"For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:
My daughter came through it fine.
Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.
In the meantime, once the initial anger passed, she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I’d do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, “in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I’ll go half-sies with ya on it! It’s not like I’m going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one.”
While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.
Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her I’d let her do it if she wanted to. She doesn’t like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but I’ve told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, I’d be OK with it. It’s only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far she’s not really interested. Quite frankly it seems she’s gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes I’ll post it here."
"Attention Media Outlets:posted by ericb at 9:31 AM on February 10 [7 favorites]
While we appreciate the interest you're all putting forth to get in touch with us regarding the video, we're not going to go on your talk show, not going to call in to your radio show, and not going to be in your TV mini-series.
Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn't. However, I can't think of any way myself or my daughter can respond to a media outlet that won't be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.
Additionally, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to send my child the message that it's OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it's OK to profit at the expense of someone else's embarrassment or misfortune and that's now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.
So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we'll say it here on Facebook, and we'll say it publicly, but we won't say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you're giving us. My daughter isn't hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.
If you're a news outlet that wants to ask us a question, feel free to so via email. I'm sure by now my email address is easy enough to find. It might take me awhile to get to a response because I'd have to sort through the "Die you bastard" emails to find it, but we will respond if its something that we feel merits it. Otherwise, sorry... no interviews, no talk shows, no call-ins.
If we respond to anything, it will be on here, and it will be in a way that our words can't be misconstrued or edited for appeal to specific audience or shock value.
Now, I'm going to try to get to work for the day.
Best of luck to all of you out there... and PLEASE give my phone a break. *
"My response to the Dallas Fox affiliate on their news headline. You can read the headline by clicking the link below.posted by ericb at 9:44 AM on February 10 [1 favorite]
I've made it a point of not responding to news or media thus far, but I'm going to reply to a few specific issues mentioned from the news anchors:
First, let me say Thanks for not making me out as a TOTAL villain, though you cut-together enough footage sequences to make it seem that way in segments...
It was an emotional response: Yes ma’am it was an emotional response. I raised my children to never use that kind of language, especially in a public place like that. There were so many vulgarities… I don’t even know where to start. She was mad and I get that, but there are way to talk about things without resorting to that kind of language.
Secondly, and I’ve said this on Facebook as well, but I’m sure it will get lost in the flotsam of comments out there; I shouldn’t have said the word “ass.” I’ll agree that wasn’t a good example of me as a father. I had been reading that post again and again for about an hour, sometimes in tears, other times so mad my hands were shaking and I was trying very hard to be civil in my message. I slipped in that and said a word I shouldn’t have. I deserve a little backlash for that, no doubt.
In response to Dr Fletcher’s comments:
Fifteen year olds don’t the social maturity to know what the consequence might be? I learned at about age 3 what good words were.. and what bad word were. I learned what I should say, and what I shouldn’t say. Those lessons were reinforced throughout my life as a pre-teen, teenager, and later into adulthood. I think it’s safe to assume we’ve attempted to instill in her the values that should make it obvious to ANY 15-year old that neither the content, nor its publication to the world at large was acceptable for any child, or even any adult for that matter.
The punishment wasn’t natural or logical?
She’s known the rules for Facebook ever since she was allowed to have an account. She’s broken them from time to time, sometimes by accident, sometimes as a way of stretching her boundaries to see just how firm the boundaries were. This was neither. Her post was WAY over the top.
The Dr mentioned she “doesn’t really know what my daughter will learn from this consequence.”
I hoped that would be self-explanatory, but I guess you can’t see that without knowing the rest of the story. The last time she did something completely inappropriate, she was grounded from the Internet for three months. The very day she got it back we had a nice long amicable talk about what was and was not acceptable and that I wanted her to have a chance to prove she was responsible enough to utilize the internet unsupervised… by exercising her renewed freedom in a responsible way. The point of this being that proving you can be trusted to be responsible in one venue can lead to increased freedoms in other venues. I ended that conversation with a warning. I told her if no uncertain terms that we had already taken it away from her once. The next time, there wouldn’t be the same chance. If it happened again, “I’ll put a bullet through it.”
The "This one's from your mom" comment:
Before I made the video this week, I called my wife at her office, mostly in tears. The first words out of my mouth were “Please convince me not to put a bullet through Hannah’s laptop.” She knew something was wrong and asked me to be sensible and tell her what happened. Instead I began reading her the Facebook post our daughter made. She let me get to the end of the post, said “I’m sorry honey” and then said “put one in it for me while you’re at it”… so I did.
Contradiction in Terms?
No I don’t think so. Yes I told my daughter not to air that kind of material on Facebook because it was hurtful to other people. It embarrassed them. It caused them to feel humiliated, especially our very very good friend, who is NOT a cleaning lady by any stretch of the imagination!
Instead, I simply turned the tables and let her be on the receiving end of something and see how it made her feel. You mentioned not embellishing it, not sensationalizing it. I didn’t. I read exactly what she put out there for the world to see, in her own words. Then I added a few of my own words to it.
And then, yes, I shot it full of holes. Would I have received the same viral attention if I’d used it as a dog toy, hit it with a hammer, drove over it with the truck, or simply thrown it away? I’m not sure. But the point is that her parents told her “If it happens again, I’ll put a bullet through it.”
