He just can't leave well enough alone.

August 31, 2011 3:36 PM

Darth Vader yells 'Noooo." From the Blu-Ray leak of Return of the Jedi. Why, George? SLYT.
posted by footballrabi (252 comments total)

Actually, I think it works.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:38 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Some nerd is going to assassinate him someday.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:39 PM on August 31, 2011 [19 favorites]

I'd like to hear Patton Oswalt's take on this.
posted by zzazazz at 3:40 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Must...not...

I have a bad feeling about this.
posted by michaelh at 3:40 PM on August 31, 2011 [8 favorites]

To be clear, this isn't a joke; it's just one of the many changes Lucas is making to the official re-release of the films on Blu-Ray.

(Also: Darth Vader gets his Christmas wish)
posted by Rhaomi at 3:41 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

No, this is the worst part of the edits: aaaaRRROOOOOOOOOOOaa
posted by 2bucksplus at 3:41 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

This is the most definitive version of Lucas' original vision thus far!
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:42 PM on August 31, 2011 [20 favorites]

Lucas cannot seem to stop himself from fucking with great things.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 3:42 PM on August 31, 2011 [21 favorites]

.
posted by mrgroweler at 3:42 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

Geez. That's ridiculous. Why let the audience imply Vader's inner turmoil through his silence when you can club them over the head with it? Why have some small drop of drama, when you can have schmaltz?
posted by Thorzdad at 3:43 PM on August 31, 2011 [34 favorites]

I know it isn't a zero-sum game, but when I think of the time and energy and thought that will be put into this "debate" I vomit in my mouth a little bit...
posted by lattiboy at 3:44 PM on August 31, 2011 [8 favorites]

"In this special edition Blu-Ray depicting George Lucas's life, we've edited it so that he in fact didn't go back and fuck up the Star Wars universe!"
posted by kmz at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [19 favorites]

DO NOT WANT
posted by shakespeherian at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [41 favorites]

guy who makes big movie makes changes. powerless fans angry.

film at 11.
posted by Ironmouth at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

FIne, but Lucas's popculture tranformation from most-loved mythmaker to most-loathed corpse-raper has been a fascinating thing to watch over the last 30 (!) years.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [22 favorites]

Let's just limit ourselves to commenting on how Lucas looks like he has a dead twin growing out of his neck.
posted by The Whelk at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [11 favorites]

Pray I don't alter it any further...
posted by 2bucksplus at 3:46 PM on August 31, 2011 [165 favorites]

Lucas has provide us with some reason to torrent the rip of the latest Star Wars release.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:46 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

My 'fine' was in response to lattiboy's threat to frogvomit.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:46 PM on August 31, 2011

Why let the audience imply Vader's inner turmoil through his silence when you can club them over the head with it?

ROTS: 'NOOOOoooo, I killed somebody I love.'
ROTJ: 'NOOOOoooo, I'm not letting that happen again.' Redemption, Ewoks, fin.

Explain to me why an epic space opera should be subtle, again?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:47 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

George Lucas has a tumour on his prefrontal cortex.
posted by Saddo at 3:48 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

If there's ever a work of art that needs to be abandoned ... it's this one.
posted by PapaLobo at 3:49 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.
posted by mhoye at 3:50 PM on August 31, 2011 [51 favorites]

Explain to me why an epic space opera should be subtle, again?

Subtlety allows us to fill in the gaps with our imagination better than George Lucas apparently can.
posted by The World Famous at 3:51 PM on August 31, 2011 [16 favorites]

• •

I'm an Ewok!
posted by Guy Smiley at 3:51 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Geez. That's ridiculous. Why let the audience imply Vader's inner turmoil through his silence when you can club them over the head with it? Why have some small drop of drama, when you can have schmaltz?

Surely you meant "why have schmaltz when you can have SCHMAAAAAAAAAALTZ?"
posted by vorfeed at 3:52 PM on August 31, 2011 [19 favorites]

If my love for Star Wars hadn't been completely annihiliated by the one-two punch of the Special Editions (v1.0) and the prequels, I would probably care.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:52 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

When the original theatrical releases came out on DVD, I bought them. Of course, you had to get the "enhanced" version of the film with them, but that was ok - I just ignore those DVDs.

In the past few months, I started introducing my sons to Star Wars. They love it. At one point, my wife accidentally put the "enhanced" disc of ANH into the machine, instead of the theatrical original. Within 5 minutes, my eldest was upset and insisting that the wrong movie was in the machine.

I am very proud of him.
posted by never used baby shoes at 3:55 PM on August 31, 2011 [87 favorites]

Actually, I think it works.

KokuRyu, the whole point of Darth Vader's mask is that his thoughts are unknowable and we are forced to judge him entirely by his actions. As originally presented, you don't know whether he is going to intervene against or alongside the Emperor until he picks the guy up. It is the Emperor's abandonment of self to sadistic pleasure which proves his ultimate undoing, and Vader's vestigial self-control is the vehicle of his redemption.

Lucas seems bent on reducing the dialog to 'LOL evil' 'No U'.
posted by anigbrowl at 3:55 PM on August 31, 2011 [46 favorites]

I spent all my outrage when he removed Yub Nub. Now it's just funny watching the pointless and/or asinine changes he keeps making to the movies.
posted by Gary at 3:56 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

wtf
posted by New England Cultist at 3:56 PM on August 31, 2011

Subtlety allows us to fill in the gaps with our imagination better than George Lucas apparently can.

I'm pretty sure making Vader a seven-foot tall faceless half-robot half-man dressed entirely in black sent a clear signal that there's nothing subtle about him. If not, surely you got the follow-up memo thirty seconds later when he murdered one of his own men with his own hands for shits and giggles.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:56 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Explain to me why an epic space opera should be subtle, again?

Actions speak much louder than words.
posted by anigbrowl at 3:57 PM on August 31, 2011

A friend came up with a letter:

"Dear George,

It's been 34 years since the original Star Wars.

Please stop ruining the franchise, and make something new.

Thanks, and have a great day."
posted by CancerMan at 3:57 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

The director's cut of Last of the Mohicans--the only one released on DVD and Blu-ray, I think--inexplicably cuts the two best lines of dialogue. But yeah, this is something else altogether.
posted by Rangeboy at 3:58 PM on August 31, 2011

Let's just limit ourselves to commenting on how Lucas looks like he has a dead twin growing out of his neck.

No no no, it's cupcakes.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:58 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Actions speak much louder than words.

I'll be sure to turn down the volume at the end of The Planet of the Apes, then. Writhing about in the sand should have been enough. It's more subtle, and that's better, apparently.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:59 PM on August 31, 2011

George Lucas has been hired to manage updates for other popular films...

"Hey, lookit that, Ed! That sled you just tossed in the furnace said Rosebud on it. Heyyyy, I bet that's the thing them reporters was lookin' for! Geez...I bet old man Kane had that thing from back when he was a kid, without a penny to his name."
posted by Thorzdad at 4:01 PM on August 31, 2011 [32 favorites]

Given the tidal wave of ridicule, mockery, and scorn dedicated to Vader's "noooOOOOOOOOOOOoooo" in RotS, I can't imagine that this little addition is anything less than a gigantic middle finger from Lucas.

He's actively fucking with the fancritics, now.
posted by kaseijin at 4:01 PM on August 31, 2011 [13 favorites]

At least it's still a good railing kill.
posted by The Deej at 4:01 PM on August 31, 2011

George Lucas: Why? Why? Because fuck you, nerds, that's why!
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:02 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Shit, he should just re-film the entire original trilogy! Ryan Reynolds as Luke Skywalker, Justin Timberlake as Han Solo, Mila Kunis as Leia, Nicholas Cage as Obi Wan, he could just CGI Chewie, Darth and the droids...
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:02 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

So, that new Krayt Dragon audio... that's gotta be a troll right? I swear it's just some guy yelling 'woooooooooooooo' in a camp voice, and then some effects tacked on at the end. What possible reason is there to go back and change that?
posted by arboles at 4:04 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't really care about the changes, but it seems bizarre to me that he would just ignore the people who made him a millionaire, who made his fantasy life possible, and just say Fuck You so many, many times.

Spielburg made changes to ET but also put the original on the DVD, and basically said he would never change his movies and not also offer the original. That seems like the 'right' way to deal with this, as much as there can be a right and wrong of movie edits.

Those who really care, check this site out: The Star Wars Laserdisc to DVD Project
posted by Huck500 at 4:04 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure making Vader a seven-foot tall faceless half-robot half-man dressed entirely in black sent a clear signal that there's nothing subtle about him.

Except the part where, at the very end, after everything that non-subtle, seven-foot-tall, man in black did, he silently turned out to do something good.

If not, surely you got the follow-up memo thirty seconds later when he murdered one of his own men with his own hands for shits and giggles.

I suppose there's no point in resisting the addition of Duff Man's "Ohhhhh YEAAAHHH!" to that part.

I'll be sure to turn down the volume at the end of The Planet of the Apes, then. Writhing about in the sand should have been enough. It's more subtle, and that's better, apparently.

Wait. Your standard for appropriate, great movie direction is the closing scene of Planet of the Apes?

And your name is obiwanwasabi?

