Creature unFeature

December 10, 2011 9:14 AM

Meet Creature: the biggest box-office flop of all time It had everything: nudity, gore and the most superfluous lesbian sex scene in the history of film. How could it possibly fail? Stuart Heritage goes behind the scenes of a real Hollywood disaster movie
posted by fearfulsymmetry (76 comments total)

Creature had 6 audience members per screen. Zyzzyx Road had 6 audience members.

Then there's this thing. (Box office: $11)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:26 AM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

the most superfluous lesbian sex scene in the history of film

I admit that I have not seen Creature (or I would be considerably rarer than two-yolked eggs), but I will submit that the writer of this observation has never seen Caligula, and I would also submit that Caligula has some competition for this particular title.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:27 AM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

If it was "Meat Creature" it would have done better.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:31 AM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Yeah, Zyzzyx Road grossed like 30 bucks.
posted by nathancaswell at 9:34 AM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Unless I'm wrong, there's also a bit of implied alligator-on-girl cunnilingus.

I MUST see this movie!!!
posted by GavinR at 9:39 AM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

Zyzzyx Road and The Worst Movie Ever! didn't open on 1,500 screens.
posted by yeolcoatl at 9:49 AM on December 10, 2011

Plus, these are internet people and internet people are notoriously unreliable. In 2006, for example, Snakes On A Plane became such a ubiquitous internet presence that major success seemed inevitable, right up until the moment when its disappointing weekend grosses were announced. Internet people also hate paying for things, so although an embarrassingly small number of people paid to see Creature, a week after its release it was thought to be the eighth-most illegally downloaded film in America.

People still cling, rather touchingly, to the idea that they can just throw money at the internet, and the internet will throw money back. No matter how many times it does not work, people keep going back. Someone should probably stage an intervention, but who?
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:55 AM on December 10, 2011 [8 favorites]

I'm starting to really dislike marketers that think "viral" only means "cool and edgy," and not "easily transferable."

"We wanted to create a viral campaign, so we put up shocking ads on Facebook."

That's not viral. In fact, that's rather traditional. Quaint, even.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:56 AM on December 10, 2011 [10 favorites]

I they put one sign in each car of the PATH train (The Port Authority Trans-Hudson (PATH) system that links Manhattan to Jersey City, Hoboken, Harrison and Newark, in New Jersey,) for one week, they would get 1.2 million "impressions" and a not-dissimilar turnout, I suppose.
posted by StickyCarpet at 10:01 AM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

"It's not the worst film ever made – I'll vehemently disagree with that opinion," says Creature's director Fred Andrews. "Have you seen what's come out in the last three years? It's been the worst three years for cinema, period."

That's not a resounding show of pride in your work there, Fred.
posted by double block and bleed at 10:05 AM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

"[The producer Sid Sheinberg] found himself embroiled in a vicious public spat with Terry Gilliam over the editing of Brazil"

This guy insisted that Brazil be given a happy ending.
posted by Flunkie at 10:06 AM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Before I read this post, I'd never heard of this movie.

Now I'd kind of like to see it.

The viral campaign is working!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:08 AM on December 10, 2011 [8 favorites]

Worse than Ishtar or Heaven's Gate?
posted by crunchland at 10:21 AM on December 10, 2011

I'm not sure if I saw the ads at the time (I can't remember when I finally relented at put in adblock after one to utterly distracting blinking winking horror too many) but I definitely saw the coverage and the trailer which made it just look like low budget shit. But judging from the article it looks like it could at least be entertaining low budget shit. Certainly more so than say The Thing prequal which had over ten times the budget. At least they are trying with a man in a rubber suit rather than crappy fake-looking CGI.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:22 AM on December 10, 2011

Spaceman from Pluto actually is sort of a great name for a film.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2011

The Guardian should be above promoting idiocies like "least profitable" = "worst." Does someone really think that Avatar is the best movie of all time? Is there a person who really believes that So You Think You Can Dance is a better show than Breaking Bad? Can I punch that person in the junk? Is there a jury in the world that would convict me?
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:31 AM on December 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

List of Biggest Box Office Bombs
posted by crunchland at 10:34 AM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

One million ad impressions online would cost anywhere from $2K to $10K tops, depending on how well targeted it was... and that was supposed to compare to a $30M ad campaign somehow? The mind boggles at that logic.
posted by inthe80s at 10:43 AM on December 10, 2011

A monster movie with copious nudity? I watch those. And yet, I don't think I ever even heard of Creature. If the studio had brought it to some genre film festivals and conventions, mailed some screener discs to a couple dozen horror bloggers and then released it straight to DVD, it probably would have done just fine.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:44 AM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Worse than Ishtar or Heaven's Gate?

