Now usually I don't do this but uh....

September 10, 2012 10:38 AM

The Jehovah's Witnesses produced an anti-masturbation video for the hard of hearing. And here it is mashed up with R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)". (SLYT)
posted by 2bucksplus (95 comments total)

The consequence of blindness cannot be overstated to the signing community.
posted by zippy at 10:44 AM on September 10, 2012 [47 favorites]

I didn't know there was so many ways to sign "masturbating".
posted by andoatnp at 10:45 AM on September 10, 2012

If you want more Ignition (Remix), and who wouldn't?, here's Young the Giant's cover.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:46 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Original footage.

And the full listing of Jehovah's Witness anti-masturbation videos in ASL.
posted by mediareport at 10:48 AM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

For completeness's sake, I present a classic among a few of my hearing non-signer friends, Ignition (Remix) in ASL.
posted by knile at 10:50 AM on September 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

And, because it's always relevant, here are John Darnielle's 100 Reasons Why "Ignition (Remix)" Is So Damned Great.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:51 AM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

Since this is something I'd really rather not google at work, can someone give me a (presumably hilarious) breakdown of the JW antiwank stance?
posted by elizardbits at 10:54 AM on September 10, 2012

for, uh. research purposes.
posted by elizardbits at 10:54 AM on September 10, 2012

Could anyone point to a transcript of what the ASL is saying? I'm curious.
posted by daHIFI at 10:57 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like when the white guy 'popped' to the "Cristal poppin'" line.
posted by muddgirl at 10:57 AM on September 10, 2012

elizardbits, I don't recall all the finer points, but the gist of the Witnesses' anti-masturbation stance is that it is a sin, and that it increases sexual desire such that masturbators are more likely to commit other forms of sexual misconduct. This is pretty common in Christianity. For the JW's, the doctrine isn't based on Onan, which is the text that Catholics use as evidence of a Biblical prohibition on masturbation.
posted by chrchr at 11:00 AM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

That was beautiful.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 11:00 AM on September 10, 2012

Awesome mashup, the facial expressions on the man doing the sign language totally sell the piece.
posted by vuron at 11:02 AM on September 10, 2012 [10 favorites]

I appreciate the organic, genius "put that to this" of the original mashup and how well it works, but I also put out props to this mash-up which really brings it home.

Also, in terms of the pinnacle of signing some booty-thrashin' music, nothing has yet topped (for me), this video of the ASL interpreter at Bumbershoot 2009 doing "My Humps". (Her name is Pam Parham).
posted by jscott at 11:04 AM on September 10, 2012 [8 favorites]

When I start a gang, our gang sign is going to be the sign for female masturbation. Because that shit is sick.
posted by ColdChef at 11:05 AM on September 10, 2012 [16 favorites]

Also: the face he makes during the "masturbation" sign.
posted by ColdChef at 11:07 AM on September 10, 2012 [6 favorites]

That was amazing. The 50 Cent mashup of the same was entertaining as well.
posted by ndfine at 11:17 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I didn't know there was so many ways to sign "masturbating".

I had no idea that the signs for masturbating would be so very literal. I don't speak ASL, but I knew exactly what he was saying when he was talking about men and women masturbating. If I were deaf, I don't think I could EVER talk about masturbation in public. It's bad enough saying the English word, but the ASL is too real.
posted by jb at 11:19 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh superb. The wanker sign is classic, but I'm guessing the one that always follows it is the female version? Neato.
posted by Jehan at 11:22 AM on September 10, 2012

It's bad enough saying the English word

Baby steps, baby steps. Try practicing with "Wankel Rotary Engine" until you feel comfortable with that...
posted by yoink at 11:24 AM on September 10, 2012 [17 favorites]

jb: "I had no idea that the signs for masturbating would be so very literal. I don't speak ASL, but I knew exactly what he was saying when he was talking about men and women masturbating. If I were deaf, I don't think I could EVER talk about masturbation in public. It's bad enough saying the English word, but the ASL is too real."