Wait. MeFi's Own George Lucas?
posted by The World Famous at 4:07 PM on August 31, 2011 [19 favorites]

Oh come on. It's his long range plan. Fuck up the movies to the point that nobody, but nobody, will buy them... And then release the originals in pristine condition. For some ridiculous amount in a boxed set.
posted by Splunge at 4:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

Well the thing is, when Vader shouts "Noooooooo!" then one can be reasonably sure that he does not approve of the course events are taking. So it really helps drive the narrative.
posted by Mister_A at 4:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [17 favorites]

Shit, he should just re-film the entire original trilogy! Ryan Reynolds as Luke Skywalker, Justin Timberlake as Han Solo, Mila Kunis as Leia, Nicholas Cage as Obi Wan, he could just CGI Chewie, Darth and the droids...

Shhhhhhh! He'll hear you!
posted by aclevername at 4:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

> He's actively fucking with the fancritics, now.

Yeah, it's an epic troll by someone who clearly hates his job. At this point I've almost come around to admiring the audacity of it.
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:10 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

Lucas wanted to do this in the film since he first made Return of the Jedi, but the technology for Vader to say "Noooooo" just didn't exist until now.
posted by gerryblog at 4:11 PM on August 31, 2011 [134 favorites]

I'm OK with him constantly fiddling with the Star Wars movies. This keeps his hands off of American Graffiti.
posted by NoMich at 4:11 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Explain to me why an epic space opera should be subtle, again?

It's not a matter of subtle - the original trilogy even in its original form is not what I would call subtle. It's a matter of showing versus telling. Showing is always more powerful, but it requires you to trust your audience - that they will understand. Just with Vader's back and forth look, you get the sense of an inner conflict. Adding more to that is not trusting the audience, and trying to help them out with the equivalent of a hammer to the head.

And for those looking for the theatrical releases on DVD: look here
posted by never used baby shoes at 4:11 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

*ahem*(Highlander 2)*ahem*
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:12 PM on August 31, 2011

...Mila Kunis as Leia...

You know you may have something there.
posted by 2bucksplus at 4:13 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

Lucas is slowly doing his own MST treatment to it all.
posted by buzzman at 4:14 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

At some point, Lucas will come to believe that black really wasn't Darth Vader's color. He wasn't a Winter, he was a Spring!
posted by likeso at 4:15 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Every time Lucas fucks with Star Wars I think of this article about the awesome contributions of his then-wife Marcia to the success of the films.

The short version for those who can't be bothered: 3 Ways George Lucas' Ex-Wife Helped Star Wars.
posted by mediareport at 4:16 PM on August 31, 2011 [25 favorites]

KokuRyu, the whole point of Darth Vader's mask is that his thoughts are unknowable and we are forced to judge him entirely by his actions. As originally presented, you don't know whether he is going to intervene against or alongside the Emperor until he picks the guy up. It is the Emperor's abandonment of self to sadistic pleasure which proves his ultimate undoing, and Vader's vestigial self-control is the vehicle of his redemption.

This is pretty good analysis, but does Star Wars deserve it? The entire goddamn thing is designed to sell toys, for Chrissakes.

I am entitled to say whatever I want about Star Wars because it was the first movie I ever saw in a cinema, way back in 1977. In fact, back then, going to a theatre was the only way you could see a movie
posted by KokuRyu at 4:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

He's actively fucking with the fancritics, now.

Not for the first time. Just as Senator Jarjar Binks.
posted by munchingzombie at 4:18 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Lucas looks like he has a dead twin growing out of his neck

No, no, no. I know what that is. It's actually an alien parasite (think 'brain slug') that's attached itself to his neck. It controls him, utterly, and worst of all, it's not remotely interested in world domination. It's main motivation is to rewrite the trilogy the way it thinks they should have been made. It's an alien parasite writing poor fanfic, it just happens to have latched on to Lucas.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:28 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Am I upset by this? No. I'm never going to watch or willingly show any impressionable child any of these versions.

But, damn, think about how that scene ends. With Vader's raspy, wounded breathing. In the midst of the chaos outside and on Endor. It was a great sound design choice. This adds nothing and, in fact, takes away from the final--knowingly fatal--silent determination of Vader's final turn.

Blah. South Park got this one right.
posted by Cyrano at 4:30 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

Fans to Lucas: Please Mr. Lucas, stop raping my childhood memories of your classic and perfect creation. If you think you need to make any more 'special edition' changes, just say 'no!'

Lucas: Hmmm ... 'No...' I like that. 'Noooo. No. Noooooooooooo.' I like the way that sounds! Thanks, Fans!
posted by jabberjaw at 4:30 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Suddenly, Darth Vader becomes Mr. Bill....but, who's laughing now?
posted by eggtooth at 4:31 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

He's still gonna need a tray.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:31 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Lucas should have stuck with the original ending the first time around.
posted by homunculus at 4:31 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ctrl+F neck
posted by furtive at 4:33 PM on August 31, 2011

Please tell me that the ewoks still jam the fuck out.
posted by hermitosis at 4:35 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

To the wrong song.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 4:36 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

At some point, Lucas will come to believe that black really wasn't Darth Vader's color. He wasn't a Winter, he was a Spring!

That brings this to mind.
posted by hippybear at 4:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

Let's just limit ourselves to commenting on how Lucas looks like he has a dead twin growing out of his neck.

Honestly, at this point, Lucas' neck wattle makes for more interesting conversation than the movies that paid for it.

Seriously, have you ever seen anyone with a more perfect tube of flesh encasing their nuchal areas?
posted by killdevil at 4:37 PM on August 31, 2011

> Please tell me that the ewoks still jam the fuck out.

They sure do!

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!!" *DUN-DUN, DUN DUN-DUN, DUN!*
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:39 PM on August 31, 2011 [10 favorites]

Wait. Your standard for appropriate, great movie direction is the closing scene of Planet of the Apes?

That ending scene is sweet, and I'll hear no badmouthing of sweaty-Heston movies.

Anyway, this kind of thing makes me think of how I'd feel if someone drew a permanent marker "dick-and-balls" on a replica of the Venus de Milo. Yeah, it sucks, but the real version still exists. I can go look at that.

I guess if the original sculptor came by and was like "no dudez, seriously this thing is better with the dick" then we'd all throw our sideways glances and invective in his direction.
posted by King Bee at 4:39 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

I could hardly believe my eyes when a couple of years ago watching the end of Return of the Jedi I saw Obi Wan standing there with Yoda and an inexplicably young Anakin Skywalker. Obi Wan and Yoda were still young. They didn't superimpose Liam Neeson and Robin the Frog--just Heyden Christensen. My friends didn't believe me until I protested for several minutes.
posted by jwhite1979 at 4:41 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Obi Wan and Yoda *weren't* young.
posted by jwhite1979 at 4:41 PM on August 31, 2011

Ah, yeah, so a new release of a movie we've probably bought two or more copies of each is being changed in a bad way.

Lets not make that three or more copies each then, eh?
posted by Slackermagee at 4:42 PM on August 31, 2011

Noooooooooooo!


Note to George Lucas: you know you're not obligated to change the movie each time it's released on new media, right?
posted by mazola at 4:50 PM on August 31, 2011

The schmaltz is strong with this one.
posted by theredpen at 4:53 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.
*cough* Apocalypse Now Redux *cough*
posted by mosk at 4:54 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why can't the emperor just force fly himself out of that shaft?
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 5:00 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Shut up you guys, Lucas wanted to include this in the 1977 version but ADR had yet to be invented!
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:00 PM on August 31, 2011

[[Every time Lucas fucks with Star Wars I think of this article about the awesome contributions of his then-wife Marcia to the success of the films.

This is another confirmation of one of my firmest beliefs about writing: that the greatest writers (or film directors, or creative artists in general) are only as good as their most skilled editors. Time after time you see moderately-to-very talented writers who achieve popularity thus elevated to "protection from editors," and their subsequent work spirals into a self-congratulatory sprawl of noise and ranting, with the artist's every single little precious thought deemed worthy of inclusion: Anne Rice, Laurell K. Hamilton, etc. Even Stephen King, whose later work I actually love, is now apparently incapable of writing a novel under a bajillion pages long.

George Lucas has no one left who will say "This bit is a terrible idea and you should take it out" or even "We don't have the budget for that, do some clever filming with cardboard," so we are going to get every single precious little idea in his golden, golden head until he dies.

Great editors should be known and flaunted by name above film/book titles, Great Editor's Movie Title Here by Great Editor with Director Person and Editing by Great Editor, so it may be a proud badge of achievement for you as a Writer Person when you are deemed worthy for Great Editor to cut 2K of your crappiest prose (and move the rest out of second person subjunctive).
posted by nicebookrack at 5:01 PM on August 31, 2011 [28 favorites]

I can't believe no one will answer Lucas' multiple cries for help.
posted by 2bucksplus at 5:01 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

I bought the box set of the original trilogy recently (and when I say "the original trilogy" I of course mean "the trilogy" because the prequels DON'T EXIST), because I realised it had actually been so long since I'd seen the films that my Star Wars knowledge was roughly 80% pop culture gleaned off the internet. The box set was the CGI-laden "enhanced" versions, with the original theatrical cuts included. I watched the enhanced versions first (so as to have a reference point, and then started watching the original theatrical cuts. I was expecting there not to be much difference, really, just slightly less crowded scenes.

I was wrong.

The original cuts are vastly better. Scenes aren't just slightly less crowded, they're much better balanced so you can actually see what's going on. Because there's no CGI, all the effects look the same, and cheesy though some of the original effects were, they were still convincing because they let you get into a state of suspension of disbelief. Nothing breaks that state harder than having a poorly-executed CGI alien waddle on-screen with completely different textures, lighting and movement to anything else in the picture.

