Gaslighting is a pretty specific term. Gaslighting falls within the category Things That Make People Feel Crazy, and so does this, but gaslighting is when someone makes someone feel crazy by manipulating their physical environment or denying their perceptions of it (e.g., hiding their keys and letting them look for an hour, then putting them back in plain sight; or saying "what? I didn't see a cat" moments after they discussed it together).I think it's worth discussing how often women's statements get dismissed as emotional or overreactive. But I would like to do that without calling it "gaslighting" because that reduces the value of that word to describe one specific kind of particularly treacherous behavior. Some instances of being dismissive might qualify as gaslighting, but not all would. In fact, I don't think it's always inherently abusive to say "I don't see this situation the same way you do; I don't think it merits this intense response." Whereas it IS inherently abusive to manipulate or deliberately lie about someone's physical environment until they start to doubt their very perception of reality, and that's why we need the word "gaslighting."
There are a lot of vocabulary words that would apply to this situation. For example, minimizing or invalidation.
The point was that, in this case, "gaslighting" refers generally to manipulative behavior whereby someone shames another person by stating or implying that they're crazy, agitated, hysterical, or otherwise off their rocker. Such behavior is not necessarily intentional. Didn't you read the article?The problem with this definition is that any criticism would fall under the definition of "gaslighting" because it undermines their confidence. I would argue that the statements and actions have to be intentionally crazy-making in order qualify. Plus telling someone to "calm down" or that they are over-reacting doesn't question their sanity at all, just their anger levels. Sane people get angry all the time. Which is one thing the article seems to overlook. In this guys view, no reaction (by a woman) is ever inappropriate. That's ridiculous, both men and women over react. (Haven't any of you ever seen those low-rent reality TV shows?)
The original article however, is clearly not referring to those moments. It's referring to moments when women try to make their valid feelings, concerns, or opinions known, and then get painted as being irrational or crazy for doing so.I didn't see the author making any distinctions at all, but rather saying that all instances of telling someone to calm down or relax or that they were acting crazy were 'gaslighting' designed to manipulate and undermine someone.
Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction—whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness—in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren’t rational or normal.This is his key concept.
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posted by delmoi at 10:15 PM on September 14, 2011 [22 favorites]