Justin Bieber is on DEF JAM?? But isn't that Slayer's label?

December 6, 2011 4:58 PM

A perfect storm of terrible, two sharks trying to jump each other - Justin Bieber's steampunk version of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'.
posted by FatherDagon (115 comments total)

I look forward to his Cthulhu-themed video for "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
posted by brundlefly at 5:03 PM on December 6, 2011 [41 favorites]

Will I let myself still think it's cool? Film at 11
posted by rebent at 5:03 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

On a more serious note, I've been carefully observing steampunk poke through into the real world for the past few years, lately in the form of key necklaces which are everywhere.
posted by rebent at 5:04 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

On a more serious note, I've been carefully observing steampunk poke through into the real world for the past few years, lately in the form of key necklaces which are everywhere.

A couple of years ago a 14-year-old told me steampunk was about to go mainstream and I was all "Pppffffttt THAT'll never happen."
posted by Miko at 5:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

If you went back in time and showed this video to the kids who invented breakdancing, they would probably stop doing it and this video would never happen.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [37 favorites]

lately in the form of key necklaces which are everywhere.

I've been wearing my skeleton key necklace for like 17 years now and suddenly that crap is everywhere... sucks to be a trendsetter.
posted by FatherDagon at 5:07 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]

Wow - I've never watched a Bieber video before and I have to say; that young man is remarkably uncharismatic for his level of fame. He's sort of the stoic type of pop star, isn't he?
posted by Pecinpah at 5:07 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

And by steampunk we mean "wearing vests out of old Madonna videos"? I may have misjudged the subculture.
posted by mittens at 5:09 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]

He's a Canadian sort of the stoic type of pop star, isn't he?
posted by benzenedream at 5:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [9 favorites]

The sleep of reason breeds monsters. Specifically, this one.
posted by Kinbote at 5:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [10 favorites]

I'm at work, so I watched it with no sound. I could've done without the CGI elves, but otherwise it's...just another music video. With talented dancers. As for Justin Bieber, I have no opinion of his music one way or another (probably because I haven't listened to a Justin Bieber song yet--I think) but I've seen a few minutes of an interview and he seems like a nice kid.

Haters gonna hate. Steampunk fans: you can like the art, you can create the art, but you don't control the art. It's out there in the ether, ready to be used and abused and honored and revered in percentages perhaps somewhat imbalanced. Deal.
posted by zardoz at 5:17 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]

If you went back in time and showed this video to the kids who invented breakdancing, they would probably stop doing it and this video would never happen.

But neither would Beat Street, and that's a world I don't want to live in.
posted by Hoopo at 5:17 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

He's a Canadian pop star, isn't he?

Got the Stephen Harper mop-top, yup.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:19 PM on December 6, 2011

You know who else you could stop if you went back in time?
posted by finite at 5:20 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

The antidote.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:21 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

One of the robot dancers had a Yarnell thing going on, so there's that.
posted by mazola at 5:24 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you went back in time and showed this video to the kids who invented breakdancing, they would probably stop doing it and this video would never happen.

Finally a good reason for time travel.
posted by entropone at 5:26 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow. Steam punk, pop music, break dancing (including the robot!), auto tune, baggy pants, capoeira, R&B hooks and CGI elves. That thing was a complete stylistic clusterfuck.
posted by slogger at 5:27 PM on December 6, 2011 [11 favorites]

It is a whole lot easier to watch if you just pretend Justin is the cutest babydyke* in history.

* Yeah, I know it isn't a nice word. Please help me rework this joke.
posted by poe at 5:28 PM on December 6, 2011 [9 favorites]

That was so horrible I think it triggered some kind of latent apocalypse programming inside my brain. I'm going to wake up from my fugue state three days from now in the pine barrens covered with other people's blood and it is all Justin Bieber's fault. That little fucker.
posted by elizardbits at 5:29 PM on December 6, 2011 [13 favorites]

It is a whole lot easier to watch if you just pretend Justin is the cutest babydyke* in history.