I still don't think the original films are perfect in any sense of the word - there's things that annoy me, such as the bizarre change of pace throughout Star Wars, or the wholly unnecessary first 20 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back (oh come on, what did we gain from seeing Luke sleep inside a Tauntaun?) But given that even someone like me (with no real knowledge of film, and lower-than-average Star Wars geek cred) thinks that the original cuts were so much better films than anything that's come afterwards, why on earth does George even feel the need to wheel out a new version every three years?

(I'm trying to be philosophical and brooding here, and will pay no attention to the giant glowing "money, duh" sign hanging above your head at this point.)
posted by ZsigE at 5:02 PM on August 31, 2011 [10 favorites]

I think my brother nailed it on rewrite.

            EMPEROR PALPATINE
    Now, Young Skywalker, you will die.

EMPEROR PALPATINE shoots lightning out 
of his fingers, striking LUKE SKYWALKER. 
DARTH VADER looks on, becoming visibly 
agitated at the sight of his son being 
electrocuted.

            DARTH VADER
    Hey, Emperor! You like apples?

Emperor Palpatine continues shooting 
lightning bolts out of his fingers into 
the writhing body of Luke Skywalker. 
Darth Vader turns and lifts Palpatine 
over his head, throwing him down a 
nearby exhaust shaft.

            DARTH VADER        
    How about them apples?

posted by ob1quixote at 5:08 PM on August 31, 2011 [34 favorites]

I could hardly believe my eyes when a couple of years ago watching the end of Return of the Jedi I saw Obi Wan standing there with Yoda and an inexplicably young Anakin Skywalker.

I wish you had not alerted me to the existence of that. Because I thought you were kidding until I found that you were not. I can only conclude that George Lucas is, in fact, the Emperor.
posted by anigbrowl at 5:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh, come on. Lucas is doing everyone a favor by helping to break their attachments. Think of it is a mama bear who has to finally wean her needy cub so it can go out and start hunting like a proper adult.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 5:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

It's been a long time since I've seen Return of the Jedi. I don't remember the lightning flashes turning Vader's mask into OMG SCARY HUMAN SKULL right as he pitches ol' Empy down the shaft, either.

And the last time we said "Hey George! Do something original!" we got The Radioland Murders, which didn't even gross 1.5 million domestically.

If only there were a better way for him to channel his creativity and technical finger-poking.
posted by Spatch at 5:16 PM on August 31, 2011

Well. I had wanted to get the blu-ray discs.....but I believe I shall pass.
posted by Atreides at 5:16 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

There have been some really interesting things being done over at Fanedit.org, for those looking for both new and old elements from the Original Trilogy. One terrific example is Episode IV Revisited, which uses many elements from the *original* theatrical release (which most people haven't truly seen since the '70s) as well as modern upgrades (color correction, additional CGI elements, etc.)

I was skeptical at first, but even some of the CGI stuff (in particular the Death Star escape battle) is really well done.
posted by ShutterBun at 5:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

I always thought that particular segment in ROTJ was weirdly devoid of dialogue from Vader. I get the inner turmoil thing - it's expressed clearly by his body language, but the addition of that "No" gives the moment the turning point - he's been Palpatine's slave boy for too long and this is the moment he draws a line in the sand.

Without the dialogue it looks like a purely arbitrary moment: "Eh, maybe I will - or maybe I won't...".

Just to be clear hear, mind: the additional "NOOOOOOO!" sucks a bag of Bantha dicks - and even that sounds epic compared to Obi Wan impersonating Camposaurus Rex.

Also, on preview: This thread had a good run until the predictable ITSAFILMFORKIDS twits joined in. Please go troll elsewhere.
posted by panboi at 5:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

the bizarre change of pace throughout Star Wars

I'm not sure what you're referring to here. Do you mean the switch between lyrical and action scenes? Are you referring to the pace of the editing, which changes specifically in order to affect one's limbic system during the tense scenes? Do you dislike the way the movie has fast sections alternating with slower more restful sections, allowing the viewer to recoup energy for the next fast section?

the wholly unnecessary first 20 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back

You're entirely ignoring the idea of the Star Wars movies being chapters of a saturday matinee serial series. ESB works really well if you mentally chop it up into 10-15 minute segments and kind of imagine it as a bunch of episodes which have been stitched together into a 2 hour movie. Those first 20 minutes are well divided into two chapters, with tension and revelation in each segment...

Anyway, that aside, what DO we gain from the first 20 minutes of ESB? We gain character development for all the main cast; we get a sense of the passage of time between ANH and ESB and how relationships have developed; we get early glimpses into the Han/Leia/Luke love triangle; Luke has a vision which will drive and change his life; and Han shows his loyalty to someone he previously dismissed as an impulsive youth. Not to mention Wedge's great work in the snow speeder, and the awesome AT-AT attack, which was utterly compelling when it was first out.
posted by hippybear at 5:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [16 favorites]

It's been a long time since I've seen Return of the Jedi. I don't remember the lightning flashes turning Vader's mask into OMG SCARY HUMAN SKULL right as he pitches ol' Empy down the shaft, either.

Yes, that's been there since the original version.
posted by ShutterBun at 5:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't remember the lightning flashes turning Vader's mask into OMG SCARY HUMAN SKULL right as he pitches ol' Empy down the shaft, either.

That's always been in there, I'm pretty sure.
posted by hippybear at 5:18 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why can't the emperor just force fly himself out of that shaft?

First, nobody in any of the films force flies anywhere. Star Wars is choc full of jedi who would benefit from force flying in various circumstances and none of them ever do it. (Tangent - I wonder if Mace Windu's last name was supposed to foreshadow that he would eventually be thrown out of a window. I also wonder if that was supposed to be an homage to Tony Rocky Horror's almost-demise in Pulp Fiction.)

Second, he can't force fly himself out of the shaft because his lightning gun is jammed.

Third, what makes you think he didn't force fly himself out of the shaft? You didn't see him land or hear a splat, did you?

Fourth, they say that shaft is a bad mother - shut yo mouth! I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft.
posted by The World Famous at 5:20 PM on August 31, 2011 [20 favorites]

He added a "NOOOOOO" but I guess he didn't add in an actually believable redemption arc for Darth Vader?
posted by Legomancer at 5:22 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Lucas: ''No more apples in the vending machine, please.'' Well, that's almost a sentence.

Fans: Can I leave?

Lucas: Of course, and don't worry. There will be plenty of apples for you. Nobody will take away your precious apples.

Fans: The note was asking you to--

Lucas: No, tell my Rick McCallum I said you could have a free apple. He'll make everything all right. I promise.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:23 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

> He added a "NOOOOOO" but I guess he didn't add in an actually believable redemption arc for Darth Vader?

The next version will be interactive and will have character thought bubbles that the viewer can turn on and off like subtitles. Then, you can watch a running narrative of Vader's inner struggle with the Dark side.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 5:24 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was hoping for a Samuel L Jackson voice-over.

GET THIS MOTHER-FUCKING LIGHTNING OFF MY MOTHER-FUCKING CHILD!
posted by GuyZero at 5:26 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

I hate this.

Sigh.
posted by kbanas at 5:27 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was in a thrift store about 5 years ago and saw the last VHS issue of the trilogy from before Lucas started seriously f-ing with it and nabbed it for 6 dollars. I've never been tempted to spend another dime on Star Wars. I saw the first CGI-"enhancement" of Star Wars in the theater. Every editorial change was just pointless and dumb and every editorial change Lucas has made since has been pointless and dumb. My only regret now is that I bothered to watch the prequel trilogy at all.
posted by nanojath at 5:33 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the artistic equivalent of Frank Zappa re-recording the bass-lines almost 30 years after for the CD release of his Hot Rats album. Have fun movie buffs!
posted by Meatafoecure at 5:33 PM on August 31, 2011

I don't understand why György Lukács is being allowed to edit movies in the first place. It's just going to devolve into a radical critique of bourgeois ideology from the perspective of dialectical materialism.
posted by uosuaq at 5:34 PM on August 31, 2011 [12 favorites]

These changes are always stupid, but never stupid enough. For example, during the climax, Darth Vader should shave steps into the side of his head and start rapping about the Force as animated musical notes bebop around him. Now THAT'S how you ruin a movie.
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

One wonders if the nerdrage will limit purchases to only three copies of the Blu-Ray.

(He beats you, but you keep coming back.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is bullshit. Lucas accidentally created a masterpiece, and should leave well enough alone.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:40 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Just step away and let Seth Green rewrite the script to the prequels already.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:42 PM on August 31, 2011

Why is there an explosion when the emperor is thrown into the pit?
posted by Winnemac at 5:44 PM on August 31, 2011

I'm not sure what you're referring to here. Do you mean the switch between lyrical and action scenes? Are you referring to the pace of the editing, which changes specifically in order to affect one's limbic system during the tense scenes? Do you dislike the way the movie has fast sections alternating with slower more restful sections, allowing the viewer to recoup energy for the next fast section?

Specifically, I'm referring to the way the whole film speeds up. It's very slow at the start (for example, the entire section where C3PO and R2D2 go their separate ways takes ages and doesn't accomplish an awful lot - they could both have been captured by the Jawas at the same time and it would have made very little difference to the plot). Nothing wrong with that, of course, taking your time over a story works well.

But then towards the end, things start going faster and faster - from Luke, Han and Leia arriving at the Rebel base to the destruction of the Death Star is about 30 minutes in-universe, and even after that the medal-awarding scene feels abrupt and tacked-on, and nothing really feels properly resolved. I appreciate it could be a stylistic choice (or maybe it just doesn't appeal to me), but that felt jarring when I watched it.

