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The Use Of Aslan Or Morpheus Is Cheating
May 10, 2012 2:39 PM   Subscribe


 
I'd be all for it if it meant we'd be getting a Mistborn movie to set up the character.

Now I'm sad that it'll never happen.
posted by Memo at 2:44 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


There's no need to cover for Hawkeye, so Legolas is unnecessary. Clearly Gandalf is the proper character to take from Tolkien. Before there's any talk of "too powerful" please realize that Tony Stark is currently occupying the "any sufficiently advanced tech is indistinguishable from magic" role in the marvel universe. Anti-telepathy psychic tasers. Seriously.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:48 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Kvothe? Please. For someone who's good at sideways, recruit Locke Lamora (and get Jean Tannen for free.)
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:48 PM on May 10, 2012 [9 favorites]


Is it just me, or does Rand al’Thor look JUST like Michael C. Hall?
posted by hanoixan at 2:48 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Tween me would have fan-fic'ed the fuck out of that blog post.

(As soon as he was done traveling forward in time and somebody told him what fan-fic and a blog was...eventually, though, he'd be all over it.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:49 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Instead of a shield, [King Arthur]'s got one badass sword — Excalibur is sort of like having a super power all to itself, if you want to discount the whole “special chosen king with a magical teacher” thing.

Come now. As everyone who ever had to read The Once And Future King for grade eleven English knows full well, the scabbard is worth ten of the swords, for whiles ye have the scabbard upon you, ye shall never lose no blood be ye never so sore wounded, therefore keep well the scabbard always with you. Magic shield. Boom.

Arthur also had a magic spear named Ron, which is irrelevant
posted by saturday_morning at 2:51 PM on May 10, 2012 [14 favorites]


Vlad Taltos would make any otherwise boring fantasy team interesting, and his power level could be easily tweaked as appropriate, just like in the books.
posted by gurple at 2:53 PM on May 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


It's simple, really:

Elric of Melniboné
Jerry Cornelius
Lord Erekosë
Ghardas Valabasian
Vaughn Marquis
Roland

For comic relief, you throw in Hawkmoon and Moonglum as a Greek Chorus.
posted by Smart Dalek at 2:53 PM on May 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


i always mix up Tor and Gor and my eyes bug when it's just thrown into conversation without any warnings.
posted by nadawi at 2:57 PM on May 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


That pouty artist's-rendering of Kvothe looks phenomenally wrong to me.
posted by eugenen at 2:58 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Corwin, of course, would be the one to assemble the team, though I don't know what his ass looks like in black leather.
posted by bonehead at 3:00 PM on May 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


Susan, granddaughter of Death, seems like a lock for a leadership role.
posted by The Whelk at 3:00 PM on May 10, 2012 [15 favorites]


Nerds, please.

Tom Bombadil.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:03 PM on May 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


Can Thor still be Thor though?
posted by Mizu at 3:04 PM on May 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


Didn't Alan Moore already do this one?
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 3:05 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


How about Wiz Zumwalt, for some crossover action and pan-nerd appeal?
posted by gurple at 3:08 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Before there's any talk of "too powerful" please realize that Tony Stark is currently occupying the "any sufficiently advanced tech is indistinguishable from magic" role in the marvel universe. Anti-telepathy psychic tasers. Seriously.

Yeah, Stark has crazy tech, but within the context of the Marvel Universe he's not really that outlandish. There are many, many people more powerful than him. Gandalf is on a whole different level. I'd say he's the equivalent of a cosmic entity in the MU, being an actual demigod in Tolkien's works.
posted by Sangermaine at 3:08 PM on May 10, 2012


I suspect at some point in the run, you'll get a Drizzt for the same reason that everything in the Marvel Universe ends up with Wolverine and/or Spiderman.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 3:11 PM on May 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


Gandalf is on a whole different level.

See I would put him as Nick Fury, assembling the team, down to the last burgler.
posted by resurrexit at 3:11 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Crap. I didn't even think of Discworld. Vimes, of course, will be taking the Nick Fury role.
posted by WidgetAlley at 3:12 PM on May 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


As cool as that'd be, Smart Dalek, getting them all together would either bring the multiverse to a grinding halt, or they'd be too busy pursuing their own agendas and bitching about everything to do anything as a team. On the upside.. "You have a Hulk? Well, we have a Duke of Chaos. Blood and souls, Arioch!" Boom, fight done.

Which brings to mind the question: why no Elric/Hawkmoon/Cornelius movies, I wonder. A decent animated series'd be just fine by me.
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:12 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Surely they mean the Justice League. At any given moment at least 50% of the Avengers are nobodies.

Or do we get to decide who the Dr. Druid of fantasy is too?
posted by davros42 at 3:12 PM on May 10, 2012


You know, if you want to do this FOR REAL, you need to ask yourself "which fantasy characters would sell the most books/movie tickets if put together in a single book/movie."

I propose:

Inigo Montoya
Gollum
Neville Longbottom (post-bad ass moment in HP:DH2)
Tyrion from GOT
David Bowie's Goblin King

The main villain they'd face? The Knights who say "Ni."
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [15 favorites]


Seeing as this has already been done (but for a different genre), shouldn't they just be calling this the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen for fantasy?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 3:14 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Conan would fill the Hulk role. No one could do it better.

That said, I think this is a very silly discussion. Yes, I participated. But it's still very silly.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:15 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm surprised they didn't lump in a Wendigo.

Or would that be a gathering of myth-fantasy individuals? (So; a Wendigo, Prometheus, Anansi, etc.)
posted by Slackermagee at 3:16 PM on May 10, 2012


Skeeve would make an excellent quirky second-stringer.
posted by gurple at 3:17 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Granny Weatherwax!

Another odd suggestion: Phedre no Delaunay de Montreve. Speaks thirteen languages and picks 'em up easily, can withstand torture, is darned good at strategic boinking, thwarted the takeover of her kingdom, offs bad guys, and tracked down the Name of God. The girl is down with the strategery!
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:28 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


WidgetAlley: "Kvothe? Please. For someone who's good at sideways, recruit Locke Lamora (and get Jean Tannen for free.)"

