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Now, the original Watchmen was groundbreaking and shocking by showing Dr. Manhattan’s blue dong. I propose that we outdo that in this fight scene by showing his anus as often as possible.
January 24, 2012 11:48 AM   Subscribe

Chip Zdarksy spills the beans on the time DC asked him to write Watchmen 2. May not be safe... for people.
posted by Artw (45 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
OK, I laughed a little bit.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:54 AM on January 24, 2012


I saw this and made a bet with myself to see how long I could last before wither I or ArtW posted it here.
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on January 24, 2012


I'm so predictable. I haven't even forgiven Ellis over the whole Captaon America business and I still posted the fucking thing...
posted by Artw at 12:00 PM on January 24, 2012


(this is not, BTW, actually by Ellis)
posted by Artw at 12:01 PM on January 24, 2012


This would be fascinating if it were true.
And I'm sure that somebody has this very story to tell.
But this ... this is just wankery.
posted by grabbingsand at 12:06 PM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


NOW WITH MORE WATCHING!
posted by P.o.B. at 12:22 PM on January 24, 2012


Very Dave-Sedarish, nice.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:23 PM on January 24, 2012


I'd write Watchmen 2: Watch Harder in a heartbeat... (Oh Grande Wizard of Northampton, this is a lie for comic effect.... please don't curse me)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:40 PM on January 24, 2012


... also compare and contrast Static Shock lulz
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:41 PM on January 24, 2012


Oh man, the John Rozum piece is just depressing, the situation he wound up in just sounds miserable. I guess the lesson that can be drawn from it is not to stick around and hope for the best when you know things won't work out. Also never trust any amateur fucker who quotes Robert McKee when questioning an actual writers decisions.
posted by Artw at 12:45 PM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Now I can never watch porn again without hearing "CAN I WRITE THE AQUAMAN NOW" in my head.
posted by delfin at 12:54 PM on January 24, 2012


I almost thought it was sincere until

"What reference? Eat the beans or don't eat the beans. They are freely offered. Terrence can chew them if that's more to your liking.

I laughed. The bit about Watchman being groundbreaking and shocking because of Dr. Manhattan's penis was pretty good, too.
posted by mysterpigg at 1:12 PM on January 24, 2012


With extreme effort, I've restrained my urge to goatse this thread, instead: Here, let me google that for you.
posted by Chuckles at 1:18 PM on January 24, 2012


the dick that launched a thousand re-treads.
posted by The Whelk at 1:19 PM on January 24, 2012


First thing I did was check archiesmember.net.

No DNS entry.

What a tease.
posted by ocschwar at 1:21 PM on January 24, 2012


More lulz in the fun factory
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:29 PM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I LOL'd at the updated, "cool" Rorschach.

fearfulsymmetry, that Static story is so depressing! Apparently Static will be joining the Teen Titans; I hope they do better by the character and McDuffie's legacy.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:35 PM on January 24, 2012


Winking costumed vigilantes.
posted by infinitewindow at 1:36 PM on January 24, 2012


The winking Rorschach on p. 219 (in a beret!) is just so. wrong.
posted by smirkette at 1:37 PM on January 24, 2012


Meanwhile, at the House of Ideas
posted by Artw at 2:15 PM on January 24, 2012


Just about everything that Zdarsky (psst, Artw, you spelled it wrong in the FPP) has on his Tumblr is funnier than this. I could just be jaded by a quarter-century or so of Watchmen parodies, or kind of bitter over the news that a number of creators whom I otherwise enjoy and respect (such as Darwyn Cooke and Amanda Conner) are attached to the real Watchmen 2, but this thing seemed to be laying it on a bit thick.

The Static Shock lulz that fearfulsymmetry (eponysterical to the subject of the FPP!) posted is pretty interesting, though. (Here's Rozum's original post.) Khouri at Comics Alliance points out that artists being elevated to writer-artist status is a feature with at least a few of the "new 52" books; more recently, Rob Liefeld took on the writing on 3 (!) books. As many cartoonists as there are who are perfectly capable of writing their own work, it's definitely a mixed bag overall.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:39 PM on January 24, 2012


The Liefeld worship is insane, on the other hand these are folks who believe tony Daniels is interchangeable with Grant Morrison as a writer.
posted by Artw at 2:42 PM on January 24, 2012


The new 52 is such a pile of shit. I've packed it in on Blue Beetle, Frankenstein, JLI and Wonder Woman so far, and will be dropping Justice League, Justice League Dark, Action Comics, The Dark Knight and Detective Comics (the latter two were never good, of course, but hey, it's Batman!) if they don't all get super-amazing with their sixth issues. Just really really rotten, boring stuff, all of it. Animal Man, Swamp Thing and Scott Snyder's Batman are literally the only things worth following (oh, and the Shade maxi-series and Batwoman, but only for the amazing sequential art) out of fifty-two books! And DC's big idea is to get Rob Liefeld working on like three fuckin' books?
posted by tumid dahlia at 2:50 PM on January 24, 2012


I'm at the Taco Max (What?)
I'm at the Pizza Shithole (What?)
I'm at the combination Taco Max and Pizza Shithole
posted by shakespeherian at 2:57 PM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Can I Write The Aquaman Now?" is going to be my new go-to about comic book writers/artists that I find particularly hacky.
posted by KingEdRa at 3:36 PM on January 24, 2012


My one gripe with the piece would be the "Can I Write The Aquaman Now?" and the refusing a project because you don't get rights phase of a writers career are usually fairly separate.
posted by Artw at 3:39 PM on January 24, 2012


I could just be jaded by a quarter-century or so of Watchmen parodies, or kind of bitter over the news that a number of creators whom I otherwise enjoy and respect (such as Darwyn Cooke and Amanda Conner) are attached to the real Watchmen 2, but this thing seemed to be laying it on a bit thick.