You're entirely ignoring the idea of the Star Wars movies being chapters of a saturday matinee serial series...We gain character development for all the main cast; we get a sense of the passage of time between ANH and ESB and how relationships have developed; we get early glimpses into the Han/Leia/Luke love triangle; Luke has a vision which will drive and change his life; and Han shows his loyalty to someone he previously dismissed as an impulsive youth. Not to mention Wedge's great work in the snow speeder, and the awesome AT-AT attack, which was utterly compelling when it was first out.

OK, that I'll give you. Felt a bit unnecessary to me when watching it recently, but you clearly saw more in it than I did - I'll rewatch it before long and have another look.
posted by ZsigE at 5:48 PM on August 31, 2011

Why is there an explosion when the emperor is thrown into the pit?

He's an old man, he had too much nitro for his heart.
posted by JHarris at 5:49 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

George - if you absolutely refuse to spend your time making something new, can you at least start by fixing the flawed prequels, instead of altering the loved classics?

The Jar-Jar-doesn't-stand-in-poop edit will be a small crowd pleaser, but not as much as the Jar-Jar-digitally-removed edit.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:52 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Step 1: Buy a newspaper.
Step 2: Roll the newspaper up.
Step 3: Discard the newspaper, and kill George Lucas with a shovel.

Apologies to Mr. Oswald.
posted by notion at 5:54 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

but not as much as the Jar-Jar-digitally-removed edit.

I'd even settle for an edit that just removes the part where the Gungun general shakes his head, causing his lips to flap around like soaked towels in a Roman vomitorium.

Oh, and the Anakin/Padme love scenes. Remove all the love scenes.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:54 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

This is just goofy.
"Doo-dee-doo, watchin some torture, nobody's paying attention to me, I'm a little bored, not sure what's... actually, wait, I suddenly care about this! NOOOOOO!"
Ridiculous.
posted by bleep at 5:54 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Guys, GUYS! You've got George all wrong. He's doing the obsessive fans a favour by making these half-arsed changes.

How, I hear millions of voices suddenly cry out in terror, and were suddenly silenced?

Think how many obsessive Star Wars nerds (like me) would have bought these Blu-Ray discs had they been left unaltered (or at least, unaltered since the last time they were altered). Pretty much all of them, right?

Well Uncle George couldn't abide that. He knows these obsessive fans will probably have mortgages, some may have somehow managed to fanagle themselves a partner and produced offspring who need their love and attention. Uncle George knew that these fans would spend their money to buy these discs, even though they already had the Laserdisc versions, the DVD versions and, in some cases, dusty old VHS versions laying around somewhere in the house.

And Uncle George said "Noooooo!" and changed them, just a little bit, and so now instead of having long lines of Star Wars nerds camping out overnight infront of their local store to be the first to buy the Blu-Rays, we have this.

"Well. I had wanted to get the blu-ray discs.....but I believe I shall pass."
posted by Atreides at 11:16 AM on September 1

I'm right there with you Atreides, and so, I suspect, will many other Star Wars fans.

Uncle George has saved us some money, possibly some marriages, and ensured those who have kids will spend some time with them, or perhaps produce more! Uncle George is kind. All hail Uncy George!
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:55 PM on August 31, 2011

Why is there an explosion when the emperor is thrown into the pit?

On the commentary track they reveal that the emperor subsists entirely on a diet of ewok meat, bean burritos and brussel sprouts.
posted by w0mbat at 5:57 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Topless Robot (SFW) has a list of more changes

more TIE fighters at the Death Star

Wicket the Ewok

Jabba's Door
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:58 PM on August 31, 2011

This reminds me of a blog post I wrote in 2004.

Funny, here we are again.
posted by kbanas at 6:00 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I started a bachelors degree in film theory in 1994. I'll never forget that, when asked to name the film which most sparked their interest in the subject, fully three-quarters of the class chose Star Wars*. It shocked me then and it shocks me now, there was so much love - or as close as it comes for a director's work - and Lucas has actively pissed it all away.

*I said Repo Man.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:05 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Why is there an explosion when the emperor is thrown into the pit?

Why does Princess Leia have a British accent when she talks to British people?

Why does Darth Vader put his hand on his hip and do a sassy pose when Leia points out that only he could be so bold?

Why don't Luke and his pals just bring in a bunch of rebel soldiers to kill Jabba and his cronies and rescue Han Solo?

Why didn't the Empire send a fleet of Tie Fighters to attack the rebel base before the Death Star came into range?

Why did the secret Death Star plans have to be taken to the rebels in person, instead of just emailed or faxed?

If Obi Wan disappeared into thin air when killed, leaving only his robe, why didn't anyone else ever die that way?

Was Obi Wan lying when he said that he would become more powerful than Vader could possibly imagine? Or did Vader just have a terrible imagination?

If the Jedi order is a religion, what beliefs does it hold that qualify as religious? When Han Solo called Jediism a "hoky religion," what beliefs, specifically, was he referring to has "hoky?"

When Obi Wan was shutting off the tractor beam, why didn't he also sabotage the Death Star in other ways to help the rebels?

Why did Han have a whole conversation with Greedo before shooting him? If you're going to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!
posted by The World Famous at 6:06 PM on August 31, 2011 [16 favorites]

I showed my wife American Graffiti and asked her before the credits rolled if she thought it was a well-directed movie. She said yes and asked who directed it. When I said it was George Lucas her "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo!" was louder than Vader's.
posted by benzenedream at 6:19 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

GodDAMN it GL! Time for some Mr. Plinkett: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI
posted by flotson at 6:26 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

-harlequin-: Oh, and the Anakin/Padme love scenes. Remove all the love scenes.

Actually, removing Anakin entirely would be even better. Especially in the first one when he's being the most annoying kid ever.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:33 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Hairy Lobster: Actually, removing Anakin entirely would be even better. Especially in the first one when he's being the most annoying kid ever.

On second thought... you could probably remove every last character from Episode 1 and it'd be a better movie for it. I had to watch it twice (sort of by accident) and the closest experience I can compare that to is getting your teeth drilled without anesthesia. And, yes, I did have a tooth drilled without anesthesia before... I do actually know what I'm talking about.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:39 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

>Well the thing is, when Vader shouts "Noooooooo!" then one can be reasonably sure that he does not approve of the course events are taking. So it really helps drive the narrative.

On the other hand, the fact that he only says "No" twice preserves an element of ambiguity.
posted by darth_tedious at 6:54 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

On second thought... you could probably remove every last character from Episode 1

I liked Darth Maul's moves. Those can stay. :-)
posted by -harlequin- at 6:55 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

On the other hand, the fact that he only says "No" twice preserves an element of ambiguity.

Yeah, its like "is he saying no twice" or "is he saying 'no' to his original 'no,' thus making it really a 'yes?'"
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:56 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Someone tell me this is fake, or I'm going to punch a kitten.
posted by secondhand pho at 7:03 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

*hides kitten*
posted by mediareport at 7:05 PM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

And this is where I'm finally done complaining about George Lucas, Destroyer of Dreams. You win, Lucas. Take your shitty special-specialer-specialmost editions and stick 'em down the brain craw of a new generation raised to believe that these movies exist solely to sell toys and collectibles. Go peddle your relics elsewhere, old man, I'm looking for something new.

So, where's that thread where I bitch about how Steven Moffat is ruining Doctor Who for me, again?
posted by KingEdRa at 7:06 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

So, where's that thread where I bitch about how Steven Moffat is ruining Doctor Who for me, again?

Don't old Doctor Who DVDs have new SFX inserted in them? Same with old Star Trek eps?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:11 PM on August 31, 2011

from Luke, Han and Leia arriving at the Rebel base to the destruction of the Death Star is about 30 minutes in-universe

I think you have this completely wrong, and would love to see your work which backs up this belief.

Anyway, again... Star Wars is based on old Saturday morning serials. All your complaints dissolve if you mentally chop up the movie into smaller units of around 10 minutes each. Maybe you've never seen any of those old series re-edited into a longer single movie. I have, and it's pretty much how Star Wars turns out.

Anyway, the whole "speeding up" thing... All along the way, there are concepts and settings being introduced and established. Not all moments in a movie are about moving forward a linear plot. Many of them have to do with establishing setting, etc.

Do you ever watch Turner Classic Movies? There's a whole universe of movie making which isn't based on the same linear drive toward the finish as most movies are today. Check out Lawrence Of Arabia sometime. I bet there is at least an hour in there which you'd happily criticize as "taking ages and making little difference to the plot". Fortunately, a lot of movie makers understand that sometimes it is the experience of something which matters and provides color and texture to what comes after, and not necessarily whether something moves the story toward completion.
posted by hippybear at 7:13 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

I want to see the Plinket / Half in the Bag reaction.
posted by codacorolla at 7:14 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

So, where's that thread where I bitch about how Steven Moffat is ruining Doctor Who for me, again?

I'll forgive Moffat if he makes an episode where Patton Oswald steals the Tardis.
posted by homunculus at 7:20 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

He was a pansy anyway. Episode III clearly explained that. And muppets are sooooo 80's.
posted by Chuffy at 7:27 PM on August 31, 2011

So, that new Krayt Dragon audio... that's gotta be a troll right? I swear it's just some guy yelling 'woooooooooooooo' in a camp voice, and then some effects tacked on at the end.

For those of you who have read the whole thread and not actually watched the links...this isn't an exaggeration. That clip literally sounds like a Robot Chicken / Family Guy parody of Lucas fucking with Star Wars to piss people off.
posted by the bricabrac man at 7:27 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

And muppets are sooooo 80's.

