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The hedgehog does not mate for life; it mates for death.
October 12, 2012 4:31 PM   Subscribe

True facts about hedgehogs.
posted by drlith (65 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite

 
I started losing it around "swimming pool filled with human blood."
posted by Navelgazer at 4:37 PM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]


As a person named Erin, my favorite hedgehog fact is that erinaceous means "of or relating to the hedgehog family." There were an unfortunate few weeks in 4th grade, shortly after learning this fact, when I tried to convince people to call me Sonic.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:45 PM on October 12, 2012 [33 favorites]


I call shenanigans. This is just pro-hedgehog propaganda.
posted by found missing at 4:51 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


I didn't know most of these facts.
posted by cmoj at 4:56 PM on October 12, 2012 [5 favorites]


Technically a legume.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:57 PM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]


As something of an amateur zoologist I can confirm all of that is true. Hedgehogs have long confounded zoologists with their contradictory nature. Hedgehogs may appear to be one single creature but the truth is that they are the only land Siphonophorae. Hedgehogs are actually a colony of specialized zooids. According to the wikipdia article on Siphonophorae:

Each zooid is an individual, but their integration with each other is so strong that the colony attains the character of one large organism. Indeed, most of the zooids are so specialized that they lack the ability to survive on their own.

In fact. Each quill is a unique zooid. When a quill zooid is seperated from the colony it can spawn an entirely new hedgehog. This is how wild hedgehogs reproduce. Once a year the quill zooids detach and are spread across the globe by trade winds in the upper atmophere.Wherever they land they take root and start a brand new colony. In this way hedgehogs have spread to every corner of the globe. That is why they are considered a legume, in the same faimly as mushrooms and fungus, as opposed to a mammal.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:00 PM on October 12, 2012 [28 favorites]


So *that's* how the Universe began. Somebody tell Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
posted by ambrosia at 5:01 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Porcupines don't exist...
Objection! A very vocal objection!!
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:03 PM on October 12, 2012 [10 favorites]


I SO knew that would be the Teddy video.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:04 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is it true there are no wild hedgehogs in the Americas? Like, they're only kept as exotic pets?
posted by Jehan at 5:07 PM on October 12, 2012


WANT
posted by Kitteh at 5:09 PM on October 12, 2012


The cute killing machine you can hold in your hand. What's not to like?
posted by tommasz at 5:11 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


It is a common misconception that hedgehogs can exceed the speed of sound, or indeed attain any kind of speed whatsoever. But they can vibrate, causing their molecules to resonate and their quills to emit precise high-frequency tones, like a tuning fork, outside the range of human hearing. Hedgehogs are known to use these ultrasonic pulses to interfere with the wings of insect prey, causing them to spiral down out of the air to its level where it can attack.

They also learn Surf at level 35.
posted by JHarris at 5:11 PM on October 12, 2012 [6 favorites]


Cutest legumes ever.
posted by three_red_balloons at 5:12 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


Technically a legume.

Hedgehogs for Paul Ryan!
posted by leotrotsky at 5:17 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


Objection! A very vocal objection!

That porcupine's teeth are stained with the blood of the innocent. I know that look.

Those hedgehogs can't be bothered to be stained by anything.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:22 PM on October 12, 2012


A hedgehog lacking the hairless exoskeleton.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:32 PM on October 12, 2012


hedgehogs were domesticated by cats
posted by desjardins at 5:34 PM on October 12, 2012 [7 favorites]


Aww baby hedgehog yawns, actual url: reddit.com/r/metafilteraww
posted by sammyo at 5:50 PM on October 12, 2012


Don't ask.

Wouldn't dream of it.
posted by Kevin Street at 5:51 PM on October 12, 2012


So, this hedgehog. It vibrates?
posted by brundlefly at 5:53 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


"I call shenanigans. This is just pro-hedgehog propaganda"

Vote Hedgehog!
posted by Room 641-A at 5:53 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Why can't they just share the hedge?
posted by acb at 5:57 PM on October 12, 2012 [8 favorites]


The hedge part is just there to distract attention from the scrotum part.

The hog part is a myth.

Mythhog.
posted by mule98J at 6:04 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


*checks crotch*

Well how 'bout that? -- it does look like a hedge hog.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:05 PM on October 12, 2012


Good old Ze... Can't believe a word he says....
posted by HuronBob at 6:05 PM on October 12, 2012


I just loved watching hedgies and their soft underbellies so much that I didn't pay much attention to the carnage talk.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:18 PM on October 12, 2012


All I know is that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
posted by curious nu at 6:27 PM on October 12, 2012 [7 favorites]


Yes, in 1981, Welsh pub-owner Philip Lewis began the manufacture of hedgehog-flavoured crisps. Lewis allegedly interviewed travelling gypsies, who apparently enjoy the occasional baked hedgehog, and took their advice on the taste and flavourings required. While the flavour did catch on, Lewis had to change his advertising from hedgehog 'flavoured' to hedgehog 'flavour' due to advertising standards, as the crisps did not actually include any hedgehogs. He later admitted that the hedgehog crisps were in poor taste.
posted by unliteral at 6:43 PM on October 12, 2012 [3 favorites]


I wish them well in their endless brave but futile kamikaze battle with the automobilia kingdom.
posted by srboisvert at 6:45 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


To cook a hedgehog, from what one understand, one encases it in clay and bakes it, which has the effect of peeling off the spines. Up until the Industrial Revolution, this was quite a common vernacular dish in the countryside.
posted by acb at 6:46 PM on October 12, 2012


I think there's been a few versions of hedgehog crisps. Walkers had some, and there were hedgehog crisps made in the 80s (?) where the profits went to St Tiggywinkles, the home in England for hedgehogs experiencing troubled times. My mother used to buy me a packet every week at the weird vegan store in Dublin my mother used to to take us to at the time and in my memory they were salt and vinegar flavour but I may be dreaming that bit.
posted by jamesonandwater at 6:56 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


I learned a lot today. About hedgehogs. Named Kevin.


don't ask
posted by mcstayinskool at 6:58 PM on October 12, 2012


A group of hedgehogs is known as a lectern.