Wait...Bieber isn't a 22-year old lesbian?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:34 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]

I quite liked it, actually. Musically, one of the better versions of the song I've heard, and I think I've heard most of them. The video itself is just okay...nothing new to see here. My only complaint? Justin comes off like George Michael...I just don't buy him as a rough, tough REAL man type. I understand his handlers are trying to ease him into adulthood, but do they really think this pseudo tough punk thing is going to be taken seriously? The attitude just ruins it for me. I give the video 4 stars out of ten, though it'd be more like 8 if Justin appeared to be actually likeable.
posted by Quasimike at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2011

But neither would Beat Street Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, and that's a world I don't want to live in.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, I thought the part with the lil' child laborer was adorable!
posted by redsparkler at 5:42 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

I look forward to his Cthulhu-themed video for "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Oh, it is far too late for that...
posted by Zalzidrax at 5:45 PM on December 6, 2011 [12 favorites]

Wow. That kid sucks.
posted by ReeMonster at 5:50 PM on December 6, 2011

He's kind of beginning to have a Rick Astley thing going on. If Rick Astley had a Power Glove.
posted by Nomyte at 5:56 PM on December 6, 2011 [9 favorites]

Missed opportunity: Justin or one of his dancers (windupgirl, maybe) shaking a present during the "Shake it, baby" part.

Just sayin'.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:58 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Zalzidrax: "Oh, it is far too late for that.."

I... I... I'm a bit freaked out right now. Or is there a Lovecraftian version of all Christmas songs?
posted by brundlefly at 5:58 PM on December 6, 2011

Please. This is steampop at best.
posted by jimmythefish at 6:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [20 favorites]

Is anybody else starting to find it creepy that we give half a shit about Justin Bieber? Or that Gawker takes the time to write about it? Shit like this existed when I was wee, and it was just as corny, goofy, and cliche. Does it matter? Some people, especially young people, like listening to comfortable, accessible pop music without a challenge. Young people additionally like to look at other moderately attractive young people wearing pretty clothes and dancing. Congratulations, you cutting-edge cynics! You've determined that the tastes of young people are different than yours.

I like hearing about people who do interesting things, or good things. Some pop musicians are capable of this and I like hearing about them. The ones who aren't – why the fuck do you even bother caring? I don't know if it's a generally human thing or more specific to contemporary culture to pay attention to things just to hate on them, but it's so pointless, and it's so unpleasant to have to listen to. At least if you want to talk about something you dislike come up with some clever way of poking fun at it.

And I think Biebs is alright. He can sing decently enough, and as far as kids his age go he seems like one of the less offensive ones – though no teen is pleasant enough to be liked by an audience of millions – and most importantly, his entire career happens because Usher got stoned, browsed YouTube, and thought, "Shit! This twelve-year-old is fantastic! I want to pay somebody to write him pop songs!" As far as corporate pop stories go, his is one of the more amusing ones, and Baby was a wonderful earworm, and I hope he doesn't die of an overdoes.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:04 PM on December 6, 2011 [27 favorites]

I'm actually not that familiar with steampunk other than what's already sifted through into pop culture, like the Sherlock "Iron Man" Holmes movie. So I was a bit surprised at the cartoon alien spaceship cameo in the middle. Is that common?
posted by Metro Gnome at 6:06 PM on December 6, 2011

Meh. Justin Bieber? You're mad at Justin Bieber? Meh.

He's alright. At least he really puts his heart out there. And he is genuinely talented. This clip won me over. It gets better from there.

What I like about Justin B is that he actually did what he wanted to do.
posted by Mike Mongo at 6:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Can we have a sidebar on that? Like, consciously, with the sociological part of my brain, I get that tween girls tend to go for feminine-looking pop idols. Unthreatening is what it's all about. David Cassidy, Joey McIntyre, Justin Timberlake. I get it.

