written? kitten!

November 16, 2011 3:15 PM

Afflicted with writer's block? Need an extra dose of motivation? Written? Kitten! rewards you with a brand new kitty for every hundred words you write.
posted by changeling (51 comments total)

Well, that trumps NaNoWriMo.
posted by zomg at 3:18 PM on November 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

This is a cute idea, but if there isn't a porn version of it already I'm sure there will be soon.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:27 PM on November 16, 2011

1. Figure out a way to turn words into energy
2. Hook this up to some wordy-nerdy bean-plating website.
3. Power a city the size of Los Angeles for centuries.
4. Profit.
posted by weston at 3:30 PM on November 16, 2011

The Card Cheat: "This is a cute idea, but if there isn't a porn version of it already I'm sure there will be soon"

Busy? Pussy!

Text? Sex!

Produced? Seduced!

Created? Fellated!

Worked? Jerked!

posted by Joakim Ziegler at 3:31 PM on November 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

I typed 100 words to get a kitty. Then I copied and pasted the same 100 words just so I could get another kitty*

*I did this four times. I may have a kitty problem.
posted by raztaj at 3:31 PM on November 16, 2011 [34 favorites]

I did the same except copy/paste. I wonder what to do with the text I wrote. Maybe I'll print it out and donate it to a kitten.
posted by hat_eater at 3:33 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is messed up, changeling. I am going to be so fat because of this.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:35 PM on November 16, 2011 [18 favorites]

If the Jack Nicholson character in The Shining had had this, the story might have turned out differently.
posted by needled at 3:36 PM on November 16, 2011 [7 favorites]

A friend of mine has been using Write or Die! to get her NaNo wordcount done. I sent her this. And then realized that I was opening the floodgates to the horrible, logical conclusion....

WRITE, OR THE KITTEN... DIES!!

I retreat, sobbing.
posted by The otter lady at 3:39 PM on November 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

I would very much like to see some 100-word kitten-inspired freewrites plz.
posted by changeling at 3:50 PM on November 16, 2011

I confess. I just went to bacon ipsum and generated some text to copy and paste. Some yummy, yummy text. I am ... ashamed.
posted by zomg at 3:55 PM on November 16, 2011

I've learned I can do anything if I shut my internet connection off. Self Control for OSX does the job pretty well when you whitelist nothing but 0.0.0.0.

Anyway, someone should program a microcontroller to act as a keylogger (actually, counter), and hook that up to a gumball machine whose coin mechanism has been removed and the knob replaced with a stepper motor. You type enough, you get some of what's in the machine.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:55 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Anyway, someone should program a microcontroller to act as a keylogger (actually, counter), and hook that up to a gumball machine whose coin mechanism has been removed and the knob replaced with a stepper motor. You type enough, you get some of what's in the machine.

Ooh, or the machine could give out rat pellets! And maybe not keys, just one lever....

I love how we think we're so clever and yet we'll fall for the same tricks as lab rats.

Now off to bookmark writeordie to motivate myself...
posted by katemonster at 4:02 PM on November 16, 2011

This needs a rule 34, pronto!
posted by Renoroc at 4:05 PM on November 16, 2011

This is my new motivation for finishing papers and Yuletide fics this year!
posted by strixus at 4:16 PM on November 16, 2011

This is a cute idea, but if there isn't a porn version of it already I'm sure there will be soon.

Precisely my thought. A picture of a kitten wouldn't be motivation for me, but I would be for a different type of picture.
posted by never used baby shoes at 4:17 PM on November 16, 2011

man i have to write a lot to get a kitten that is so lame how will i know what kinds of awesome kittens you have if i don't get to see them oh well i'll just type until a kitten comes and then that will be good i like cats so much and kittens are the best of all the cats so this is probably a really good idea but where is the kitten i am almost there just a little more for the kitten whoo hoo that is gonna be so sweet ok here it comes yay yay

Those are the hundred words I mashed in to see a kitty. Feel free to copy and paste.
posted by troublewithwolves at 4:22 PM on November 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

Man, I can't believe I'm trying to write one hundred words just so I can see what kind of kitten this website is gonna show me. What if it doesn't even do what it says? I'm not even a writer. I guess after this I'm gonna go tell Mike Stevens I need a picture of him on the toilet as soon as possible. How many words is this? Oh. Sixty nine. Shit... seventy two. Okay, it'll be seventy nine. Getting close! Man, this is gonna be severely underwhelming. I don't even get writer's block when I do write stuff. Okay.

