More enthusiasm! More!

May 29, 2011 12:23 PM

Your Life as Pornography.
posted by Memo (68 comments total)

Obvious metaphor is obvious.
posted by dersins at 12:27 PM on May 29, 2011 [6 favorites]

Ok, that was stupid.
posted by peacheater at 12:31 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

What if I like my job?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:31 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Your Some Loser's Life as Pornography.

FTFY.

On edit, what Horace Rumpole said.
posted by localroger at 12:34 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

Boring.
posted by marienbad at 12:34 PM on May 29, 2011

Find a 'job you love and you'll never work another day in your life.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:34 PM on May 29, 2011

That ain't my life.
posted by ReeMonster at 12:37 PM on May 29, 2011

That wasn't porn,that was a B-grade horror movie wannabe. Dude knows nothing of BDSM clearly.
posted by divabat at 12:46 PM on May 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

I can't fap to this.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:47 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

Porn stories are usually better written than this.
posted by MadamM at 12:48 PM on May 29, 2011 [3 favorites]

What porn stories are you reading?
posted by restless_nomad at 12:50 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

I can't fap to this.

Not with *that* kind of attitude.
posted by avoision at 12:50 PM on May 29, 2011 [12 favorites]

How bout a SFW montage of non-pornographic introductory scenes from pornographic movies?
posted by gman at 12:51 PM on May 29, 2011 [12 favorites]

"Fap" is such a disgusting term. Whatever happened to truly elegant terms, like "choking the chicken?"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:00 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

What porn stories are you reading?

And what are you wearing...?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:00 PM on May 29, 2011 [3 favorites]

December 11, 2003

That's keeping it current...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 1:01 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

On one hand as a former English teacher, I hate to smack down anyone's attempts at writing. You have to practice a lot before you stop sucking so hard. On the other hand, if you're going to expose yourself on the Internet, you ought to be mentally ready for a flogging.
posted by smirkette at 1:09 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

Tell us more, smirkette...

...slowly.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:17 PM on May 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

When I was sixteen, I would have thought this link to have been a profound statement on the work world as a metaphor for sexual slavery. Of course, when I was sixteen I also wrote an essay about how Led Zeppelin got all of their musical musical ideas from Rush. So, um... yeah.

I'm really embarrased about that essay to this day...
posted by spoobnooble at 1:17 PM on May 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

This is the most obscene filth I've ever read, and I'm offended to see it on the front page here.
posted by koeselitz at 1:18 PM on May 29, 2011

This is the most obscene filth I've ever read, and I'm offended to see it on the front page here.

Obviously you never read alt.sex.stories on usenet.
posted by empath at 1:28 PM on May 29, 2011

My life is pornography. It would curl your toes.
posted by Splunge at 1:33 PM on May 29, 2011

When I was sixteen, I would have thought this link to have been a profound statement on the work world as a metaphor for sexual slavery.

I was just thinking that most of this office-work-as-forced-slavery kind of thing tends to be from people whose greatest experience of office work comes from watching Office Space.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:39 PM on May 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

That's why when I get to be 18 and move out of my parents' house I'm going to be, like, a rock star or artist or something.
posted by chasing at 1:39 PM on May 29, 2011

Me too, chasing. But I've decided I just want to be regular rich and famous. If you're super rich and famous then you can never really go out in public, and I don't want that.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:49 PM on May 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I'm going to be the guy behind the buy behind the guy. The Master has got to have a boss right?
posted by Ad hominem at 1:52 PM on May 29, 2011

This is the most obscene filth I've ever read, and I'm offended to see it on the front page here.

Hold on, I'm working on a new post.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:53 PM on May 29, 2011 [9 favorites]

"Fap" is such a disgusting term. Whatever happened to truly elegant terms, like "choking the chicken?"