I'd avoid looking at movie advertisements between now and Thanksgiving if I were you....
posted by hippybear at 7:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Those CGI ewok eyes are pure terror! That's how they beat all those stormtroopers. The stormtroopers took one look in to that uncanny valley and fled.
posted by fuq at 7:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

This seemed apropos: Bill Watterson Writes, Illustrates, Shreds New 'Calvin And Hobbes' Strip Each Morning Out Of Spite.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:38 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

more TIE fighters at the Death Star

No, that is the same. One of the merits of having been a Star Wars-addled teenager in the eighties is that I know these things far better than I need to. A subsequent "improvement" may well put more in, but I am certain that is the same shot as it was in 1983.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:40 PM on August 31, 2011

Except the part where, at the very end, after everything that non-subtle, seven-foot-tall, man in black did, he silently turned out to do something good.

And him saying 'no', just like the time he thought he'd done the most evil thing he could possibly do, totally drags that down, right?

I suppose there's no point in resisting the addition of Duff Man's "Ohhhhh YEAAAHHH!" to that part.

Again, because symbolically mirroring the point at which he became Darth Vader in the first place is just the same as a adding a catch phrase from a character from The Simpsons.

Wait. Your standard for appropriate, great movie direction is the closing scene of Planet of the Apes?

It's an example of a major character in turmoil at the end of a significant story arc vocalising that turmoil rather than acting like a tortured mime. But you'll forgive me if I don't give a flying fuck about anything you have to say about appropriate comparisons, Duff Man.

And your name is obiwanwasabi?

And you're world famous? I think I can guess for what.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:51 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Correct, ricochet. I don't know the source of this clip but it's certainly not the Blu Ray, and shows the same number of TIE fighters.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:51 PM on August 31, 2011

Now that I've seen this I'll stop complaining about the time Lucas came to my house and crapped on our ottoman.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:53 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

If Obi Wan disappeared into thin air when killed, leaving only his robe, why didn't anyone else ever die that way?


Yoda did.
posted by Jpfed at 7:56 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

I really wish he would have had him actually say "Do not want."
posted by Threeway Handshake at 8:02 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

This is what my painting prof called "futzing" and I consider this proof that you can futz something to death. At this point, he's moved past futzing-to-death and into futzing-into-zombiehood.
posted by smirkette at 8:06 PM on August 31, 2011

No, this is the worst part of the edits: aaaaRRROOOOOOOOOOOaa

That is truly awful and makes the new Vader Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! seem positively Shakespearean.
posted by asnider at 8:14 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Those eyelids roll those Ewoks right down the uncanny valley. That is amazing.

What is even stranger is that every time I read about how George Lucas is changing a movie, it makes me like Firefly even more. I think I'm going to watch Jaynestown.

For the Mudders!
posted by chemoboy at 8:17 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here's a question. Have any of you guys, or anyone you know, actually said "Noooo!" when something bad happens? Movie references don't count.
posted by abcde at 8:25 PM on August 31, 2011

Come to think of it, putting that Nooo! in Jedi means that at least 4 of the movies have an extended no in them at about the same point. After Ben is killed, the "I am your father" and the infamous one in Sith. Phantom Menace and Clones might also, but I haven't watched them since theatres.
posted by khaibit at 8:30 PM on August 31, 2011

There's a Nooooo! in Phantom Menace near the end when Qui-Gon Jinn is killed.
posted by gerryblog at 8:34 PM on August 31, 2011

I've only had it for one day, but I'm going to call the power company and ask if they will turn my electricity back OFF.
posted by steef at 8:34 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

And there's one (much briefer) in Attack of the Clones when Anakin's about to attack Count Dooku (3:50). I guess Lucas really did just want to complete the set.
posted by gerryblog at 8:37 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Lucas cannot seem to stop himself from fucking with great things.

Return of the Jedi was never great. NEVER. Of the initial three movies, the first was good, the second very good, and the third ... ... ? a disappointment, which as subsequent entries have proven, was actually a return to form ... speaking chronologically, in terms of the story that is, not the release dates of the movies.
posted by philip-random at 8:43 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Here's a question. Have any of you guys, or anyone you know, actually said "Noooo!" when something bad happens?

Yes, but as far as I can tell it was always partially ironic. As in, I accidentally flooded my Dwarf Fortress in river water. Which is a far cry from having been told the love of my life is dead after losing one arm and both legs, covered in horrible lava burns and rebuilt for considerably less than 6 million dollars.
posted by chemoboy at 8:44 PM on August 31, 2011

I can't find a decent source online for this quote, but I remember reading it at some point, I believe in reference to his first film, THX-1138:
"you never finish a film, you just decide when to stop" - George Lucas
posted by SomaSoda at 8:49 PM on August 31, 2011

We get 70 more years or so of this. Then it goes public domain and people worldwide can sell and distribute "the good version." For me it's a reason to make it past 100.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:51 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

I did find the attack on the Death Star to be much less confusing in the rerelease. So that's one thing that was improved, at least for me.
posted by nickmark at 9:09 PM on August 31, 2011

We get 70 more years or so of this. Then it goes public domain and people worldwide can sell and distribute "the good version." For me it's a reason to make it past 100.

It's only another 70 years from now if Lucas were to die now.
Now... I'm not suggesting anything mind, just pointing out the legal realities.
posted by -harlequin- at 9:11 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

1. acquire this two-disc set.
2. install appropriate free video editing tools
3. apply this script

Et voila, an original with the clean transfer of the remastered edition, minus the CGI 'enhancements.'

More information? Star Wars re-remastered to high quality 1977 version.

disclaimer - this is a friend's project
posted by zippy at 9:20 PM on August 31, 2011 [9 favorites]

No, this is the worst part of the edits: aaaaRRROOOOOOOOOOOaa

Here's the original scene for comparison.

It's almost subtle now.
posted by stavrogin at 9:24 PM on August 31, 2011

Jones: Hello?
Lucas: James? Hey, James, it's George Lucas calling.
Jones: Hi there, how are things?
Lucas: Oh, just fine. Hey, I was just wondering if I could get you to do a quick recording for the new Star Wars re-release...
Jones: Sorry George, no. I have no idea why you insist on doing this every time. It's silly.
Lucas: Silly? Come on, I just want to make the Star Wars that I didn't have the resources or technology to make 30 years ago. So, what do you say?
Jones: That doesn't even make sense, George. Still no.
Lucas: Really, are you sure? I'll even put your name in the credits this time, if that helps convince you.
Jones: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lucas: Perfect, thanks! <click>
posted by GIFtheory at 9:32 PM on August 31, 2011 [21 favorites]

Why let the audience imply Vader's inner turmoil through his silence when you can club them over the head with it?

Indeed. This sort of story telling was taken to heart by RTD for Doctor Who and has now thoroughly infected Moffat as well. Dr. Who is utter horseshit now too. I never thought it would plummet to the level of Star Wars but it has.

Well the thing is, when Vader shouts "Noooooooo!" then one can be reasonably sure that he does not approve of the course events are taking. So it really helps drive the narrative.

Indeed. Except, curiously enough, the Emperor himself, ruler of much of the Galaxy and apparently a pretty cunning guy. But he just stands there and lets himself be thrown to his death, having completely missed Vader's disapproval.

Was Obi Wan lying when he said that he would become more powerful than Vader could possibly imagine? Or did Vader just have a terrible imagination?

Genius.

So, where's that thread where I bitch about how Steven Moffat is ruining Doctor Who for me, again?

This very thread no? The two series are so linked in their awfulness one can't help but relate them. Ironically Who is being destroyed in the present while Lucas mucks with the past in the present (though Jedi was always pathetic anyway and along with the Christmas Special was a warning to us all).
posted by juiceCake at 9:38 PM on August 31, 2011

Yoda did.

Nooooooooo!

I'm pretty sure I've slept through the Yoda parts every time I've seen ESB and ROTJ.

Also, I just shouted "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" unironically earlier this week when, on the freeway in Los Angeles, I came to a dead stop in traffic and watched an old Jeep Cherokee in my rearview mirror sliding toward me with its brakes locked up.

And him saying 'no', just like the time he thought he'd done the most evil thing he could possibly do, totally drags that down, right?

That is correct. Just like him saying "Noooooo!" after he turned into Young Frankenstein somehow managed to make Episode III even worse than it already was.

Again, because symbolically mirroring the point at which he became Darth Vader in the first place is just the same as a adding a catch phrase from a character from The Simpsons.

Altering the film that came out first in order to add the same dumb catchphrase that was moronically inserted for comedic effect into the prequel so that it could mirror the dumb catchphrase is not the same as adding a catch phrase from a character from the Simpsons. It's worse.

But weren't you the one going on about how subtlety has no place in a space opera? Duff Man belongs in the Star Wars prequels, right along with the loony toons slapstick factory scene and poop jokes.

It's an example of a major character in turmoil at the end of a significant story arc vocalising that turmoil rather than acting like a tortured mime. But you'll forgive me if I don't give a flying fuck about anything you have to say about appropriate comparisons, Duff Man.

The end of Planet of the Apes is a classic example of a dumb scene in Sci Fi. And yes, I am Duff Man. Oh yeah. But actually, I think your comparison is totally appropriate. George Lucas turned Return of the Jedi into Planet of the Apes. Some people will, apparently, think that's a good thing.

And you're world famous? I think I can guess for what.