You know, I saw Ishtar when it came out. I have forgotten a great many movies I saw 25 years ago, but I remember Ishtar. I remember thinking it was very bad, but kind of enjoying the terrible songs, and if it ever showed on late-night TV, I would totally watch it again for the moments that I found charming back in 1987.
posted by not that girl at 10:46 AM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

List of Biggest Box Office Bombs

Wow, I have absolutely no recollection of The Alamo whatsoever. That's freaking me out. Xanadu/Can't Stop The Music double features are pretty common items around Mintcake Towers, however.
posted by mintcake! at 10:54 AM on December 10, 2011

Does someone really think that Avatar is the best movie of all time?

Almost certainly, yes.

Is there a person who really believes that So You Think You Can Dance is a better show than Breaking Bad?

This is also very likely.

Can I punch that person in the junk?

This is a tricky question, depending somewhat on your definition of "junk." However, the real sticking point is that can/may bugaboo. While, should such a person/people exist and, should you be able to identify him/her/them, and, should you be able to get close to one/some/all of these people, then, almost certainly, you could, assuming that you possess adequate junk-punching skills. Whether you may or not ought to be answered in the negative. At any rate, I (or, I expect, any person on Metafilter) cannot and will not give you permission to do this.

Is there a jury in the world that would convict me?

Probably. And the whole process would appear on the new series Handing Down Sentences with the Stars.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:59 AM on December 10, 2011 [10 favorites]

I ma like one of only 10 people who must have seen Fdio

The film grossed $304,533 in the US and a total of $426,224 worldwide[1]. Despite positive reviews, Fido was a huge financial failure. With an estimated $8 million budget, Box Office Mojo lists Fido among the lowest return on investment recorded for any film."
posted by The Whelk at 11:01 AM on December 10, 2011

"the most superfluous lesbian sex scene in the history of film."
When I heard that, the first movie I thought of was Caligula.
posted by Mozai at 11:03 AM on December 10, 2011

Fido (and here I assume we're speaking of the zombie film; there may be other movies with the same title) is excellent. I wholeheartedly recommend that one.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:08 AM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

Internet people also hate paying for things, so although an embarrassingly small number of people paid to see Creature, a week after its release it was thought to be the eighth-most illegally downloaded film in America.

What an obnoxious statement, combined with a weasel statement. Thought by? Thought by who? Elves? If there's a ranking fine-tuned enough to put this at 8 you should be able to source it.

The director comes across very well and it's his attitude that makes me want to see the film. Nothing wrong with schlock if that's what you're aiming to be good at. He certainly sounds like he has no bones about what he was making.
posted by phearlez at 11:09 AM on December 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

Something about this movie, as described, really annoyed me, and I think I know what it was -- the waste, not the waste of money, but the waste of good premises. All the bullet points of ghastly content as listed above could have been the ingredients of a truly good horror movie, in the sense that any eggs could have been the ingredients of a fine souffle, but as it is everything is a huge mess on the floor and it's sticking to the soles of your shoes and just look at it.

And yes I have a corgi-based analogy for all entertainment industry issues why do you ask

It's one of my more irritating, pedantic qualities, getting bent out of shape at the wastefulness of movies that were made by apparently competent human beings with a decent or even an unlimited budget, but which create giant vortices of suck in the middle of the screen. (I actually started sobbing in the theater at one point in Waterworld.) Something like this should at least have the derpy charm of a Birdemic.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

What?
posted by tigrefacile at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2011

At any rate, I (or, I expect, any person on Metafilter) cannot and will not give you permission to do this.