Or "flogging the bishop" -- who ever says that anymore?
posted by indubitable at 1:57 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hm, I'm kinky, and I thought it was funny.
posted by desjardins at 1:58 PM on May 29, 2011

I agreed to obey the Master because unless I earn a good income no woman will have sex with me

Yeah, the reason women won't have sex with you? Has nothing to do with your income, Sparky.
posted by FelliniBlank at 1:58 PM on May 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

This is the most obscene filth I've ever read, and I'm offended to see it on the front page here.

If one is offended by obscene filth, it's probably best to refrain from clicking on links that have the word "pornography" in the title.

I'm more offended by the crappy writing.
posted by smirkette at 1:58 PM on May 29, 2011 [3 favorites]

The headline made me think that it was going to be somebody's office lifestyle re-enacted as the "Well... hello, pizza boy. Making a delivery? IS THAT A SALAMI IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME AND MY MANY SORORITY SISTERS???" parts of pornographic films. Except no porn would ever happen! It would just be like "Can you... Xerox this for me, Phil? Yes, like that. Yes! Collate harder!!!!"

And the main guy would get more and more freaked out as everyone in his world acted like they were in a porn. But without the sex parts.

In my head, this was pretty funny. I am really disappointed by the actual link. :(
posted by thehmsbeagle at 2:00 PM on May 29, 2011 [20 favorites]

Brandon Blatcher: Hold on, I'm working on a new post.

TMI. Keep your happy endings to yourself please.
posted by gman at 2:02 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

How bout a SFW montage of non-pornographic introductory scenes from pornographic movies ?
posted by gman at 12:51 PM on May 29

I'm glad this was frontposted if only so I could watch that wonderful music video
posted by rebent at 2:04 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

thehmsbeagle, I thought the exact same thing! I share your disappointment. ;_;
posted by biochemist at 2:08 PM on May 29, 2011

so did I, thehmsbeagle , this could be a hilarious skit.
posted by dabitch at 2:14 PM on May 29, 2011

"Fap" is such a disgusting term. Whatever happened to truly elegant terms, like "choking the chicken?"

Making Elvis cry.
posted by fatbird at 2:19 PM on May 29, 2011

You have got to be kidding me. I was going to read a little mefi before doing a little house cleaning, and I read that entire essay and I actually wish I had spent that time cleaning my toilet.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:19 PM on May 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

Find a 'job you love and you'll never work another day in your life.

Until you have kids.
posted by incessant at 2:22 PM on May 29, 2011

I'd just like to say that my life as pornography would be better pornography, and that's even in the same porn genre.
posted by jaduncan at 2:23 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Find a 'job you love and you'll never work another day in your life.

Until you have kids.

Turns out there's a solution for that too.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:23 PM on May 29, 2011

"Do you want me?" she crooned. "Yes, yes," he gasped ... "You have to do something for me first," she teased. "I'll do it," he moaned.

"Yes, yes, I'm dymanic," he blubbered. "La la la!" he gushed ... "No, noooo, daddy," I wailed. "Please, please, I want you to love me too! I'll do anything!" "You don't want to know," she cried. "It's too terrible. Please," she wept. "Too late! I am moving you," the master bellowed.

"Service me now!" the customers screeched. "You must go back," she cried, "for the rest of your life!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...."
posted by doublehappy at 2:29 PM on May 29, 2011

smirkette: “If one is offended by obscene filth, it's probably best to refrain from clicking on links that have the word 'pornography' in the title.”

I don't believe I should have to. Metafilter is supposed to be a place where we get the "best of the web."

This sort of thing is an abomination of all that is holy, and a desecration of the sacred expression of love that is human sexuality. That a human being might permit herself or himself to be so degraded is, in my eyes, beyond the pale. We may find ourselves living in an age where very little is given its proper solemnity or dignity, but even so I might have hoped that Metafilter of all places would acknowledge that, though we may laud highly our freedom of expression, there are certain lines which decency and humanity dictate that we must not cross. This vile piece, my friends, not only crossed that line; indeed, it returned, having already crossed that line, to pour feces and filth all over the line to defile it yet further. Never have I been more outraged at a piece of writing as I am at this.

