fluke, or favored toward whomever manages to clinch the first few primaries (which will probably be Romney). If the race isn't decisively narrowed down to one or two candidates by the end of the first month of primaries, the GOP doesn't stand a chance of winning the presidency, and will probably also lose enough steam to be screwed in the House and Senate as well.
posted by schmod at 1:13 PM on May 17, 2011

Gingrich: How was I to know?
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:16 PM on May 17, 2011

ericb: Despite Criticism Of [Paul Ryan], [Gingrich] Proposed Nearly Identical Plan In [1995]

This phrase is like a terrible form of Mad Libs - how many politicians can replace Gingrich's name, given any number of current proposals? The forgetfulness of the public is bad, but for news outlets it's worse. And they wouldn't be "gotcha" questions - "But [politician], didn't you [support/propose/pass] similar legislature [x] years ago?" is simply asking someone about their past actions undertaken while in office.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:20 PM on May 17, 2011

When oh when are we going to stop using "articulate" as code for "black"?
posted by Navelgazer at 1:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Is "Record Unemployment" on the list? I think she might win.
posted by ennui.bz at 1:33 PM on May 17, 2011

How many primary states are open primaries? I'd be curious to see if Dems try to push a candidate they know Obama can stomp. Sorta like that one guy in South Carolina... what's his name?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 1:33 PM on May 17, 2011

When oh when are we going to stop using "articulate" as code for "black"?

It could be worse.
posted by Trurl at 1:36 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Guys, I know we are all adults and stuff but the headings on this page are KILLING ME.
posted by StopMakingSense at 1:39 PM on May 17, 2011 [13 favorites]

This Thomas Gay Jr. sounds like every bit the Neanderthal, which makes his issues page, titled Gay on the Issues, even more unintentionally hilarious.

The subheadings alone would make a hilarious campaign commercial :

"Gay on Abortion, Gay on Afghanistan, Gay ... FOR YOU!"
posted by Afroblanco at 1:44 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Guys, I know we are all adults and stuff but the headings on this page are KILLING ME.

---------------

Gay Spouse:

He has been married for 9 years to wife Jamie "a wonderful lady," according to Tim.

This is just the icing on the cake.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [8 favorites]

Palin will be on somebody's ticket.

No way, no how. I don't think she'll run for President, because I think she rather enjoys being thought of as the king-maker or the great GOP hope rather than the actual nuts-and-bolts candidate. Plus being maybe-running pays better than does actually-running. I'm damn sure she doesn't want to be VP and, really, who would want her? You want your VP choice to complement the ticket, not completely overshadow your candidate.

It would be "Some guy (the tall one. What's his name?)/Palin 2012".
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 1:52 PM on May 17, 2011

Can someone explain to me what exactly is with the website in the FPP? Do the candidates (or their handlers) prepare all of the "information" about them, or is this some outside group giving the 411 on each of the candidates? Mainly, I'm asking about things like this:

As President, Gay would cut his salary from $400,000 to $100,000 a year and ask congress to do the same.

What exactly does that mean? Does it mean that he thinks people in congress make $400,000 a year? Or does it mean that he needs congress's approval for the pay cut? If so, he can't cut the pay on his own, so even though he would cut his salary, he can't.

Ugh, it's the wording of things like this that tell me a lot. I need to know if it's the camp of the candidate or the website creators producing these blurbs.
posted by King Bee at 2:09 PM on May 17, 2011

Thomas Gay could finance his entire campaign by selling bumper stickers that say "Go Gay in 2012."
posted by drezdn at 2:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

GAY EDUCATION
Apprenticed at a steel mill that was a disco on Friday nights.

GAY LANGUAGES
This is America I know run-on sentences and FABULOUS English only.

GAY AND THE MILITARY
Left before they repealed DADT ... totally under my own volition.

GAY ANCESTRY
I totally am related to Anna Wintour and Andy Warhol.
posted by msbutah at 2:25 PM on May 17, 2011

The best part is, I bet none of these comments are things which Thomas Gay didn't hear a zillion times during his middle school years.
posted by hippybear at 2:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

When oh when are we going to stop using "articulate" as code for "black"?