I'd be really interested to learn about the use (and translation) of euphemisms in ASL. Because in English, while you wouldn't use the word "masturbation" in public, people talk about it using other terms fairly regularly.
posted by specialagentwebb at 11:25 AM on September 10, 2012

For anyone fluent in ASL: does this mean there is no gender-neutral sign for "masturbation"? Does ASL regard "male masturbation" and "female masturbation" as distinct phenomena? Or is the JW video just being very sure to touch all the bases...so to speak.
posted by yoink at 11:26 AM on September 10, 2012

I like that the female masturbation sign is with the middle and ring fingers. Those, I believe, are the best fingers to use if you'd like to achieve a squirting orgasm. He should've indicate that with a special sign I guess.
posted by ReeMonster at 11:33 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I thought the preferred internet term for female masturbation was schlicking or have I been on 4chan a bit too much recently?
posted by vuron at 11:34 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

For folks who want to try matching the signing in the original footage with text, it's probably a straight ASL translation of pages 218-19 in the Appendix of the "Keep Yourselves in God's Love" booklet, which you can download as a pdf here: http://download.jw.org/files/media_books/lv_E.pdf. It's pretty standard stuff:

Gain the Victory Over Masturbation

A spiritually unhealthy habit, masturbation instills attitudes that foster self-centeredness and corrupt the mind.* A masturbator may also grow to view others as mere sex objects—tools for sexual satisfaction. Sex becomes separated from love and is relegated to a reflex that gives momentary pleasure and relieves sexual tension. But that relief is only temporary. In reality, instead of deadening the body’s members “as respects fornication, uncleanness, [and improper] sexual appetite,” masturbation arouses them. —Colossians 3:5....

There's a few more paragraphs, but the videos on the page I linked look like straight translations of the chapters in that booklet, so those two pages are probably what the awesome ASL guy is translating in the footage that got remixed.
posted by mediareport at 11:34 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Because in English, while you wouldn't use the word "masturbation" in public

You wouldn't? OMG I HAVE BEEN DOING EVERYTHING WRONG

For anyone fluent in ASL: does this mean there is no gender-neutral sign for "masturbation"?

I am not fluent, but I was taught these signs in class and was not taught a gender-neutral version. This particular class was for working with D/deaf clients in healthcare settings, so my guess is that if there is a gender-neutral sign, it's a slang usage.

I have a lot of Thoughts about the JW's proselytizing to D/deaf people, but I'm not sure this is the thread for them or if anyone cares.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:35 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

@yoink - Apparently not
posted by starvingartist at 11:35 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also: the face he makes during the "masturbation" sign.

The face is part of the sign. I mean, I think he's on the melodramatic side in general, but the face is part of the sign.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:36 AM on September 10, 2012 [7 favorites]

The face is part of the sign. I mean, I think he's on the melodramatic side in general, but the face is part of the sign.

Yeah, we had to take a year of ASL in middle school and this was drilled into us. But really, this dude is very into signing about masturbation.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 11:47 AM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

@yoink - Apparently not

Thanks. I clicked on the link and then clicked on "male masturbation" and got this:

This is potentially a mature sign. To view the sign you must have a full member account on Signing Savvy. As a member, you have the ability to show or hide mature signs based on your preference.

There's something interesting about being able to look the English word up quite happily, but needing to sign in and demonstrate 'maturity' to see the sign. I guess it just points to the way that words in ASL are more often tied iconically to their meanings than words in spoken languages are. I wonder if that is particularly true of relatively low-frequency action-related words.

Fascinating that you can't talk of ungendered masturbation. I wonder if in typical usage the male masturbation sign simply gets to stand for masturbation-in-general or if this signer's practice of alternating the signs is more typical.
posted by yoink at 11:47 AM on September 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

I have a lot of Thoughts about the JW's proselytizing to D/deaf people, but I'm not sure this is the thread for them or if anyone cares.

Inquiring minds want to know. (I want to know.)
posted by roger ackroyd at 11:49 AM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

I wonder if in typical usage the male masturbation sign simply gets to stand for masturbation-in-general or if this signer's practice of alternating the signs is more typical.

