"...a reading that can only be described as sensual."

May 17, 2012 12:50 PM

Gilbert Gottfried reads Fifty Shades of Grey (NSFW audio)
posted by OverlappingElvis (41 comments total)

Well, MY nipples puckered.
posted by ZaneJ. at 12:54 PM on May 17, 2012 [6 favorites]

This reminds me of one of the most amazing things I've ever heard on actual television: Golbert Gottfried hawks Shoedini, a $15 levered wedge on a pole they sold to the elderly so they won't have to bend over to take their shoes off. "It's not just a shoehorn, it's a shorehorn on a stick!"
posted by JHarris at 12:55 PM on May 17, 2012 [10 favorites]

i found this funnier than i should have
posted by PinkMoose at 1:24 PM on May 17, 2012

I wish I wasn't at work because there is nothing I want more than this. Nothing.
posted by lekvar at 1:41 PM on May 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

That was pretty good. GG cracks me up when he is on point...which is almost all of the time.
posted by lampshade at 1:45 PM on May 17, 2012

This would have been much, much, much funnier if they'd left out the reaction shots, the fake informercial voice, the title overlays.... everything in fact.

It's Gilbert Gottfried reading 50 Shades of Grey. It doesn't need anything else.
posted by ook at 1:51 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

I always associate Gilbert Gottfried with that annoying Microsoft Office paper clip. The only thing better than Gottfried reading Fifty Shades of Grey would be Gottfried-as-Clippy interrupting with "It looks like you're reading porn! Would you like help?"
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:51 PM on May 17, 2012 [36 favorites]

ook: "This would have been much, much, much funnier if they'd left out the reaction shots, the fake informercial voice, the title overlays.... everything in fact."

See, I thought all of that was what made it funny. Gottfried on his own would have been... well, I don't know what. Way creepier.
posted by zarq at 1:55 PM on May 17, 2012

I always associate Gilbert Gottfried with that annoying Microsoft Office paper clip . The only thing better than Gottfried reading Fifty Shades of Grey would be Gottfried-as-Clippy interrupting with "It looks like you're reading porn! Would you like help?"

"I don't have the phrase 'safe word' in my spell checker! If you are connected to the Internet, you can go online to browse or search for the most up-to-date Help, templates, training, and other online content.

What do you want to do?

- Choose between offline and online content in the Help window!
- Temporarily browse or search offline or online content in the Help window!
- Get online content from Office.com!"

_{GG would have made Clippy waayyy more acceptable in my book.}
posted by tilde at 1:57 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

It is more awesome when you don't watch him and you picture Iago animated here.

Also, here's Ellen reading it.
posted by jeather at 1:57 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the reaction shots were great, but I liked his telling of The Aristocrats (NSF just about anywhere) better.
posted by MtDewd at 1:57 PM on May 17, 2012

Gottfried on his own would have been... well, I don't know what. Way creepier.

Two hours of Gottfried on a couch, quietly reading 50 Shades of Grey to himself, punctuated by only the occasional eyebrow raise and muted "hmm!" or "well!" would be the greatest thing of all time.
posted by Shepherd at 1:59 PM on May 17, 2012 [19 favorites]

I don't have the phrase 'safe word' in my spell checker!

It's just like Clippy not to recognize safewords. I think you had to threaten him with a baseball bat before he'd get off your screen.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:10 PM on May 17, 2012 [8 favorites]

After my bitterly cynical but admittedly close-minded comment was deleted from the original FSoG thread, this post is like a soothing balm on my soul.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:48 PM on May 17, 2012

Man, this was great! I burst out laughing at this. The Ellen clip was amusing, but I didn't love it as much as GG here.

Iago saying "vagina"... that made my day. I'm not sure what that says about me.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 2:49 PM on May 17, 2012

Here at the bookstore, Fifty Shades of Grey is flying out the door. We're considering a promotion where anyone who buys one gets a hard smack. Y'know, like the toy In your Happy Meal.
posted by jonmc at 2:56 PM on May 17, 2012 [10 favorites]

I hope the producers realize that a true audiobook of this would sell like mad.
posted by phong3d at 2:56 PM on May 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

jonmc: "Here at the bookstore, Fifty Shades of Grey is flying out the door. We're considering a promotion where anyone who buys one gets a hard smack. Y'know, like the toy In your Happy Meal."