Honestly, I don't know what kind of monster could have written such a thing. To raise my hopes that I was about to be treated to a nice scene with leather and hopefully some form-fitting lycra – perhaps a tasteful bondage scenario involving dildos and anal beads – and then to subject me to a denouement describing overtime in customer service?

That, my friends, is obscenity of the highest order.

They could have at least thrown in a rimjob or two. I mean, seriously. "Are you a dynamic self-starter?" Ugh. Pardon me, I need to go take a shower now.
posted by koeselitz at 2:29 PM on May 29, 2011 [10 favorites]

I traded zines with Ran back in the day and met him in person once or twice. He is really, really against participating in capitalism any more than absolutely necessary (even/much more so than the average zinester) and any amount that you do so is selling your soul a little.

The concept of "finding a job you love" is not one that he views with much sympathy, I don't think.
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 2:30 PM on May 29, 2011

"Fap" is such a disgusting term.

Mr. Mustachio, who is not quite so internet-oriented, uses it interchangeably for terms like smack or whap:

"Norma was watching a centipede on the kitchen floor and she just fapped it really hard to kill it. Then she ate it."

Sometimes he also uses it as a term for sitting at the keyboard typing:

"I've just been sitting on the couch, looking at message boards fapping the day away.Fap,fap, fap." *makes typing motions*


I don't have the heart to correct him.

Plus it's really funny.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:53 PM on May 29, 2011 [15 favorites]

The essay was bad, but I wanted to give him a fair shot so I started clicking through his other pages. Here he lists his 150 (?!) favorite songs:

Flobots, Handlebars
The greatest political song of all time in two categories: its emotional power and the depth of its message. The end changes the meaning of the beginning.

I think this means we're allowed to discount everything he says anywhere.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:56 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

The concept of "finding a job you love" is not one that he views with much sympathy, I don't think.

So....if so many people liked his zines they were willing to give him money to make more and he was able to buy food and shelter off their payments and just make zines all day, he'd be pretty pissed?
posted by Diablevert at 3:12 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Making Elvis cry.

The only context where you might take Bloated Vegas Elvis over Lithe Young King Creole Elvis or the '68 Comeback Special.
posted by tigrefacile at 3:20 PM on May 29, 2011

The headline made me think that it was going to be somebody's office lifestyle re-enacted as the "Well... hello, pizza boy. Making a delivery? IS THAT A SALAMI IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME AND MY MANY SORORITY SISTERS???" parts of pornographic films. Except no porn would ever happen!

previously
posted by mstokes650 at 3:26 PM on May 29, 2011

The concept of "finding a job you love" is not one that he views with much sympathy, I don't think.

I pity him. There is much that needs to be done to keep civilization running, and if it can't be done by people who like what they do it will be done by slaves.
posted by localroger at 3:28 PM on May 29, 2011

"Well... hello, pizza boy. Making a delivery? IS THAT A SALAMI IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME AND MY MANY SORORITY SISTERS???"

Eww. That is a really unhygenic thing to do with the salami (although it's probably a pre-sliced pepperoni stack...but even then it should be kept refrigerated).

Am I doing this right?
posted by jaduncan at 3:29 PM on May 29, 2011

Still more exciting than the title implied.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 3:54 PM on May 29, 2011

I like Ran a lot. This is not the best of his writing, but it is a good introduction for a certain kind of person (excited teenager/twentysomething beginning to question their society's taboos).

Still; he is one of the most thoughtful writers I know, and there is treasure buried in his essays and archives. Where he really shines, I think, is when he gets very creative in describing his take on metaphysics (I'm pretty sure creativity is one of his core values, there) and when he explores cultural taboos in a simple, straightforward way.

Fall Down Six Times is probably my favorite Ran Prieur piece, partly because I can get invested in it as a story and I find the ending moving.

I might also recommend The Age of Batshit Crazy Machines, How to Save Civilization and Twisted Utopian Visions.