Then it showed me a cat looking ashamed with REJECTED stamped across it.
posted by cmoj at 4:25 PM on November 16, 2011

omg can i see a kitten please? why must you make me wait? i am in a dearth of kitties. i suffer from an extreme lack of kittens. cats even. big cats, little cats, all cats. i can feel myself withering away without teh kittens. please if you care for my life and health, you will show me a kitten. really? i have 40 more words to write? this is unpossible. i am getting desperate. i must see the kitten now. i think i can i think i can i think i can, and so, there shall now be kitten
posted by raztaj at 4:26 PM on November 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the stream of consciousness I typed to receive kittens:

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. A stitch in time saves nine. Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalanine. Is this thing on? Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended. That you have but slumbered here, while these shadows did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding than a dream. Gentles, do not reprehend. If you pardon, we will mend. And, as I am an honest Puck, if we have unearned luck now to scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends 'ere long. Else the Puck a liar call. And so, goodnight unto you all. Give me your hands if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends. I can see Russia from my house. You lost your mittens? You naughty kitten. Then you shall have no pie. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. No one would have believed in the early years of the twentieth century that mankind was being watched by intelligences greater than man's, etc. etc.

This gives much more insight into my brain than I would have liked.
posted by Chanther at 4:26 PM on November 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

I pretty much did what all of you did, which is ramble on about kitties and why I like them for a hundred words and repeat....repeat....
posted by Kitteh at 5:11 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Busy? Pussy!

Does that rhyme for you? I find the idea that it might unsettling.
posted by howfar at 5:12 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was rewarded by a meezer kitten. I didn't even think to copy/paste.

Well, I just did copy and paste. Meezers are well represented.
posted by SillyShepherd at 5:22 PM on November 16, 2011

Here are my 103 words:

This is word four. I think it will take me a little time to work up to one hundred words, but the night is still young. That was a bit of a cliché, so I apologize for that. Still, I'm moving up in the word count. I'm now at fifty words, which means that I'm half-way to seeing a kitty! Given that my cat is currently hiding under a blanket, this will be the most of a cat that I've seen for over an hour, which is odd given that there is one across the room. This is word 100. Yay! A kitty!
posted by sfred at 5:30 PM on November 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

This was enough to get me a teeny tiny orange kitty and a teeny tiny grey kitty:

It's surprisingly hard to just write a list of nonsense words; it's actually easier to write what I'm thinking. I am eating crab rangoons and drinking water. I'm wearing a grey sweater. I want to see a kitten. Should I eat some more peanut brittle? No, but I will anyways. Here's some threatening references to the UN. I am totally going to use this at work tomorrow while doing my writing. Ummm...does um count as a word? Yes, of course it does, the computer doesn't know. Yeah, almost kitten and peanut brittle break time! Screw Flanders screw Flanders screw Flanders
posted by unannihilated at 5:36 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Damn it, I need to find a way to make this into a Word plugin so it can coexist with the EndNote stuff I'm using. I might actually finish my PhD thesis on time then.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:43 PM on November 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

I need to find a way to make this into an Wordemacs plugin that recognizes when I'm writing real programs
posted by DU at 5:46 PM on November 16, 2011

*AHEM*

Since all the rest of you are doing the "here's the 100 words I wrote" thing, I will as well. It will also pass time while my roommate and her "friendboy" and I wait for dinner to be delivered. ("Friendboy," by the way, is a wonderful term that another old roommate came up with to describe someone with whom you have that weird nebulous not-dating-but-still-kinda-familiar relationship -- she just sort of blurted it out one day when the guy she was hanging out with called himself her "boyfriend" and she said "no, you're not my boyfriend, you're my.....friendboy." I overheard her telling him that and it stuck.)