I have nothing to contribute other than to say:

SQUEE, someone else who likes The Lies Of Locke Lamora.
posted by Phire at 3:29 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cleary you need the Dragon from the Iron Dragon's Daughter. Its like a hybrid between an F-15 and an M1 Abrams...that's magical.

But if you want to play the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen game, we can only have characters that are public domain. Much harder, that.
posted by Chekhovian at 3:34 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Naw, LOEG played that game too well ( the almanac that Ted together every major fantastical location! Thing of beauty) lets mine all the private domaine characters!

Diane Duane's young wizards can have a very awkward conversation with Hermine about how magic works.
posted by The Whelk at 3:37 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Aw geeze, I totally thought they'd have Jesus in there somewhere.
Oh well.
posted by GoingToShopping at 3:40 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Definitely need the Wizard Howl to fill in for some of Tony Stark's vanity.

And Sabriel for dealing with the inevitable necromancers.

If you're gonna pull from HP, I'd go for Ginny, actually. After being badass in her own right for the whole damn year Harry's off faffing about in the woods, she acquires skills in quidditch (flying, speedy reaction times, teamwork), journalism (public face of crime fighting team) and motherhood (don't even need to qualify this.) Not to mention she has a *mean* bat-bogey hex and threw off possession by the freaking dark lord when she was eleven years old.
posted by Mizu at 3:40 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Okay, so there are a lot of characters who would be too powerful (Severian, I'm looking at you). Furthermore, you need people with actual abilities, so the entire population of most "gritty" fantasy novels is unavailable (sorry, Syrio).

The Hon'rable Leader: Belgarion. This is essentially his character in the books, after all.
Powerful Antihero: Anomander Rake.
Grumpy Juggernaut: Icarium. He is the hulk. Legends of his rage precede him, and yet he is pretty much a nice guy when he's not pissed at you.
Lethal Assassin: Vlad Taltos, as mentioned above. His power can be adjusted as necessary.
Useless and Underpowered: Sansa Stark.
Nondescript Hero with Norse Overtones: Able (The Wizard Knight).
posted by sonic meat machine at 3:42 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Seems like a somewhat silly premise. The avengers were all in the same general universe, but even with crossovers like batman/spider-man it still makes sense because they are in the same metaphysical world. But how can you have, like, Hermione and Frodo team up?
posted by delmoi at 3:43 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


They should make a film where every Sean Bean fantasy film character teams up, dies.
posted by dng at 3:46 PM on May 10, 2012 [30 favorites]


You've clearly not read enough crossover fanfic, delmoi.
posted by Mizu at 3:46 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


But how can you have, like, Hermione and Frodo team up?

They met at the hairdresser's.
posted by elizardbits at 3:46 PM on May 10, 2012 [11 favorites]


She Apparated to Middle Earth.
posted by Phire at 3:54 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well obviously the ship at the end goes to Hogwarts. Gandalf got on foodstamps and took a teaching job, Bilbo found a place through Dobby's people, and Frodo just kind of kicks around until the action starts.
posted by fleacircus at 3:57 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


What about Scotty as the general tech-genius/Mr Fixit (yes, Star Trek is fantasy, not science fiction)?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:58 PM on May 10, 2012


I saw the word "epic" and got as far as
The Hon'rable Leader: GILGAMESH
Powerful Antihero: ACHILLES
Trickster Mage: KRISHNA"
before the rest of my brain could catch up. I definitely think Jesus would belong to that list, GoingToShopping.
posted by lekvar at 3:58 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


The Hon'rable Leader: GILGAMESH

Nah, Enkidu does all the heavy lifting for ol' Gilg. Hon'rable Leader has to be willing to get down and dirty.
posted by gurple at 4:01 PM on May 10, 2012


It's the same problem as putting in godlike characters, including Odysseus would just overpower any team.
posted by The Whelk at 4:03 PM on May 10, 2012


Sticking just to Earth-based fantasy, you could get John Carter as your martial arts bruiser, Hermione Granger for your mystic crowd control, and Anton Gorodetski for your wild-card powerful mastermind. Then you can fill out the team with second-string minor characters from The Dresden Files, Lovecraft, The Vampire Lestat, and Anita Blake and you'd have a good approximation of The Avengers.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 4:03 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I was going to propose Master Li but on second thoughts he'd be better as an independent ally/frenemy, Doctor Strange-style.
posted by No-sword at 4:08 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


John Steed, Emma Peel, Cathy Gale, Mike Gambit, and of course, Purdey. Not Tara King, though.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:09 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Leading the team would be YOU, the hero of every Fighting Fantasy book
posted by dng at 4:11 PM on May 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


You know, I'd been trying to come up with someone from Lovecraft, but I couldn't. Everyone's either no-powered or very very very evil. Henry Armitage? Weak sauce.
posted by gurple at 4:11 PM on May 10, 2012


If we're trawling better than it should be fan fiction then Methods Of Rationality Harry Potter should have a place as the team alchemist. He can compare notes with Herminie on how her reality's Harry is such a dip.
posted by The Whelk at 4:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Clearly, we've left out the most important fantastical character available, Hellboy.* Then again, we could skip the bland mishmash that is the Avengers (or any group of solo characters thrown together for no other reason than sales) and just read BPRD instead.

*Hellboy is much, much more interesting than half of the fantasy series being bandied about... cough cough, Wheel of Time...
posted by Ghidorah at 4:17 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Oliver North would have to be in there somewhere.
posted by philip-random at 4:17 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


....to, uh. sell weapons to the enemy?
posted by elizardbits at 4:29 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Vetinari as the Nick Fury character.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:31 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


The Whelk: "If we're trawling better than it should be fan fiction then Methods Of Rationality Harry Potter should have a place as the team alchemist. He can compare notes with Herminie on how her reality's Harry is such a dip."

I don't know, that fic started charming and refreshing, and quickly turned tiresome. Part of reason is knowing when to apply it, and MoR!Harry was just obnoxious.
posted by Phire at 4:36 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Part of reason is knowing when to apply it, and MoR!Harry was just obnoxious.