A DISSENTING OPINION.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:20 AM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

These are terrible conditions for any film to be released into, let alone a micro-budget horror flick about some sex-crazed teenagers running around a swamp being eaten by a berserk half-man/half-alligator god figure.

Half shark-alligator half man. Half man half shark!
posted by scalefree at 11:30 AM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

List of Biggest Box Office Bombs

Say what you will, Hudson Hawk is, by far, the best bad movie ever.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 11:55 AM on December 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

The box office bomb list would be better if it included revenue from DVD and online sales and rentals. Many movies make a profit when those are included. I saw Fido on Netflix, I'm not sure if it was ever released theatrically near me.

And I'd totally watch Creature via Netflix.
posted by beowulf573 at 11:57 AM on December 10, 2011

This is a really interesting article, especially since I am exactly the market that they're marketing Creature to. I watch lots of movies, and I watch pretty much only horror movies. The problem is that they've totally failed to understand the way to market horror movies to horror fans in the age of Netflix.

Indeed, there are tons of great (and, of course, not-so-great) indie horror movies that nobody has ever heard of that are available to watch instantly on Netflix, and if you're going to convince me to pony up money to see your horror movie in a theater, you have to convince me, the nerdy horror fan, that what you're offering is better than one of the 200 horror movies I have in my Netflix instant queue. There are only a small handful of filmmakers working in the indie horror genre today -- people like Ti West, Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Adam Wingard -- that have the sort of name recognition to entice horror nerds to the theater; and even these filmmakers, who are among the most well-known in indie horror, are never going to support a major release. They still only appeal to a niche market. They'll be art-house releases at best.

If your movie isn't a Glass Eye Pix movie, or isn't directed by one of the few indie directors I know I like, I'm just gonna wait for Netflix. And if I'm not going to the theater to see your movie, you sure as shit aren't going to convince the average filmgoer to see your movie. What they should have done is put this out directly to DVD and streaming, and hyped it up on Bloody Disgusting / Dread Central / etc. I actually buy the DVDs of movies I like on Netflix! That would have been a much better route.

tl;dr: The people who released this movie unfortunately don't have the slightest idea what's going on in the indie horror landscape.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2011 [8 favorites]

I find it hard to believe that nobody stopped the people making this film and had a simple conversation:
"Let's see, they show these type of films on a cable channel that they can't even figure out how to spell correctly, and they still do bad. Maybe we shouldn't be sinking money into this thing?"
"Yeah, you know I was thinking horror movies from the 70's were shlocky but maybe making the exact same shlock and expecting people to go see is not a good idea."
posted by P.o.B. at 11:59 AM on December 10, 2011

The box office bomb list would be better if it included revenue from DVD and online sales and rentals. Many movies make a profit when those are included.

It doesn't matter, bomb status means absolutely fuckall. I would say at least 1 in 10 of the films on that list are actually good movies. I would even go so far as to say at least half of them are quite entertaining without having overbearingly bad qualities.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:07 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

For a disturbingly long time by internet standards, I thought this post was about the 1985 movie Creature, which I kinda liked but was fuzzy on the lesbian scene. I think it was just lesbian tension in the 1985 movie. Some nice gratuitous 1980s nudity though!
posted by codswallop at 12:27 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Spaceman from Pluto actually is sort of a great name for a film.

It's no Adventures of Pluto Nash. Thankfully, not much is.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:27 PM on December 10, 2011

"the most superfluous lesbian sex scene in the history of film."

A challenge!

I think to be properly just superfluous it can't be actively offensive, but more just irrelevant -- a girl/girl sex scene inserted into Grave of the Fireflies wouldn't be superfluous, just gross.

So...

Maybe remake Dambusters? But every now and then, the lead pilot looks at the camera, says "And now, a bit of fun!" and some girls make out?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:32 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

A lesbian scene in Moon would be pretty superfluous.
posted by bonehead at 12:39 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Or Glengary glen Ross.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:58 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Superfluous Lesbian Sex Scenes for $800, Alex."
posted by P.o.B. at 1:00 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or My Dinner With Andre.
posted by item at 1:01 PM on December 10, 2011

OrFollow That Bird.
posted by item at 1:04 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

A lesbian scene in Moon would be pretty superfluous.