Would you please black your complaint more precisely?
posted by Mister_A at 2:39 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pawlenty/Romney or Romney/Pawlenty depending on the breaks in the primaries. They are the last standing "mainstream" Republicans, and the national party has too much of a credibility problem thanks to the Tea Party to let one of the wackos on the ticket. Come 2016, though, all bets are off.
posted by briank at 3:09 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't think she'll run for President, because I think she rather enjoys being thought of as the king-maker or the great GOP hope

Agreed.

Tina Fey and Saturday Night Live nailed it when they joked that Palin wanted to be "some kind of white Oprah."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:29 PM on May 17, 2011

GAY 2012!!

That's Fred Karger, actually.
posted by Clustercuss at 3:31 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

If Romney or T-Paw gets the nomination, I think they'll choose the Republican equiv. of a John Edwards, someone a bit more exciting and a bit more to the right. I could see them choosing a Paul Ryan or other young buck.
posted by drezdn at 3:35 PM on May 17, 2011

All these crazy republicans coming out of the woodworks, it makes you wonder... whatever happened to Bobby Jindal?
posted by catwash at 3:49 PM on May 17, 2011

Thrown into a volcano.
posted by The Whelk at 3:50 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

Wow. Thanks for pointing that out. Not having seen pictures (I listen to radio a lot) I thought Pawlenty WAS Bobby Jindal. So much for name recog.
posted by BeerFilter at 3:53 PM on May 17, 2011

Republican Presidential Candidates 2012: All Look Same.
posted by GuyZero at 4:00 PM on May 17, 2011

catwash: All these crazy republicans coming out of the woodworks, it makes you wonder... whatever happened to Bobby Jindal?

He's on Page 4: Not Running, with the quote: "I'm not being coy at all. I'm not running for president in 2012. Period. No if's, and's or but's, no caveats." (Source, and elaboration: "We have made great progress in Louisiana, but we've got a lot more work to do." ... plus he has a book to shill)
posted by filthy light thief at 4:08 PM on May 17, 2011

Oh, and Jindal was born in India, so how could he run?

GuyZero: Republican Presidential Candidates 2012: All Look Same.

Except for the two ladies, the black guy, and the giant Umpa-loompas.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:10 PM on May 17, 2011

~~Oh, and Jindal was born in India, so how could he run?~~ Damned mis-reading -- The NY Times article states:

Piyush Jindal was born on June 10, 1971, in Baton Rouge to Hindu parents who had come to the United States six months before so his mother could pursue a graduate degree in nuclear physics at Louisiana State University.

Emphasis mine, to point out his parents were in the US before he was born, not 6 months after.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:13 PM on May 17, 2011

Anchor baby.
posted by stet at 4:21 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

Come on, Michele! Do it! Please? I want nothing less than maximum crazy entertainment during the Republican nomination process.
posted by perhapses at 4:32 PM on May 17, 2011

Emphasis mine, to point out his parents were in the US before he was born, not 6 months after.

Who cares when he was born? Life begins at conception.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Bachmann will not run because fundamentally, like the Fox talking heads, what she wants to do is complain. She wins because she appeals to people who complain. To be in a position of power is counter-productive to her strategy. She has no vision. She only has complaints.

Actually, that makes running for President a really good gig for her. She's in no danger of actually winning the nomination, because the national media understands that she's certifiably insane. They won't treat her as a serious contender, so there's basically zero chance that any kind of real momentum builds behind her.

That means that she can go to the debates and go on Fox News and go to rallies and say crazy stuff and get on TV and raise big piles of money on the internet and shake hands with adoring fans and have a great time and not have to worry about actually being handed any kind of real responsibility (beyond being a member of Congress, which, holy shit how the hell did that happen). It's basically the Sarah Palin strategy, only Bachmann's a fresh face that people who don't follow politics obsessively aren't sick of yet.
posted by EarBucket at 5:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think if Jeb Bush ever ran, he'd win. But maybe he has issues (and not his brother, I actually think that would help him by comparison) that I don't know about. Otherwise, he's genuinely bilingual from what I've seen, and he would get loads of voters on that alone. Anyone have any insight as to why he isn't running?

My guess would be that like Huckabee, he's sitting out 2012 because 2016 will be a lot easier race to run in and win. Biden and Clinton won't be running, Obama's done so it'll be a level playing field.