Well, yes. He's an eleven year old prodigy. It would be more unbelievable if he wasn't obnoxious.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:41 PM on May 10, 2012


MoR!Harry was just obnoxious

Agreed, but Rowlings Harry was horribly stupidly obnoxious. The main problem with MoR is the "cargo cult" rationalism. Every problem is solved by some study or some other fitting on his rationalist swiss army knife. Ugh.

I do really enjoy the "Ender Potter" battles though. Dialog sections and digressions on character motivations are mostly a wash. So much like the original.
posted by Chekhovian at 4:47 PM on May 10, 2012


And at least there isn't any fucking quidditch.
posted by Chekhovian at 4:47 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Come now. As everyone who ever had to read The Once And Future King for grade eleven English knows full well, the scabbard is worth ten of the swords, for whiles ye have the scabbard upon you, ye shall never lose no blood be ye never so sore wounded, therefore keep well the scabbard always with you. Magic shield. Boom.

Dude! That's Mallory's Le Morte d'Arthur, not White's The Once and Future King.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:47 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ill defined power level, pretty much unstoppable force of nature, habit of harassing people it just doesn't like as well as actual enemies, not quite sure exactly how intelligent it is beyond default emotion of 'angry', first name is 'The'?

I'd make the case that The Hulk analogue is The Luggage.
posted by MattWPBS at 4:47 PM on May 10, 2012 [24 favorites]


Enkidu does all the heavy lifting for ol' Gilg.

Enkidu would be the Tank: the wildman, raised by animals and capable of great feats of strength, until his power is brought to the service of civilization. Kinda half-Wolvie, half-Hulk.
posted by lekvar at 4:50 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Raistlin, Jesus, and Xena.
posted by unmake at 4:53 PM on May 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


The Tick would have to be included, mostly because you couldn't keep him away. He'd love to be a part of the group. He'd probably even try to bake for the meetings. "Look everyone! Cupcakes! Cupcakes of VENGEANCE!"
posted by Ghidorah at 5:00 PM on May 10, 2012 [11 favorites]


gurple: "You know, I'd been trying to come up with someone from Lovecraft, but I couldn't. Everyone's either no-powered or very very very evil. Henry Armitage? Weak sauce."

Herbert West and his army of undead?
Randolph Carter, the writer with the weird dreams who keeps showing up everywhere?
posted by the_artificer at 5:05 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


How is Elminster not case in the Nick Fury slot?
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:05 PM on May 10, 2012


And can we extend this to PC games? Minsc and Boo have to be on the team.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:08 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Conan would fill the Hulk role. No one could do it better.

Haven't read the Malazan books, have we?

WITNESS!
posted by AdamCSnider at 5:09 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hermione instead of Harry? Just seems a bit odd. I mean I love Hermione but if we're talking about the best of the best, you'd kind of have to go with Harry, wouldn't you?

Buffy is technically a fantasy character, therefore has my vote.
posted by Malice at 5:09 PM on May 10, 2012


I thought Tor's list had a bad case of too many magicians, so I swung the pendulum the other way: Too many fighters!
Uther Doul (The Scar): Master of probably every fighting style he's seen, plus he's got a magic sword that basically turns him into like a hundred guys.
Logen Ninefingers (First Law series): Even more of a bruiser than Doul, he keeps on fighting until he's hamburger, and then he gets mad and The Bloody-Nine takes over, so this guy is basically the Hulk.
Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians): Genius magician.
Aragorn: Captain America--I mean King of Gondor. He's quite literally a born leader, and he's got way more experience than young King Arthur.
Cu Chulainn: Because why not have two guys who go apeshit and kill everything in sight? Bonus points because his berserker rage is called "warp spasm".
And because I wanted at least one character from ASOIAF, and there's only really one person whose power level is comparable to the rest of these cats,
Daenerys Targaryen: She's tenacious, she's smart, she's fireproof and she's got dragons!
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:11 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


but if we're talking about the best of the best, you'd kind of have to go with Harry, wouldn't you?

oh no you din't.

Harry and Ron would have been screwed without Hermione. They're both stubborn hotheaded jackasses with little ability to step back and analyse problems in anything remotely resembling a rational manner. Half of Harry's success at things is pure dumb luck. Hermione is SO CLEARLY THE BETTER WITCH OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU.
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on May 10, 2012 [28 favorites]


i am literally breathless with outrage
posted by elizardbits at 5:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [14 favorites]


I would be seriously careful about putting Quentin in charge of anything, assign Mr. Norell to keep an eye on him.
posted by The Whelk at 5:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


They're both stubborn hotheaded jackasses with little ability to step back and analyse problems in anything remotely resembling a rational manner.

A movie where everyone is stupidly powerful and makes good decisions the whole time? Nonsense!
posted by aubilenon at 5:16 PM on May 10, 2012


i always mix up Tor and Gor and my eyes bug when it's just thrown into conversation without any warnings

I was just telling my wife the other day that I thought we were overdue for an "ironic," "retro" Gorean revival. Lotta hip young perverts hanging around these days who would dig that stuff if they had plausible deniability. (And come on — ironic racism? So played out. Ironic weirdly-hot nerd misogyny is where it's at.)

Yeah, actually, she made that same face you're making right now. Funny, that.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:16 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Madame Vastra and Jenny. Because you not only get lizardlady victorian ninja assassin badassery but also hot interspecies lesbian luuuurve action. Then again, The Avengers isn't really a "mature readers" title, is it?
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:18 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Raistlin

Dammit, I came in here to say that, especially because he and Caramon are the closest thing I can think of to Thor/Loki.

Also:
Pug (aka Milamber), maybe also Tomas
Aang
Ged
Buffy gets my vote too
To round it out, let's go with the Gray Lensman
posted by A dead Quaker at 5:19 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


Oh, Q's not in charge. I think Aragorn can keep an eye on him.
And I considered including Judah Low, just so that there wouldnt only be the one magician, but I wanted Doul in there more.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:20 PM on May 10, 2012


For comic relief, let's just throw Jon-Tom Meriwether in there, too.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:22 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Lady, from Glen Cook's The Black Company, should make the cut. Maybe she relaxes by leaving her empire every once in a while to go campaigning across the metaverse. Maybe she brings a couple of The Ten with her.