I would suggest reading these as fiction, although they don't make a strong effort to present themselves that way. What I mean is to just enjoy the ideas instead of trying to prove him wrong or right, and if you have a strong emotional reaction to something, exploring why you feel that way.

He's not for everyone, but I've found a lot of value in his writing.
posted by byanyothername at 4:05 PM on May 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh, here it is--Grand Diversifying Theory--the great big, fun and imaginative summation of Ran Prieur's metaphysics (or whatever word you'd rather choose to use). I don't recommend it as an introduction, but it's one of my favorites.

Another good one is Seven Lies About Civilization. That might work better without any context.
posted by byanyothername at 4:14 PM on May 29, 2011

The concept of "finding a job you love" is not one that he views with much sympathy, I don't think.

I pity him. There is much that needs to be done to keep civilization running, and if it can't be done by people who like what they do it will be done by slaves.

He'd agree with you. One of the things I've adopted from him is the idea that, the more complex a society becomes, the more energy is required by society just to keep existing, and that inevitably leads to ever increasing toil, micromanagement of tasks and less fulfilling work. This has been one of those rare things where, once exposed to the idea, I can't unsee it in the world around me.

Even if you do find your job meaningful, the work you do for money is almost always going to be at least slightly different than what you'd do for its own sake. I think it's good to recognize that separation.
posted by byanyothername at 4:21 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

My life already is pornography.
posted by jonmc at 4:41 PM on May 29, 2011

Oh cum on people!! Give it up for koeselitz riding that hard line between earnestness and sarcasm!
posted by PissOnYourParade at 4:52 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Still; he is one of the most thoughtful writers I know, and there is treasure buried in his essays and archives. Where he really shines, I think, is when he gets very creative in describing his take on metaphysics (I'm pretty sure creativity is one of his core values, there) and when he explores cultural taboos in a simple, straightforward way.

He gushed.
posted by doublehappy at 5:03 PM on May 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Dear Penthouse Letters,

You're not going to believe this, but ...
posted by bwg at 5:56 PM on May 29, 2011

Even if you do find your job meaningful, the work you do for money is almost always going to be at least slightly different than what you'd do for its own sake. I think it's good to recognize that separation.

Oh I do. But my work has also taught me so much! I have learned where hamburgers come from, how petroleum is cracked, how chickens get from the farm to the slick packets in the grocery store, and so much more. Somebody has to do those things, and while I'm very glad it's not me doing those things because in a lot of cases those are soul crushing minimum wage jobs, I am glad I know what is going on because knowledge is better than ignorance, and I probably know more about almost every product you ever use than you'd want to know if you could.

My job is not just a provider of tokens for survival needs; it connects me to where those tokens come from.
posted by localroger at 6:06 PM on May 29, 2011 [3 favorites]

Please tell me he was 16 or 17 when he wrote that.
posted by maxwelton at 6:15 PM on May 29, 2011

Someone warn McSweeny's that there's been a breach. If this piece escaped, more may be on the loose!
posted by Eideteker at 7:10 PM on May 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh bondage, up yours!
posted by gorgor_balabala at 7:41 PM on May 29, 2011

Well, I liked it. I've also been writing a lot of cover letters lately.
posted by NoraReed at 8:45 PM on May 29, 2011

I Want more LIFE, Fucker!
(or something. As they say, didn't quite get it, but appreciate the effort.)
posted by djrock3k at 12:32 AM on May 30, 2011

That My Little Pony gore fanfic explored its themes better than this.
posted by adipocere at 7:21 AM on May 30, 2011

That wasn't porn,that was a B-grade horror movie wannabe. Dude knows nothing of BDSM clearly.

FPP: I agreed to obey the Master because unless I earn a good income no woman will have sex with me

posted by ersatz at 8:43 AM on May 30, 2011

What if I like my job?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 8:31 PM on May 29

Then you are a sick pervert.
posted by Decani at 8:47 AM on May 30, 2011