Nothing that followed it was as funny as Are You There, God? It's Me, Supergod. But that's a pretty high bar to clear. (PS, I'm not sure whether you're being serious with the thing about the "real" Watchmen 2, but I'm pretty sure there is no such animal.)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:46 PM on January 24, 2012


That would be the biggest trick ever played on Rich Johnson, if true.
posted by Artw at 3:48 PM on January 24, 2012


That would be the biggest trick ever played on Rich Johnson, if true.

I don't know anything about Amanda Conner (other than she's a wonderful artist), but I would be fucking astonished if someone with the capital-I Integrity of Darwyn Cooke could rationalize being part of such a project. The only way I could ever see Watchmen 2 happening without the consent of Alan Moore -- and with the type of talent attached to it that wouldn't brand it a travesty right out of the box -- would be if Dave Gibbons endorsed it, and even then I think most creators would balk at being part of it. The fan rage would be epic.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:17 PM on January 24, 2012


Isn't there already serious discussion of Watchmen prequel comics? I could see how even someone like Darwyn Cooke (or other Capital-I Integrity artists) might be tempted to play in that sandbox. Just look at what Jeph Loeb & Tim sale did with Frank Miller's Batman: Year One in The Long Halloween.

Since Moore has no say in DC's decision making about such a project anyway, if it was to happen, I'd rather see someone like Cooke involved who might actually add something meaningful (or at least minimize the damage) to the Watchmen mythos than some hack picked by Warner Brothers/DC Editorial who is told their prome motive is to "make sure it's got a ton of shit we can merchandise in it!"
posted by KingEdRa at 5:10 PM on January 24, 2012


Probably the best way to minimize damage to the Watchmen "mythos" in the event of sequel/prequel/remake comics is just not to buy those comics. But I honestly don't see it happening anyway -- it would generate so much bad press and ill will for DC, and (to my mind) DC is not acting like a company that would pull a stunt like that right now. Creatively and financially, they are doing quite well, and better than they have in...uh...I don't know, but they were probably publishing Watchmen 1 at the time. And I mean, this is all based on stories from a source that has earned being held in skeptical regard; I am not sure why so many people who should know better have taken this idea seriously, other than it's outrage bait that some people can't let go of, in much the same way that some tastes are so awful they must be savored.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:19 PM on January 24, 2012


Mainly because Rich has been pushing the hell out of it, and has produced alleged artwork, and so on.

Someone *could* be pulling a con job on him - it would be hilarious and kind of a relief - or he could be pulling a con job on us, but TBH given DCs record I am not counting on it.
posted by Artw at 5:39 PM on January 24, 2012


Someone *could* be pulling a con job on him - it would be hilarious and kind of a relief - or he could be pulling a con job on us, but TBH given DCs record I am not counting on it.

The idea that someone is conning him wouldn't shock me at all -- his site has generated an amount of hatred from some comics people that is breathtaking. I suppose we could call this the "mask killer" theory, if we were total friggin' dorks. Which, I mean. But anyhow, it could be a con. Or it could be a known fabrication. It could even be an idea that was broached by DC editorial and swiftly backed away from when cooler heads stepped in, and now evidence of that bad idea has found its way to the dark corners of the internet. I don't really know. But it's not something I can see ever happening. The creators would be branded straight-up Nixons of the comics community. It's hard to even calculate the damage a project like that would do to someone's reputation. The only big-name people I can think of who'd be crass enough to do that anyway -- or do it because of that! -- don't work for DC Comics.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:49 PM on January 24, 2012


Heh. Googling CAN I WRITE THE AQUAMAN NOW gets a bunch of Geoff Johns interviews.
posted by Artw at 9:03 PM on January 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Heh. Googling CAN I WRITE THE AQUAMAN NOW gets a bunch of Geoff Johns interviews.

And, lo the prophecy was fulfilled.
posted by KingEdRa at 10:04 PM on January 24, 2012


It's not as funny as this look at the Wii version of the Watchmen video game.
posted by straight at 10:17 PM on January 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


So, wait, will this be falling before or after WatchmeX in the continuity?
posted by radwolf76 at 1:34 AM on January 25, 2012


Heh. Googling CAN I WRITE THE AQUAMAN NOW gets a bunch of Geoff Johns interviews.

When I googled it I got... this thread. In fact I never even clicked the comments link. I clicked the article, then googled for "Can I write the Aquaman Now" and got the thread.
posted by delmoi at 5:36 AM on January 25, 2012


Well, can I write the aquaman now, then, or what?
posted by Artw at 6:57 AM on January 25, 2012


Most of the time now I can totally forget there ever was a Watchmen film... the big test will be the next re-read
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:12 AM on January 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dwayne McDuffie's final DC Universe film
posted by Artw at 2:45 PM on January 27, 2012


DC plans to destroy your memories of a great work of art.

BEFORE WATCHMEN will be the collective banner for all seven titles, from DC Comics
.
posted by Infinite Jest at 6:08 AM on February 1, 2012


OH GOD WHYYYYYY
posted by shakespeherian at 6:22 AM on February 1, 2012


MONEY!
posted by Infinite Jest at 6:37 AM on February 1, 2012


"We commissioned it twenty months ago!"
posted by Artw at 7:37 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


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