Come to think of it, The Lady and The Ten comprise, essentially, that world's version of the Injustice League.
posted by AdamCSnider at 5:25 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I would endorse Jenny and Madame Vastra and Quentin Coldwater and Hermione Granger.

Especially Hermione Granger. I will FIGHT anyone who questions her place in the history of literary heroes.
posted by Phire at 5:26 PM on May 10, 2012 [4 favorites]


CRAZED FISTICUFFS HIGH FIVE
posted by elizardbits at 5:27 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


YEAH
posted by Phire at 5:28 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


No Zelazny choices yet? Prince Corwin, or Benedict. Or Jack of Shadows, now that is a seriously awesome power.
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:28 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


From this thread I second the following nominations:
Tom Bombadil (except he has the problem of the godlike powers)
Aragorn (but only if played by Viggo Mortensen)
Lestat (but only if NOT played by Tom Cruise or Stuart Townsend)
The Tick

and would like to offer Brock Samson (though it likely fails the "fantasy" test).
posted by Glinn at 5:31 PM on May 10, 2012


Cerebus is an Earth-Pig Born. Also, Popeye.
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:34 PM on May 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


No Zelazny choices yet?

Psssh. Maha-sam-atman could totally take Corwin. But they'd probably just go for beers instead of fighting.
posted by Chekhovian at 5:35 PM on May 10, 2012


@AdamCSnider, no! Karsa Orlong is strong, no doubt, but Icarium is essentially the Hulk in all particulars. He's a mild-mannered, well-learned guy until the rage descends, then he is an unequaled force for destruction.
posted by sonic meat machine at 5:39 PM on May 10, 2012


If Good Magician Humphrey handed out missions, you'd lose half the team in every movie.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:40 PM on May 10, 2012


The Tick

The Tick universe could fill out the entire roster. I would so watch that movie.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:41 PM on May 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


To be fair, most of the characters in the Tick universe are basically parody-Expies of already-established Marvel/DC characters, so we might as well just have the real Avengers/JLA in their place.

Surprised nobody's mentioned Groo yet.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:48 PM on May 10, 2012


The Tick is specifically about superheroes and, unless I've missed something somewhere, isn't "more" fantasy than the Avengers itself. So it doesn't seem to qualify any more than including, say, Justice League characters would.
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:49 PM on May 10, 2012


Or on didn't-preview, what Strange Interlude said.
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:49 PM on May 10, 2012


The Tick is specifically about superheroes and, unless I've missed something somewhere, isn't "more" fantasy than the Avengers itself. So it doesn't seem to qualify any more than including, say, Justice League characters would.

Fine, I would so watch a Tick movie. Spooooon!
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:51 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Okay, I'll play:

The Doctor (numbers 3, 4 or 9 - other Doctor's would bump heads with Kenobi or Holmes)

Sherlock Holmes

Obi Wan Kenobi

Mara Jade

Buffy

Faith

Hercules
posted by kmartino at 5:52 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Harry and Ron would have been screwed without Hermione. They're both stubborn hotheaded jackasses with little ability to step back and analyse problems in anything remotely resembling a rational manner. Half of Harry's success at things is pure dumb luck. Hermione is SO CLEARLY THE BETTER WITCH OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU.
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on May 10 [4 favorites +] [!]


i am literally breathless with outrage


Breathe in, breathe out.

If it makes you feel any better, I really don't care at all about the Harry Potter thing, didn't like the books and thought the movies were just 'ok'. So better to get outraged at someone who is better suited to argue the opposing point.

All though I am very amused at the outburst, it made me chuckle, even if it was sarcasm.
posted by Malice at 5:56 PM on May 10, 2012



Okay, I'll play:

The Doctor (numbers 3, 4 or 9 - other Doctor's would bump heads with Kenobi or Holmes)

Sherlock Holmes

Obi Wan Kenobi

Mara Jade

Buffy

Faith

Hercules


Buffy AND Faith? They'd be too busy being suspicious of/killing each other to get anything done.
posted by Malice at 5:57 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Steerpike would be, like, the best spy.
posted by The Whelk at 6:04 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


THE AVENGERS OF LOVABLE FANTASY SCOUNDRELS WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

Autolycus. Grey Mouser. Inigo Montoya. Cap'n Jack Sparrow. Philip the Mouse. Moist von Lipwig.


Anti-telepathy psychic tasers. Seriously.

Psi-scream. Totally in-canon, dating back to the Claremont/Lee run on X-Men... Charles got decked by one planted under his desk by anti-mutant terrorists. I haven't read the issue where Iron Man deployed it, but it's plausible considering the tech was already in the hands of criminals.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:18 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Gully Foyle FTW. Post bootstrapping himself, naturally. Teleportation, acceleration, and the ability to display a blood-red version of the scary Maori warrior tattoo at will.
posted by George_Spiggott at 6:28 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Look everyone! Cupcakes! Cupcakes of VENGEANCE!"

I am trying so hard right now not to drag PONY into this.
posted by JHarris at 6:36 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Tick is specifically about superheroes and, unless I've missed something somewhere, isn't "more" fantasy than the Avengers itself. So it doesn't seem to qualify any more than including, say, Justice League characters would.

Well, fine. Ruin all of my fun.

As for the whole telepathic tazers thing, I mean, sure, it's canon, everything has been done. It doesn't mean it's all that good. And, well, for all of the set-up and pompous posturing about how Cyclops has gathered and "Extinction Team" of the world's most powerful mutants, and then they get beaten by the Avengers? Any one of the X-Men should be, or has been, powerful enough to be someone the Avengers assemble to fight (except Cyclops, because, well, eye beams?). Emma Frost should be able to take down the Avengers on her own, same as Magneto (Helicarrier? Against Magneto? How space-worthy is that thing?), and that's not even counting that Sebastian Shaw is somewhere on Utopia.