Naw, in Moon it would just seem like a hallucination that Sam is having because he's lonely and deranged (and suffering rad sickness). And so might actually figure into the plot.

The Red Balloon, maybe.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:11 PM on December 10, 2011

The Wizard of Oz.

"I'm Glinda the Good Witch! The really good witch..."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:21 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Koyaanisqatsi
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:24 PM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

anyone knows how to get this movie?
posted by rurouphi at 1:24 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

there are tons of great ... indie horror movies that nobody has ever heard of that are available to watch instantly on Netflix

List some, please.

(BTW, I'm not challenging your assertion. I like horror movies but know little about the genre so I make bad selections and end up watching too much schlock. I'd love to know some good ones available for instant streaming. I don't like torture porn, but I like slasher movies, monster movies, haunted-house movies, and evil-children movies. TIA!)
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:38 PM on December 10, 2011

Say what you will, Hudson Hawk is, by far, the best bad movie ever.

Normally I would hear you out on this, but a few weeks ago the Mayfair Theatre in Ottawa showed the frankly awesome-sounding double bill of Escape of the Kung Fu Apes from Dragon Island and its sequel, Kung Fu Apes 2: Bots of Doom. I think more research is needed.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:34 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

"the most superfluous lesbian sex scene in the history of film."
When I heard that, the first movie I thought of was Caligula.

There is no such thing as a superfluous sex scene in Caligula; the sex scenes were the point of Caligula.
posted by localroger at 2:48 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or if they ever adapt Game Of Thrones, there could be a totally superfluous lesbian sex scene while Little Finger is delivering unnecessary exposition that the audience has either already heard or figured out for themselves...
posted by Ian A.T. at 3:13 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

List of Biggest Box Office Bombs

Huh, Kathryn Bigelow has 2 movies on here (Strange Days and K-19: The Widowmaker). Surprising.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:27 PM on December 10, 2011

I actually liked Ishtar. It seems to me like most of the dislike for it stems from either (1) "It cost a lot and didn't make much", which is completely irrelevant to me, or (2) "The songs sucked", which is because they were supposed to suck.
posted by Flunkie at 3:36 PM on December 10, 2011 [7 favorites]

The arms-dealer scene in Ishtar would have been the greatest SNL sketch of all time. People would still be quoting it today, like "more cowbell." Unfortunately, it's three minutes out of 120.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:43 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Is there a person who really believes that So You Think You Can Dance is a better show than Breaking Bad?

Better for what?

SYTYCD has its issues, mostly related to the reality show trappings, and without being DVR or otherwise empowered to skip over that, I don't know how often I could watch it. But if you want to watch a show where they succeed at making real art out of music and motion pretty frequently, it's probably a good choice.

Breaking Bad's "Mr.-Chips-to-Scarface" concept is interesting, and if my limited viewing and reading around is any indication, the execution is probably pretty great. If you want to watch a drama wrestling with questions of moral circumstance and corruption, it's probably a good choice.
posted by weston at 5:02 PM on December 10, 2011

Yeah. It takes either major, major dollars or a miracle (a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding) to push a movie out onto 1,500 screens and not have it end in disappointment. A better way to release a flick like Creature is to build geek buzz at Sundance/SXSW/Fantastic Fest/Fantasia and then chip away at your budget through limited release/VOD/DVD/foreign sales. Or sometimes something will take and you'll end up with a Paranormal Activity on your hands, but it's hard to manufacture.
posted by eugenen at 5:59 PM on December 10, 2011

It can't possibly be worse than "Manos: the Hands of Fate"
posted by mike3k at 8:34 PM on December 10, 2011

There is a man climbing out of a hole where there should be a spectacular ending.

To be fair, this scenario worked extremely well in THX-1138, though it wasn't exactly a box-office smash either. (wonder whatever happened to that director?)

