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September 17, 2011 7:48 AM   Subscribe

Drag star Varla Jean Merman is the new spokesmodel for Fleet enemas. Her commercials: Part 1, Part 2, cabaret version. Previously: Varla's Schoolhouse Rock.
posted by hermitosis (44 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
They ... know their audience.
posted by Avenger at 7:55 AM on September 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


In a side by side comparison of pin-ups, Varla Jean has better legs than Betty Grable. That is all.
posted by elizardbits at 7:56 AM on September 17, 2011


This is one of those days where I just love America's crass commercialism. Absolutely anything is acceptable in service of selling product.
posted by Nelson at 8:01 AM on September 17, 2011


Well, now. I guess there's no sense in trying to disguise your message, is there?

I'm guessing these won't be appearing on television any time soon.

I guess I'm glad that there are frank (and clever) commercials being made for products such as these. And it's not like I have many sensibilities to shock. Still, I was a bit surprised overall.

Pretty amusing. Feels cutting edge, like the first time I heard the term "manscaping".
posted by hippybear at 8:03 AM on September 17, 2011


Seeing these was one of those experiences that reminds me we're definitely living in the future.
posted by hermitosis at 8:03 AM on September 17, 2011 [7 favorites]


So, my dad has Crohn's Disease, and it was diagnosed when I was about four. Every few months, my dad would bring home a "goody bag" of materials to help him prep for an upcoming colonoscopy. Let's just say that from a very young age, I had a somewhat expansive knowledge of various colon-flushing products.

One time, on a road trip, we passed a Fleet Bank. It apparently was hilarious when I started gesturing wildly out the window saying, "DADDY, LOOK! THEY HAVE A WHOLE STORE FOR YOU! LET'S STOP!"
posted by phunniemee at 8:06 AM on September 17, 2011 [40 favorites]


It's a good thing she's pretty since she became such a great actress (and singing sensation!).
posted by heyho at 8:10 AM on September 17, 2011


Wow, no subtlety there. I especially liked the FEMA guy's "wide load" sign.
posted by Forktine at 8:12 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Mystical thread convergence
posted by The Whelk at 8:16 AM on September 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


Clap clap clap funny
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 8:22 AM on September 17, 2011


Holy crap.
posted by dirigibleman at 8:29 AM on September 17, 2011


Sorry, my backcountry is virgin territory and it's going to stay that way.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:30 AM on September 17, 2011


Well, before today I couldn't have named a brand of enema. So, heckuva advertising campaign.
posted by XMLicious at 8:30 AM on September 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


No Shit!
posted by chillmost at 8:32 AM on September 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


Is this is what they call promoting off-label drug use? Sort of?
posted by klarck at 8:33 AM on September 17, 2011


"Fleet" enemas suggests to me a frantic and potentially unsuccessful race to the bottom.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:42 AM on September 17, 2011 [5 favorites]


I was one day too late to see Varla Jean's cabaret show in New Orleans and I was so freaking upset.
posted by The Whelk at 8:42 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well, before today I couldn't have named a brand of enema.

Watch 15 minutes of C-SPAN, then you'll be an expert.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:42 AM on September 17, 2011


Oh shit. They've figured out how to advertise to me.
posted by emmtee at 8:59 AM on September 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


I previously had a roomie who worked at a grocery store and occasionally brought home piles of weird things that were going to be shipped back to the distributors, or thrown away. One day, via this mechanism, our apartment was graced with something like two dozen Fleet enemas. We'd leave them liberally scattered around the house - bathroom, living room, kitchen, wherever.

When someone would ask why the hell there were enemas everywhere, I'd just say they were "for emergencies." Further questioning would likely lead to the explanation that any situation that suddenly and unexpectedly required the application of an enema would definitely qualify as an emergency in any sane man's book. Generally there weren't further questions after that point.
posted by FatherDagon at 9:09 AM on September 17, 2011 [13 favorites]


Never have enemas been so funny. I'm flushed with laughter.
posted by smirkette at 9:26 AM on September 17, 2011


So does this mean they'll eventually have beer commercials with people actually drinking the beer? A rising tide raises all boats, after all.
posted by tommasz at 9:46 AM on September 17, 2011


"Fleet" enemas suggests to me a frantic and potentially unsuccessful race to the bottom.

The name "Fleet" suggests that the waters will clear for several loads of seamen.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:48 AM on September 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


So does this mean they'll eventually have beer commercials with people actually drinking the beer? A rising tide raises all boats, after all.

Not until Axe Body Spray commercials show a 13 year old boy walking around causing all adults in his path to choke and gag on his staggeringly strong aroma. Truth in advertising.
posted by phunniemee at 9:49 AM on September 17, 2011 [9 favorites]


It's a shame we won't see Rick Santorum in these any time soon.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:00 AM on September 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


potentially unsuccessful race to the bottom.

I always loose the really fun Field Day events.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is one way to solve thread shitting.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:14 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


<sean connery> Before I became an actor, I was a dog trainer. It's true. And when i told a dog to sit, it would sit wherever it was told. </sean connery>
posted by zippy at 10:18 AM on September 17, 2011


I got the impression that they were alluding to anal sex in those commercials.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:21 AM on September 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


PSA: replace the saline with lukewarm water!

Great post.
posted by the young rope-rider at 10:28 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is the greatest thing ever to appear on the Internet this week.
posted by smartyboots at 11:04 AM on September 17, 2011


You know what -- for everything I was expecting, that was pretty gosh darned charming!
posted by cavalier at 11:47 AM on September 17, 2011


I initially thought Varla was a drag racer and I thought that was a brilliant piece of marketing for people selling a product for moving things along.
posted by Mitheral at 11:59 AM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've loved Varla Jean Merman Since I saw her on Project Runway (5?) years ago. The designers had to create outfits for DragQueens, and she was one of the clients. She described her self as "Ann-Margaret *voice drops tree octaves* on steroids." I'm so glad to see we live in a world where she can be a corporate spokesperson for a company that has a sense of humor.
posted by piratebowling at 12:04 PM on September 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


Fleet enemas were a great invention. Enemas used to be way too sluggish.
posted by metagnathous at 12:05 PM on September 17, 2011


Can I tell you something wonderful?

In part 2? Cher?

THAT'S MY NEIGHBOR HERE IN KEY WEST RANDY ROBERTS!!!

I just texted him (sometimes her).
posted by Mike Mongo at 1:00 PM on September 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


Speaking of Cher, you have to see Varla's cover of Dark Lady. (The original.)
posted by maudlin at 1:37 PM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well, you really have to respect them just going for it.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 2:10 PM on September 17, 2011


Ha. I wonder what the ratio is of enemas sold for recreational purposes vs. medical contexts?
posted by hattifattener at 7:46 PM on September 17, 2011


Oh god, now I have the enema song stuck in my head. Thanks, Varla Jean!
posted by Tesseractive at 1:55 PM on September 18, 2011


It's a shame we won't see Rick Santorum in these any time soon.

Altho chances are we may well see one of these in Rick Santorum some time soon.
posted by FatherDagon at 5:22 PM on September 18, 2011


Heh. I'm glad my alma mater doesn't have a funny-sounding mascot.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:31 AM on September 19, 2011


Speaking of Santorum: Rick Santorum contacted Google, says company spreads 'filth'
posted by homunculus at 1:29 PM on September 20, 2011


Christ, what an asshole.
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:22 AM on September 25, 2011


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