/shamed at my own fanboy ranting.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:41 PM on May 10, 2012


Come now. As everyone who ever had to read The Once And Future King for grade eleven English knows full well, the scabbard is worth ten of the swords, for whiles ye have the scabbard upon you, ye shall never lose no blood be ye never so sore wounded, therefore keep well the scabbard always with you. Magic shield. Boom.

Apropos of nothing except that I am tipsy and just had a conversation about this same quote 2 hours ago....

I used to run a guild in WoW and I gave a pre-wipe speech that went something like this :

"Look, Merlin himself said to Arthur that the scabbard was worth 10 excaliburs, and it's true. The way to win is in not taking damage. So, I don't give a fuck what your DPS is just don't stand in the fucking fire for christ fucking sake. It's not exactly rocket science, here."

My wife says I have fewer veins in my forehead since I quit playing WoW...
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 6:51 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm really impressed that they chose Vin. She's not that well-known a character, as Sanderson is still pretty new, and that's a damn shame. The Mistborn books are first-rate.

Someone up above mentioned Vimes as the Nick Fury character, but if you were going to dip into that universe, I think either Captain Carrot or Vetinari would be more likely. People like Carrot, so he'd probably be able to put a team together, and the Patrician would make them offers they couldn't refuse. Somehow, he'd know what handles he'd need to twist, even across universes.

You know, it occurs to me in passing that even minor Discworld characters are more interesting than heroes that have carried entire series, in the hands of other writers.

In thinking about strong fantasy characters, it occurs to me that The Nameless One from Planescape: Torment, a man who can't be permanently killed, would be a good choice. Even if his powers are constrained by D&D rules, being able to get back up, over and over, makes up for many weaknesses.

Thomas Covenant would make a good antihero.
posted by Malor at 7:09 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Look, Merlin himself said to Arthur that the scabbard was worth 10 excaliburs, and it's true. The way to win is in not taking damage. So, I don't give a fuck what your DPS is just don't stand in the fucking fire for christ fucking sake. It's not exactly rocket science, here."

Some years ago, I saw the Illidari Council described as the Superbowl of Not Standing In Things.
posted by Malor at 7:12 PM on May 10, 2012


Man, late to the thread but have to contribute, based on Avengers (movie) roles:

Nick Fury -> Master Li, Bridge of Birds. You need a knowledgeable manager who you cannot entirely trust.

Captain America -> Aragorn. A team leader with proven results from a bygone age.
Iron Man -> Hermione Granger. A know it all genius who is personable, but does not have time for stupids. (Plus, Ron in jean shorts amirite?)
Hulk -> Conan. Seriously, is there any other choice?
Thor -> Aviendha. Badass heavy with relationship problems.
Black Widow -> Locke Lamora. Devious, uses what he is to gt what he wants.
Hawkeye -> Madmartigan. Dude does what needs to get done.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:15 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, another thought on this:

being able to get back up, over and over, makes up for many weaknesses.

It's run through my head many times, when faced with a difficult challenge in a computer game, that savegames are the ultimate superpower.
posted by Malor at 7:15 PM on May 10, 2012


Heh heh.
Thomas Covenant
Severus Snape
Tyrion Lannister
Turin Turambar
Vlad Taltos
Harry Dresden
Gerald Tarrant
posted by Palquito at 7:21 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, let's add Robocop, Brainy Smurf, Tom Waits, and Captin' Crunch!

This thread is the geekiest corner of the internet and I want to write slash-fic about the lot of you. Mwa!
posted by munchingzombie at 7:22 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


So who would be Loki, Red Skull, Abomination, Mandarin...
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:22 PM on May 10, 2012


Hulk:Conan
Captain America: Aragorn
Iron Man: Locke Lamora
Hawkeye: Neville Longbottom
Black Widow: Daenerys Targaryen (hey, she's a widow and she can always bring her kids along. They play well with others. Well no, but we need the firepower.)
posted by Ber at 7:32 PM on May 10, 2012


People like Carrot, so he'd probably be able to put a team together, and the Patrician would make them offers they couldn't refuse.

Yes, but the Patrician's and Carrot's abilities have a limit - when people stop liking one or fearing the other, when blackmail and bribery and flattery won't work, when every plan laid is useless, when the odds are overwhelmingly against them, when all they have to work with are broken, scared and mismatched people, when no-one knows what to do and no-one seems to care, - that's when you stop needing Carrot and Vetinari, and start needing Vimes.

The only real question is, Ogg or Weatherwax or Aching? Nanny is the underdog here, but her indestructibility, vitality and her ability to get strong personalities to work well together may play better to the team dynamic.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:39 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Hmm. Metafilter slash fiction. . o O (
The Whelk's post hit the front page with a thud. The other mefites, perched around the periphery of the room, looked at it askance. The usual suspects sneered; some flagged it and moved on, while others considered attacking it, running their gnarled hands across their keyboards and thinking about the way the post would crumble under their words.

Others ran their eyes over the body of the thing, lingering on its salient points, drifting across the smooth expanses of its text. A few of them smirked and marked it a favorite, thinking about the possibilities the young post offered them.

Memo was the first to get into it, putting his piece in as soon as possible, not even waiting for the post to warm up before he got started. Others waited a bit, knowing that a young post is more fun as more people begin to participate. The post screamed: "Read my link! Comment! Yes!" as The Whelk smiled proudly and looked on.
)

I don't like this idea.
posted by sonic meat machine at 7:40 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


I always thought the appeal of Lord of the Rings is that the villains are clearly superpowered, but the heroes aren't. Frodo gets to wear the ring to go invisible, but it drains him, and Sam basically carries him through. The supposed superpowered characters (Tom, Gandalf) may be powerful, might be powerful, but the story is not about them and so whatever power they have is only hinted at, rarely shown and barely displayed at that.

It's not like you see Gandalf the White reborn. Dude goes up against the Balrog and *dies*. Eventually, he comes back through some offscreen magic. Why offscreen? Because it's *not his story*.