If you guessed that I'm world famous for my high midichlorian count, you were right.
posted by The World Famous at 9:39 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

May the Schmaltz be with you.

I'll show myself out.
posted by deborah at 9:46 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

The next version will be interactive and will have character thought bubbles that the viewer can turn on and off like subtitles.

Oh, no way will he let us turn those off.
posted by Adventurer at 10:07 PM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

Maybe he thinks people didn't like the prequels because they were just sort of dumb and didn't understand what was going on in the story, and now he's worried that nobody ever understood anything.
posted by Adventurer at 10:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

This sort of story telling was taken to heart by RTD for Doctor Who and has now thoroughly infected Moffat as well. Dr. Who is utter horseshit now too.

Wait, Dr. Who? You mean the series that had 40 years of people wandering around rock quarries wearing veterinary collars? NOW it's bad?

Honestly, anyone who thinks that Dr. Who is being "ruined" obviously was doing too much LSD to notice that traditionally the only thing more cardboard than the spaceships was the writing and acting.
posted by happyroach at 10:20 PM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

I never had any issue with the realism of the Ewoks. Never. Now, though, the new blinking makes them look like a bunch of cheap-ass Teddy Ruxpins. The artists clearly didn't even bother looking at what actual eyes look like when they blink; they got the timing all wrong, and they missed the fact that there's more to eyelids than just the top bit.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:30 PM on August 31, 2011

Star Wars has become the cinematic equivalent of the person who, rather than age gracefully, has repeated plastic surgeries that end up making the person look sadly yet laughably inhuman.
posted by brain_drain at 10:38 PM on August 31, 2011 [12 favorites]

Honestly, anyone who thinks that Dr. Who is being "ruined" obviously was doing too much LSD to notice that traditionally the only thing more cardboard than the spaceships was the writing and acting.

Or, quite simply, they don't care for way over the top melodrama, gee whiz aren't we all excited and happy and energetic and wonderful bullshit, and if we have an enemy, make sure there are like a bazillion of them to the power of bazillion, and by god if our audience doesn't know this is really sad let's make sure that they know it's really sad, astronomically so, like a bazillion trillion times so, let's throw it in their face like they are complete idiots just in case they didn't get this moment is sad, special, wonderful, amazingly great or what have you, which is what it is now and wasn't then.

The show has always had its up and downs, but it has never had the tone it has now. I think the actors are fabulous, as is the production. The stories are awful.

I see that drugs are often cited as the reason for what would seem to be outlandish opinions, but this in itself is outlandish and horseshit as well. Almost as bad as fanboy/hater.
posted by juiceCake at 11:09 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Or, quite simply, they don't care for way over the top melodrama, gee whiz aren't we all excited and happy and energetic and wonderful bullshit, and if we have an enemy, make sure there are like a bazillion of them to the power of bazillion, and by god if our audience doesn't know this is really sad let's make sure that they know it's really sad, astronomically so, like a bazillion trillion times so, let's throw it in their face like they are complete idiots just in case they didn't get this moment is sad, special, wonderful, amazingly great or what have you, which is what it is now and wasn't then.

This is why I love Doctor Who.

I may be bipolar.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:24 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why did Han have a whole conversation with Greedo before shooting him? If you're going to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!

Han wasn't on a mission to assassinate Greedo, he was surprised by him. I think at that point Han thought he could still repay Jabba and be in the clear, so he tried to talk his way out of it first. He didn't see it as a kill-or-be-killed situation until Greedo made it crystal clear that Jabba had put a price on his head.
posted by Hoopo at 11:45 PM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Lucas is an absolutely talentless screenwriter. I mean, abysmally bad.

The reason his early movies turned out well was because he wasn't yet convinced he's the greatest auteur of all time, and actually accepted the input of far more talented people.

The best example is his objection to Harrison Ford's ad libbed "I know". Back during Empire his objection was vetoed by non-hacks, and a classic scene was born.

In Attack of the Clones we saw what happens when an army of yes men let George Lucas write romantic scenes.
posted by unigolyn at 12:00 AM on September 1, 2011 [4 favorites]

Han wasn't on a mission to assassinate Greedo, he was surprised by him. I think at that point Han thought he could still repay Jabba and be in the clear, so he tried to talk his way out of it first. He didn't see it as a kill-or-be-killed situation until Greedo made it crystal clear that Jabba had put a price on his head.

Exactly. And this is where the original is clearly better at giving us the character than the re-write. In the original, Han is smart enough to know where things are heading, pretty quickly (he starts unbuckling his blaster), and the second he has a chance, he kills Greedo. He's in danger, he knows it, he's trying to judge how bad (can he talk his way out? no? KILL), and he deals with it.

Re-write? He's dumb enough to let a bounty hunter take the first shot. He's a smuggler, but doesn't take the first shot? He must not be very good at his job. Also, we learn that bounty hunters aren't remotely good at their jobs, as Greedo can't hit a seated target sitting across the table from him. This was hammered home in Jedi (yes, the original) where Boba Fett is defeated by a blind guy and a handcuffed wookie.

The original gives us Han Solo, the scoundrel. The re-writes just ruin that entire concept. Hence, Lucas must be stopped. Or something.
posted by Ghidorah at 12:23 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

I wanted the non-director's cut at the point Greedo fired first. This would be one of those times I think it's morally fine for people to just download something.

But even aside from that: I don't like Blade Runner without the voiceover. Yes, this makes me an idiot or whatever, but an integral part of the hardboiled detective feel that's such an integral part of the movie, for me, is the voiceover. I can finish watching early to avoid the happy ending. I can't make the voiceover come back in the director's cut.
posted by rodgerd at 1:34 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

...causing his lips to flap around like soaked towels in a Roman vomitorium.

Vomitoria are not what you think they are.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:34 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

The new Krayt dragon call doesn't bother me, I guess because I always thought it sounded kind of silly. The blinking ewoks...meh. Not really a big deal either. But I do really, really, really hate the new "NO"s. It does make sense to have a mirror of the end of RotS, but only if you think the RotS "no" wasn't completely over the top. Which it was. Which makes the new "no"s bad. Bad, bad, bad. Really, really bad.
posted by Ducks or monkeys at 3:17 AM on September 1, 2011

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

I assume you've never seen the director's cut of Donnie Darko.
posted by rory at 3:55 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Internet Reacts to the Upcoming Film Version of 'The Wizard of Oz,' 1939 by Eric D. Snider

I can't believe they're rebooting this franchise.

Ugh, they're shooting some of it in color? So tired of that gimmick. It gives me a headache.

They changed Dorothy's silver shoes to ruby slippers!! It's like they're TRYING to ruin my childhood!!

posted by ob1quixote at 4:34 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

> This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

In truth, the Dir. Cut of Donnie Darko was crappy.
posted by Sutekh at 4:51 AM on September 1, 2011

Another George, last name Orwell, warned us about this but we didn't listen, did we?
posted by tommasz at 5:11 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love how thoughtful Darth Vader sounds when he first says "No". It's like he's just been asked if he wants fries with that, or is carefully reasoning his way towards the conclusion that, no, on balance, he'd prefer if you didn't taser his son to death, thank you.

The Krayt dragon call sounds like the plastic T-Rex from Toy Story having his foot stamped on in a wind tunnel.
posted by lucien_reeve at 6:00 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

I assume you've never seen the director's cut of Donnie Darko

Hmmm, people like my movie cause it's so dreamlike and serene, maybe I should add a bunch of jarring music and lots of scenes explaining shit so the mystical becomes prosaic, also playing video games people love that
posted by The Whelk at 6:02 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

It would be better if he ripped a fart
posted by stormpooper at 6:25 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Did Anakin's genitals get burned off in that lava trench?
posted by Horselover Phattie at 6:29 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

A lot of people are unaware that Lucas also fucked up THX-1138, his tight, claustrophobic, piece of dystopian SF.

There are two things really memorable about THX-1138: the sense of enclosure, of a world made of corridors and rooms, where everything is restricted; and the measured pace of it. So what did Lucas and his CGI department do? They put windows on every available surface, showing vistas of the underground city; and they added a car chase. Then they added comedy beats to the car chase.

My theory is that someone did try to kill Lucas after they saw The Phantom Menace, and only managed to give him brain damage.
posted by Hogshead at 6:38 AM on September 1, 2011 [5 favorites]

Return of the Jedi was never great. NEVER.

In all honesty I think it depends on how old you were when you watched it. In my opinion, both Star Wars and Return of the Jedi were great for kids, whereas Empire Strikes Back were really more suited to someone older. As it turns out, I watched Star Wars endlessly as a young kid, and then saw RoTJ when it came out, but missed Empire until I was much older. I think this works. Empire is scarier and darker than the other two films. For people who watched Star Wars as young adults and then Empire, Return of the Jedi is an anomaly, a step backwards in storytelling. But it's still possible to enjoy it if you were a young kid at the time (Of course I loved the Ewoks! I was 6! I even remember reading all the cool stories about Ewoks.

Also, this is where I finally get to post something I always felt was too weak for a FPP.

Check out the webpage of Eric Walker. He played Mace Towani in The Battle for Endor. If you look at his "convention pictures" in my opinion it's very hard to distinguish whether he is in these pictures as a star or as a fan. He's an amateur composer/musician who recently recorded a song entitled Return to Endor. I love, love, love those blurred lines between spectator and participant, fan and star (I can never get enough stories about one actor being star-struck and tongue-tied in the presence of another actor they admire). I think this happens all the time in indie professional wrestling where you're routinely see some of the younger wrestlers going up to the merch tables and looking through the videos and swag along with all the other fans.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:10 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Why does Princess Leia have a British accent when she talks to British people?

