Tae Bo Shake Yo
September 9, 2011 4:23 AM   Subscribe


 
I was going to come in here and go "yah boo soldiers marching was totally busted" but, whaddya know, it's plausible.

I'll be damned.
posted by Katemonkey at 4:32 AM on September 9, 2011


Suspicions then fell on the building's new 4-D movie theater, with some questioning whether the fourth-dimensional nature of the area was causing dangerous temporal disturbances.

Strange things are afoot in the holodeck.
posted by itstheclamsname at 4:42 AM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]


WTF is up with the tone of this article?

Tae Bo? It's not a street fighting technique. It's really butch jazzercise.

Questioning whether the 4D movie theater had caused the building to wobble due to quantum disturbances? 4D movie theaters have motion seats, that's it.

Seriously... is this really an article, or is Dokdo times owned by The Onion, or what?
posted by hippybear at 4:43 AM on September 9, 2011


not only can sound break glass, but (supposedly) if it's loud enough, it can also start fires...
posted by sexyrobot at 4:45 AM on September 9, 2011


Pretty sure Mythbusters covered all of these half a decade ago.
posted by crunchland at 4:45 AM on September 9, 2011


On the Albert Bridge in London, it's compulsory to break step if you're a soldier...
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 4:51 AM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I once farted at the resonant frequency of a devout Christian and accidentally inspired a vision of God.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:54 AM on September 9, 2011 [8 favorites]




Questioning whether the 4D movie theater had caused the building to wobble due to quantum disturbances? 4D movie theaters have motion seats, that's it.

Technically, a 4D theater shows you a film that is so poorly constructed and cliched that it seems like it has lasted untold vigintillions of years, then, when you leave, the realization that it was actually just over 2 hours of elapsed time causes a serious localized perception chronological displacement event. It can leave one deeply shaken, but generally on a personal, rather than architectural, scale.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:21 AM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


"Suspicions then fell on the building's new 4-D movie theater, with some questioning whether the fourth-dimensional nature of the area was causing dangerous temporal disturbances. Experts had warned of the dangers of creating 4-D theaters when so little was known about the technology and its possible quantum effects, but the entertainment industry denied the technology could cause space-time to be warped in a way that was likely to lead to structural failures. The government however, fearing an inter-dimensional fringe event may have occurred, ordered other 4-D theaters in Korea to be checked, though no problems were found."

Genius.
posted by mwhybark at 5:34 AM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


I saw the fnord! (it's midway down the page)
posted by emmet at 5:43 AM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]


Ha, I had my own weird experience with this. They Might Be Giants did an in-store at the Borders at Columbus Circle when Here Comes the ABC's came out. The crowd was toddlers with their parents, teens, random 20-somethings that had no kids, all ages really. they played 'Clap Your Hands' with audience participation, and when it came to 'Jump In the Air!' you could definitely feel it in the floor, and folks in other stores and the office floors above the shopping all said they felt something shake.

Still not sure about Billy Blanks bringing down buildings...
posted by pupdog at 6:00 AM on September 9, 2011


Suspicions then fell on the building's new 4-D movie theater, with some questioning whether the fourth-dimensional nature of the area was causing dangerous temporal disturbances. Experts had warned of the dangers of creating 4-D theaters when so little was known about the technology and its possible quantum effects, but the entertainment industry denied the technology could cause space-time to be warped in a way that was likely to lead to structural failures. The government however, fearing an inter-dimensional fringe event may have occurred, ordered other 4-D theaters in Korea to be checked, though no problems were found.

what is this i don't even
posted by radiosilents at 6:25 AM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I once farted at the resonant frequency of a devout Christian and accidentally inspired a vision of God.

Rookie. My flatulence makes people atheists.
posted by srboisvert at 6:35 AM on September 9, 2011


The Fnord article tells you all you need to know:
"A tiny potential filler article (PFA) was spotted in the sky above Seoul today."
posted by Nomyte at 6:36 AM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


...the entertainment industry denied the technology could cause space-time to be warped in a way that was likely to lead to structural failures...

But they are obviously admitting that they are warping space-time in a way that has other effects!

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 6:46 AM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Welcome to the new English-language version of The Dokdo Times. Founded in 1509, we are Dokdo’s oldest independent Korean-language newspaper. It is hoped that by translating our stories we will be able to properly inform foreigners about Korea's 5000 year-old civilization.

Our English-language website is best viewed on a Microsoft Windows-based PC using Internet Explorer 6 with ActiveX security disabled and your firewall turned off. Please ignore any warnings and enjoy our happy reading experience. Our Korean-language version is available via Daum for pure-blooded Koreans.

I am sorry for my anonymity, but words were recently identified as the number one threat to Korea's 5,000 year-old civilization by the Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity. Please note The Dokdo Times reserves the right to publish readers' letters, especially threatening ones. I am not Lee Myung-bak. Please stop asking.