I bring this up because that makes Gandalf inherently *not* Avenger style. LOTR fans make up some crazy reasons why the guy is super powerful, but at the end of the day, the character isn't a Hero, he's a Mentor.
posted by effugas at 7:44 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


I dunno, Cap'n Crunch may be just a bit too powerful for the Avengers. Kind of like Superman, The Sentry, Galactus and, more powerful than all of them put together by a couple of orders of magnitude, Lazlo Hollyfeld. Though an ordinary person wearing Hollyfeld's pajamas would probably be at an appropriate power level.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:49 PM on May 10, 2012


Mainly this illustrating the huge gap I have in my knowledge of fantasy fiction from the end of the 80s onwards.

Actually I'm kind of okay with that.

Anyway, Epic Fantasy The Defenders is a way cooler question. I'm gonna go left field and suggest Elric for Namor.
posted by Artw at 7:58 PM on May 10, 2012


Who Would Make Up The Epic Fantasy Version Of The Avengers?

If the question is Who Did Make Up the Epic Fantasy Version of the Avengers, the answer is Kulan Gath.
posted by straight at 8:04 PM on May 10, 2012


So better to get outraged at someone who is better suited to argue the opposing point.

noooo we must fight to the death
posted by elizardbits at 8:07 PM on May 10, 2012


Thomas Covenant would make a good antihero.

I don't know, it's not like you can kill a lot of bad guys with "wah wah wah, I have leprosy". Except maybe they'll die of boredom.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Yeah, definitely not the Donaldson character I would've picked. Maybe post-cyborgening Angus Thermopylae. Not really fantasy though.
posted by elizardbits at 8:16 PM on May 10, 2012


it's not like you can kill a lot of bad guys with "wah wah wah, I have leprosy"

Well, he could bleed all over them or something...you know, whatever it takes to transmit the disease.
posted by Chekhovian at 8:17 PM on May 10, 2012


DangerMouse
Groo the Wanderer
Yoda
The Blob
Rhett Butler
Spock
Mr. Wizard
Ornella Muti
posted by scrowdid at 8:18 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


but if you were going to dip into that universe

I think we are all missing someone. Sure Moist is the smart Con man who always comes out on top ( and Bella Adore would be with him, natch), Ventenari has near godlike powers of strategy and forthought ( and is an assassin ), Vimes can get through anything through sheer willpower and bacon sandwiches and Susan fights monsters twelve times before breakfest ( and may or may not be dating the manifestation of Time ) Granny Weatherwax is on speaking terms with Death Itself, but when the back is against the against the wall and all hope is lost, who invariably saves the day only to return to his quiet life after? Who fits the Avengers ideal of being called upon when things are at thier bleakest?

The Librarian.
posted by The Whelk at 8:18 PM on May 10, 2012 [7 favorites]


Mrs. Cake, like Squirrel Girl, is off limits.
posted by The Whelk at 8:19 PM on May 10, 2012 [6 favorites]


Well, he could bleed all over them or something...you know, whatever it takes to transmit the disease.

Cuddling with armadillos, apparently.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:29 PM on May 10, 2012


Q?
Q!
Q.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:31 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, he could bleed all over them or something...you know, whatever it takes to transmit the disease.

Cuddling with armadillos, apparently.


A superhero that threw leprous armadillos at people as a primary attack would be pretty intimidating, if not particularly well respected or liked.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:49 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Aaaaand were back to the Tick.
posted by The Whelk at 9:05 PM on May 10, 2012 [3 favorites]


Well the Sandman is fantasy and has an epic scope, the Endless are out due to Godly powers but the supporting cast? Lucifer? Doesnt Rose still have the heart of dreaming? Lyta was pretty much crushed the experience by she's still, technically, a superhero.

Oh wait.

It is beyond obvious.

Thessaly.
posted by The Whelk at 9:08 PM on May 10, 2012


Haha. It's awesome seeing people's different responses, especially early on in this thread. Kinda like a snapshot of what people have read and loved.

To borrow from sonic meat machine:

The Hon'rable Leader: I have to go with bonehead's suggestion of Corwin. It's not like he has anything better to do than play pretend on (3rd?) shadow Earth, now. Has skills, knowledge, and contacts in this (kinda) era. I could easily see him having slow-motion master plans regarding his Pattern vs. The Pattern and the Logrus; factions that his team could be (ultimately) fighting while (seemingly) trying to promote general order in this world (ie, saving massive numbers of civilians from harm).

Powerful Antihero: Elric of Melnibone, maybe pick him up after he had helped kill the other-cosmic siblings who were sucking this universe's energy dry. Take his mind off being melded with the other Eternal Champions, ie., help him realize that not all self-sacrificing superbeings are incarnations of him.

Grumpy Juggernaut: Sorry sleepyblackdeath, can't go with your suggestion because he ain't. Someone suggested Puck? earlier upthread? Feels right, but I don't know the character well enough. Personally, I'd go for Detritus. With his dwarven helm to keep him cool. Kind of a reverse Hulk. Detritus SMASH without his helm. Detritus is cunning and deceptive and armageddonish with it on.

Lethal Assassin: I dunno. No favourites, not from fantasy. Jaqen H'ghar from ASoFaI, or a grown-up Arya Stark, perhaps.

Useless and Underpowered: Sansa Stark, I agree; although the "uselessness" and "underpowerednessness" is very likely just an introduction and not her near-future (post book 5) fate. Can't think of any over-rated but ultimately under-self reliant fantasy icon right now, whom I actually like. Would love Susan Death on the squad but she doesn't fit the description At. All.

Replace useless and underpowered with dismissive of power thrust upon, and unwilling to use her abilities without forethought. Susan Death becomes the conscience of the team. And the pragmatic leader when Corwin gets held up with his issues.

Nondescript Hero with Norse Overtones: Shadow. Thor and Hulk kinda fill similar redundant roles (tank). Shadow would make this team a lot more down-to-earth/introspective. Basically the SOUL of this team. The only person who's actually "human."
posted by porpoise at 9:12 PM on May 10, 2012


That's why Covenant is an antihero -- he's useless, he's useless, he's useless, HE HAS GODLIKE POWER WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN, oh he's dead, oops.
posted by Malor at 9:13 PM on May 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well, maybe antihero's the wrong word, but he's terribly annoying, and then has vast cosmic power when he really needs it.
posted by Malor at 9:14 PM on May 10, 2012


Yeah but Shadow is basically Baldr, his powers aren't in anything he does but in his death.