Alternating the signs is what we were taught to do in the class I mentioned. The only time I have personally seen someone use a euphemism for masturbation was when we saw a video where someone fingerspelled "solo sex" at which the class's teacher (a Deaf man) rolled his eyes in despair.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:49 AM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

Since this is something I'd really rather not google at work, can someone give me a (presumably hilarious) breakdown of the JW antiwank stance?

From what I can tell, it's really about time management. They clearly point out how your schedule just won't permit it; you leave the show for the afterparty, then you're at the hotel lobby where you're obligated to be until around 4. You've then got commitments to clear the lobby and freak somebody? That's a pretty tight schedule to fit in a good wank.
posted by Rodrigo Lamaitre at 11:51 AM on September 10, 2012 [34 favorites]

The brief version of my thoughts is that I think that the Jehovah's Witness hierarchy in the US have created a conscious policy of proselytizing to socially marginalized, low-income, low-formal-education groups, and that they have identified the D/deaf community as one of their highest-opportunity targets because, yeah, the US does a shitty job of integrating D/deaf people into mainstream social communities, employment opportunities, and formal education. To me, this seems coldblooded. Although I know a lot of amazing people who are active Witnesses, I find the decisions of the hierarchy troubling.

D/deaf people I know in the Boston area community are concerned that JW organizations are running "false flag" outreaches that claim to provide D/deaf folks with useful services but that turn into proselytizing opportunities. I cannot personally speak to the accuracy or relevance of those concerns, but they are out there. I'll try to find some stuff written by D/deaf activists about their concerns.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:55 AM on September 10, 2012 [9 favorites]

Pedantic moment: False flag would have an additional layer of deception. It would be the JW's pretending to be Sally Anne's and running a crappy outreach.

In defense of the JW's (probably the first and last time of my life...); I was brought up evangelical. Our organization also did a lot of outreach to various marginalized, etc. groups, but the people who did it, did it because they felt that those groups most needed the help. So while I deeply disapprove of their beliefs, I think their motives have a large dose of good-motives. It does also work, which is why they continue to use it; if the outreach universally failed when they tried it, they would not have continued. Even the most hardened believe knows when they have banged their head off the wall too many times, though it can take a lot of times indeed.
posted by Bovine Love at 12:07 PM on September 10, 2012

In practice, there's often a pretty fuzzy line between "targeting" marginalized people and making an extra effort to welcome and reach out to marginalized people. The Salvation Army, Mother Teresa, Gustavo Gutierrez's "preferential option for the poor," Catholic Hospitals, all can be accused of having mixed motives in reaching out to people who are in poor, marginalized, in need.
posted by straight at 12:09 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

They are not making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize this enough.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:17 PM on September 10, 2012

In before the rest of the Internet:

Psy's Gangnam Style dubbed over the ASL anti-masturbation vid

(Silence the first video and turn up the volume on the 2nd)
posted by FJT at 12:19 PM on September 10, 2012 [8 favorites]

Baby steps, baby steps. Try practicing with "Wankel Rotary Engine" until you feel comfortable with that...

I did, and now let's just say my Mazda doesn't run right and I really need to see a doctor.
posted by arto at 12:19 PM on September 10, 2012 [16 favorites]

Thanks to YouTube, I learned there's a sign for mutual male masturbation (NSFW, unless you are on the set of Backdoor Boys 7)
posted by zippy at 12:22 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

2 Questions which demonstrate that I'm ignorant about R&B, even though I grew up in the correct decade:

(1) Is there actually a non-remixed "Ignition"?
(2) Is it possible to find it on the internet?

"R. Kelly Ignition" just brings up the remix.
posted by muddgirl at 12:25 PM on September 10, 2012

This is really amusing considering what I was doing about three minutes ago.
posted by ZaneJ. at 12:26 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can anyone tell me what the "wiping something off the lapel" sign means? Careful where you aim?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:28 PM on September 10, 2012

This is really amusing considering what I was doing about three minutes ago.

