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Fantasy Subway Announcements
February 24, 2012 1:18 PM   Subscribe

Train announcements can be boring and routine. A couple of NY Times bloggers decided to let their readers suggest some alternatives and then had the voice of NY's subway system, Bernie Wagenblast, record several. (I read Bernie's Transportation Communications Newsletter, but don't know him personally).
posted by agatha_magatha (17 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
I have wanted the subway announcements to be in Dalek Voice since like, forever.

For thing they would be clearer and more understandable.
posted by The Whelk at 1:20 PM on February 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


Bernie Wagenblast sounds like the end of the world's greatest game of Oregon Trail.
posted by theodolite at 1:30 PM on February 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


"Ladies and gentlemen, for your convince please do not succumb to existential despair while the train is in the station."
posted by The Whelk at 1:32 PM on February 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


mandatory link for us on this (other) side of the pond.....been there, done that.
Go on, you Tube haters/lovers, have a look - if you don't know it already you'll love it.
posted by MessageInABottle at 1:38 PM on February 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's awesome, Message, I hadn't heard those.
posted by agatha_magatha at 1:47 PM on February 24, 2012


I once rode a train from Dublin to Cork, and it was clear that the engineer was having a bit of a laugh with someone else on the train. We'd hear the sound indicating an announcement, then hear barnyard animal noises. Then giggling. Then it would cut off. Repeat a few moments later. I think someone realized they were in for a world of complaints over it, so it was stopped pretty quickly, but boy, it made the ride to Cork that much more surreal.
posted by LN at 1:47 PM on February 24, 2012


"This is a message from the New York City Police Department ...always remember that the hours from 4pm to 6pm are "free play" and no law enforcement will be available. Thank you."
posted by The Whelk at 1:47 PM on February 24, 2012


LN, for a while there was a train conductor on the 2 who read off the midtown stations like an old dept. store elevator operator. I thought it was charming. Now they have the recording.
posted by The Whelk at 1:48 PM on February 24, 2012


Meanwhile, the voice of the London Underground was fired for posting parody announcements on her own site. (Well, she also criticized her client, which obviously didn't help.)

I'm sure that Ms. Clarke and Mr. Wagenblast would make a winsome couple. Won't someone introduce them?
posted by maudlin at 2:07 PM on February 24, 2012


A few of these remind me of Cave Johnson in Portal 2.
posted by jamincan at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2012


" Cave Johnson here, we've tested these new Hyperrail cars on monkeys to ensure they work just as advertised, how can we afford it! by selling the rights to your passing thoughts to Google Ad Sense. So just lie back and let the Probe do its work. Cave Johnson, we're done here"
posted by The Whelk at 2:14 PM on February 24, 2012


MessageInABottle: mandatory link for us on this (other) side of the pond.....been there, done that.
Go on, you Tube haters/lovers, have a look - if you don't know it already you'll love it.


Its worth noting that those were by the official tube voice at the time, and indirectly, due to a clumsy quoted-out-of-context attack-piece by a Mail on Sunday journalist, led to her losing the contract. Story in her words.
posted by memebake at 2:50 PM on February 24, 2012


I love so much that there's an "Anaheim, Azusa, and Cuc...amonga" reference, but I'm also disappointed not to get "Listen, Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again."

Also, can somebody explain the "Next stop, the tunnel between 68th and 77th Streets" one?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:12 PM on February 24, 2012


trains sometimes stop for seemingly no reason between stations, thus the next "stop" is the tunnel itself.

He's not doing the mechine-copy-paste-cadence from the actual announcements so it sounds ALL WRONG
posted by The Whelk at 4:15 PM on February 24, 2012


"Attention passengers, this train has 18 sets of doors. Please spread out and use all available doors."

"Attention passengers, please do not hold open the doors or this train will go out of service."

"Attention passengers, this train has 18 sets of doors. Please spread out and use all available doors."

"Attention passengers, please do not hold open the doors or this train will go out of service."

"Attention passengers, this train has 18 sets of doors. Please spread out and use all available doors."

"Attention passengers, please do not hold open the doors or this train will go out of service."

"Attention passengers, this train has 18 sets of doors. Please spread out and use all available doors."
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 5:09 PM on February 24, 2012


Needs more Tilda Swinton.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 8:59 PM on February 24, 2012


Oh, this would be fun to do with the guy who does the recorded announcements for the MBTA in Boston.

The "Next Stop" one reminds me of how when I used to ride Red Line inbound in the mornings the announcement "Next Stop, Harvard" would inevitably be followed by the train stopping in the tunnell. I imagined a funny movie scene with this scenario:

Announcer: "Next Stop, Harvard."

Announcer: "...eventually."

posted by Rarebit Fiend at 9:13 PM on February 24, 2012


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