But seriously, y'all. Beiber is the girliest looking motherfucker ever. He makes Lisa Frank look like Bea Arthur. He's girlier than hot pink to the power of sparkles. The Swedish Bikini Team from those 80s Budweiser ads has more facial hair than him. I marvel at it literally every time I see him. How can he be an object of heterosexual lust?

Boggling. Me and my mind. Will be sitting over here quietly doing that.
posted by Diablevert at 6:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [17 favorites]

I hope that Bieber is the Van Helsing to the tedious, unimaginative, Count Dracula that is Steampunk.
posted by codacorolla at 6:10 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also: I would gladly pay Slavoj Žižek 100 dollars to write 3 medium length paragraphs reacting to this video.
posted by codacorolla at 6:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [21 favorites]

Not long enough.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 6:16 PM on December 6, 2011

I suppose I shouldn't throw stones as someone who used to have an NKOTB sleeping bag, but I saw Justin Bieber wrapping paper at Target and my soul promptly shit its pants.
posted by sonika at 6:16 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

forget SOPA, this is the problem with the internet, right here.
posted by mattoxic at 6:18 PM on December 6, 2011

Also, when friends and I went WalMart-hunting last winter, Justin Bieber's autobiography was easily our most scintillating find, and I'm not just referring to the fact that his face looks like it's melting in the heat of an irradiated sun.
posted by Rory Marinich at 6:34 PM on December 6, 2011

TOO MUCH AUTOTUNE EVERYWHERE. MAKE IT STOP.
posted by unSane at 6:35 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]

I blame Cory Doctorow for this.
posted by crunchland at 6:38 PM on December 6, 2011 [6 favorites]

That one scared me good.

1. Didn't really touch the steampunk; all the gearworks are black, except the brooches on his halter top.
2. His mom gets to be in the video in an 1890's ish dress/jewelry box/thingy
3. Andrews Sister hair. I guess it was inevitable. Patti Labelle is the next look.
4. Throws back the jacket (a la MJ) to reveal shoulders even skinnier than MJ
5. One Two Three Go conveyor sequence FTW!

Gah.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 6:40 PM on December 6, 2011

I don't know if it's a generally human thing or more specific to contemporary culture to pay attention to things just to hate on them

Yes. It even predates the Internet.
posted by AdamCSnider at 6:56 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

Alice Cooper
posted by jeffburdges at 6:58 PM on December 6, 2011

Or is there a Lovecraftian version of all Christmas songs?

Many, yes.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 7:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't believe that none of you have figured out that the song is a tie in with an animated Christmas movie (Arthur Christmas).

That's where the CGI elves come from, and that's why the video is steampunk. The movie is about Santa's high tech operation in the north pole.
posted by keep_evolving at 7:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

I suppose I shouldn't throw stones as someone who used to have an NKOTB sleeping bag, but I saw Justin Bieber wrapping paper at Target and my soul promptly shit its pants.

But wouldn't your soul's pants be... you?
posted by Jpfed at 7:19 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]

I generally don't dislike Bieber as much as many haters, but this is really, really awful. The song and the video together are a perfect storm.
posted by Betelgeuse at 7:26 PM on December 6, 2011

NOW IN 3D!!!
posted by odinsdream at 7:31 PM on December 6, 2011

his hair is rapidly approaching Jedward.
posted by radiosilents at 7:31 PM on December 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Appropriating the words of Peter Griffin...

"That happened, and we all let it happen."
posted by qvantamon at 7:40 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

I guess I was right after all. Bob Dylan really is better than Justin B.
posted by philip-random at 7:43 PM on December 6, 2011

Dammit. I came here to post what Zaldidrax beat me to.

Or is there a Lovecraftian version of all Christmas songs?

Here's a playlist of tracks from the A Very Scary Solstice album.
posted by hippybear at 7:43 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

I can't believe that none of you have figured out that the song is a tie in with an animated Christmas movie (Arthur Christmas).