Man, sometimes I glad that it was fashionable to go to Japan when I graduated from university, rather than Korea.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:52 AM on September 9, 2011


Funny website, though.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:54 AM on September 9, 2011


Hah! This could be Japan, though: Foreigners in Korea Try to Break Stereotypes with Pub-Crawl
posted by KokuRyu at 6:56 AM on September 9, 2011


But some said that inexperience may have led to 28 year-old Kim turning up the gym's amplifier up to '11', which may have exacerbated the event.
He found the amp at the "Spinal Tap" garage sale ?
posted by k5.user at 7:01 AM on September 9, 2011


There is a lot wrong with the Myth Busters approach to the old "soldiers in lock-step cause resonance" story. They didn't really test what they thought they were testing.

There just isn't good information available that tests this, though I've heard of (but can't confirm) that a company was used to test this in Brooklyn in the 40s.

The most likely reason for route step are ad hoc and pontoon bridges, not merely "undampened" suspension or solid span bridges.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:10 AM on September 9, 2011


Read some other stories in the paper. It must be run by bored expatriate English teachers creating a South Korean Onion.
posted by kozad at 7:14 AM on September 9, 2011


Oh, so you believe the official story? Right there in the article: "other experts have continued to question it." The building owners have "proven" a theory that's very convenient to the building owners. Nothing more to see here, move along.

You know what really did it? Hot yoga. I know the melting point of steel.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:15 AM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Bogsplot.
posted by pracowity at 7:24 AM on September 9, 2011


I guess Snap! really does have The Power.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:32 AM on September 9, 2011


Feeling the concrete floor move at the Montreal Olympic Stadium in resonance to Pink Floyd concertgoers' jumping was both memorable and freaky, given the building's shaky structural history.
posted by dendritejungle at 7:37 AM on September 9, 2011


The most likely reason for route step are ad hoc and pontoon bridges, not merely "undampened" suspension or solid span bridges.

Although the Millennium Bridge (aka the Wobbly Bridge) problem does seem to suggest it's quite possible for people on foot to set a permanent bridge in motion. Although in that case it was more that the response time of people correcting their balance due to small motions of the bridge matched up well with the natural frequency of the bridge itself, leading to a positive feedback loop.
posted by FishBike at 7:46 AM on September 9, 2011


Although the Millennium Bridge (aka the Wobbly Bridge) problem does seem to suggest it's quite possible for people on foot to set a permanent bridge in motion. Although in that case it was more that the response time of people correcting their balance due to small motions of the bridge matched up well with the natural frequency of the bridge itself, leading to a positive feedback loop.

Yes, but in Korea physics are slightly different than in other parts of the world.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:54 AM on September 9, 2011


Sometimes it doesn't take much coordinated activity in a group of people to cause a structural failure. (warning: shocking, possibly disturbing closeup video of a disaster).

I vaguely recall that one of the suspected contributing factors to the Hyatt Regency walkway collapse disaster was that a dance competition was being held in the lobby and spectators on the walkway were dancing.
posted by charlie don't surf at 7:56 AM on September 9, 2011


This Korean news organization definitely has lots of 'The Onion' type snark.
posted by eye of newt at 7:58 AM on September 9, 2011



Seriously... is this really an article, or is Dokdo times owned by The Onion, or what?

Uh. I couldn't even skim the article. It's incomprehensible and weird. Case and point:


While 'Tae Bo' is designed to counter any kind of street threat, including those of aggressive buildings, experts say that even 17 'Tae Bo' practitioners are not enough to bring down a building of TechnoMart's size, and what the event seems to demonstrate is the increasing problem of obesity in Korea, with Koreans' bodies becoming dangerously more 'Westernized' according to scientists. There are fears that as the trend worsens, more and more well-designed Korean buildings will be subject to this foreign threat.


I'm going to assume that this was translated from Korean, and has suffered somewhat in that translation.
posted by Stagger Lee at 8:13 AM on September 9, 2011


Read some other stories in the paper. It must be run by bored expatriate English teachers creating a South Korean Onion.

The name "Dokdo Times" is a dead giveaway. Dokdo is a mostly unpopulated set of rocks in the Sea of Japan (called "Liancourt Rocks" on western maps, and called "Takeshima" by the Japanese) that South Korea and Japan have been squabbling over in recent decades. South Korea has a few coast guard troops there; Koreans and Japanese have occupied the island for various times in the past thousand(?) years or so, but it's also been abandoned a lot because it's a bunch of freaking rocks. (I am oversimplifying here.)

There is very likely no "oldest independent Korean-language newspaper" there. When Japan got hit by the big earthquake and tsunami, some people in South Korea said it was good that Dokdo was now a few feet closer to Korea (I can't find a link for that one). That's the kind of ridiculous talk that inspires "The Dokdo Times."

Other Dokdo antics include a K-pop concert there in which the concertgoers had to be shipped in from the peninsula.

