JWC Environmental Generic Object Manufacturer
October 5, 2012 12:58 PM Subscribe
I am really glad I didn't see it make an arm.
posted by gwint at 1:09 PM on October 5, 2012 [26 favorites]
posted by gwint at 1:09 PM on October 5, 2012 [26 favorites]
Takes small pieces of useless junk and makes it into larger pieces of useless junk? Where can I buy one!
posted by doctor_negative at 1:10 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by doctor_negative at 1:10 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
I want to connect up one of these with one of those great big shredders. INFINITE LOOP.
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:12 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:12 PM on October 5, 2012
Why...um....why did they put in...errr....tampons? Was there some doubt that cotton would shred?
posted by DU at 1:12 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by DU at 1:12 PM on October 5, 2012
1) God help me I watched the whole thing. I have become a boring person.
2) ...tampons?
posted by spinn at 1:13 PM on October 5, 2012
2) ...tampons?
posted by spinn at 1:13 PM on October 5, 2012
This video shows that the laws of entropy are another of them liberal conspiracies
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:14 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:14 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
YOU WANT A COUCH? JWC ENVIRONMENTAL WILL MAKE YOU A COUCH.
GOT NO SHOES? LET'S FIX THAT.
CARE FOR A BOX OF TAMPONS? WE CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
HOW ABOUT A WET BLANKET FROM THE ARMY/NAVY? JWC ENVIRONMENTAL TO THE RESCUE.
posted by The White Hat at 1:15 PM on October 5, 2012 [7 favorites]
GOT NO SHOES? LET'S FIX THAT.
CARE FOR A BOX OF TAMPONS? WE CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
HOW ABOUT A WET BLANKET FROM THE ARMY/NAVY? JWC ENVIRONMENTAL TO THE RESCUE.
posted by The White Hat at 1:15 PM on October 5, 2012 [7 favorites]
Awesome! But, can it make "captain's supplement 74"?
posted by rebent at 1:18 PM on October 5, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by rebent at 1:18 PM on October 5, 2012 [5 favorites]
it's just played backwards....didn't anyone notice?
posted by eggtooth at 1:19 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by eggtooth at 1:19 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
I heard a distinctive "woo!" during the tampon sequence. Like they had done it just before one of the secretaries walked in and discovered that they'd stolen them from the ladies' room, along with the Kotex napkins. "Woo! We got away with it, hey, gimme you're shoes, Bob."
Also: creepy hands delving through the remains. "Look what riches we can bring you. Feel it, play with it."
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:19 PM on October 5, 2012
Also: creepy hands delving through the remains. "Look what riches we can bring you. Feel it, play with it."
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:19 PM on October 5, 2012
Say what you will, but I think we found the solution to the world's hunger problem there at the three minute mark.
posted by phunniemee at 1:31 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by phunniemee at 1:31 PM on October 5, 2012
They should put the economy in that thing.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:33 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:33 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
NO! We'll end up back in the 90s!
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:43 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:43 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Hey, just like the video!
posted by phunniemee at 1:44 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 1:44 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
All I keep thinking is, "why is this not possible for real???"
I want to stop thinking this, because thinking it is breaking my head.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 1:45 PM on October 5, 2012
I want to stop thinking this, because thinking it is breaking my head.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 1:45 PM on October 5, 2012
I liked the part where it gave birth to the newborn kittens.
posted by Skwirl at 1:45 PM on October 5, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by Skwirl at 1:45 PM on October 5, 2012 [9 favorites]
The 90s would be worse than now?
posted by DU at 1:50 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 1:50 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Somehow I get the impression that this machine has never been idle, never been shut off. Ever.
posted by klarck at 1:51 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by klarck at 1:51 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Can it make one of itself?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 1:53 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Confess, Fletch at 1:53 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Can it make itself?
Warning: If you have one of these machines, DO NOT try and do this.. Exponential self replication would fill the whole universe in under 2^64 seconds.
posted by Drew Glass at 1:53 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Warning: If you have one of these machines, DO NOT try and do this.. Exponential self replication would fill the whole universe in under 2^64 seconds.
posted by Drew Glass at 1:53 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Feeling very bad for insulation man's arms.
posted by alabamnicon at 1:54 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by alabamnicon at 1:54 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
DU: "Why...um....why did they put in...errr....tampons? Was there some doubt that cotton would shred?"
this sort of machine is used in waste stream facilities, where these are the sorts of things that sometimes get flushed and will tend to block things up
posted by idiopath at 1:55 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
this sort of machine is used in waste stream facilities, where these are the sorts of things that sometimes get flushed and will tend to block things up
posted by idiopath at 1:55 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Exponential self replication would fill the whole universe in under 2^64 seconds.