OH THANK GOD

I was literally rewinding and fast forwarding and rewinding the video, trying to find the moment that would make the sudden appearance of these CGI 3D aliens make any kind of fucking sense at all
posted by ook at 7:44 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

Arthur Christmas being an Aardman (Wallace And Gromit) movie, although with "new American style" animation, according to what I've read about it.

I haven't seen it, haven't read many reviews. I figure it'll appear on the premium channels in July or so, just when I'm looking for Christmas movies in my life.
posted by hippybear at 7:52 PM on December 6, 2011

(On the other hand, I'm eagerly awaiting their claymation pirate movie, which looks like loads of fun.)
posted by hippybear at 7:52 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

The antidote.
posted by TheWhiteSkull

And for those who have not built up an immunity to 80s pop music Christmas poison, an old strain to induce groans of pain.
posted by chambers at 7:53 PM on December 6, 2011

I've seen one good song by Justin Bieber.
posted by jeffburdges at 7:55 PM on December 6, 2011

In the spirit of what my mother always told me, here are the good things I have to say about that video:

(1) The two primary b-girls are pretty fucking excellent. The one that's not in a dress I rewinded the clip for several times, to try to tell if her locking had been artificially sped up. Jury's still out.

(2) That young man certainly does know a lot of ways to pronounce the word "yeah".

Okay thanks that's it
posted by penduluum at 8:00 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh shit. Def Jam? I know they haven't really been the Def Jam of my youth since they were bought out in the mid 90s, but still. Going from acts like Public Enemy to Bieber should be met with a mob storming their offices.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:03 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Autotune has become sentient. The Prophecy is fulfilled.
posted by Dr. Zira at 8:05 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

AAH GOD I CAN'T RESIST

He is totally wearing jeans designed to look like Little Nephew's individual leg pants.

Okay, I think it's out of my system.
posted by penduluum at 8:06 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

cool post, 'father dagon'
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 8:07 PM on December 6, 2011

Oh shit. Def Jam?

I just. What.

HOW DO YOU GO FROM WARREN G'S REGULATE TO THIS. HOW.

i don't want to live in this terrible world oh my god

brb constructing spaceship
posted by elizardbits at 8:08 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

@rory martinich

i dont really have anything else to talk about :(
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 8:09 PM on December 6, 2011

He's already outgrown his charm. Voice changing, face maturing. Counting down to celebrity rehab...
posted by Trochanter at 8:19 PM on December 6, 2011

I really liked windup girl. I don't know if this is any worse than the rest of the terrible, mass-produced, film cross-promoting, tweeny dreck the major labels serve up, "steampunk" or no.

Windup girl though, she was fun.
posted by onetime dormouse at 8:21 PM on December 6, 2011

I'm not against the Bieber, but why does he look like he's in such pain singing the song at one point? It's freaking Santa Claus, it doesn't need THAT kind of angst.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:25 PM on December 6, 2011

I think we all need to listen to something calming and ambient.
posted by maudlin at 8:30 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

"You know who else you could stop if you went back in time?"

Cory Doctorow?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:35 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

The good news is that this might just be the first nail in steampunk's coffin.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

On a more serious note, I've been carefully observing steampunk poke through into the real world for the past few years, lately in the form of key necklaces which are everywhere.

I thought they were a subtle way of letting other people know you're into bondage.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2011 [7 favorites]

When he's playing the drums at approximately 2:13, he looks to me kind of like a child version of David Lynch.
posted by treepour at 8:42 PM on December 6, 2011

It's easy to be a hater, especially when the stakes are so low. Here we have assembled a group of things that people can dislike without putting any thought into it, and it accomplishes nothing. Congratulations, you are another person on the web shitting on something. Bully for you.