I think those were early takes and Carrie Fisher thought it was necessary for teh royal aspects her character. Seems like a slip-up now.

Why don't Luke and his pals just bring in a bunch of rebel soldiers to kill Jabba and his cronies and rescue Han Solo?

Because the Hutt family had ties to the Empire, I'd guess. The Rebels were just that: rebels. They likely didn't have the firepower to spare.

Why didn't the Empire send a fleet of Tie Fighters to attack the rebel base before the Death Star came into range?

If you notice, TIE fighters weren't that effective to begin with. Besides, Tarkin's arrogance didn't allow him to consider anyone would attack such a weapon.

Why did the secret Death Star plans have to be taken to the rebels in person, instead of just emailed or faxed?

Because the movie was made in the 70s.

If Obi Wan disappeared into thin air when killed, leaving only his robe, why didn't anyone else ever die that way?

Because he didn't die from the blow; he gave up his life in the split second before. I don't know.

Was Obi Wan lying when he said that he would become more powerful than Vader could possibly imagine? Or did Vader just have a terrible imagination?

I think Kenobi was thinking that his death would be an inspiration to Luke (a budding Jedi) to seek revenge or at least motivate him to stop the Empire. Luke ended up being a hero, after all.

If the Jedi order is a religion, what beliefs does it hold that qualify as religious? When Han Solo called Jediism a "hoky religion," what beliefs, specifically, was he referring to has "hoky?"

A belief that there existed such a power in the universe as the Force. Sure, you ended up seeing it manifested in the films, but imagine how many skeptics like Han Solo hadn't and therefore thought it "hokey".

When Obi Wan was shutting off the tractor beam, why didn't he also sabotage the Death Star in other ways to help the rebels?

Because his mission was to shut off the tractor beam, not ninja his way to sabotage. He did what he intended to do, including provide a distraction for Vader.

Why did Han have a whole conversation with Greedo before shooting him? If you're going to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!

Because Greedo had a gun on him the whole time. Talking allowed Han to distract Greedo and give himself enough time to unholster his weapon. Of all your questions, this one was the easiest to field.
posted by grubi at 7:31 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

> I think those were early takes and Carrie Fisher thought it was necessary for teh royal aspects her character. Seems like a slip-up now

I think more it was because they were filming in England and she was most likely coming off of LSD or whatever and was just overly empathetic with the Brits around her.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 7:47 AM on September 1, 2011

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

Coppola's "redux" of Apocalypse Now is interesting from a film history perspective but ruins the pacing by adding a bunch of scenes that don't really work and really dilutes a great movie.
posted by octothorpe at 7:50 AM on September 1, 2011

Apparently she spent a lot of time in England before she became a full-time actress, so she may have still had a bit of that accent empathy (I tend to suffer from it myself :-) left.
posted by grubi at 8:00 AM on September 1, 2011

It would be better if he ripped a fart
posted by stormpooper at 9:25 on September 1 [+] [!]

Yeah, well you would.
posted by grubi at 8:00 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Fisher says in her stage show that she was in England at the time of filming it explained her "appearing and disappearing accent"
posted by The Whelk at 8:01 AM on September 1, 2011

YOU TELL HER I SAID OTHERWISE
posted by grubi at 8:04 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

If Obi Wan disappeared into thin air when killed, leaving only his robe, why didn't anyone else ever die that way?

Because he didn't die from the blow; he gave up his life in the split second before. I don't know.

Yoda goes the exact same way in ROTJ; disappears and leaves his robes behind. Apparently this is something they both learned from Qui-Jon somehow; they were both able to commune with him after his death - he somehow joined with "The Force" and maintained his identity after death. Both Obi-Wan and Yoda learn this skill and do the same thing.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:05 AM on September 1, 2011

I've never understood how the evil wizard guy who has such awesome powers couldn't levitate or something. He gets killed by gravity? Really?
posted by mrhappy at 8:15 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Whatever happened to Obi Wan's cloak? It didn't even get singed by Vader's lightsaber? Did some Stormtrooper snatch it up and sell it? Maybe a weird cult sprung up around the cloak and people worship it?

Wait, I'm sorry. I'm giving ideas for some horrid fan fiction.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 8:30 AM on September 1, 2011

Wait, I'm sorry. I'm giving ideas for some horrid fan fiction.

That's okay, the prequels started that way, too.
posted by grubi at 8:31 AM on September 1, 2011

I would love to know what Charles-Foster-Kane-type-shit is going on in Lucas's mind these days, what internal conflicts he is working out by scribbling over his past like this.

I think he truly hates Star Wars, on some level. Hates how it's swallowed his life, his creative ambitions, his soul. He's like the toured out rockstar who starts playing wrong notes on stage during a song he's covered a billion times just to antagonize the audience for wanting something so pedestrian and repetitive from him.

The fans have been awaiting this Blu-ray release of the original trilogy since the players hit the shelves, and really, since 1977. Finally, the potential exists for fans to have a copy of the trilogy that rivals in detail what they saw in the theater. And Lucas refuses to give it to them. It's hard to ignore the contempt in that.
posted by Missiles K. Monster at 8:37 AM on September 1, 2011 [8 favorites]

Heh. Actually, unless Vader took the cloak and had it with his gear on his TIE fighter then it probably was in the Death Star when Luke blew it up. Maybe some alien scavengers or something found it unharmed in a floating debris field and discovered it had magical properties when their alien baby was suddenly cured of a life threatening illness when wrapped with the cloak. That baby went on to spawn his own lineage of next generation force-enabled fighters with an entirely different ethos than either the Jedi or the Sith. They were a balanced middle way that understood the universe operated with nuance, not simple dark or light, and were able to avoid conflict.

Please shoot me.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 8:38 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

> I think he truly hates Star Wars, on some level. Hates how it's swallowed his life, his creative ambitions, his soul.

That's definitely the subtext I got from his interview with Jon Stewart last year.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 8:39 AM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

I would love to see him work on a totally new piece of intellectual property. Is he locked into some sort of star-wars only contract? I can't see someone as powerful as Lucas being told what to do.
posted by codacorolla at 8:56 AM on September 1, 2011

Guys, I have a long history of shitting on Uncle George in the blue. This is NOT a real clip, it's bogus, so if you want to rap on George, have fun (somewhere on here is the post where I describe the red light addition to THX-1138 that everyone seems to have missed), but I promise, there is no new NOOOO audio insert.
posted by dbiedny at 8:57 AM on September 1, 2011

And George is much more interested in real estate these days...
posted by dbiedny at 8:58 AM on September 1, 2011

Neck real estate.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:10 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've seen people saying it's a fake, but haven't seen it confirmed. Do you have a confirming link dbiedny?

_{Also, if it is a fake, the fact that it seems so credible says a lot about Lucas' legacy.}
posted by codacorolla at 9:12 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Whatever happened to Obi Wan's cloak? It didn't even get singed by Vader's lightsaber? Did some Stormtrooper snatch it up and sell it? Maybe a weird cult sprung up around the cloak and people worship it?

Yes
posted by stormpooper at 9:21 AM on September 1, 2011

This is the first time I can recall wanting a nondirector's cut.

I've actually always wanted a cut of Blade Runner with the narration, but which ends where the directors cut does, and leaves out the Unicorn.

Yes, I'm a film bitch.
posted by lumpenprole at 9:22 AM on September 1, 2011

This is NOT a real clip, it's bogus, so if you want to rap on George, have fun (somewhere on here is the post where I describe the red light addition to THX-1138 that everyone seems to have missed), but I promise, there is no new NOOOO audio insert.

Not that the Gray Lady is all that reliable these days, but are you saying the NYT lied/was lied to?

On Wednesday, a press representative for Lucasfilm confirmed that this change will be included in the Blu-ray release, writing in an e-mail: “Yes — Darth says NO.”

I would love to see him work on a totally new piece of intellectual property. Is he locked into some sort of star-wars only contract? I can't see someone as powerful as Lucas being told what to do.

Well, he did produce/co-write the last Indy film. That was swell, wasn't it?
posted by kmz at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

Star Wars is dying, NY Times confirms.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2011

He's a smuggler, but doesn't take the first shot? He must not be very good at his job. Also, we learn that bounty hunters aren't remotely good at their jobs, as Greedo can't hit a seated target sitting across the table from him. This was hammered home in Jedi (yes, the original) where Boba Fett is defeated by a blind guy and a handcuffed wookie.

More and more I am finding that a central theme in these movies is incompetence.
posted by Hoopo at 9:43 AM on September 1, 2011

Well, he did produce/co-write the last Indy film. That was swell, wasn't it?

Oh, I don't know. Last Crusade didn't turn out that badly.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:17 AM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

“People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians"
— George Lucas, complete stranger to irony, 1998
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:11 AM on September 1, 2011 [4 favorites]

“People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians"
— George Lucas, complete stranger to irony, 1998

So he doesn't consider the Star Wars franchise to be a work of art. Or he admits that he is a barbarian. I'm not sure there's any irony there.
posted by The World Famous at 11:18 AM on September 1, 2011

Sorry Alanis
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:26 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think Lucas needs to get over the fact that Star Wars is to him as Middle-earth is to Tolkien. It is his magnum opus, for better or for worse (often way worse), so that means he should either take special care of his creation when modifying it (which he clearly has not done so far) or he should leave it alone. Instead, he treats this creation as if it were a mere commodity, one that requires upgrading every once in a while, like a car or a smartphone.