It can't possibly be worse than "Manos: the Hands of Fate"

The point of the story isn't that it's a bad movie; it's more about bad marketing and catastrophic misunderstanding about modern movie advertising (by former moguls of the industry, no less!)
posted by ShutterBun at 3:36 AM on December 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

the greatest SNL sketch of all time. <--- Lowest bar ever in comedy.
posted by crunchland at 5:09 AM on December 11, 2011

List some, please.

Can do! First off, if you like evil children movies, you MUST watch The Children. It's one of the best horror movies in recent memory and easily the best evil child horror movie ever.

Okay, so here's a list of good horror movies that are available to watch instantly. Caveat: Most of these will probably only be enjoyable if you already like horror movies. I don't mean that in an elitist way, but rather as an acknowledgement that horror movies are . . . well, an acquired taste. (I'm restricting myself to watch instantly here because otherwise the list would be way too long)

Insidious (my favorite haunted house movie of all time)
Pontypool (A stunningly good zombie movie where language is the disease vector)
Final Destination 2 (Yes, I love the FD series. Watch 2 and 5 and skip the others)
Videodrome (may or may not be horror, but is brilliant either way)
Behind the Mask (a hilarious horror mockumentary with a pleasing sting in the tail)
Inferno (This, not Suspiria, is Argento's best film. It's true!)
Sick Nurses (Amazing, funny, surreal Thai horror)
The Crazies (one of many cases where the remake blows the original out of the water)
Black Death (Theological horror! Not enough movies in that genre, in my opinion)
The Baby's Room
Xmas Tale (This is actually a double feature; skip the first one and go to Xmas Tale, which is a fantastic revisionist zombie film)
Wilderness
The Horde
Forget Me Not
Stuck (Stuart Gordon is one of the finest directors working in genre today, and this is one of his best: a biting horror movie as social satire)
Dead End (brilliant, surreal, funny -- this is one of my favorite horror movies of all time)
Hatchet
Blood Creek (Yeah, it's Joel Schumacher. But it's pretty good. AND it's about an undead Nazi mage! How rad is that?)
Incident On and Off a Mountain Road
Dagon (Stuart Gordon and Lovecraft go together like peanut butter & chocolate)
Thirst
Them (Nerve-shredding terror, and much better than the horribly overrated The Strangers, which bit the style of this movie so hard they should have sued)
Grace
Ju-on 2 (The best of the Japanese long-haired lady ghost movies)
The Dentist (Hilarious, awesome camp horror. This movie should be more well-known)
Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (a fun example of the contemporary trend of silliness in Japanese horror movies)
Tokyo Gore Police
Noriko's Dinner Table (mind-blowing strangeness from Sion Sono, the current reigning auteur of uncategorizable Japanese odd cinema)
Art of the Devil 2
Murder Loves Killers Too (a very meta, very clever slasher movie for people that have seen too many slasher movies)
Trick 'r Treat
Kill Theory
Dead Snow
The Burrowers (a flawed but interesting entry into a genre that basically doesn't exist: the horror western)
Altered (AWESOME UFO/alien movie from one of the codirectors of Blair Witch)
Machine Girl
The Red Shoes
The Violent Kind (this movie sits at the intersection of about 9 different horror genres and is the better for it)
Three Extremes (groundbreaking Asian horror anthology)
Three Extremes II (skip the first two parts of this horror anthology and just watch the third part, Going Home, which is very good)
Scarecrows (nifty entry into the scarecrow horror genres; see also the excellent Husk)
Infection
Retribution (see also: Pulse and Cure, two of the best horror movies ever made)
H6
S&Man (That's "Sandman," not "S and M man.")
posted by Frobenius Twist at 7:28 AM on December 11, 2011 [20 favorites]

For me, the best box office bomb of all time has to be Ed Wood. Grossed about $6 million on an $18 million budget and remains my favorite Tim Burton movie.
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 9:16 AM on December 11, 2011

Ah! I can't believe I forgot Lake Mungo and Antichrist! Both are fantastic as well.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 10:04 AM on December 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

Can do! First off, if you like evil children movies, you MUST watch The Children. It's one of the best horror movies in recent memory and easily the best evil child horror movie ever.