We've reached a unique moment in time -- that there is so much new culture out there that if you don't especially care for something, you can avoid it, and it is unlikely to intersect with your life. It's become easy to avoid bad art, and easy to avoid art that isn't to your taste. The only reason I am seeing this video is because somebody plucked it out of its world -- the world of tweens -- and thrust it into mine, specifically for the purpose of contempt.

As for Steampunk, bah, every subculture except my own seems foolish to me.

I have reached a point where, instead of scouring the world for something to have contempt for, I'm trying to find overlooked gems that deserve and audience, and let people know about them. If I don't like something, I just steer clear of it. And if I come across art that wasn't meant for me, or isn't to my specific tastes, I ask myself if there isn't something in there worthwhile that I could see if I just took my contempt glasses off.

This video, for example. There is some superb dancing in it. Genuinely awesome. I did a link on fuck style dancing a few days ago, and we have, in this video, a fantastic robot and some really inventive tutting, and that's worth pointing out and celebrating, even if the rest of the video isn't to my tastes,
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:46 PM on December 6, 2011 [11 favorites]

FUCK STYLE? DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT!
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:48 PM on December 6, 2011 [8 favorites]

No, I think that's exactly what you secretly meant to type. In your head.
posted by Nomyte at 9:11 PM on December 6, 2011

Now, now, there's no need to disparage fuck style dancing just because it isn't your thing.
posted by contraption at 9:12 PM on December 6, 2011 [5 favorites]

Congratulations, you are another person on the web shitting on something. Bully for you.

look i dont have a whole lot going on. let me have this one thing :(
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 9:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

Interestingly, Sigur Rós sped up by 800% still beats Bieber.
posted by jeffburdges at 9:20 PM on December 6, 2011

look i dont have a whole lot going on. let me have this one thing :(

Look harder, there's gotta be other stuff better worth your time!
posted by fantodstic at 9:38 PM on December 6, 2011

I find all of the "He sucks. I mean, just look at him! He looks so feminine!" To be unpleasantly sexist. Or homophobic, I can't tell. Why does it matter if he's not macho? Since when is that a requirement of being talented?
posted by shesaysgo at 9:44 PM on December 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

Look harder, there's gotta be other stuff better worth your time!

If only there was a website that aggregated the best content on the Internet, making it easy to find something more worthwhile.
posted by twirlip at 10:53 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you went back in time and showed this video to pre-Terminator 2 John Connor, he would probably not have worn that Public Enemy shirt the whole movie, Def Jam wouldn't have gotten a taste of mainstream-size royalty checks and this video would never happen.
posted by contraption at 11:14 PM on December 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is perhaps the only time I'm glad that Germany's GEMA thingy is blocking me from seeing something on YT.
posted by LMGM at 11:43 PM on December 6, 2011

I see this as nothing more than a big "I told you so!" from Nietsche.

(note on the URL title: that surprised the hell out of me, too)
posted by ShutterBun at 12:26 AM on December 7, 2011

On a tangent: did anyone else notice how the "Robert Smith meets Derek Zoolander" look that a lot of hipsters were wearing has by now largely been replaced by the "emo Justin Bieber" look?
posted by acb at 3:30 AM on December 7, 2011

The ones who aren't – why the fuck do you even bother caring? I don't know if it's a generally human thing or more specific to contemporary culture to pay attention to things just to hate on them, but it's so pointless, and it's so unpleasant to have to listen to.

It distracts me from my economic insecurity, anxiety about the future of my nation, social awkwardness, and fear of death.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:45 AM on December 7, 2011 [4 favorites]

And then, there's this horror...
posted by Thorzdad at 3:51 AM on December 7, 2011

It is a whole lot easier to watch if you just pretend Justin is the cutest babydyke* in history.


What, nobody here seen the lesbians who look like Justin Bieber tumblr yet?
posted by MartinWisse at 5:26 AM on December 7, 2011

I'm at work, so I watched it with no sound. I could've done without the CGI elves, but otherwise it's...just another music video.

