In 1817, for example, Princess Charlotte of Wales, King George IV’s twenty-one-year-old daughter, spent fifty hours in active labor with a nine-pound boy. His head was in a sideways position, and too large for Charlotte’s pelvis. When he finally emerged, he was stillborn. Six hours later, Charlotte herself died, from hemorrhagic shock. She was King George’s only legitimate child. The throne passed to his brother, and then to his niece—which is how Victoria became queen.
...orangutan dads are the best helpers of all. When the newborn is crowning, the dads stick their big fleshy lips to the newborn's head and suction the little guy out of the birth canal like a vaccum extractor.
In many cases, obstetricians do seem to prefer vacuum-assisted delivery.
Mother, on the table: What do I do?
Doctor: Nothing, dear! You're not qualified.
Unless I am able to find a doctor who is willing to stage an epidural with C-section photoshoot such that it looks like the baby is blasting out of my stomach like in Alien then crawling up my chest to take out my jugular as I make horrified faces. Best baby album ever.
Curiously I have yet to meet anyone who is as enthused about this idea as I am so I'll probably just end up adopting. -- shroedinger
What it all comes down to is which risks a particular mother wants to take on when she chooses where she wishes to birth. I know of women who have had horrifying vaginal births who, to feel emotionally safe and prepared, had a c-section with their subsequent baby. I know a lot more women like me who had terrible, dehumanizing c-sections who seek out alternatives to hospitals and obstetrical care the next time.
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