Bush and one of Huckabee/Huntsman/Daniels/Pawlenty/Santorum on the Republican ticket in 2016. Take your pick.
posted by CosmicRayCharles at 6:27 PM on May 17, 2011

This is crazy shit. Can you imagine starting a presidential campaign and immediately having to apologize to someone for expressing an opinion on a policy? Gingrich has a curious combination of no shame and no backbone.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't figure out the Republican field. If it were any other year, it would obviously be the next white guy in line who this time is Romney. But the Tea Party hates him and not just for the Mormon stuff. As far as they're concerned he's as Socialist as they think Obama is. I can't see him winning this year but I can't see anyone else in the pack winning either and somebody's got to win. Would the Tea Party dominated Republican Party really nominate a former Massachusetts governor who's only legislative claim to fame is the model for Obamacare? Got me.
posted by octothorpe at 8:24 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is crazy shit.

Okay, how about this?

A protester dumped a bunch of glitter on Newt Gingrich and his wife tonight at a book-signing in Minneapolis. The man approached the couple during the event at a downtown Minneapolis hotel and showered the rainbow-colored confetti on the pair. He then yelled, "stop the hate" and “feel the rainbow,” presumably a nod to gay rights. Liberal activist Robert Erickson appears to behind the shimmery mess.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 8:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Sometimes I wonder about you 21st Century but then you do this
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Being hated by gay rights activists is a badge of honor for any GOP primary candidate. Glitter guy may as well be on the Gingrich payroll.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Operation Pixie Bukkake.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

He was probably hoping for a reaction closer to this.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:00 PM on May 17, 2011

So 2011 is when rainbow brite got political?
posted by The Whelk at 9:01 PM on May 17, 2011

"Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood, because I have said publicly those words were inaccurate and unfortunate," [Gingrich] told FOX's Greta Van Susteren.

Hee! Squirm you fuck!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Newt's half a million tiffany's bill
posted by The Whelk at 9:19 PM on May 17, 2011

Newt gets glittered.
posted by crunchland at 9:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Have we disturbed your events?"

Uhh, you disturb gay marriage ceremonies with force of law.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:40 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

That had to have happened before he declared his candidacy, or else the Secret Service would have been all over him, right?
posted by crunchland at 9:54 PM on May 17, 2011

The glitter seemed to deliberately hit the table, not Newt or whatever that thing is beside him. God knows her hair alone could probably deflect most small arms or particle beam weapons. Glitter tossed on Newt = assault. Dumped on table = leave room no charges.
posted by buzzman at 9:58 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

That had to have happened before he declared his candidacy, or else the Secret Service would have been all over him, right?

Primary candidates don't generally get Secret Service protection this early, unless a special risk is identified (as in the case of Obama).
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:07 PM on May 17, 2011

He then yelled, "stop the hate" and “feel the rainbow,” presumably a nod to gay rights

Skittles viral marketing
posted by mikepop at 5:45 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

If Gay takes the nomination he should run with Jon Huntsman for VP. Then we'll have the

GAY HUNTSMAN 2012

republican ticket. Has a certain ring to it...
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:33 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Kevin Drum on what he calls "The coming GOP spectacle" about a month ago:

...I just want to say that I am so looking forward to the Republican primary campaign this cycle... This is a freak show of stupendous proportions, and it would be perfect if Donald Trump really did decide to join all these nutbags on the stage during the debates.

I guess I'm wondering how these debates are going to go. I mean, the party line even among the relatively sane wing of the GOP holds that Obama is a socialist Kenyan sleeper agent, global warming doesn't exist, millionaires are taxed too highly, and Ben Bernanke is courting hyperinflation. Parroting those positions won't make you stand out from the pack, so the crazy wing is going to have to up the ante. But how? Obama needs to turn over a DNA sample to prove he's not a mutant mole? Our real danger is the potential for ice caps to start forming in Los Angeles by the middle of the century? We should take a cue from the airlines and give rich people a million-dollar-club card from the government that exempts them from all taxes for the rest of their lives?

posted by euphorb at 9:45 AM on May 18, 2011

The Huntsman, you say?
posted by hippybear at 10:44 AM on May 18, 2011

I'm going on the record to predict that the 2012 Presidential race will be analogous to the 2010 Florida senate race.

In Florida, the moderate Republican governor and the Democratic candidate split the Democrat/moderate independent/not crazy voters allowing the right-wing tea-party favorite Rubio to win handily.

In the 2012 Presidential race, no matter who wins the Republican primary process, it's not going to satisfy enough of the hard right/Tea Party types. They will then run their own candidate who will split the Republican/Tea Party/batshit-crazy voters allowing Obama to win handily. Probably not nearly as handily as Rubio won Florida, but handily enough.