Try it with sound, and you'll find out quickly just how painfully bad it is. "Fucking awful" comes kind of close, but no quite.

Why does it matter if he's not macho? Since when is that a requirement of being talented?

It's not, and there's no confusion there. What boggles many people's minds is that someone so sexless is the object of so much lust. Maybe it's covert homoeroticism or just a safe way to step carefully into the shallow end of the sexuality pool, I don't know; it's definitely a long-term phenomenon, not a Bieber thing, but from the outside it looks kind of odd.

In the spirit of finding something positive to say, I'll agree that the dancers are very good. There probably was a time where all you had to be was cute to get those roles, but by now the bar has been raised very high, and I'm constantly impressed with how good people in background roles in videos are. I'd happily watch a version of this with Bieber edited out, just for the quality of the secondary people.
posted by Forktine at 5:26 AM on December 7, 2011

Aren't the CGI elves from a new movie that is coming out? Arthur or some such? So isn't this a music video attached to a soundtrack?
posted by Stynxno at 6:18 AM on December 7, 2011

I don't think anyone has mentioned this, so maybe it's just me..... but I can't watch this video without seeing a dead kid from my childhood.
posted by bradth27 at 6:24 AM on December 7, 2011

There probably was a time where all you had to be was cute to get those roles, but by now the bar has been raised very high, and I'm constantly impressed with how good people in background roles in videos are.

Well, if you go back to the heyday of Michael and Janet Jackson, the dancers not only had to be really really good, but they had to dance in synch, in formation, for lengthy camera shots. (No quick cuts to disguise bad dancing or out of synch moves.)

I think the background dancers in videos have always had a pretty high bar overall. Except for Robert Palmer videos. Then you just had to look good in makeup.
posted by hippybear at 6:39 AM on December 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

You know who thinks this video is fantastic? My 6 year old son who both loves to sing Justin Bieber songs, and loves to dance. He was pop locking before going into kindergarten this morning after watching this on my phone in the car. So its alright by me.

Also, my phone auto corrected his name to Beyonce. How appropriately odd.
posted by shinynewnick at 6:47 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

look, I don't have a whole lot going on. let me have this one thing :(

I hear there's something called "fuck style" dancing that's all the rage. Maybe you could give that a whirl.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:50 AM on December 7, 2011

i would but i am occupied with the collected works of nietsche
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:03 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

> I hear there's something called "fuck style" dancing that's all the rage. Maybe you could give that a whirl.

> i would but i am occupied with the collected works of nietsche

6 in one, half-dozen in the other.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:05 AM on December 7, 2011

I did a link on fuck style dancing a few days ago

Oh, you meant FUNK dancing. I thought you were talking about 'daggering' or something, which is most definitely 'fuck style dancing'.

Now I want to see Boilerplate daggering on a terrified Bieber, while horrid CGI elves non-sequitur in the background.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:45 AM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

Except for Robert Palmer videos. Then you just had to look good in makeup.

Not to mention the women dancing in the background!
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:33 AM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

but why does he look like he's in such pain singing the song at one point? It's freaking Santa Claus, it doesn't need THAT kind of angst.

Well Santa and Satan are very close, no? And the lyrics of the song don't help on the paranoia level ...

He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good

Who is this guy? Homeland Security?
posted by philip-random at 9:36 AM on December 7, 2011

I've never before heard a Justin Bieber song (aside from that fake 8,000x slower version) nor watched a Justin Bieber video. Before now.

Curse you, MetaFilter. I lasted 42 seconds.

Also, if your entire subculture can be ruined by fucking Justin Bieber, it wasn't much of a subculture to ruin.

Is anybody else starting to find it creepy that we give half a shit about Justin Bieber? Or that Gawker takes the time to write about it?

starting?! ... STARTING?!?!? AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
posted by mrgrimm at 10:04 AM on December 7, 2011

I don't know if it's a generally human thing or more specific to contemporary culture to pay attention to things just to hate on them

Yes. It even predates the Internet.