Yeah but that's 5.85 x 10^11 years. In the words of former President George W. Bush, "We'll all be dead."
posted by saturday_morning at 1:57 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah but that's 5.85 x 10^11 years. In the words of former President George W. Bush, "We'll all be dead."
posted by saturday_morning at 1:57 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
why tampons? grinders are used in some high volume sewer systems. ground up stuff flows much better.
posted by alabamnicon at 1:58 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by alabamnicon at 1:58 PM on October 5, 2012
Oh dear god, the insulation...why did they put that fiberglass insulation in there!?
I feel like if you zoomed out you would see an OSHA inspector running backwards very quickly away from there right before (after? before) that one....
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 2:04 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
I feel like if you zoomed out you would see an OSHA inspector running backwards very quickly away from there right before (after? before) that one....
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 2:04 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
fill the whole universe in under 2^64 seconds.
No worries; the Towers of Hanoi have a head start, so they'll be finished first.
posted by stebulus at 2:15 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
No worries; the Towers of Hanoi have a head start, so they'll be finished first.
posted by stebulus at 2:15 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
I feel like if you zoomed out you would see an OSHA inspector running backwards very quickly away from there right before (after? before) that one....
But only after being hired on as an OSHA inspector and being told to start running around a workshop filled with very potentially fatal hazards.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:17 PM on October 5, 2012
But only after being hired on as an OSHA inspector and being told to start running around a workshop filled with very potentially fatal hazards.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:17 PM on October 5, 2012
All I keep thinking is, "why is this not possible for real???"
Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Theoretically, it is possible, but it's extremely, extremely unlikely.
posted by empath at 2:19 PM on October 5, 2012
Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Theoretically, it is possible, but it's extremely, extremely unlikely.
posted by empath at 2:19 PM on October 5, 2012
And it cleans up after itself, too!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:22 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:22 PM on October 5, 2012
In case you're young and/oryou've never seen The Simpsons, back in the day, before VCRs weren't commonplace, when we wanted to watch a movie in our classroom, our teacher had to reserve a projector and order the movie.
Absolutely joy was when the teacher would, rather than rewind the film with the projector light off and the classroom lights on, would do it the other way around, so we could watch the whole movie backwards.
For some reason, it was the best thing in the world.
And here, 30 years later, I can do it myself.
Yay for the future!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:24 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Absolutely joy was when the teacher would, rather than rewind the film with the projector light off and the classroom lights on, would do it the other way around, so we could watch the whole movie backwards.
For some reason, it was the best thing in the world.
And here, 30 years later, I can do it myself.
Yay for the future!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:24 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
But sometimes it would get stuck, and melt, and we'd have to go back to doing real work.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:45 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 2:45 PM on October 5, 2012
I heard a distinctive "woo!" during the tampon sequence.
I'm guessing they were saying oow.
posted by Killick at 3:01 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm guessing they were saying oow.
posted by Killick at 3:01 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Those workers are very talented. Notice how they always have their hands in the exact right place to catch the newly-created materials?
I have no idea why they pay the factory to work there. Very strange.
posted by Malor at 3:24 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have no idea why they pay the factory to work there. Very strange.
posted by Malor at 3:24 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
So, I guess, everyone else gets the joke, and I don't.....yes?
posted by eggtooth at 3:34 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by eggtooth at 3:34 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
But does it kill fascists?
posted by dunkadunc at 3:35 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by dunkadunc at 3:35 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
3D printing sure has come a long way.
posted by Frayed Knot at 3:48 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Frayed Knot at 3:48 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
It's great at making things, but unfortunately they're very hard to destroy. Most of them need to be separated back in to their component pieces, and the fruit can only be slowly absorbed back in to the soil.
posted by ckape at 3:51 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by ckape at 3:51 PM on October 5, 2012
Arthur: And that's how the universe began?
Ford: No, but it's a marvellous way to relax.
posted by darksasami at 3:58 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
Ford: No, but it's a marvellous way to relax.
posted by darksasami at 3:58 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
Don't worry eggtooth, it has been about 9 years since the Muffin Monster appeared here, it's just taken us a long time to rewind the tape.
(also, thought the links in that pre-youtube era thread are dead, they do lead to a great 404 page!)
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 4:34 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
(also, thought the links in that pre-youtube era thread are dead, they do lead to a great 404 page!)
