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The zombies are us
October 31, 2011 7:58 AM   Subscribe

Let's contemplate zombies!
posted by hot_monster (27 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
All I saw was an ad, then a blank screen.
posted by Outlawyr at 8:04 AM on October 31, 2011


I lasted a minute and a half.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:07 AM on October 31, 2011


HI I'M ON METAFILTER AND I COULD OVERTHINK A PLATE OF BRAINS
posted by borkencode at 8:14 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


Zombies have had all of my brains they are going to get.

So there.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:15 AM on October 31, 2011


I lasted half a minute.
posted by Gator at 8:24 AM on October 31, 2011


The post just before this one is also contemplating zombies. I prefer to think of this as a final warning about the impending Z apocalypse rather than some random coincidence.
posted by xqwzts at 8:34 AM on October 31, 2011


I would like to suggest, because I can't stop suggesting it, the short story collection The Living Dead, a massive collection of zombie stories that runs through every possible iteration of "zombie" in varied clever and creative ways and has no less than three actually terrifying stories, the scariest of which takes place almost entirely over an expensive dinner concerning corporate America's response to re-animation technology.
posted by The Whelk at 8:37 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


You have to enable some scripts to have someone rapid-fire read a well-trod essay at you with flashing quasi-relevant images.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 8:38 AM on October 31, 2011


Zombies have had all of my brains they are going to get.

Famous last words. Have you ever even seen a zombie movie? Cracking one-liners like that is practically a guarantee you don't make it to the end.
posted by Hoopo at 8:39 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


You're forgetting GenjiandProust's rugged good looks, which should definitely get him to the last scene and even to the end credits unless he has to valiantly sacrifice himself for someone equally (though less ruggedly) good-looking.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 8:45 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


Mandatory link to the Cracked essay on why the zombie apocalypse wouldn't happen. Helpful for those late nights when you could swear something was scratching at your window, whispering braaaaainnnsss.....
posted by emjaybee at 8:52 AM on October 31, 2011


Zombies have had all of my brains they are going to get.

Famous last words. Have you ever even seen a zombie movie? Cracking one-liners like that is practically a guarantee you don't make it to the end.


Being bored to tears with zombies is the best defense against them.
posted by NoMich at 8:53 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


Wow, I'm a fan of PA generally, but I didn't last twenty seconds. It reminds me of Jennifer Shiman's 30-second bunnies theater, except painfully long and not entertaining.
posted by davejay at 8:57 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


Being bored to tears with zombies is the best defense against them.

I was walking down Third St. last month (nowhen near Halloween) when I saw two zombies turn the corner on South Park.

They were pretty good. Looked authentic, shuffled well; very much in characters, but my only reaction was eh.

I watched them shuffle down the block for a little while and something gave them away completely. I can't remember what it was. Oh yeah, they weren't eating humans.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:59 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


unless he has to valiantly sacrifice himself

I'm a librarian; this is practically a professional requirement.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:04 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


Cracking one-liners like that is practically a guarantee you don't make it to the end.

Unlike my wonderfully developed bust and liberated attitude towards casual sex, which will clea--

. . .

SEND MOAR FRATBOYS
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:06 AM on October 31, 2011


I dunno. I'm probably in the minority who finds the original cocept of the zombie - a person who dies, and is returned to life as a slave of a voodoo sorcerer, wiped of their personality and soul, the perfect patsy for spreading murder, madness and mayhem, as they're already dead.

Mindless shambling rotting corpses are icky, but not as terrifying as something that was brought back from beyond the veil of death with a sinister purpose...
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:45 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


HI I'M ON BRAINFILTER AND I COULD OVER-BRAIN A BRAIN OF BRAINS
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:47 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


Well if we're all just going to shit up the thread I'll pipe up that I don't generally like PA either, but stuck through this and overall liked it.

The reminder from Romero that the zombies to him only represented a change from the paradigm was key. Like in last night's Walking Dead - people coming to grips with this is how the world is now. We are no longer the dominate species. That's freaky on a whole separate level from OMG GUY WITH CHAINSAW RUN.
posted by Big_B at 9:50 AM on October 31, 2011 [3 favorites]


Let's privatize zombies.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:58 AM on October 31, 2011


Also, I need to write a zombie apocalypse stories where the vector of infection is writing zombie apocalypse stories.

I recognized Jim, a published short story writer from our writing circle... he hadn't been around in weeks. He was holding a moleskine in an outstretched hand, "Bob, I've finally finished the firat draft of a novel! I was browsing live journal one night, and, well, I've never been so inspired! It's edgy and new and hip, I think I could sell it. I just need someone to go over it before I send it off to my agent."

I eyed the notebook with suspicion and a growing unease... "Jim, what kinds of live journal sites were you reading when.... when... inspiration" I spat the word, "took control of you?"
Jim was undoing the elastic on the moleskine, and opening it as he shambled toward me, "Oh, just some genre nerd fan-fiction sites."
"What genre, Jim? What genre?" I demanded, recoiling, sick and afraid.
"Oh, end-of-the-world stuff," he drew close enough where I could see that his eyes were as dull and lifeless, drained of the spark of vitality, " I wrote one of my own, a whole novel! It's a great thought experiment to examine society. Me, a mainstream fiction writer! It will be a sensation... "

No! please let it not be...

"It's about zombies, mostly."

I let him have it with both barrels, desperately reloading as I had only winged the moleskine... the thing that was Jim ignored the saucer-sized hole in his chest, and stooped to retrieve his novel, to show it to me. In my haste, I fubled and dropped the pair of shotgun shells. No more time. I'd need to use the super-soaker full of gas and the road-flare...
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:02 AM on October 31, 2011 [2 favorites]


Also, I need to write a zombie apocalypse stories where the vector of infection is writing zombie apocalypse stories.

Kind of a Pontypool mash-up?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:05 AM on October 31, 2011


Let's privatize zombies.
I'm pretty sure that happened at least 40 years ago.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:32 AM on October 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh, God. Pontypool. I not only jumped out of my skin, I jumped out of the skin of the person sitting next to me. It was pretty gross.
posted by running order squabble fest at 12:02 PM on October 31, 2011


GET A BRAIN, MORBRAINS!
posted by davejay at 12:06 PM on October 31, 2011


Let's contemplate zombies!

Oh let's not, and just let the HUNDREDS OF MOVIES, VIDEO GAMES, TV SHOWS, COMIC BOOKS, WEBSITES AND ANNOYING FRIENDS DO IT FOR US. Me, I'm utterly sick of the things.

Mandatory link to the Cracked essay on why the zombie apocalypse wouldn't happen.

Second law of thermodynamics, easy peasy.
posted by JHarris at 12:28 PM on October 31, 2011


Well, I liked it. I'm not scared of Zombies, but I wouldn't want to try to deal with one, either. My luck, I wouldn't do the head shot right, and he or she would be snacking on my brains.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 12:45 PM on October 31, 2011


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