KITTYYYYYY!

posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:52 PM on November 16, 2011

I got engrossed with my writing, and was a little bit startled when a kitten picture appeared. Then I literally clapped! Yay, kitty!
posted by ErikaB at 5:55 PM on November 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

I intend to make good use of this while writing my dissertation proposal.
posted by pemberkins at 6:02 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Call me Socks. Some years ago-- never mind how long precisely, perhaps seven, or a multiple thereof-- having little to no catnip in my purse, and nothing in particular to excite me on shore, the trees of my home having been plucked bare, by whom I do not know, I fancied I would sail about a little, which some might think odd, having little knowledge of Maine stock, who hath a love of watery places. It is a way I have of driving off the anus gland and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself losing my grin; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself pausing involuntarily before cardboard box stores, and haunting every backyard I meet [ . . . ]

posted by stavrogin at 6:44 PM on November 16, 2011

I mashed the keyboard. It just counts the non-consecutive spaces. But the first kitten I got looked like it was coming for my soul, and the second was a black outline on a hot pink background, so I quit.
posted by postel's law at 7:08 PM on November 16, 2011

The darn kitten made me stop writing just so I could sit there going "Awwwwww." Antimotivation.
posted by Peach at 7:33 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I didn't even do anything clever.

I'm just writing stuff because I want to see this "kitten." I'm not even a writer. Lord knows it's not because I don't have anything else to do. And it's not like I don't have two perfectly good - two perfectly acceptable cats right here. But they aren't kittens, and that is what I would like to see now. Just one kitten. I hope it's a really cute one. I also hope it's not a Persian or something, because... well, I would love it equally, I'm sure, but IF I HAD A CHOICE, it would be something else. Something cuter.

OK, jerks, where's my kitten?

Seriously, I did all that, and was rewarded with ... NO KITTEN.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:33 PM on November 16, 2011

I copypasted and got a fully grown cat. IF I WANTED TO SEE THAT I COULD JUST LOOK IN MY LAP.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:36 PM on November 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Like many of us I'm sure, what I write is code. I was intrigued by the idea of kittens keeping me laser-focused for a change instead of just distracting me all the time! I'm always super-receptive to posts about motivation when I see them on MetaFilter during work.

Of course I didn't want to give up syntax coloring or code hinting, as that might have led to an actual net productivity loss instead of the boost I needed. So I would have to paste my results manually over into the kitteh tool for this to work.

(work work)

Of course, I wound up pasting over 100 words all at once by the time I was ready, but then - yes - a kitten appeared! On my screen! I was very excited at this point about the prospect of integrating this into my workflow and beginning to reap the benefits in earnest. But the mental trick was corrupted - a bad bad part of my mind was too aware that I had gotten the kitten-reward not from the authentic productivity-intensified work I had done, but perhaps just from that Command-V at the end.

(temptation)

Command-V
Command-V

(pause)

Command-V
Command-V
Command-V

(Post brief comment on Metafilter)

Bookmarked for further review but early results are clearly both early and results!
posted by Bokononist at 7:50 PM on November 16, 2011

While I was initially disappointed this doesn't have any LaTeX support built in, a kitten convinced me that it would be all right.
posted by bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated at 8:18 PM on November 16, 2011

Is there a version of this for interactive fiction where you get a kitten that wonders why the hell you are doing this?
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:49 PM on November 16, 2011

I like potatoes. They are yummy. The only reason I am writing this is is because I want to see a kitty. But also I don't wanna cheat and just copy and paste some lorem ipsum. I wanna earn my kitty, darn it! I found this website through Metafilter. That's a great website, too. The format of this prose really makes me sound like I'm 11 years old. But I don't mind, 11 year-olds are pretty cool. They like dinosaurs and planets and stuff. At least that's what I liked when I was 11. I'm so close to a hundred words!


