Flowers are very pretty
September 11, 2012 2:49 PM   Subscribe

Bob Staake's bad children's books.
posted by Chrysostom (37 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
His Look! A Book! is a favorite at our house, but I didn't find the pedophilia theme running through these joke books particularly clever or funny.
posted by not that girl at 2:55 PM on September 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


but I didn't find the pedophilia theme running through these joke books particularly clever or funny.

Whereas I did (although they were perhaps a little overdone).
posted by Bookhouse at 3:04 PM on September 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


"The Five Alarm Fire in Captain Joe's Pants" feels like it should be the title for an actual gay porn flick. Something involving getting out your firehouse and dousing these flames.
posted by Noms_Tiem at 3:05 PM on September 11, 2012


I had a good portion of the little golden books shown here...
posted by Phalene at 3:11 PM on September 11, 2012


Love the Dead Whales book. Pitch-perfect.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:14 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dead Whales Can't Wave Back sounds real.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 3:14 PM on September 11, 2012


What happens if you give a cyclops a kitten? I must know!
posted by brundlefly at 3:14 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dammit Thorzdad!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 3:15 PM on September 11, 2012


I would totally read Green Eggs and Ham on Rye.
posted by asnider at 3:18 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Worth it for When Will You Die of Cancer? alone...
posted by wittgenstein at 3:20 PM on September 11, 2012


I was expecting "Goodnight Moon" or "Runaway Bunny".
posted by Slothrup at 3:39 PM on September 11, 2012


but I didn't find the pedophilia theme running through these joke books particularly clever or funny.

I think the recurrent pedophilia theme in the "let's mock the covers of children's books" genre of humor is rooted in the question, "Who thought this art was a good idea?" or maybe the observation, "I'm sorry, but you're no Norman Rockwell".

In other news, I had no idea that the model for that photo was a real live Massachusetts state police officer or that he died earlier this year...

.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:43 PM on September 11, 2012


What happens if you give a cyclops a kitten? I must know!

No one knows what it's like
To see the things that I've seen
A kitty that loves to preen
Graffiti on my house that is obscene
An angry mob outside that likes to scream
Behind blue eye
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:03 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had a good portion of the little golden books shown here...

Oh so did I, which makes them even more hilarious to me. There is something very mockable about the Little Golden Books. Fido Finds a Dildo! Hah!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:08 PM on September 11, 2012


"Theme"? I see two jokes. Although comments here are making me think others are able to read the fake books somehow? I just see covers.
posted by DU at 4:08 PM on September 11, 2012


DU, I count 4: Timmy & Officer Sandusky, the fire in Captain Joe's pants, Billy is the Monsignor's favorite, and the wood love dolls.
posted by girandole at 4:27 PM on September 11, 2012


Although comments here are making me think others are able to read the fake books somehow?

Nope, just the covers. I'm not sure which comments made you think otherwise.
posted by asnider at 4:30 PM on September 11, 2012


A friend of mine, inspired by a Strong Bad email, once defaced a Little Golden Book.
posted by darksasami at 4:31 PM on September 11, 2012


What happens if you give a cyclops a kitten? I must know!

He's going to ask for a glass of milk, of course!
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:36 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


What happens if you give a cyclops a kitten? I must know!

Well, something about the picture screamed "Lenny's puppy" if you get my drift.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:54 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yep, I'm definitely not seeing everything. I see no Monsignor cover and I scanned like 4 times. No wait...I finally found it. The Jewish violin and Evil Twins kept distracting me.

The wood love doll isn't a pedophilia joke, it's a Real Doll joke.
posted by DU at 4:59 PM on September 11, 2012


The wood love doll isn't a pedophilia joke

Pinocchio begs to differ.
posted by asnider at 5:25 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pinocchio begs to differ.

"Your words say "no," but your nose says, "yes."
posted by louche mustachio at 5:29 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think the recurrent pedophilia theme in the "let's mock the covers of children's books" genre of humor is rooted in the question, "Who thought this art was a good idea?" or maybe the observation, "I'm sorry, but you're no Norman Rockwell".

Maybe I'm overly sentimental when it comes to children's book artists, but this joke actually kind of upsets me. Eloise Wilkin, f'rinstance? A very talented lady. Her books were beautiful, other worldly, just a touch kitsch and weird but also very tender and real, able to perfectly capture both the emotions of an age (namely 3 or 4) and the era in which she was working. Try as I might, I just can never get behind such cynicism inserted into such otherwise earnest work.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:53 PM on September 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


I'm passing on this one. After too many SpongeBob and Fairy Barbie and overly violent Lego Ninja books (brought home from the library under protest) I have reaffirmed my not just nostalgia but real affection for at least some of the Golden Books being made fun of here.
posted by newdaddy at 6:31 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


PhoBWanKenobi: Eloise Wilkin, f'rinstance? A very talented lady. Her books were beautiful, other worldly, just a touch kitsch and weird

Just a touch? Did you see Baby Dear?

For those who haven't had the pleasure of perusing Baby Dear, here's the synopsis: Mom and Dad bring home a new baby sibling and a baby doll for the big sister to care for. Said baby doll looks like a drowning victim that took several blows to the cheeks with a heavy lead pipe.
posted by dr_dank at 6:49 PM on September 11, 2012


It always looked like the stylized image of a pretty normal 50s/60s baby doll to me. But really, it's hard for me to be hyperbolic about something like this.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:58 PM on September 11, 2012


I'm with PhoB. The graphic design is spot on, but the jokes are mean and/or tired.
posted by Miko at 7:04 PM on September 11, 2012


I'm going to forward this to my 20 year old son who keeps insisting that the production of Shockheaded Peter I took him to when he was about 9 years old was definitely not appropriate for children.
posted by she's not there at 7:05 PM on September 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Y'know, this kind of wry 'slap at innocence' humor-substitute was funny when it went mainstream with, say, the first season of SNL way back in the mid-70s, but it's pretty much the opposite of startling now. It's actually expected. This shit is OLD. Still, this guy rocks a decent set of kitch and retro fonts and has a good eye for applying them. The joke-surrogates are just stale and obvious though.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:47 PM on September 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


Well, I collect Golden Books, loved them as a child , read them to my kids, use them in art projects and I think these are funny.
And I really want to read the Charles Bukowski one.
posted by Isadorady at 7:59 PM on September 11, 2012


Let's Hurry or We'll Miss the Public Lynching has cracked me up multiple times in the last few hours.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 8:54 PM on September 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh my God, PhoBWanKenobe, The New Baby book you linked to...I had a copy of that! I had completely forgotten about it but it all came back to me as soon as I saw that illustration of the big brother looking out the window. My parents must have gotten it for me when they were expecting my brother. (I was very young, so I don't know if it helped prepare me at all, but I really liked the book.) Thank you for linking to it.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:10 AM on September 12, 2012


Anybody else getting this?

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /badchildrensbooks/ on this server.
posted by charlesminus at 9:16 AM on September 12, 2012


Just getting that now, charlesminus.
posted by doctornemo at 9:32 AM on September 12, 2012


I got the no permission bullshit.
posted by Goofyy at 10:13 AM on September 12, 2012


I still give my friend shit who gave us Stranger in the Woods: A Photographic Fantasy a few years ago. Pretty book, unfortunate title.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:39 AM on September 12, 2012


« Older A new exhibit on the sometimes maligned, but ofte...  |  If you've spent any time in Wa... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments