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}}} so — ;;;;[blacked out ]] # # # – do you have my (keys)}} ?
June 19, 2012 10:38 AM   Subscribe

Drunk texts from famous authors. (More good ones in the comments)
posted by Potomac Avenue (40 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
Probably my favorite one from the comments:

Dante:
Midway into my night, I let go,
Heard a call from another world. Wait,
Just my cell. Sorry. More grappa, yo.

posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:40 AM on June 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


Also from the comments:

Bukowski:
“Loreen, my stiff just got caught in this door and im bleeding like hell, meet in my place, right now, bring some wine.”

posted by drezdn at 10:44 AM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh my god, the Cheever one is making me so damn happy I could just keel over and die.
posted by palomar at 10:46 AM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


King:
"Noe o self: wrie sory abou auhor held capive by superfan."
"Also: ge new phone wih workig humbboard"
"Chris, jus los the leer afer m"
posted by cortex at 10:49 AM on June 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


as noted in comments, Sappho's use of a Nokia is really adorable!
posted by supermedusa at 11:02 AM on June 19, 2012


rabittt's wfie is out of twon
posted by griphus at 11:10 AM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


cummings was like the Ur-texter. I venture he may have been irked by the modern-day informality of it all, it somehow infringing on his monopoly of half-expressed, uncapitalized thoughtoids.
posted by obscurator at 11:11 AM on June 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


I like to think Roth's books are actually composed of his drunken texts.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:24 AM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Frost is so easy it's probably cheating:

"Miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
...So, yeah, got the wrong bus. How do I get back home from 248th Street?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:25 AM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping on the stain'd bar. Quoth the barman: "No more Amontillado for you, pal."
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:26 AM on June 19, 2012 [13 favorites]


We were somewhere around Barstow wwhen the drugs began to take hold.

All around us there was this screeching and swooping.

Meet us at the Mint?? I think my atourney is getting The Fear!

Thx
HST
posted by Relay at 11:38 AM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


2:12 AM SOREN K
what are u up 2/?

2:13 AM SOREN K
yeah its late whats up

2:15 AM SOREN K
how bout some seducin or whatever
so i kow U got a man but do i rly KNOW it? boyfriend is just a word

2:22 AM SOREN K
just want yr flesh on my flsh carpe deez nuts bitch #yolo

2:37 AM SOREN K
hey this is Soren sorry those last few txts from my buddy J stole my phone ps i love god

posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:46 AM on June 19, 2012 [16 favorites]


Puked in yr
Wheelbarrow
Sry abt
Chickens

WCW, MD
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:49 AM on June 19, 2012 [36 favorites]


i thought it was just gonna be about brett easton ellis and his drunk tweets.
i guess that says more about me that i was confusing texts and twitter.

i think i need to eat lunch now so my brain can function.
posted by sio42 at 11:51 AM on June 19, 2012


Vonnegut -

*?
posted by daedsiluap at 12:14 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Fred N:
"dude check out this video http://philovidz.com/vid/abyss"
"been rewatching it 4 hours, i swear 2 godlessness its so gr8"
posted by cortex at 12:19 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


pissed i said pissed i will Pissed
posted by scody at 12:20 PM on June 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


I was going to do Berryman, but it's pretty much just a copy paste job.
posted by invitapriore at 12:37 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm bein eaten by a boa constic srictor!!!
posted by tilde at 1:22 PM on June 19, 2012


Why is the Sappho/Nokia gag funny?
posted by Keith Talent at 1:31 PM on June 19, 2012


Much of Sappho's poetry exists only in fragments, so there's a lot of lacunae.
posted by griphus at 1:36 PM on June 19, 2012


It's taken me years to neatly fit that word into conversation and I am seriously savoring this here moment.
posted by griphus at 1:37 PM on June 19, 2012 [18 favorites]


I laughed because of that specific phone's style potential as Sapphic imagery above the screen. (work safe link here)
posted by tilde at 1:39 PM on June 19, 2012


DFW:

Okay and so but my sense1 is that ordering a seventh whiskey neat2 may not have been the best decision I've made this evening, and indeed may have been the very worst, with the possible exception of an earlier stumbling attempt to retrieve a dropped toothpick from the men's room floor3.

1. By sense I refer not to any specific perceptual modality but to my overall awareness re: my present lack of sobriety
2. McCarthy's Single Malt Whiskey, Clear Creek Distillery, Oregon
3. Holy shit I'm wasted

posted by dephlogisticated at 1:48 PM on June 19, 2012 [18 favorites]


Beckett:


What am I doing here? Now I shall have to get myself out of this ditch.
posted by lathrop at 2:19 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Why is the Sappho/Nokia gag funny?

A lot of reasons apparently but I thought it was because she is ancient and so is Nokia?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:36 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I like Cheever's best. And if I could think of something to do with it I would start a web 2.0 company called Cheevr.
posted by chavenet at 2:37 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cheevr is a google Maps plug-in that shows you how to get from point A to Point B via a series of swimming pools.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:48 PM on June 19, 2012 [15 favorites]


This is a great concept. Better if you have to guess:
  1. honey sry not coming home i got drunk & slept with my son's gf, dont worry she's a free spirit so she's already with another guy so it won't interfere with our marriage
  2. I woke up a mess of teeth and liquor the world dark around me and another man is dead at my feet. I look at the sky and the light of the city burning is red against the clouds.
posted by sonic meat machine at 4:07 PM on June 19, 2012


The response to Emily is what killed me: "You went out?"
posted by koucha at 5:08 PM on June 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


Rilke:
She kissed me more than twice,then died on me, so I got drunk and climbed up on the greenhouse roof to tell the world what a bitch she is. Fell thru the glass, and the old man's gonna beat me with that belt. Damn.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:50 PM on June 19, 2012


I think there was an anecdote in Witness to the Fire where Jack London would write exactly 1000 words before his first drink of the day. He would stop writing in mid-sentence in order to meet his mark.
posted by ovvl at 6:17 PM on June 19, 2012


Salinger:
The place is lousy with phonies and this crumby kid bartender with acne just talks and talks and does not serve me my whisky sour. I'll be at the carousel. Bananafish? WTF?
posted by kneecapped at 8:46 PM on June 19, 2012


hey abe this is carl check it the flog coms in in littl cat feet get it o wait your dead nm
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:11 PM on June 19, 2012


Worth it for Paul Celan. Coulda maybe mentioned counting almonds at the bar, but great anyway.
posted by ifjuly at 9:28 PM on June 19, 2012


Camus:

Yo!

What?

Yo!

Who is this?

I'm at the beach, yo!

Leave me alone.

LOL texting random number.
posted by Elmore at 11:34 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Franzen:

Dude, there are so many co-eds here! you have to come out!!!
posted by minifigs at 3:33 AM on June 20, 2012


Prof Antolini - stuck at motel with phony, forgot $. Can I crash there? LMK. HC
posted by obscurator at 7:35 AM on June 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


12:34 AM: `Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

12:35 AM: Damn you, autocorrect.
posted by coppermoss at 8:43 AM on June 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Neal - Milling in doorway of saloon, weird town. Need a ride 2 Denver, U left yet? Met a girl, u might already know her. Can't rmmbr last night, you go mad again? Sal
posted by obscurator at 2:37 PM on June 20, 2012


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