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A tale of corruption, love and Pork Chop
October 14, 2011 12:18 PM   Subscribe

Jeff Smith, fallen star of the Democratic Party (and subject of a documentary) got hot on Twitter while he was behind bars. Now he's back with an endearing tale of prison love.
posted by slogger (23 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
A heartwarming tale of faith, love and redemption!
posted by Renoroc at 12:29 PM on October 14, 2011


A heartwarming tale of faith, love and redemption!

...and the most impossibly complicated way to masturbate in public ever devised! Sheesh, prisoners are dorks.
posted by Doleful Creature at 12:38 PM on October 14, 2011 [6 favorites]


...without the benefit of female interaction, other than a pair of (arguably) female prison administrators.

Charming fellow.
posted by gurple at 12:53 PM on October 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


"...and the most impossibly complicated way to masturbate in public ever devised! Sheesh, prisoners are dorks."

I'm guessing they have a lot of time on their hands, ahem, to come up with creative ways to spank the proverbial monkey.
posted by MikeMc at 1:08 PM on October 14, 2011


Reading the story about how he got caught, what the hell is up with lying to the cops? All you have to do is not talk to them. Lying to the FBI is just insane. Remember, that's actually what Martha Stewart went to jail for. If she'd come clean, or simply refused to talk, it's likely she would have gotten away with a slap on the wrist.
posted by delmoi at 1:10 PM on October 14, 2011


Wow, reading the "prison love" article, how did this guy manage to become such an insufferable asshole?
Midwestern-ness emanated from me like stink from a skunk. I could feel it when I used the word “wife” instead of partner, the self-consciously gender-neutral term they used when referring to spouses or long-time companions.
...

I hadn’t thought about Porkchop and J.T. for over a year, until the other night, after that Brooklyn party. Those incomparably enlightened and erudite hipsters, themselves mostly unattached and plotting their next conquests (“So, she’s not looking for anything too serious, right?”), were palpably fascinated with the sexualized brutality of prison rape.

I wonder if any of them will ever experience the type of intimacy that J.T. and Porkchop shared.
This idiot is exactly what's wrong with the democratic party. People more interested in being 'successful politicians' then actually fighting for something, and someone who can't resist the urge to spew derision on 'east coast liberals' in order to prove he's "not a liberal" to whomever might be reading the article.
posted by delmoi at 1:24 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Funny, how I never heard of this "star" until he got caught.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:36 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


If his actual, true point was I wonder if any of them will ever experience the type of intimacy that J.T. and Porkchop shared -- the last line of the piece -- he could have done without all of the I'm-white-they're-black ghetto patois.

That was a really gross read.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:54 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


"He shed traditional Democratic views on education, helping to found a charter school and working across the aisle on school choice legislation."

So, he was that kind of Democrat.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:26 PM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


So this guy is stupid enough to get sent to prison for being a lying sack of shit, and now I'm supposed to believe some fantasy tale of him during prison. Sorry. This unknown will remain an unknown as far as I'm concerned...
posted by Eekacat at 2:33 PM on October 14, 2011


I guess I should clarify. This guy is stupid enough to have to go to prison even though he's a connected white guy for simply lying to investigators as a first offense. Seriously. The dude has way worse skeletons in his closet if that's all he fell for. And I don't trust his story about prison at all. Good thing he was an awesome point guard...
posted by Eekacat at 2:40 PM on October 14, 2011


So this guy is stupid enough to get sent to prison for being a lying sack of shit, and now I'm supposed to believe some fantasy tale of him during prison.

He also seems to have done remarkably well while there considering his diminutive size and his mismatched self-righteous, arrogant ego.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 3:01 PM on October 14, 2011


I can't remember the last time I ice-grilled someone.
posted by bpm140 at 3:02 PM on October 14, 2011


Wow, tough room. I liked the piece, and I think that everyone deserves a second chance. You guys haven't spent much time in Missouri or prison have you?
posted by IvoShandor at 3:17 PM on October 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


You guys haven't spent much time in Missouri or prison have you?

...you mean they're not the same thing? *rimshot*
posted by Doleful Creature at 3:33 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Thank you. I'm very glad I read that.
posted by ferdydurke at 3:37 PM on October 14, 2011


...and the most impossibly complicated way to masturbate in public ever devised! Sheesh, prisoners are dorks.


It IS complicated. It took me like 10 tries to get the length of the string just right!
posted by orme at 3:46 PM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


Thanks for the post.

As a Missourian, Jeff Smith is a huge disappointment. He held so much promise. The Missouri General Assembly is filled with the dregs of society. Don't even get me started, but people like Jane Cunningham (wanted to weaken child labor laws), Rod Jetton (former Speaker who was accused of drugging and sexually assaulting a woman), and so on. Jeff was young, charismatic, held degrees from UNC and Wash U, and had new ideas. Then he screwed up and blew it. He may have been one of the few chances the state had at leaving the dark ages.

Now he's left St. Louis, the scene of his downfall (once the fourth largest in the country and now a shadow of its former self), a city that could use fresh, new ideas and fled to New York City. I wish I could say good luck, but I can't.
posted by Coyote at the Dog Show at 3:47 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Disgraced Ex-Senator Jeff Smith Writing Book About What He Learned in Jail

Ew. Do not pass Go; do not collect $200.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:53 PM on October 14, 2011


Tough room, indeed. I thought it was a decent bit of writing.
posted by kprincehouse at 4:35 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


That brought me back to the fevered week I spent watching all six seasons of Oz.

(Chris Meloni, call me!)
posted by book 'em dano at 8:12 PM on October 14, 2011


A heartwarming tale of faith, love and redemption!

More like Time, Love, and Tenderness.
posted by benzenedream at 8:32 PM on October 14, 2011


That was a good read. Thanks for posting it. Don't worry about the weenies here.
posted by telstar at 11:39 AM on October 15, 2011


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