Working on your Mazda?
posted by yoink at 12:28 PM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

Nevermind, I just listened to the sample of "Ignition (non-remix)" on Amazon.
posted by muddgirl at 12:30 PM on September 10, 2012

Guy's going to grow hair on his psalms.
posted by pracowity at 12:30 PM on September 10, 2012 [10 favorites]

muddgirl:

(1) Is there actually a non-remixed "Ignition"?
(2) Is it possible to find it on the internet?

Yes and yes. It's a testament to how awesome "Ignition (Remix)" is. It went back in time and practically erased the original song it was remixed from from history.
posted by mhum at 12:30 PM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

This is really amusing considering what I was doing about three minutes ago.

Distributing The Watchtower?
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:30 PM on September 10, 2012 [15 favorites]

Bovine Love: In defense of the JW's (probably the first and last time of my life...); I was brought up evangelical. Our organization also did a lot of outreach to various marginalized, etc. groups, but the people who did it, did it because they felt that those groups most needed the help. So while I deeply disapprove of their beliefs, I think their motives have a large dose of good-motives.

The same can be said of the Conquistadors enslaving and force-baptising Native Americans.

It does also work, which is why they continue to use it; if the outreach universally failed when they tried it, they would not have continued. Even the most hardened believe knows when they have banged their head off the wall too many times, though it can take a lot of times indeed.

Ditto: the NAs did become Christians.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:34 PM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

That was comedy genius.

What's the ASL for a high five followed by a round of applause and topped off with a facepalm?
posted by MuffinMan at 12:41 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

IAmBroom, I was responding to the comment that "To me, this seems coldblooded" by Sidhedevil. I'm not suggesting that the outcome is good or right, but that the motives may be good and not "cold blooded". Of course, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
posted by Bovine Love at 12:53 PM on September 10, 2012

Distributing The Watchtower?

BEST EUPHEMISM EVARRRRRRR
posted by palomar at 12:54 PM on September 10, 2012 [16 favorites]

He looks like he's having an attack of The Vapors.

You know the one I mean.
posted by Decani at 12:56 PM on September 10, 2012

Distributing The Watchtower?

BEST EUPHEMISM EVARRRRRRR

Or perhaps "Handing out The Watchtower"?
posted by aught at 1:01 PM on September 10, 2012 [5 favorites]

For anyone fluent in ASL: does this mean there is no gender-neutral sign for "masturbation"?

Makes me wonder how you sign "mutual masturbation."
posted by zzazazz at 1:05 PM on September 10, 2012

I was responding to the comment that "To me, this seems coldblooded" by Sidhedevil. I'm not suggesting that the outcome is good or right, but that the motives may be good and not "cold blooded".

My opinion, based on what I have read and experienced about the decision-making philosophies of the current JW hierarchy, is that it is cold-blooded. Of course that is my opinion and others might say the same about many other religious and other non-profit organizations' outreach initiatives. But I am basing the "cold-blooded" thing not just on who is being reached out to, but on my sense of why that group has been identified and how the outreach is managed.

I do think more religious organizations should actively court D/deaf worshippers, even with simple accommodations like offering ASL interpretation at services.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:05 PM on September 10, 2012

Makes me wonder how you sign "mutual masturbation."

You use two hands, arms crossed at the wrist. Each hand denotes the activity of one partner. So two ladies masturbating together are the little finger trill; two gents masturbating together are the wank gesture; one of each masturbating together are one trill, one wank.