The only wild card I see in this scenario is Herman Cain. If he's the Republican nominee, he might draw off enough of the black vote to hurt Obama and enough hard right/Tea Party types to further marginalize the independent candidate. The question is, will hard-right/tea party/talk-radio Republican voters vote en-mass for a black guy? Maybe. I was still saying at this point in 2008 that the US would never elect a black president in my lifetime, so I don't exactly have my finger on the pulse of the electorate.
posted by lordrunningclam at 12:53 PM on May 18, 2011

If Herman Cain were nominated he would be a serious challenger to Obama. He has very little political experience but he is eloquent, very intelligent, and has an undeniably solid business resume.

Republicans are racist, but not in the way that would prevent them from voting for a guy like Cain. I also don't think he would be a threat to steal any Democratic votes on the basis of skin color.

His tea party credentials are solid enough that there wouldn't be much reason for there to be an independent run in this scenario.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:05 PM on May 18, 2011

The Newt fun keeps on coming:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment's cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:15 PM on May 18, 2011

Mitt Romney Has It All — Except Stalwart Support From Republicans.
posted by ericb at 1:25 PM on May 18, 2011

NBC's David Gregory Defends Medicare Question As Newt Gingrich Spokesman Blasts Media ‘Minions'.
posted by ericb at 1:27 PM on May 18, 2011

Now this I can get behind ...

Bloomberg Threatens To Stop Funding Republicans Who Don't Back Gay Marriage.

posted by ericb at 1:32 PM on May 18, 2011

Jon Stewart To Donald Trump: 'Don't Quit!'
posted by ericb at 1:35 PM on May 18, 2011

RE: Herman Cain... It's my understanding that the Republican establishment wants to exclude him from debates (and Ron Paul).
posted by drezdn at 1:39 PM on May 18, 2011

They aren't going to be able to exclude Cain just yet if that is their goal, as far as the Republican crowd was concerned he was the star of that first one.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:54 PM on May 18, 2011

Not a chance
I will eat my hat if Palin is on the GOP ticket in 2012.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe, Sarah Palin Slides Into 2012 Waters

Still not officially in the race, and maybe she's just playing around. But I still think she will get in there somehow. I still remember those crowds of people. I know in recent years she wasn't as much of a draw as during the campaign, but for all the "If she ran, that would be crazy!" thoughts - well she's crazy, so there you go.
posted by cashman at 5:25 AM on May 19, 2011

I am so sad Schwartzenegger can't join in the fun. Gingrich could pick him as his running mate, and together they could alienate 99% of all women voters.
posted by benzenedream at 1:43 PM on May 19, 2011

Oh good grief. Rachel Maddow just played The Huntsman theme as part of her show tonight.

This just gets surreal at times.

How can I parlay this into having her come tend bar at a party sometime? Rachel -- have someone on your staff email me -- you can find the address in my profile.
posted by hippybear at 7:09 PM on May 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Rachel, just don't mention Candleja
posted by The Whelk at 7:34 PM on May 20, 2011

Better get your hat recipe ready.

"A feature-length flick on Palin’s life and career will premiere next month in Iowa. “The Undefeated” is the title."

"When it premieres in Iowa next month, the film is poised to serve as a galvanizing prelude to Palin's prospective presidential campaign -- an unconventional reintroduction to the nation that she and her political team have spent months eagerly anticipating, even as Beltway Republicans have largely concluded that she won't run."

This is going to get gnarly.
posted by cashman at 6:37 PM on May 25, 2011

"A feature-length flick on Palin’s life and career will premiere next month in Iowa. “The Undefeated” is the title."

So 2008 doesn't count then?
posted by drezdn at 6:38 PM on May 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Signs Grow that Palin may Run
posted by cashman at 7:34 PM on May 25, 2011

Sarah Palin to tour East Coast, New Hampshire

Yeahhh. Never have I been as unpleased at the prospect of seeing someone eat their own hat. Still no announcement though, maybe she's just like "Fuck Mitches, get money".
posted by cashman at 6:48 AM on May 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Lil' Ricky's Gonna Announce!
posted by octothorpe at 7:17 AM on May 27, 2011

DRAMATIC CHIPMITT
posted by cashman at 11:32 AM on June 13, 2011

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