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It’s not like it is in the movies, Sarah.
April 2, 2012 12:00 PM   Subscribe

Absolute Beginners. Lena Dunham, Liz Phair, Bethany Cosentino, Sarah Silverman, Miranda July, Shannon Woodward, Krista, and Pamela Des Barres on the first time they had sex (with a couple of first-kiss stories for good measure).
posted by shakespeherian (15 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

 
When he finally gave up, he said, “It’s not like it is in the movies, Sarah. Is that what you thought?” Which was as weird thing to say right after watching Dead Ringers.

Ha!
posted by swift at 12:15 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


More than one creepy older person picking up/preying on much younger partners.
posted by k5.user at 12:26 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Tough crowd! I thought these were amazingly sweet and honest. The first one especially:

We talked, at first animatedly and then in the nervous generalizations that substitute for kissing when everyone is too shy. Finally, I told him that my dad painted huge pictures of penises for a job. When he asked if we could see them online, I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and just went for it.
posted by msalt at 12:46 PM on April 2, 2012


As a fan, I'm glad Liz Phair's first experience wasn't completely horrible*, but I'm familiar enough with her music that said first time's relative mundaneness was kind of a surprise.

(* Not that I wouldn't wish this for her -- or anyone -- even if I wasn't a fan...)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:47 PM on April 2, 2012


k5.user: "More than one creepy older person picking up/preying on much younger partners."

And women lying about their virginity because they were afraid of being seen as inexperienced.
posted by zarq at 1:00 PM on April 2, 2012


I was 22 and in my first year of law school. She was also a first year in law school. We had been out at a party or the bar (I say "the bar" because there was only one in town) and had both been drinking. I was fairly drunk, but still functional.

I was still a virgin at 22 mostly because I didn't want to have sex until I was married. It's not like I had to make it a habit of turning down the opportunity, but I had turned it down before. I also had a hydrocele when I was 14. A hydrocele is a painless, swollen testicle, which feels like a water balloon. If I got that now, it would be no big deal. When I got it at 14, I was concerned it had something to do with masturbation. I had surgery to have it taken care of, but I still had a serious concern that someone would be able to tell there was or had been something wrong with my testicle.

We were fooling around a bit, and it was clear she wanted to have sex. I told her no. She tried again. I pulled away. I was on top of her. I told her I had never had sex before. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled on my arm to prevent me from getting up. It didn't turn violent, but there was a small physical struggle. I eventually gave in.

I regretted it the next day. Since I had always imagined I would have sex with only one person in my lifetime, I tried way too hard for a few months to try to forge a successful relationship with her. It didn't work.

It is not a terrible memory to have, but it did suck to wait so long just to experience that.
posted by flarbuse at 1:04 PM on April 2, 2012


And women lying about their virginity because they were afraid of being seen as inexperienced.

Yeah! Guys would never do that.
posted by msalt at 1:36 PM on April 2, 2012


It's kind of comforting to know I wasn't the only girl who swore she'd lose it to an awesome guy, thought she'd found that awesome guy only to discover shortly thereafter that he was a total juicebox. Ah, memories.
posted by smirkette at 1:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


msalt: " Yeah! Guys would never do that."

My comment was not intended to highlight a gender difference between men and women. It was simply an observation. The people whose stories we're reading are all women.
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


a total juicebox

I endorse this phrase.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:11 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


a total juicebox

I endorse this phrase.


Seconded.
posted by Ragged Richard at 2:35 PM on April 2, 2012


(with a couple of first-kiss stories for good measure)

I consider my first erotic kiss to be far more monumental than the first time I had vaginal intercourse ("sex"). I definitely remember the moment much more.

By the first I had "sex," girls had already made me cum in a few different ways so that intercourse sex was still a big deal (first condom use was ... well, about what you'd expect), but not the biggest deal it's made out to be ...
posted by mrgrimm at 3:42 PM on April 2, 2012


MetaFilter: What a mouth!
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:15 PM on April 2, 2012


Wow. I had never really seen Miranda July in a sexual light despite her incredible attractiveness and my fetish for quirky, smart, creative women.

And now… any sexual image I could possibly bring up in my head about her is going to be clouded with "Man… she was such a juicebox to that poor guy."
posted by vertigo25 at 9:29 PM on April 2, 2012


You're not going to hear the details. But a friend of mine years ago once asked me, "If you could change anything about your first time, what would you change?"

And I realized just how lucky I was when I thought about it and realized my answer was, "....nothing."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:22 AM on April 3, 2012


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