From another angle, a cameo by Crowley and aziraphale would be fun.
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 PM on May 10, 2012


And for your sci fi but basically fantasy lovecraftian crossover event, they have to fight some beats from the Dungeon Dimensions and are at a loss until a mild mannered British civil servant named Bob Howard shows up to give some advice.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 PM on May 10, 2012


Yeah, Crowley was my pick for the wisecracking smartarse Iron Man replacement.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:25 PM on May 10, 2012


Now I want to toss off the anime version of the Avengers:

Thor: Son Goku- uber-powerful, good natured. What more do you need?
Hulk: EVA-02- a force of nature that's under control until it goes berserk.
Iron Man Simon of Gurren Lagann- Well, he has a powered armor at least.
Captain America: Captain Harlock- tactician, leader, and more man than you'll ever be.
Hawkeye: Vash the Stampede- more of a marksman than Hawkeye, keep him on the "low" setting.
Black Widow: Fujiko Mine- has the femme fatal position locked down.
posted by happyroach at 9:40 PM on May 10, 2012


Yeah but Shadow is basically Baldr, his powers aren't in anything he does but in his death.

Not basically, is. His given name is Baldur - it's mentioned in the novella Monarch of the Glen, which appears in Gaiman's collection Fragile Things.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:42 PM on May 10, 2012


See, this is similar, but not the same, as my Ultimate Adventuring Party Game/Conversation Starter, the rules for which are:
  • You get six characters: A fighter, a rogue, a healer/medic, a mage, and two extras.
  • One character must be designated a non-combatant, one a diplomat, and one a leader. These can be placed on any character (usually people make one of their extra characters a non-combatant diplomat, but some people make their medics non-combatants.)
  • You may only choose one character from any individual work (TV show, video game, series of novels, etc.) You may choose only 2 from any individual creator (production company, DC or Marvel, etc: this is so people don't pick all Final Fantasy or Joss Whedon characters mostly).
  • The characters are expected to work together. Don't put Deadpool on a team with Gandalf. Really, you probably shouldn't be putting Deadpool on a team at all, but whatever.
  • OPTIONAL BONUS: You can also get an adorable animal companion (who is not really super useful in other ways, unless you decide to nerf someone else on your team to pick something awesome, or they can assume to be bound or something) + a base or vehicle. The rules about multiple characters from the same work/creator don't apply here; go ahead and take both Ms. Frizzle and the School Bus, Doctor and the Tardis, etc. If you want.
posted by NoraReed at 9:47 PM on May 10, 2012 [8 favorites]


Lovecraft, huh. Remember the guy in the movie with the Captain America trading cards? Totally Erich Zahn.
posted by stet at 10:26 PM on May 10, 2012


Coulson is so much more than just "the guy with the trading cards"...!

Now I am truly outraged.
posted by Phire at 10:49 PM on May 10, 2012 [2 favorites]




Half of Harry's success at things is pure dumb luck.

And the other half of his success's were actually Hermoine's. Hell, the only thing he was actually good at was sitting on a stick and playing sky marbles.
posted by BurnChao at 11:18 PM on May 10, 2012 [5 favorites]


Now I want to toss off the anime version of the Avengers:

You have to have Alucard as your powerful anti-hero.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:31 PM on May 10, 2012


I love this thread.

"SQUEE, someone else who likes The Lies Of Locke Lamora."

I consider that one of the five or so best fantasy novels I've read in the last ten years and I've read a whole boatload of fantasy novels in the last ten years. Like, a couple hundred. I'm perturbed reading this thread when I encounter a character I don't recognize.

But, yeah, I think Kvothe is a good trickster character, but Locke would be best. Another possibility might be ELizabeth Bear's Kit Marlow. How about Jemison's Sieh? He's a trickster god, so maybe he's overpowered.

And I'm really glad someone mentioned Cook's The Lady. Back when she still had all her magic, of course. Which means she might not really be one of the good guys, unless she had fallen in love with one of them. And she might be overpowered if there are other overpowered characters included. Still, I love The Lady. I mean, I develop a serious crush on her each time I read the series (three, now, I think). When she kills everyone in that one village and mounts all their heads on pikes? That was cool. I swooned.

And, yeah, Icarium is The Hulk. No question. The other suggestions aren't bad, but Icarium really is the fantasy version of The Hulk. He basically has a dual personality. As mentioned, he's very nice and extremely intelligent and you'd never expect him to turn into this insanely rage-filled force of nature. I guess the only problem is that Icarium is really in the demigod realm (why didn't he ever ascend, by the way?). The whole point of that character is that some of the times he's lost it he's actually threatened the entire world in one fashion or another. Continents shake when Icarium goes nuts. And I'm glad someone mentioned another notable Erikson character, Anomander Rake. He'd have to be the leader, wouldn't he?

Karsa Orlong and Logen Nine-fingers are also not bad choices for this role. They are pretty similar, though I love Logen and I pretty much always hated Orlong (weird that many fans really liked him). And Karsa doesn't actually rage out and lose control so much as just finding excuses to become an unstoppable killing machine. I'm not sure he actually gets that angry. Or, rather, that he's that much more angry when he's killing than he is all the time with that well of simmering rage that's ever-present. Basically, Karsa is a villain who plays the role of a hero for some reason. But Logen is actually a pretty nice guy until he rages out and becomes the Nine-fingers who will cut off he head of his best friend and comrade because he happens to be in the way. That guy is actually pretty evil, not just angry. Which isn't like The Hulk, really.

Yay! for the mention of Susan! Also, Esk. Esk and Hermione are both good for that role and I am deeply fond of both characters.

I like that someone mentioned Anton Gorodetski from Lukyanenko's Night Watch series. I think I would have gone with Semyon, though.