Dokdo is also a big deal to both countries because of the way it would shape the sea boundary under current international Exclusive Economic Zone agreements. So the South Korean government makes it a big deal, and so do a vocal part of the populace.
posted by bugmuncher at 8:19 AM on September 9, 2011


There is very likely no "oldest independent Korean-language newspaper" there.

"Likely"?
posted by KokuRyu at 8:27 AM on September 9, 2011


1- That article just seems snarky, not necessarily poorly translated.

2- Buildings absolutely can suffer the effects of relatively small movements via constructive interference. Have you never been in a bouncy building when a person (usually a heavier person, or someone who walks in a particularly "pounding" manner) walks by and you can feel the floor shake? If one person can do that, imagine what a number of people moving in coordinated fashion, perfectly timed to music, can do? If the music happens to be timed to a resonance of the building, I can absolutely beleive that they can cause the whole building to shake. (At least the portions of the building at the peaks of the waveform.)

3- So can a theatre filled with motion seats. When the seat pushes the person up, it pushes the floor down. If their motion catches the resonance of the building, instant wobbling.

4- Unless there are NO independent Korean-language newspapers, one of them has to be the oldest.
posted by gjc at 8:30 AM on September 9, 2011


Why am I reminded of this story all of a sudden...
posted by kmz at 8:31 AM on September 9, 2011


I like to use qualifiers because I don't have time to do the research. But considering that it's pretty much impossible to live there, I'm going to say it's "very likely." :-)
posted by bugmuncher at 8:31 AM on September 9, 2011


The name "Dokdo Times" is a dead giveaway. Dokdo is a mostly unpopulated set of rocks in the Sea of Japan...

I guess the writers are big fans of the now defunct Rockall Times?
posted by Jehan at 8:31 AM on September 9, 2011


Unless there are NO independent Korean-language newspapers, one of them has to be the oldest.

I dunno, I'm not sure how many newspapers there are here.
posted by kmz at 8:32 AM on September 9, 2011


Everyone here understands that this is a snarky website making fun of Korea, right?
posted by KokuRyu at 8:50 AM on September 9, 2011


I can't tell if you guys are serious about whether or not you can tell if this article is serious.
posted by empath at 8:50 AM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I know, I'm starting to feel a little gaslighted here. THIS IS THE KOREAN ONION YOU GUYS. I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS.
posted by elizardbits at 9:00 AM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I can't tell if you guys are serious about whether or not you can tell if this article is serious.

Are you serious about if I'm serious about if others are serious?

THIS IS THE KOREAN ONION YOU GUYS.

Well, a Korean Onion, at least. I don't think there's a one satirical news site per country allowance.
posted by kmz at 9:02 AM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Now I don’t understand if anyone gets it, but if you just click the "about" button;

>Please note that this site is satirical, but only if you find it amusing. It was not written with the intention of offending anyone – it was written with the intention of potentially offending everyone, in the spirit of equal opportunism and multiculturalism. It is written by two Korean Americans, as a homage to our former homeland, and a sixteenth generation Irish American who taught in Korea once and is still owed money. To contact us write to Yoo-suk, 1060 West Addison Street, Chicago, Illinois 60613.

None of the above may be true. I may instead be an American trapped in Seoul, who you will probably assume is male. You can email thedokdotimes@gmail.com. I am sorry for my anonymity, but words were recently identified as the number one threat to Korea's 5,000 year-old civilization by the Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity. Please note The Dokdo Times reserves the right to publish readers' letters, especially threatening ones. I am not Lee Myung-bak. Please stop asking.

Thank you for visiting, and remember, humor is the best medicine. Especially if you're poor in Korea.<

The first thing I noticed was it said "powered by Blogger" at the bottom.
posted by bongo_x at 9:51 AM on September 9, 2011


THE KOREAN ONION YOU GUYS. I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS.

But is it the oldest Korean Onion?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:00 AM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Pretty sure Mythbusters covered all of these half a decade ago.

Those spunky little army helmet robots have got to be the cutest thing they've ever made. (Disclosure: I'm 4 or 5 seasons behind.)
posted by Zed at 11:12 AM on September 9, 2011


1060 West Addison Street, Chicago, Illinois 60613

They must share a room with Elwood Blues.
posted by hwyengr at 12:57 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


I vaguely recall that one of the suspected contributing factors to the Hyatt Regency walkway collapse disaster was that a dance competition was being held in the lobby and spectators on the walkway were dancing.

Nope. That thing wasn't built to withstand the design loads regardless. Dance competition or floor wax convention, if you put enough people on that thing, it was coming down.
posted by hwyengr at 1:00 PM on September 9, 2011


But some said that inexperience may have led to 28 year-old Kim turning up the gym's amplifier up to '11', which may have exacerbated the event.

In all fairness, he was playing Snap's The Power.
posted by jonp72 at 4:22 PM on September 9, 2011


Zumba class in Canberra almost took down the new DEEWR building.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:15 PM on September 9, 2011


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