I suppose if you're talking about a big group activity you simply add a number indicator. Sadly, perhaps, none of the D/deaf people I know ever dish about their orgies to me.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:10 PM on September 10, 2012 [7 favorites]

muddgirl, previously.
posted by knile at 1:42 PM on September 10, 2012

"D/deaf" is something I was unware of before this thread. So thanks for that at least.
posted by jepler at 1:52 PM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

it takes Metafilter to ignite my rage filter not for having a mashup about masturbation but because there's so many people swooning over R. Kelly. i've never liked his music :P
posted by liza at 1:57 PM on September 10, 2012

Actually Mhum, I believe the case has been made in previous threads that Ignition (Remix) is actually a completely new song about listening to the Ignition Remix on the radio. Oddly enough the actually remix to ignition doesn't actually exist except possibly in R Kelly's head. You could probably argue that R Kelly didn't really mean for Ignition Remix to be about a third as yet unheard song but let's be honest R Kelly is kinda crazy.
posted by vuron at 2:00 PM on September 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

So no hat tip to R Kelly himself in the form of hearing-impaired underage girls?
posted by jfuller at 2:03 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

You use two hands, arms crossed at the wrist. Each hand denotes the activity of one partner... two gents masturbating together are the wank gesture.

This is awesome. Everyone should try to make this sign in the mirror and try not to speed up whilst grinning.
posted by cromagnon at 2:15 PM on September 10, 2012

Fascinating that you can't talk of ungendered masturbation. I wonder if in typical usage the male masturbation sign simply gets to stand for masturbation-in-general or if this signer's practice of alternating the signs is more typical.

You know, that is fascinating. It has me wondering if any other languages lack a gender neutral word (apart from inflection, of course).
posted by Jehan at 2:21 PM on September 10, 2012

You could probably argue that R Kelly didn't really mean for Ignition Remix to be about a third as yet unheard song but let's be honest R Kelly is kinda crazy.

I 100% believe that Ignition (Remix) is a song about a remix to Ignition that doesn't exist. I also 100% believe that R. Kelly knows what he's doing. The man loves, loves, loves frame narratives. He's got a song that's supposed to be his voicemail greeting. He's got a song that's him calling in to a radio to make a song request (spoiler alert: the song he requests is him singing into the phone). He's got a track on Double Up that's really a spoken word piece where he's acting out half of an argument, like one of those Bob Newhart phone routines. Trapped in the Closet has about 4 different levels of narrative, and multiple narrators who are all R. Kelly. That's leaving aside his mini-genre of songs that are just as many themed sex puns as he can throw together.

Even his less gimmicky work interacts in interesting ways with the narratives floating around him and his life. U Saved Me is ostensibly three different vignettes about people who need God's help to struggle through difficult times (also, the video involves him pantomiming a whole bunch of stuff on a stage, which is delightful in its own way), but that came out right after he'd been accused of statutory rape, so there's also a hint of cynicism to it that makes it difficult to tell if he's just churching up his image in the most grotesque possible way or if he's completely oblivious. Another example is from the unspeakably tragic and beautiful I Wish remix, To the Homies That We Lost, where he starts to directly implore radio censors to leave his words in the song. Of course, in the cruellest irony of all, his official YouTube copy of that song is heavily censored.

So, yeah, I believe that R. Kelly knows exactly what he's doing with Ignition (Remix), because it's exactly like a whole bunch of other stuff he's done. He is a terrible, strange, troubled person, but there is no doubt in my mind that he's always in on the joke as far as his own music is concerned.
posted by Copronymus at 2:27 PM on September 10, 2012 [23 favorites]

From the John Darnielle link:

I NEED TO HEAR THIS SONG SO MUTHERFUCKIN' BAD!

Goddamnit! Why I have I not heard this yet. Who DENIES me?

I completely forgot that in 2003 you couldn't just Youtube a song you'd never heard before and get the official video, the lyrics video, and as many covers/remixes/mashups as you could handle.
posted by muddgirl at 3:05 PM on September 10, 2012

MetaFilter: Multiple narrators who are all R. Kelly.

(I know. I know. I'll stop. That one was just too good to pass up.)
posted by vibrotronica at 3:19 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

...and what if we really are all R. Kelly?
posted by vibrotronica at 3:20 PM on September 10, 2012

You know, that video's even funnier if you watch it with the sound off.

Andy Hamilton (a British comedian) once claimed that he'd been watching a signer translating a speech which he knew was heading towards the topic of Bill Clinton. This was in the aftermath of the Monica Lewinski scandal, so Hamilton waited with interest to see how the signer conveyed Clinton's name. Closer and closer the moment came, then finally Clinton's name was mentioned and...

