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April 13, 2012 7:29 AM   Subscribe

How to Dance Goth - An instructional video. [photos]
posted by quin (38 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
Gothic dance! Gothic dance!
posted by dismas at 7:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm sad, I'm a tree, I'm dead.

Grab the bat, hug the bat, drop the bat, kick the bat.

I lost my contact. I lost my contact.
posted by cereselle at 7:42 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]


Things were so old fashioned back then!
posted by sendai sleep master at 7:43 AM on April 13, 2012


Can't tell if serious or not.
posted by odinsdream at 7:43 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Grab the bat, hug the bat, drop the bat, kick the bat.

We used to say "pick the cabbage, kick the cabbage," but the principle's the same.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 7:44 AM on April 13, 2012


I'm a tree, I'm Jesus, I'm dead.

Screw the lightbulb, screw the lightbulb, screw the lightbulb.
posted by Akhu at 7:50 AM on April 13, 2012


We called one the "ripping phonebooks" dance where you'd move your hands back and forth in the air like you were tearing a phonebook in half.
posted by empath at 7:51 AM on April 13, 2012


Goths of today still listen to Sisters Mercy? I'll take that as a good thing
posted by sourwookie at 7:54 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


Spooky tree changes lightbulbs, then does tai chi underwater.

My dancing was always more 'fighting invisible ninjas to the stomping sounds of Ministry', but I am well versed in the many forms of Gothjitsu.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:10 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


Oh man, I could have used this about 10 years ago. Now I'm gonna have to dye my hair black again and find some decent Goth/Industrial clubs to try out my new moves. Those still exist, right?
posted by polywomp at 8:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


They're out there. Generally smallish, and on weird nights like a Tuesday (or starting bitter rivalries over who gets to claim Saturday nights). All depends on how big of a city you're near..
posted by FatherDagon at 8:12 AM on April 13, 2012


It's sort of a mixture of the first two moves, but I've always liked what I call "drunkenly fencing with an invisible partner".
posted by brundlefly at 8:13 AM on April 13, 2012


Back in my high school days we used to call it Concept Dancing.
posted by juiceCake at 8:13 AM on April 13, 2012


Alas, K-hole!
posted by Splunge at 8:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dancing is meant to be a joyful celebration of music, and as such, deeply offends my inner goth.

I'll just be moping over here in the corner with my clove cigarettes.
posted by malocchio at 8:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ah, yes...this warms my li'l ol' black rivethead heart! Brings to mind the dance moves (e.g., "Grab The Bat," "Cobwebs in the Attic," and my personal favorite, "Pulling the Evil Taffy") in Voltaire's hilarious book What Is Goth?

We also need a companion video specifically for rivetheads, whose dance styles are much more stompy, and whose musical tastes - according to Voltaire, in the aforementioned book - can best be described as:
Anything that features angry German men chanting in unison over a distorted drum machine while someone kicks an oil drum with a steel-toed army boot (this happens more often than you think!)
(I'm still laughing about that description, many years after I first read it. I really DO like the sounds of German men chanting and distorted drum machines.)

Funny video. "Let's watch Vlad perform this move." Complete with his Specimen t-shirt and heaps of goth attitude. Hee hee! Love it!
posted by velvet winter at 9:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


We also need a companion video specifically for rivetheads, whose dance styles are much more stompy

I call it "punching the invisible Carebears." Industrial music is the only thing ever to make working out tolerable at all for me.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 9:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


...Huh.

Okay, yeeeears ago, I was the assistant stage manager for a workshop/backers' audition production of a potential new musical called "The Bronx Casket Company," which was a collaboration between an existing goth/punk/something band and a local playwright. The plot was a sort of vampire-meets-human-love-story, set in a sort of depiction of "goth" culture...imagine Twilight, only with Abby Sciuto from the show N.C.I.S. as athe romantic lead instead of Bella.


The producers got Hinton Battle to direct and choreograph this outing, and during an early rehearsal, the playwright brought in some printouts she'd found for "goth dance moves" at Battle's behest so he could incorporate them into his work. He and the whole cast and crew spent a good fifteen minutes huddled over the printouts, trying out some of the moves and brainstorming how to use them; the only thing I remember about one was that everyone joked that the move should be called "look at my bleeding wrists". We all soon figured out that the languid, dreamy moves just plain weren't going to work well with Broadway flashy-dazzle.