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 4:34 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Ha, take that, nanotechnology!
posted by hattifattener at 5:00 PM on October 5, 2012
posted by hattifattener at 5:00 PM on October 5, 2012
But can the thing-making machine make a machine that destroys the thing-making machine in the process? /Gödel
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 5:27 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 5:27 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
what happened to man? You're all so complex....and for what
blessed reason? (sorry)
posted by eggtooth at 5:32 PM on October 5, 2012
blessed reason? (sorry)
posted by eggtooth at 5:32 PM on October 5, 2012
this sort of machine is used in waste stream facilities, where these are the sorts of things that sometimes get flushed and will tend to block things up
posted by idiopath at 4:55 PM
Thanks a lot, I have an entire roll of insulation and half a sofa cushion stuck in my pipes now.
posted by orme at 5:50 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by idiopath at 4:55 PM
Thanks a lot, I have an entire roll of insulation and half a sofa cushion stuck in my pipes now.
posted by orme at 5:50 PM on October 5, 2012 [4 favorites]
If this thing isn't already an SCP, it will be by next week.
posted by Nossidge at 6:31 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Nossidge at 6:31 PM on October 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
The related videos is full of things getting shredded.
It's so cathartic.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 8:54 PM on October 5, 2012
It's so cathartic.
posted by Hollywood Upstairs Medical College at 8:54 PM on October 5, 2012
The author postulates the discovery, in the near future, of the "Gismo", a device that can duplicate anything—even another Gismo.
A for Anything.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 10:53 PM on October 5, 2012
A for Anything.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 10:53 PM on October 5, 2012
Yes, but can it mend the broken pieces of my heart?
It can? Oh. Well nevermind then.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:46 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
It can? Oh. Well nevermind then.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:46 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Note to those with weak stomachs, Rhomboids link shows an entire animal being reassembled by one of these machines.
posted by jonbro at 2:28 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jonbro at 2:28 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, wow Rhomboid. That video literally made me and my girlfriend cry for several minutes, then go into a brief but severe depression, and we're both seriously considering going back to being vegetarian. She's looking up vegan recipes as we speak. I hope you're happy.
posted by Green Winnebago at 2:54 AM on October 6, 2012
posted by Green Winnebago at 2:54 AM on October 6, 2012
Dear Eastern-European conceptual artists: while videotaping animal cruelty may be an effective metaphor for the institutionalized cruelty of modern life, animal cruelty is, rightfully, considered something of a dick move. So the next time you're thinking, "hey, wouldn't it be a great statement if I threw a live pony into a woodchipper for my next video project?," just don't, and maybe use claymation or something instead, you asshole.
posted by Green Winnebago at 3:51 AM on October 6, 2012
posted by Green Winnebago at 3:51 AM on October 6, 2012
Watching that, I couldn't stop cringing at how close their hands kept getting to those spinning blades. Maybe I was an OSHA inspector in a previous life.
posted by talitha_kumi at 9:12 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by talitha_kumi at 9:12 AM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
So the next time you're thinking, "hey, wouldn't it be a great statement if I threw a live pony into a woodchipper for my next video project?," just don't, and maybe use claymation or something instead, you asshole.
That's a dead pony. All the animals in the clip are plainly dead. To be honest, I don't think meat eating even wants you.
posted by howfar at 9:33 AM on October 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
That's a dead pony. All the animals in the clip are plainly dead. To be honest, I don't think meat eating even wants you.
posted by howfar at 9:33 AM on October 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
ICE BURN W/R/T MEAT-EATING!!!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:26 PM on October 6, 2012
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:26 PM on October 6, 2012
yeah, there was gore in that video, but no suffering, all those animals were very dead before hitting the shredder
posted by idiopath at 6:59 PM on October 6, 2012
posted by idiopath at 6:59 PM on October 6, 2012
And actually the reversed version with the bizarre music playing over it is a lot easier to watch than the [be warned] original, where there is nothing to mask all the various ... sounds ... which make it that much more revolting.
posted by Rhomboid at 10:50 PM on October 6, 2012
posted by Rhomboid at 10:50 PM on October 6, 2012
You know, when something disturbs me, I just stop watching it. And I usually don't go searching for more things like it that are even worse.
But to each his own, I guess.
posted by phunniemee at 6:31 AM on October 7, 2012
But to each his own, I guess.
posted by phunniemee at 6:31 AM on October 7, 2012
weapons-grade pandemonium: They should put the economy in that thing.They tried to.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:31 PM on October 8, 2012
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posted by borkencode at 1:03 PM on October 5, 2012 [2 favorites]