The signer mimed unzipping his fly and quickly zipping it up again.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:25 PM on September 10, 2012

Push It is pretty amazing, also.
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:43 PM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

previously on metafilter. by that i mean signing of the actual songs. my favorite comments, especially that guy ewitteborg on youtube. he dances when he signs.
posted by twist my arm at 4:10 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

The ASL signs for masturbation are much, much funnier than I thought they would be.
posted by kate blank at 4:33 PM on September 10, 2012

previously on metafilter. by that i mean signing of the actual songs.

I made a post with a bunch of these too, a ways back and it's cool to see that so many of them are still up. My favorite song that is relevant to this video (which I simultaneously loved and also have reservations along the lines of Sidhedevil's) is Keith Wann who is a CODA (child of deaf adults) who does a sort of comedy routine out of the overlap between ASL and songs like Baby Got Back and Ice Ice Baby
posted by jessamyn at 5:25 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Psy's Gangnam Style dubbed over the ASL anti-masturbation vid

Doesn't work, I'm afraid. Despite having watched it a million times, my eye still keeps being drawn to the awesomeness that is Psy.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:44 PM on September 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

This is much, much better than I was expecting. Thank you Internet.
posted by Fig at 7:04 PM on September 10, 2012

For what it's worth, I love both versions Ignition.. and I think I prefer the original more. It's got a gospel flavor to it.
posted by ReeMonster at 7:31 PM on September 10, 2012

I could watch this all day. It just mystifies and enchants for some reason. And it doesn't help that "Ignition" is my guilty pleasure song.
posted by bookwibble at 7:36 PM on September 10, 2012

Masturbation: God's Great Gift to us
posted by unliteral at 8:22 PM on September 10, 2012

Pedantic moment: False flag would have an additional layer of deception. It would be the JW's pretending to be Sally Anne's and running a crappy outreach.

But that scenario pretty much hits the nail. JW's don't really believe in charity. They actually feel that most charitable organizations are bad. Why? They believe that the earthly realm as it currently exists is essentially the domain of Satan, and so that any attempt at hidden-motive-free charity is an attempt to help Satan patch up his leaky ship of state. For them, charity serves one of three goals: 1) To convince people that they are charitable 2) to serve as a backdoor method of proselytization 3) to adhere to Jehovah God's commandments, insofar as doing door-to-door witnessing can be considered "charity." So a JW would almost never just go volunteer at a soup kitchen (especially not if it's run by another faith) or read to old folks at the library. It's a waste of time when they can be doing more important stuff like handing out magazines to unwilling passersby.

Sidhedevil has it exactly right. JW's do seek out low-status individuals. They even strongly discourage their own children from attending college, in part because it's considered a waste of time and a vote of confidence in a failing Satanic order, in part because they believe that education, especially Philosophy and Logic, will lead you to question their religious teachings and methodology, in part because education leads to higher income, which opens up avenues for self fulfillment and makes it less likely that the Kingdom Hall will be the highlight of your existence, and in part because the more socially and intellectually isolated you remain, the more that you will feel that you have no where else to go. The deaf community tends to be less educated, more insular, and have lower income, so many are already primed to be model JWs.
posted by xigxag at 9:21 PM on September 10, 2012 [4 favorites]

That was much better than I thought it would be.
posted by PHINC at 10:52 PM on September 10, 2012

I literally squealed in glee and clapped my hands together. At my desk. This is the best thing. I keep thinking "but the expressive man isn't actually doing anything in time with the song" and then I think "shut up, he just did the wanking-dude and lady-wank combo and it's R. Kelly singing about a song that doesn't exist but is sexy", and I am happy.