So, rather than let her push that particular boundary any further, I did absolutely no more and no less than I promised I’d do. Do I regret doing it? No. Do I regret keeping it on Facebook long enough to cause this stir? Yes. However at this time I feel that if I took the post or the video down, I'd just make it appear that we're running in shame from it, and we're not.
Truthfully though the social attention has helped her and I both deal with it. We had our discussion about it after she returned home from school. We set the ground rules for her punishment, and then I let her read some of the comments on Facebook with me at my computer. At first it was upsetting. Then as we read it became less so, eventually funny to both of us. At the end, she was amazed that other people had such amazingly strong reactions. Some said she’d grow up to be a stripper. Others that she’d get pregnant and become drug addicted because of the emotional damage. She actually asked me to go on Facebook and ask if there was anything else the victim of a laptop-homicide could do besides stripping because all the posts seem to mention that particular job and she wasn’t so keen on that one.
So in the end, she’s fine. My Facebook wall will never be the same again, and we’ll be OK as a family and she’ll grow up happy, healthy, and have everything she needs, but not everything she wants. And I absolutely guarantee she’ll never doubt my resolve to follow-through on a consequence again."
Henry Hawthorne:posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:29 AM on February 10 [6 favorites]
"He will BE what I tell him to BE, because I am his FATHER!"
Jeff:
"Listen up Colonel Cryptkeeper, I could live a million years, and spend every second of it doing important things, but at the end of it all, I will only have lived half a life if I had not raised a son. This was a gift handed to you. You squandered it. The reason you have so much hatred in your heart is because you're trying to fill a hole in your heart where your KID was supposed to go, and now? It's too late! Now, you're just stomping around trying to prove you exist, well, Mission Accomplished!
But here's a question I'd like to pass onto you, from every son who had a crap dad: 'So what?'
I'm done with you. He's done with you. The WORLD is done with you.
Twelve Alternatives to Lashing out at Your Child
The next time everyday pressures build up to the point where you feel like lashing out -- STOP! Try any of these simple alternatives. You'll feel better... and so will your child.
* Take a deep breath... and another. Then remember you are the adult.
* Close your eyes and imagine you're hearing what your child is about to hear.
* Press your lips together and count to 10... or better yet, to 20.
* Put your child in a time-out chair (remember this rule: one time-out minute for each year of age.)
* Put yourself in a time-out chair. Think about why you are angry: is it your child, or is your child simply a convenient target for your anger?
* Phone a friend.
* If someone can watch the children, go outside and take a walk.
* Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.
* Hug a pillow.
* Turn on some music. Maybe even sing along.
* Pick up a pencil and write down as many helpful words as you can think of. Save the list.
* Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD [This is the number for the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline])
"The shooter, who identifies himself as Tommy Jordan from North Carolina, has not yet responded to requests for comment, so it's not possible to verify the authenticity of the stunt, in which he allegedly 'executed' the laptop after his daughter posted a profanity-laced note on her Facebook page."posted by ericb at 2:00 PM on February 10
Also, I've diagnosed so many previously unnoticed psychological conditions in absolute strangers. Again, thanks to the perceptive community right here.The assumption that this guy's behavior is "unnoticed" doesn't seem terribly likely to be true to me.
METAL IS STILL UNDEADNo, the sad thing about the radio industry is that your call letters were literally pronounced THE CRYPT, in an era where metal was still alive, and it was a country station.Metal IS still alive.
.... Jordan has also used his newfound fame to publicly endorse a website in which he has a financial internet, a classified-ad service called Another Man's Junk. He's encouraged visitors to donate money to the Muscular Dystrophy Association and says he's helped raise $5,000. And, he's monetized some of that YouTube traffic by adding an advertisement at the beginning of the now famous video.Something's fishy. Yeah ... where is there real verification for this stunt? He won't speak directly to media; only by way of Facebook postings.
"To those who are pissed because the copyright statements are on the video and it's been monetized.... well, I've got to pay for the attorney's somehow. Get over it," he wrote on his Facebook wall on Saturday.
He needs lawyers because Jordan's opened a Pandora's Box with his video. There is a small army of imitators making parodies, and Jordon expressed fear that some parent may carry gun-wielding discipline too far, and he might get blamed. He's also instructed lawyers to protect his copyrights and threatened to sue others who repost his video without attribution. He's facing some Internet-style harassment himself -- someone posted a good bit of personal information about him on a website.
.... Despite the surprising notoriety, Jordan said he'd do it all over again in a statement designed to answer questions posed by reporters. (He’s so far not responded to msnbc.com’s request for an interview.)
“If I had it to do again... let's see... I'd do it almost the same," he wrote on his Facebook page in a note addressed to Anita Li of the Toronto Star. He wouldn't be smoking in the video, he said, then added, "I'd have worn my Silverbelly Stetson, not my Tilley hat, if I'd known that image was going to follow me the rest of my life and I'd probably have cleaned my boots. That's it."
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posted by magstheaxe at 9:08 AM on February 10 [1 favorite]