Word count: 101. Overachiever!
posted by FirstMateKate at 9:49 PM on November 16, 2011

This is cool, but it doesn't accept tabs so I can't just write in it and then c/p into my NaNoWriMo doc. Would use it as a plugin for Google Docs though.

What other stuff like Write Or Die is there?
posted by NoraReed at 10:39 PM on November 16, 2011

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen i can count really high i even have a phd in counting but it seems kind of silly to just keep writing numbers. I wonder if I could write a program to do my counting for me? But that would be a bad idea. I should know how to count myself, because otherwise I will look silly in front of my students. My students probably already don't take me seriously because I make lots of jokes. But that's okay, laughing keeps ooh a kitty! them awake. Ooh! IT has blue eyes! but it is staring at me and that's kind of scary and oh my god I can see the students looking up at me and listening to every word I say and when did I become such an expert on Things? I'm still amused that I can go the store and buy beer and cookies and they'll let me. Beer! And cookies! This is something they don't let you do when you're a kid. Or, for that matter, in Pennsylvania. But I miss home. They have winter there! Ooh another kitty and this one is being held by an attractive women. I like them both but in different ways.

(As you can see if you read this, I got two kitties.)
posted by madcaptenor at 11:06 PM on November 16, 2011

Here's my story about the conspiracy of "Written? Kitten!". I didn't get very far.

I'm writing this story to see a kitten. There's really no reason to do so, and this is probably being tracked somewhere by someone. My theory is that there are groups of people watching these in real-time (Hey, that should be two words. Don't trick me like that) and selling people's stories to the media outlets. Would that be considered copyright infringement? Probably. Is it worth having my stories stolen and sold illegally in order to see a cute kitten? Absolutely.

So I Am So Very Close To The 100th Word That I Am Going To Use Very Short WordsOMGAKITTYSOCUTEHOLYSHIT!

posted by NipplesOfTheFuture at 12:05 AM on November 17, 2011

I spent five minutes banging on my keyboard writing nonsense, much to Mr. Brambory's bemusement...and what did the website give me? A picture of a dog that kinda has tabby markings.

Mr. Brambory says the website is punishing me for not using real words.

I say the website has gone to the dogs, but even this bad pun hasn't been enough to erase my shock and disappointment.

Cat lovers of Metafilter: use this site with caution.
posted by brambory at 1:51 AM on November 17, 2011

Self Control for OSX does the job pretty well when you whitelist nothing but 0.0.0.0.

Allowing connections to/from 0.0.0.0 means "Allow connections to/from any host on the internet." Or if you want, 0.0.0.0 is the network address of the entire Internet.

In the very earliest days of the TCP based Internet, back when you could have a map of all the hosts on the wall, you could ping 0.0.0.0, and, well, *everybody* would respond. We decided that autoDoS attacks were a bug.

If you want to block the internet, but allow your own computer to work, you need to whitelist localhost (127.0.0.1).
posted by eriko at 2:01 AM on November 17, 2011

If you don't get the SAME PSYCHIC GLOW from writing 100 words as you would from being given a kitten, you are NOT A WRITER and should abandon YOUR SAD, DELUDED DREAMS.

THIS IS EVIL. EVIL KITTEHZ.
posted by Devonian at 2:47 AM on November 17, 2011

I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who, when faced with a word count, turns much of their free writing into meta-commentary on the number of words they've written so far...
posted by anthom at 4:01 AM on November 17, 2011

More like NaNoWriMeow, right right?
posted by Turkey Glue at 7:09 AM on November 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

This is soo unfair for those of us writing in Dutch... We tend to glue many more words together as one word than in English.
posted by Ms. Next at 11:59 AM on November 17, 2011

I wrote the word cocks 105 times, and a kitten appeared. I was aroused and confused.
posted by msbutah at 1:10 PM on November 17, 2011

When Keyboard Cat needed motivation, he just looked in the mirror.

"Say, I'm not half bad..."
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 12:22 AM on November 18, 2011

Ah, I meant blacklist. Checking my settings, that's what I did.

Dumb brain.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:31 AM on November 18, 2011