As someone mentioned Harry Dresden, I want to nominate Rachel Morgan.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:07 AM on May 11, 2012


Lu tze
posted by monkey closet at 1:29 AM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Captain America: Roger Ramjet
Hawkeye: Weehawk
Hulk: Unicron
Black Widow: Penny
Thor: He-Man
Iron Man: Jamie and the Magic Torch
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:57 AM on May 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


Captain America: Tommy Pickles
Hawkeye: Little Pete Wrigley
Hulk: Heffier
Black Widow: Patty Mayonaise
Thor: Ren Hoek
Iron Man: Stimpson J. Cat
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:26 AM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


Gandalf in my opinion falls well under the no Aslan clause since he's more guardian angel than wizard.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 5:36 AM on May 11, 2012


Hawkeye: Ranger
Captain America: Cavalier
Black Widow: Acrobat
Thor: Barbarian
Hulk: Magician (He's pacific generally and mostly green, thus representing the duality of the character.)
Iron Man: Oh dear, paradigm fail.
posted by biffa at 5:45 AM on May 11, 2012


Also, Popeye.

YES. But who is he - the Hulk?
posted by dirtdirt at 6:41 AM on May 11, 2012


Whoever feeds Stormbringer best is fine.
posted by mobunited at 7:16 AM on May 11, 2012


YES. But who is he - the Hulk?


Thor - he's tough on his own, but he opens the spinach to bring the thunder!
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:29 AM on May 11, 2012


You know, I'd been trying to come up with someone from Lovecraft, but I couldn't.

Randolph Carter, obvs.

My knowledge of contemporary fantasy is pretty shallow, so here's the Hanna-Barbera version of the Avengers, instead:
  • Dexter
  • Atom Ant
  • Space Ghost
  • Hong Kong Phooey
  • Grape Ape
  • Velma Dinkley
posted by octobersurprise at 7:40 AM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Your 'epic fantasy' mileage may differ:
  • Buckaroo Bonzai: The only team leader to out-doc-savage Doc Savage himself. Clark Savage was many things, but he was never in rock-n-roll band.
  • The Rocketeer: A flying Ironman with technology designed by a playboy billionaire industrialist. Has better lines than any version of Tony Stark.
  • Groo the Wanderer: Berzerker, part Hulk, part Wolverine.
  • Ace Rimmer: Confidence makes all the difference; a legend in his own mind.
  • Spock: Brains plus the ability to develop new 'powers' as the plot requires.
  • Brucilla the Muscle: A lovable, fallible She-Hulk, can out-fight, out-curse, out-drink any man, and is a command pilot; Mama spank!
  • The Fonz: Has the same powers as Scarlet Witch, but wears a much cooler outfit.
posted by Herodios at 7:57 AM on May 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


Omg, Dexter from Hanna-Barbera!

The inner fanfic addict in me is in heaven.
posted by Phire at 8:14 AM on May 11, 2012


My choices
The Leader: Aragorn
The Reliable Loner: Drizzt
The Big Gun: Conan
The Girl: Buffy
The Genius: Hermione
The Oddball: Tasslehoff Burrfoot
posted by Vindaloo at 8:22 AM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Groo the Wanderer ...
The Fonz


Awesome with epic sprinkles on top.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:23 AM on May 11, 2012


Solomon Kane should fit in there somewhere.
posted by the_artificer at 8:33 AM on May 11, 2012


Okay, now how about a 1960s TV all-grrl team:
  • Emma Peel: a real avenger
  • Samantha Stevens: witch
  • Jeannie: genie
  • Rhoda AF709*: android robot
  • Phoebe Figalilly: clairvoiyant nanny
  • Wrangler Jane Thrift: crack shot
  • Elly May Clampett: martial artist (rasslin'), speaker to animal

* Seven o' Nine?
posted by Herodios at 8:58 AM on May 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


Herodios - too much overlap between Samantha and Jeannie. I'd go with the savvy intellect of Samantha Stevens. In Jeannie's place, we need someone who keeps it together when it hits the fan, someone with real leadership and technical expertise. We need Lieutenant Uhura.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:22 AM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


She'll open up some hailing frequencies on your ass.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:53 AM on May 11, 2012


Maurice Sendak's* Avengers

*actually Hannah Friederichs'. via IO9
posted by bonehead at 11:30 AM on May 11, 2012


80s pop culture. Difficulty level: can't include any of these people (including the ones mentioned in the text) or Buckaroo Banzai, and has to have actually been around in the 80s, so sadly Snake Plissken isn't available.

The Leader: Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

The Lancer: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

The Big Guy: Ricky Linderman, My Bodyguard

The Smart Guy: Brian Johnson, The Breakfast Club

The Chick: Christie, Ninja III: The Domination

The Sixth Ranger: John Rambo, First Blood
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:48 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dang it! By "these people" I mean these people.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:49 PM on May 11, 2012


And while I'm at it, I'm swapping out Brian Johnson (sorry, Anthony Michael Hall) for Chris Knight from Real Genius, although I'm tempted to throw in Mitch instead.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:02 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Gizmo.
posted by The Whelk at 4:37 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Jesus would be too boring, he'd just forgive and turn the other cheek.
posted by Tom-B at 6:16 PM on May 11, 2012


Like King Arthur, the real question would be "Which Jesus"?

I'd lean towards teh fucking crazy one that evangelicals like, whose coming back to Earth to wipe out all the sinners with laser beam eyes. On the other hand, he's a bit scarey.
posted by Artw at 6:24 PM on May 11, 2012


And while I'm at it, I'm swapping out Brian Johnson (sorry, Anthony Michael Hall) for Chris Knight from Real Genius, although I'm tempted to throw in Mitch instead

Nope, Chris Knight is the correct pick. If he needs backup, he'd go to Lazlo, not Mitch.
posted by Ber at 7:38 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I thought you guys might be interested in seeing how these characters (hypothetically) stand up to each other. Only one way Cage Match

Anyway they have tournaments for 2010-12.

Hope someone else enjoys.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 7:05 AM on May 12, 2012


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