Sure, he doesn't see it as a work of art. That's obvious. But he should try better to understand that there are those of us in the world who feel it is. His actions show us he sees things otherwise.
posted by grubi at 11:35 AM on September 1, 2011

I think he truly hates Star Wars, on some level. Hates how it's swallowed his life, his creative ambitions, his soul.

Perhaps it wasn't Obi-Wan, but Alec Guiness who joined with the force and became more powerful than George could possibly imagine...
posted by rodgerd at 11:41 AM on September 1, 2011

Sure, he doesn't see it as a work of art. That's obvious. But he should try better to understand that there are those of us in the world who feel it is. His actions show us he sees things otherwise.

What he needs to realize is that, even though Star Wars was never a work of art for him, it was a work of art for the people who worked on and helped to make Episodes IV and V what they turned out to be. He does realize that those two films (and RotJ, to some extent) are not what he intended them to be. What he doesn't get is that they turned out to be actual works of art and that, by altering them, he is spitting on the zillions of hours of creative work and artistic energy expended by the people who actually worked to make them works of art. It's not that Lucas has no respect for the people who see and appreciate the films. He has no respect for the people who toiled to create the films in the first place.
posted by The World Famous at 11:41 AM on September 1, 2011

Just had a thought: what if -- and I mean this just as an interesting idea, not as a saga replacement -- we saw the same trilogy we always saw, but with appropriate flashbacks (scenes cut out of prequels0 interspersed as a way of illustrating some of the finer points of the Holy trilogy? There's a part of me that would like to see this happen, if only to extract the 15% of the prequels that was any good. No over-explaining, just illustration.
posted by grubi at 11:54 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Lucas cannot seem to stop himself from fucking with great things.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:42 PM on August 31

He's fucked with great things as well as those shitty old kids' space movies? I must have missed that.
posted by Decani at 11:58 AM on September 1, 2011

He's fucked with great things as well as those shitty old kids' space movies? I must have missed that.

And the threadshitting begins.
posted by grubi at 12:04 PM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

I think he truly hates Star Wars, on some level. Hates how it's swallowed his life, his creative ambitions, his soul.

Oh fuck him.
No director in the world is in a better position to make their precious small deep meaningful abstract art films than this twat. And he has been for decades.

I love Star Wars and it is and has been a huge part of my life, but as this has all played out one simply cannot ignore all the signs pointing to everything we love about Star Wars being part of Star Wars in spite of this knob.

I paraphrase Plinkett reviewing the brilliant opening shot of New Hope, in fact here just watch it...
posted by Senor Cardgage at 12:07 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

No director in the world is in a better position to make their precious small deep meaningful abstract art films than this twat. And he has been for decades.

Like Howard the Duck.
posted by jabberjaw at 12:09 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think everyone is ignoring the larger question here.

Did Lucas get James Earl Jones in a recording booth to say "no" a few times or is that some impostor?
posted by Horselover Phattie at 12:15 PM on September 1, 2011

I get so much enjoyment from those Plinkett reviews they actually make the existence of the prequels worth it.
posted by modernnomad at 12:23 PM on September 1, 2011 [6 favorites]

Srsly. I think I've watched each like 4 times now.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 12:34 PM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Did Lucas get James Earl Jones in a recording booth to say "no" a few times or is that some impostor?

— This. Is. James Earl Jones.
— Oh, hiya Jimmy, it's George Lucas. Say, I was wondering if you could come down to the ranch and do some ADR for the new Star Wars Bluray. It's for that scene where the old guy gets thrown into the abyss by the bad guy.
— No.
— I was going to just lift it straight from that scene in Lion King where the same thing happens, but it turns out it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas who says that line I was thinking of. I need you to come in and say it.
— Noooooo.
— Oh. Okay. Well, never mind then. Oh, by the way, I've been recording this conversation.
— ...
posted by Sys Rq at 12:51 PM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

Hey, Sys Rq. Ahem.
posted by grubi at 12:54 PM on September 1, 2011

Oh. Um.

I'm sure GIFtheory would have done it like this if he'd just had the technology three hours ago.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:56 PM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh, wait, it was an homage! It's okay to rip someone off if it's an homage, right?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:59 PM on September 1, 2011

A social commentary, really.
posted by grubi at 1:06 PM on September 1, 2011

Someone over on reddit suggested a possibility I hadn't heard before, they posited that Lucas has a mental disorder akin to body dysmorphia. That just as Michael Jackson simply could not stop getting repeated plastic surgery, so too Lucas simply cannot leave the movies alone.

He looked at the original Star Wars and where we saw a great movie, he saw a mess of flaws that he could fix. Then he looked at his new creation and realized it still wasn't quite perfect, that he just needed to do a couple more things and **THEN** it would be perfect. Repeat ad infinitum.

I think it makes a degree of sense. Certainly it makes more sense than thinking that he hates the fans.
posted by sotonohito at 1:14 PM on September 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

I prefer this version.
posted by homunculus at 1:31 PM on September 1, 2011 [3 favorites]

One of the multiple Star Wars fests had a retrospective "making of" documentary that largely convinced me that Episode IV was saved from Lucas by some brilliant post-production editing, sound design, and soundtrack composition by people who don't get enough credit for making it work. And of course, Lucas took a step back from screenwriting and direction for Episode V, and delegated to Kershner and Kasdan who had enough faith to let Fisher and Ford act.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 1:41 PM on September 1, 2011

Sys Rq, you get my favorite just for "This.Is.Jame Earl Jones."
posted by charred husk at 7:17 AM on September 2, 2011

2020: Lucas redubs all of Darth Vader's dialogue in Episodes IV-VI with a text-to-speech program modeled off of Hayden Christensen.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 3:37 PM on September 2, 2011

2020: Lucas redubs all of Darth Vader's dialogue in Episodes IV-VI with a text-to-speech program modeled off of Hayden Christensen.

That's disturbingly plausible.
posted by codacorolla at 3:43 PM on September 2, 2011 [4 favorites]

2020: Lucas redubs all of Darth Vader's dialogue in Episodes IV-VI with a text-to-speech program modeled off of Hayden Christensen.

It would be considerably cheaper just to get Hayden Christensen to redub it all himself. Of course, then you'd be at the mercy of his acting, so maybe automating it really would be the better choice.

But does being a better choice make it more likely to be Lucas' choice? I don't think so.

He's probably going to change everything so that it turns out Darth Vader isn't Anakin after all. He will be Jar Jar.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:12 AM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Luke, me so you fadda!"
posted by klangklangston at 10:18 AM on September 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've been thinking about the discussion between some people claiming it's not a bad thing and others holding their heads in their hands and why this is a bad addition. It just made me think of this:
This makes me feel angry.
posted by bleep at 9:02 PM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Sandcrawler: LucasFilm’s Singapore Headquarters is a High Performance Building Straight Out of Tatooine
posted by homunculus at 12:39 PM on September 4, 2011

That building is incredible, homunculus. I hope it actually ends up looking like a sandcrawler with trees spilling out the middle, and isn't budgeted down into something more conventional.

As for Lucas, maybe he should do some polishing up on Willow. Now there's a dusty corner of the oeuvre that hasn't seen light in a while. He could do a special edition of the film, then a sequel trilogy based on the novels he wrote with Claremont, and so on. Just leave Star Wars alone and work on Willow for a few years.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:34 AM on September 7, 2011

Don't worry, guys. He's sure to make amends in the 3D versions!
posted by vanar sena at 1:57 PM on September 7, 2011

Don't worry, guys. He's sure to make amends in the 3D versions!

I have a dream. In my dream, all of Lucas' edits of the original Trilogy are leading up to the 3D releases. And when people get to the theater, the opening screen of Episode IV instructs the viewers to remove their 3D glasses. And then the film begins. And it is the original film. No edits. No digital manipulation.

And the only part of my dream that is slightly disappointing is that I don't experience any of that because I'm unwilling to pay to see a 3D movie.
posted by The World Famous at 2:03 PM on September 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

The World Famous: " I'm unwilling to pay to see a 3D movie."

You are a gentleman and a scholar. I enjoyed Avatar, but now I have to bear my part of following burden: its success has convinced him to re-release Titanic in 3D.
posted by vanar sena at 2:08 PM on September 7, 2011

(and by him I mean James Cameron)
posted by vanar sena at 2:10 PM on September 7, 2011

re-release Titanic in 3D

Let's all be honest here: There are about 2 minutes of Titanic 3D that I'm interested in seeing. And after that society as we know it complete collapses.
posted by GuyZero at 3:45 PM on September 7, 2011

George C Scott watches Star Wars on Blu-ray
posted by homunculus at 12:25 PM on September 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

So those extra TIE fighters in the big space battle in Return of the Jedi— they were piloted by bad guys from the A-Team? Because it seems like one of those 75 ships might have been able to hit that big freighter they are locked onto at 12 o'clock.

On the plus side, I see they somehow added a black guy to the movie; that's pretty cool. I hope there will be a kick-ass Asian martial arts girl in a Catholic School kilt in the next re-release. That would be dope.
posted by Mister_A at 6:00 AM on September 9, 2011

Mister A, as pointed out earlier, there are no extra TIE fighters in that shot from Return of the Jedi. And the black pilot has always been there, as well.
posted by ShutterBun at 9:58 PM on September 9, 2011

Darth Vader 'Nooo!' Re-Edited into Classic Movies
posted by homunculus at 5:59 PM on September 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes Man, Starring Darth Vader
posted by ob1quixote at 11:49 AM on September 12, 2011