If I were more of an ambitious sort, I'd start ancienthaters.tumblr.com.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:11 AM on December 7, 2011

Now I want to see Boilerplate daggering on a terrified Bieber

that is a little icky
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:17 AM on December 7, 2011

Arthur Christmas being an Aardman (Wallace And Gromit) movie, although with "new American style" animation, according to what I've read about it.

The song doesn't appear in the movie, but at least at the showing I went to last weekend, you have to sit through this video before the movie starts. I took my two nephews (5 and 8) who adore Justin Bieber, and they didn't mind a bit. I was less enthused, but watching the boys dance in their seats made up for it.

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Justin Bieber because he made fun of Tom Brady's hair.
posted by gladly at 10:25 AM on December 7, 2011

And I think Biebs is alright. He can sing decently enough, and as far as kids his age go he seems like one of the less offensive ones

Justin Bieber is 17 years old. You know what other internationally known pop stars are 17 years old? Really. How can you even compare?

Who are you comparing him to when you describe him as "less offensive." Who are the offensive ones?

*SOFTBALL*
posted by mrgrimm at 11:41 AM on December 7, 2011

wild wild west.
posted by nutate at 1:01 PM on December 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Fine. FINE. You don't like this one? Here's Bieber's first version, with a Dixieland theme and much better hair.
posted by maudlin at 1:02 PM on December 7, 2011

A friend of mine who's into the steampunk wrote this last month: "How Justin Bieber did not ruin Steampunk". (I guess about some early publicity shots for this same video?)

FWIW, you too can own the robot arm! Only $2500! (Canadian!)
posted by epersonae at 1:51 PM on December 7, 2011

I get that tween girls tend to go for feminine-looking pop idols. Unthreatening is what it's all about. David Cassidy, Joey McIntyre, Justin Timberlake. I get it.

I marvel at it literally every time I see him. How can he be an object of heterosexual lust?

There's nothing freaky or unusual about being attracted to feminine-looking men. Not all women are into beefed up manly men with manly facial hair, and it's not because they can't handle or feel threatened by "real" men. It has nothing to do with being "unthreatening", and it's not just tween girls. It's just a different aesthetic preference and many women (myself included) find themselves attracted to a softer, more feminine look. Granted, Bieber's a little too young to be the object of sexual desire for grown women, but then again my opinion is that the media should avoid sexually objectifying anyone who is underage, male or female.

As much as Bieber's music makes my ears bleed, and I have no idea why he's famous, I'm sick of people criticize him for being too girly and then get angry or baffled when women find him attractive.
posted by adso at 1:53 PM on December 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

How can he be an object of heterosexual lust?

I don't think you can rightly call whatever it is that adolescent girls feel "lust." It's something else. They get crushes and stuff. It's more holistic.
posted by Trochanter at 3:01 PM on December 7, 2011

I think some teen girls actually feel genuine lust. At least, so they tell me.

I know it's different for boys, but when I was in my tweens, it was completely overwhelming. I sort of miss it. But I won't speak for women's experiences, except that a few female friends have described comparable experiences.

It's important to realize that just because you or I might find somebody sexually unmoving or unthreatening, it doesn't mean that experience is universal. I had quite a yen for the mother in Family Circus when I was younger. In fact, I think I still do.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:41 PM on December 7, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't think you can rightly call whatever it is that adolescent girls feel "lust."

Oh, good lord. Yes you can.
posted by mrgrimm at 5:48 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

What I'm saying is, at that age, for either gender, as regards someone you might have a crush on, you would have feelings that were more complicated than what you would have for a playboy centerfold. Those complicated feelings might be part of your developing sexuality, but it's not just lust.
posted by Trochanter at 6:23 AM on December 8, 2011

And yes, I haven't thought about it for years, but Mrs. Family Circus was kinda hot.
posted by Trochanter at 6:25 AM on December 8, 2011