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Literary Blurb Translation Guide
May 22, 2011 8:51 AM   Subscribe

"Trenchant satire" = poop jokes. J. Robert Lennon at Ward Six presents the Literary Blurb Translation Guide.
posted by escabeche (55 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

 
Some of these are completely spot-on.
posted by DU at 9:00 AM on May 22, 2011


"an inciteful review" = really, really trying to get a blurb on the book jacket
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:03 AM on May 22, 2011


or maybe "insightful"

3 MINUTE PREVIEW WHERE ARE YOU?
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:04 AM on May 22, 2011


"tightly coiled and edgy" = contains fucking

Ha! Awesome.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:10 AM on May 22, 2011


"newspeakalikous" = subverting existing word-object one to one associatons
posted by elpapacito at 9:12 AM on May 22, 2011


"audacious" = author attempts to depict things he knows nothing about
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:18 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"refreshing point of view" = agrees with me
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:26 AM on May 22, 2011 [7 favorites]


"paradigm shift" = belonging to a universe where everyone has goatees
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:28 AM on May 22, 2011 [4 favorites]


"complex" = nobody knows what the hell it's about
posted by jonmc at 9:33 AM on May 22, 2011


and I thought they only used "A triumph" these days to refer to books that read like they were written by an insult comic dog...
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:40 AM on May 22, 2011


"a page turner" = the paper feels weird
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:40 AM on May 22, 2011


"you will tell your friends" (not to bother returning it)
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:41 AM on May 22, 2011


"dark" = Batman's in it (stolen from the movie projection thread)
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:43 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"explosive" = seriously dude don't touch it, you'll get hurt
posted by LogicalDash at 9:57 AM on May 22, 2011


"a literary classic" = as much fun as an 8th grade reading assignment
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:07 AM on May 22, 2011


"Their best work yet" - utter dreck
posted by zippy at 10:08 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"this book saved my life" = I threw it at a guy threatening me and ran away
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:12 AM on May 22, 2011


"they don't write 'em like this anymore" = written in a dead language
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:12 AM on May 22, 2011


"an instant classic" = dated and outmoded, even before it's hit the shelves
posted by LogicalDash at 10:30 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"dark" = Batman's in it (stolen from the movie projection thread

I see you.
posted by DU at 10:30 AM on May 22, 2011


"gritty" = written by an alcoholic
posted by jonmc at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2011 [6 favorites]


"inspiring" = this review is, in fact, inspired by the book it is about, and not at all by any of my personal issues with the author, the English language, or life
posted by LogicalDash at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2011


"raw" = probable drug use
posted by monkeys with typewriters at 10:35 AM on May 22, 2011


"challenging" = people will pretend to like this book to look smart
posted by jonmc at 10:36 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"epic" = look at the damn page count LOOK AT IT
posted by LogicalDash at 10:38 AM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"harrowing" = contains cusswords

"a spine-tingling thriller" = women in danger!

"I laughed, I cried" = Rex Reed wrote this blurb

"explores oft-overlooked territory" = hyperfocused on boring trivia

"heartfelt" = maudlin

"a saga of epic proportions" = this book is way too fucking long
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:38 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"steamy" = sex

"visceral" = sex

"primal" = sex
posted by likeso at 10:39 AM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"steamy" = this book has been boiled
posted by jonmc at 10:40 AM on May 22, 2011


"an X of Y proportions" = lots of adverbs. For instance, describing X in a Y way. But I'm better than that, see, I used an adjective instead.
posted by LogicalDash at 10:41 AM on May 22, 2011


"fascinating" = sex, but with better syntax
posted by LogicalDash at 10:43 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: I'm just stringing random words together now.
posted by Splunge at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"erotic" = actually not much sex, but it had me fooled for a while
posted by LogicalDash at 10:47 AM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"dark" = written by someone who wouldn't scare a three-year-old
posted by jonmc at 11:02 AM on May 22, 2011


"erotic" = actually not much sex, but it had me fooled for a while

"exotic" = erotic, and takes place in South America or Asia
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:27 AM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


"brilliant debut" = fucked author at Bread Loaf / after a PEN meeting / during office hours

"stirring debut" = really wanted to fuck author at Bread Loaf / after a PEN meeting / during office hours
posted by Chichibio at 12:04 PM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"transcends the genre" = reviewer is pissed that he was assigned a sci-fi book

"based on actual events" = ripped off from an episode of 'Law & Order'

"a medical thriller" or "a legal thriller" = 75% jargon

"takes you inside the mind of a madman" = would never want to meet the author in real life

"everyone should read this book" and suffer the same way I have
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:12 PM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


"everyone should read this book" and suffer the same way I have

or even

"everyone should read this book" and then god willing no-one will ever write one like it again
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:35 PM on May 22, 2011


"experimental" = what is this i dont even
posted by LogicalDash at 1:14 PM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


"a guilty pleasure" - highly racist
posted by tumid dahlia at 2:13 PM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


"transcends the genre" = reviewer is pissed that he was assigned a sci-fi book

Let's be fair - sometimes the reviewer is grateful for an opportunity to explain that the rest of [genre] is not art.
posted by brennen at 2:15 PM on May 22, 2011


"consistently brilliant" - this is the only book this guy ever wrote that was actually sold
posted by Harry at 2:16 PM on May 22, 2011


"a fury of dazzling transcendence" Oh! for an opportunity to use that!
posted by Cranberry at 2:44 PM on May 22, 2011


"In the immortal style of X" - will forever destroy your love of X
posted by Sparx at 2:52 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"A bold new voice in [genre]" = a bad imitator of someone writing thirty years previous.
posted by smoke at 4:52 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"People will still be reading this in fifty years" = It will take you forever to finish.
posted by smoke at 4:53 PM on May 22, 2011


"poetic language" - no plot
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:12 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"full of intrigue" = too much plot
posted by LogicalDash at 5:40 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"comes to a satisfying conclusion" = same old plot
posted by escabeche at 6:30 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"absorbing" - dropped it in the bath
posted by maxwelton at 6:33 PM on May 22, 2011 [3 favorites]


"romantic" - every chapter ends with a sex scene
posted by maxwelton at 6:34 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


"the words bounce off the page" - like fleas on a dying dog
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:50 PM on May 22, 2011


"off"
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:50 PM on May 22, 2011


"blockbuster" - it should have gone straight to DVD
posted by Splunge at 8:46 PM on May 22, 2011


"provocative" - obviously addlebrained
posted by nasreddin at 8:55 PM on May 22, 2011


This thread has a fruity nose, with an underlying subtle sophistication of sandlewood.
posted by QIbHom at 12:29 PM on May 23, 2011


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