You'd just encourage them.
posted by zarq at 2:59 PM on May 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Shepherd: "...would be the greatest thing of all time."

Masochist. ;)
posted by zarq at 3:00 PM on May 17, 2012

Now I want a "Read this text in Gilbert Gottfried's voice" plug-in for my computer. I can't imagine anything that wouldn't be improved by it.
posted by benito.strauss at 3:14 PM on May 17, 2012 [8 favorites]

I wish Shatner would do a dramatic reading of this entire execrable series.
posted by elizardbits at 3:22 PM on May 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm reading this book right now and in my head the main characters sound like Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Ackroyd in Exit to Eden.
posted by carsonb at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

This is hysterical. I love me a bit of Gilbert G.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:06 PM on May 17, 2012

I'm going to stay UP ALL NIGHT listening to this.

aaaaahhh, hard drinking on a schoolnight.
posted by cog_nate at 4:22 PM on May 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

Gottfried on his own would have been... well, I don't know what. Way creepier.

Precisely!
posted by ook at 4:36 PM on May 17, 2012

Why not just have him read Penthouse Letters and forchrissakes let us ladies just have this one thing without ruining it!!!!!

I'm looking for the PDF of the fanfiction because paying 10 bucks w/o knowing which one book has the juiciest scenes is a ripoff in my book.
posted by discopolo at 6:49 PM on May 17, 2012

Also I have no problem with either Jon Hamm or Joel McHale reading it.
posted by discopolo at 6:50 PM on May 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ellen's version wasn't as funny as Gilbert's. Maybe it's because it's hard to take Gilbert so seriously when he has a voice like that. But, I couldn't help but laugh at Ellen using the props to create sound effects. Oh man, even that sounds bad.
posted by livinglearning at 8:04 PM on May 17, 2012

Just curious: is this more or less his "real" speaking voice? Any clips of him speaking normally / out of character? Love him, and wondering how much of an act the character he portrays is...
posted by Meatbomb at 10:50 PM on May 17, 2012

I remember coming across a file somewhere claiming to be his natural voice. It sounded nothing like the voice we're used to. I'll see if I can find it.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:11 PM on May 17, 2012

Meatbomb: "Just curious: is this more or less his "real" speaking voice? Any clips of him speaking normally / out of character? Love him, and wondering how much of an act the character he portrays is..."

Here's Gilbert using his real voice on the Howard Stern Show. I think there are more examples. He didn't use THE VOICE when he was a Saturday Night Live cast member either.
posted by not_on_display at 11:31 PM on May 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

That shoehorn on a stick link eventually led me to this, which is just wonderful.

Also, kids love a good Gilbert Gottfried impression, take it from me.
posted by davejay at 12:22 AM on May 18, 2012

I wish Shatner would do a dramatic reading of this entire execrable series.

And he would too.
I'll chuck a few bucks into a Kickstarter.
posted by Mezentian at 12:56 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

On reflection: I'll quintuple it if we can get Takei, Nichols and Nimoy to record some character voices.

Al Bester must not sully himself.
posted by Mezentian at 12:58 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay, what the fuck is it about this book? Is it like Anais Nin but more tame insofar nobody's having sex with their father, or something?
posted by angrycat at 6:50 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Fred Armisen has to play Jose in the audiobook, though, because every damn time that ridiculous character appeared in the books, I just heard Armisen saying: "aiiiiii dios mio!" in that on SNL character voice he does.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:57 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

(and for the record, I was encouraged to "take one for the team" and suffer through those books...they were AWFUL!)
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:57 AM on May 18, 2012

I didn't watch the video yet, but read every comment in gilbert's voice in my head.
posted by 0bs01337 at 8:02 AM on May 18, 2012

Can we somehow get Siri to read it?
posted by newdaddy at 8:10 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

> and for the record, I was encouraged to "take one for the team" and suffer through those books

Unless "team" refers to a book club you're in, I'm having a hard time imagining what kind of sport you participate in.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:13 AM on May 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm reading this book right now and in my head the main characters sound like Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Ackroyd in Exit to Eden.

I almost read this as 'Last Exit to Brooklyn'.
posted by ovvl at 8:17 PM on May 18, 2012