I may be sleep deprived.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:06 AM on September 11, 2012

watching "barbie girl" from jessamyn's old post (shut up), saw a crossed-wrist sign that miiiiight kinda look related to mutual masturbation if you squint real hard (for the lyrics "hanky panky"). unfortunately the sound on the "mutual" link was way low so when i went back to the barbie girl video it blasted COME ON BARBIE LET'S GO PARTY and it is 2:30 in the am, nobody needs to wake up to that shit. sorry, familia.
posted by twist my arm at 12:55 AM on September 11, 2012

saw a crossed-wrist sign that miiiiight kinda look related to mutual masturbation if you squint real hard

Oppa Gangnam Style!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:04 AM on September 11, 2012

dude you have that shit on the brain now
posted by twist my arm at 3:18 AM on September 11, 2012

I can understand that ASL includes facial cues to imply tone... but why the hell does he feel compelled to loll his tongue every single time he signs either masturbation sign?

From the reddit thread, this gif is magical.

Also, a serious question: do D/deaf people prefer to watch videos of ASL translations? I figure that any video of, essentially, a sermon or lesson with no visual aids would primarily find value in its audio track; I could listen to it while I do other things, instead of having to read it. A D/deaf person can't listen to it, so wouldn't they just as well prefer to read it? Hell, I prefer to read transcriptions since it's faster than listening to/watching videos most of the time.
posted by disillusioned at 3:26 AM on September 11, 2012

For what it's worth, I love both versions Ignition.. and I think I prefer the original more. It's got a gospel flavor to it.

I've listened to the original a couple times now (when Chocolate Factory was released, I was past my pop music stage and into pretentious American indie rock) and it definitely has its charms. I love how devoted R. Kelly is to the metaphor.
posted by muddgirl at 7:27 AM on September 11, 2012

They even strongly discourage their own children from attending college, in part because it's considered a waste of time and a vote of confidence in a failing Satanic order, in part because they believe that education, especially Philosophy and Logic, will lead you to question their religious teachings and methodology, in part because education leads to higher income, which opens up avenues for self fulfillment and makes it less likely that the Kingdom Hall will be the highlight of your existence, and in part because the more socially and intellectually isolated you remain, the more that you will feel that you have no where else to go.

I can attest to this, having been a member (sort of) as a teenager. That was the reason I snapped out of it and left the church. They told me (essentially) to choose between being a missionary for them and going to college. The choice was not even remotely a hard one.
posted by blucevalo at 9:13 AM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

muddgirl: “I've listened to the original a couple times now (when Chocolate Factory was released, I was past my pop music stage and into pretentious American indie rock) and it definitely has its charms. I love how devoted R. Kelly is to the metaphor.”

For what it's worth, "Ignition (Remix)" is not a remix of "Ignition" in any way at all. It's a "preview of the remix;" it was recorded before "Ignition" was. That is: the title is an ironic joke. "Ignition" is actually a (sort of) remix of "Ignition (Remix)."
posted by koeselitz at 10:52 AM on September 11, 2012

it was recorded before "Ignition" was.

I have to call it the original "Ignition" because "Ignition (Remix)" was so often marketed as just "Ignition". So it's confusing to try to refer to or locate "Ignition-not-subtitled-remix".
posted by muddgirl at 10:59 AM on September 11, 2012

Yeah – that makes sense. Either way, R Kelly = funny guy.
posted by koeselitz at 11:02 AM on September 11, 2012

R Kelly Wants Deaf Peop..."
This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania.

party poopers.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:05 PM on September 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

It's back up here.
posted by colt45 at 6:21 PM on September 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

party poopers.

Two Witnesses, one Grail?
posted by zippy at 1:56 PM on September 13, 2012

Funny or Die has it still! Here
posted by wemayfreeze at 8:57 PM on September 22, 2012

For what it's worth, "Ignition (Remix)" is not a remix of "Ignition" in any way at all. It's a "preview of the remix;" it was recorded before "Ignition" was. That is: the title is an ironic joke. "Ignition" is actually a (sort of) remix of "Ignition (Remix)."

Ye gods. Who was producing this, Professor Stephen Hawking? It's like anti-tachyon rap.
posted by running order squabble fest at 11:10 AM on September 23, 2012 [1 favorite]