Contortionists Unite!

August 6, 2012 9:20 AM

Contortionists Unite! is a public network for professional contortionists, where they can exchange photos, videos, and advice. Want to hire a contortionist, aerialist, or circus performer? Be prepared to offer what they're worth.
posted by hermitosis (28 comments total)

COME ON CONTORTIONISTS: STOP BENDING OVER BACKWARDS TO GET WORK!
posted by MuffinMan at 9:23 AM on August 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

Great. Another thing to add to all that liberal guilt.

Like being complicit in the genocide of indigenous peoples and using incandescent bulbs wasn't enough. Now I'm exploiting contortionists.
posted by Naberius at 9:26 AM on August 6, 2012

Contortionists Untie!
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 9:29 AM on August 6, 2012 [14 favorites]

I actually have a call out right now for Circus/Contortionist/Vaudeville people. It's unpaid cause it's a quasi personal portfolio thing and also cause I rented the studio and such, but having done unpaid work before, I'm trying to make it as easy as possible to just show up, get shot, and leave and easy to get to and not holding people there and having free food.
posted by The Whelk at 9:29 AM on August 6, 2012

Be prepared to offer what they're worth.

I assume they are flexible on price?
posted by Forktine at 9:33 AM on August 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

Want to hire a contortionist?

No. No I do not...
posted by Windopaene at 9:35 AM on August 6, 2012

I have no idea how these people got there ________ wedged into their _______ .....


also:
we charge a “shenanigans” tax when we have to work with unpleasant people,


I fully endorse charging a shenanigans tax - I used to call mine a "bitch tax" but same idea.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:43 AM on August 6, 2012

The site helps them get a leg up.
posted by Roentgen at 9:44 AM on August 6, 2012

That is good advice. Doing things "because you love it so" is an excellent way to never get paid for doing that something. Which is OK, if you don't want to get paid, but not so great if other people reasonably want to get paid.

See "MetaFilter on Interns" in any one of many FPPs
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:54 AM on August 6, 2012

This site is 1/3 of a seemingly difficult, but not really once you stretch a little, step toward a Rule 34 dating site for the ultra-limber and their fans.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:12 AM on August 6, 2012

I remember one Christmas sitting around with my family watching a behind-the-scenes show on cirque de soleil (sic?), and someone was talking about their first coach, and we were imagining what their job was like:
" Bend!
Keep bending!
Bend more!
Okay, that's got it."

I realize there's certainly much more to it, but it was funny to imagine.
posted by Red Loop at 10:15 AM on August 6, 2012

I realize there's certainly much more to it...

Seriously. It's more like:

bend
now look enigmatic
but don't stop bending
enigma!
a little more bending
smile but then quickly frown
bend a little
end with a puzzled face
posted by DU at 10:26 AM on August 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Great. Another thing to add to all that liberal guilt.

Well don't get all bent out of shape about it.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:27 AM on August 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Being a professional contortionist is knot all it's cracked up to be.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:38 AM on August 6, 2012

Yes, had a friend who worked as a cut-price contortionist and it ended up with him living out of a suitcase.
posted by Abiezer at 10:39 AM on August 6, 2012 [9 favorites]

This conversation is getting pretty strained. I mean, some of these comments are a real reach.
posted by gauche at 10:53 AM on August 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's hard to get noticed for your work when you're surrounded by a bunch of ass-kissers.
posted by hermitosis at 10:56 AM on August 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

An old Mad magazine joke tells us that Filipino contortionists are "Manila Folders."
posted by Tube at 11:00 AM on August 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Dyslexic Contortionists Untie!
posted by Splunge at 11:17 AM on August 6, 2012

Choose this vocation and you'll be following a crooked path.
posted by hal9k at 11:25 AM on August 6, 2012

Beautiful.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:35 AM on August 6, 2012

Dammit. Now I want a pretzel.
posted by papercake at 11:50 AM on August 6, 2012

This site is a valuable resource in case you and two friends are ever entangled in the dreaded Siamese Human Knot.

The trick is reaching your smartphone while tied in it.
posted by delfin at 12:58 PM on August 6, 2012

Years ago I saw a contortionist at the Big Apple Circus whose act consisted of getting into a box. One of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

This isn't the same person, but you'll get the drift (starting at about 1:40). I think the guy I saw could close his own box.
posted by rtimmel at 2:43 PM on August 6, 2012

I actually worked with the "pay me what I'm worth" aerialist a few years back. A total delight to work with, and an amazing performer.
posted by mollymayhem at 6:42 PM on August 6, 2012

What no Contortions jokes yet?
posted by PHINC at 9:51 PM on August 6, 2012

I'd put money down for a cash prizes for a contortionists' invitational Twister tournament. If I had money.
posted by Anything at 1:28 AM on August 7, 2012

I did contortion classes for a little while (I'm still a n00b). There were a LOT of burpees, quite a bit of tumbling, and a lot of handstands (which I was crap at).
posted by divabat at 7:06 PM on August 7, 2012