For this, and a few other reasons, the Bronx Casket musical didn't really get much further than the backers' audition phase. (But it did let me work with Cote de Pablo before she got famous; she was the female lead, and she was an absolute sweetheart.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:42 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


I notice that this style of dancing isn't used very much by young goths but I sure do remember it from the 90's and early 2000's. Also, I'm lucky enough to live in a city where I can indulge my goth leanings every Saturday night with 2 awesome DJ's that play a mix of new and old.
posted by Gwynarra at 9:49 AM on April 13, 2012


This has re-invigorated my dream of The Old Bat's Cave, a restaurant/bar/lounge/club for eldergoths. There will be lots of comfortable seating, decent wine, extra air conditioning over the dance floor, and tapas.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:21 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


I'll leave this here without comment. "Do the Lurch" - circa 1965.
posted by daq at 11:05 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


My friends and I always referred to this as the Persecuted Plum Picker.

I am pleased to know there are so many other snarky names for this type of dancing.

Makes me remember the mascara, poppers, cloves, smoke, flashing lights, and "Dig It" played at unbearable volume.
posted by the matching mole at 11:15 AM on April 13, 2012


They forgot "Step On the Bug, Answer the Telephone."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


Steampunk overbite.
posted by clvrmnky at 12:54 PM on April 13, 2012


pick the apple of misery, eat the apple of misery
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:55 PM on April 13, 2012


This has re-invigorated my dream of The Old Bat's Cave

If only there were one of these in every city! We're very lucky here in Portland, OR, because we have The Lovecraft Bar. I will be there this very evening, in fact, to celebrate Friday the 13th by watching goth bellydancers perform a tribute to dark goddesses.

My own dream is to own a small-scale, private goth bellydance studio - decorated in appropriately spooky style, of course - and pagan temple space. Haven't been able to make much headway in recent years, but my studio apartment is about as close to it as I can get at the moment, given the constraints in my life.

Dream on, fellow darklings...
posted by velvet winter at 2:15 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


This has re-invigorated my dream of The Old Bat's Cave, a restaurant/bar/lounge/club for eldergoths.

Toronto has a few of these places. A friend took me to one a couple of years ago. It was liking taking a step back through time directly to high school, except the people there were 20 years out of high school and except for being larger, hadn't changed much.

It's really quite horrifying actually.
posted by juiceCake at 2:15 PM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]



Toronto has a few of these places.


They're only wearing black until something darker is invented: Toronto Goth - Making Toronto a Darker Place. Couldn't they make the Happy Cow ad a little more somber? Also: Goth in Toronto: an oral history.

A friend of ours was in a band (Parade) with his wife, and I have a really hard time now imagining them as they were. If they "stepped over a corpse" these days, it might look more like "stepped on another Polly Pocket." But, we are still such teenage darklings inside. We're only posing as puffier, cheerful parental units as we're spending hours under the daystar by the will our spawn.
posted by peagood at 3:20 PM on April 13, 2012


Find a penny, pick it up, show it to God, and put it in your pocket.
posted by Graygorey at 3:34 PM on April 13, 2012


Oh hey, this is the page we were trying to take moves from for that play!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:47 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yup, the 90's are back. Not enough frottage or awkward virgin makeout sessions to be truly authentic, tho...
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:05 PM on April 13, 2012


I always found this illustrated tutorial highly educational. Ray Smuckles shows you the good moves.
posted by wires at 5:17 PM on April 13, 2012


I was going to post a joke about finding some Sisters of Mercy to listen to, and then it showed up on the video!

This brings back memories. Oh, the 90s.
posted by apricot at 7:35 PM on April 13, 2012


Hey, that page on How to Dance Gothic was written by two friends of mine! OMG, people I actually know got MeFi'd. I'll have to point this out to them!
posted by rednikki at 9:58 PM on April 13, 2012


So.... Goth is not now called Emo?
posted by taff at 10:23 PM on April 13, 2012


the people there were 20 years out of high school and except for being larger, hadn't changed much.

:D

It's really quite horrifying actually.

:`(
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:06 PM on April 14, 2012


So.... Goth is not now called Emo?


Don't make me hurt you. We'd both enjoy it far too much.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:42 PM on April 14, 2012 [5 favorites]


Alternate title might be "How to Replicate any Kate Bush Video from the 1980s."*

*or any bollywood dance scene from the 1970s.
posted by waynepalmer at 12:04 PM on April 15, 2012 [1 favorite]


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