For those of us without Netflix, is that the 1980, 1985, 1990, 2002, 2008 movie or the 2008 TV miniseries?
posted by scalefree at 4:05 PM on December 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh, cool. Thanks, Frobenius Twist!

Some of these I've seen -- Pontypool is great, as is Dead End. I have to admit to an uncritical fondness for all the Final Destination films, because there is no greater existential dread than THE WORLD ITSELF TRYING TO KILL YOU. I've mulled over Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police (which I believe stars that actress from that deeply disturbing holy-shit-she-keeps-a-mutilated-guy-in-a-bag-in-her-apartment movie whose name I can't recall at the moment), thinking of both films that they might be worth watching but not having actually done so, now you've provided the momentum to move them both up the queue.

Yay! It's a horror movie marathon night!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:12 PM on December 11, 2011

Audition. It's a Miike film.
posted by P.o.B. at 4:18 PM on December 11, 2011

I liked Grace cause it hit one of the key "Is this Grindhouse?" boxes - Does this movie seem like it was funded for the purpose of catering to a very specific fetish?
posted by The Whelk at 4:42 PM on December 11, 2011

Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police are a lot of fun, and also weird and campy in a way that actually reminds me of the real grindhouse movies (not the current re-envisionings) of the 70s and 80s. They're as much gonzo comedy-action as horror movie; this particular strain of Japanese filmmaking makes me think that they locked these directors up in a small room with nothing but Sam Raimi movies for a few years.

I just rewatched the remake of The Crazies, and wow that is a well-made horror movie. Strikingly, a lot of the movie is filmed in master shots and longer takes, with few close-ups. It's not edited to hash like most movies are these days. Oddly, it was directed by Breck Eisner, Michael Eisner's son, and it's a good argument for nepotism.

I liked Grace cause it hit one of the key "Is this Grindhouse?" boxes - Does this movie seem like it was funded for the purpose of catering to a very specific fetish?

well shit that is a thought i can't unthink
posted by Frobenius Twist at 6:01 PM on December 11, 2011

Having just obtained a copy of this movie, I can report back to the class on the lesbian sex scene. It's pretty superfluous, but it's a sex scene in a horror movie, they're all superfluous. The dialogue in it goes like this:

Redneck Redhead starts kissing Brunette
Redhead: "You like that?"
Brunette: "It was nice, but I, uh, I'm not..."
Redhead: "Neither am I...except on special occasions"

Brunette then passes out while Redhead is trying to take off her pants. Frustrated Redhead goes off into the woods to jerk off some guy while he secretly takes pictures of another couple having sex.

Feel free to thank me for doing this valuable research.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:50 PM on December 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or The Passion of the Christ
posted by double block and bleed at 7:37 AM on December 12, 2011

double block and bleed, I missed the gratuitous lesbian sex scene in The Passion of the Christ. Damn.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:50 AM on December 12, 2011

It was in the Zack Snyder remake. It consisted of a slo-mo pan over two heathen-philistine women drenched in blood with a Marilyn Manson track loudly overlaid. It goes on for 18 minutes. In slo-mo.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:23 AM on December 12, 2011

Would someone please do a FPP on the most superfluous lesbian sex scenes? With links? There just seems like there would be so much meat in that subject...
posted by QIbHom at 10:32 AM on December 12, 2011

As someone who spent four years of his life working on Delgo, I can relate.
posted by balistic at 12:01 PM on December 12, 2011

There just seems like there would be so much meat in that subject...

... or none at all, QIbHom.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:09 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

As someone who spent four years of his life working on Delgo, I can relate.
posted by balistic

I can only hope that the rest of your name isn't "Xavier Versussever" cuz if it is, you've gotta be some kind of weapons-grade box-office poison.
posted by ShutterBun at 9:32 AM on December 16, 2011

I can only hope that the rest of your name isn't "Xavier Versussever" cuz if it is, you've gotta be some kind of weapons-grade box-office poison.

Ah, if only I had that gift. I'd find a way onto Michael Bay's next project and be honored in song for centuries.
posted by balistic at 9:47 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]