In the absence of food, hedgehogs are capable of entering a sessile dormant state characterized by a toughening of the outer dermis and the growth of root-like projections from the limbs. Hedgehogs in this state are frequently mistaken for cactuses.

It's estimated that as many as 40% of plants sold as cactuses are actually dormant hedgehogs.
posted by dephlogisticated at 7:07 PM on October 12, 2012 [12 favorites]


I love Ze. This video, Five People, is sort of in the same style / pacing of the FPP. I like these relentless and absurd style he does every now and then.
posted by lazaruslong at 7:07 PM on October 12, 2012


All I know is that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It's hard to prove a negative, but I'm impressed that you're man enough to try.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:10 PM on October 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


Curiously, I also possess a second brain in my right nipple.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:11 PM on October 12, 2012


You mean all the time I thought I was tickling its ittybittywitty cute widdle pink tum-tum, I was tickling that thing's scrotum?
*faints*
posted by BlueHorse at 7:33 PM on October 12, 2012


You can play croquet with them.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:56 PM on October 12, 2012


Hedgehogs are excellent runners.

So excellent, that they are barred from competing in the Olympic running events, lest they embarrass all the human competitors.
posted by youngergirl44 at 8:05 PM on October 12, 2012


I can only assume that this thread is improved by not actually watching the linked video but instead imagining what must be in it.
posted by gingerbeer at 8:08 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty drunk, but pro hedgehog propaganda just seems like the truth because hedgehogs are awesome.

So spiky and adorable!
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:32 PM on October 12, 2012


You can play croquet with them.

Yes, but you shouldn't.
posted by mule98J at 9:47 PM on October 12, 2012


Little known hedgehog fact: the McDonalds McFlurry was originally a perfectly designed hedgehog trap and in 2006 pressure from the pro-hedgehog community forced McDonalds to redesign the McFlurry for Europe. Countless hedgehogs were saved from 'a nasty gruesome death'.
posted by fshgrl at 11:01 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Interestingly (and this is true), in the original storyboards for the Road Runner cartoons, the villian was to be a hedgehog, but Warner Brothers rejected this after test marketing when subjects refused to believe that a road runner could either outrun or outsmart a hedgehog. This is how we wound up with Wiley Coyote.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:15 PM on October 12, 2012


All I know is that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Academics have addressed that problem.
posted by Kit W at 11:28 PM on October 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thanks for that, Sonic.
posted by hypersloth at 12:49 AM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cold Lurkey I think your link should be this one
posted by Goofyy at 1:17 AM on October 13, 2012


All I know is that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Au contraire.
posted by MartinWisse at 2:57 AM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


The hedgehog is my spirit animal.

Proud owner of multiple hedgehog hats.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 6:10 AM on October 13, 2012


oh man, that hedgehog mcflurry article:
David and Goliath had nothing on this. One of Britain's smallest and least aggressive animal charities has coaxed a giant multinational into changing its ways - for the sake of the nation's hedgehogs.

The British Hedgehog Preservation Society (membership, 12,000, annual income, £126,088) has forced McDonald's (customers, 50 million a day, annual turnover $20.5bn) to spend a massive, but undisclosed, amount on redesigning the containers for its McFlurry Dessert, after one of the most genteel campaigns in conservation history....

"Never criticise the company," urges one website. "Always show the utmost respect ... Do NOT write angry, threatening or sarcastic letters. Do NOT use foul language."

After a lengthy redesign, McDonald's has revealed a new lid with a smaller aperture. The victorious society responded with characteristic civility: "We are delighted. Many hedgehog lives will be saved."
posted by ennui.bz at 6:50 AM on October 13, 2012


The hedgehog stuck in a toilet paper roll caused an involuntary spasm in my stomach, followed by the escape of a tiny sound from my mouth.
posted by orme at 9:02 AM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hedgehogs are closely related to a leguminous Australian marsupial, the drop bear.
posted by flabdablet at 9:06 AM on October 13, 2012


I have a new appreciation for hedgehogs now. thank you :)
posted by Thanquol180 at 9:14 AM on October 13, 2012


I can only assume that this thread is improved by not actually watching the linked video but instead imagining what must be in it.

If you do that you miss out on the wee hedgies, which are cuter than you could possibly imagine.
posted by drlith at 9:51 AM on October 13, 2012


Not only did I eventually watch the video, but I showed it to our cat Yorvit, who wasn't all that impressed. He has higher standards than I do for good videos. Or maybe just a shorter attention span.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:10 PM on October 13, 2012


*checks crotch*

Well how 'bout that? -- it does look like a hedge hog.


This may be a sign you've gotten too many piercings.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:42 PM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


All I know is that the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Au contraire.


To the tune of Beethoven's 9th - Ode to Joy

Absolument merveilleux!
posted by BlueHorse at 4:08 PM on October 13, 2012


I am from New York City. I grew up in an apartment in the Village. When I moved to London at 23, I had never in my life seen a hedgehog, or even really pondered hedgehogs. One night, I went to the pub with a friend and walked home after last call, slightly worse for wear. Upon turning into my suburban road, I walked up the narrow alley towards my front door. This triggered the outdoor security light to go on, flooding the path to my door with light. At which point, my doormat GOT UP AND WALKED TOWARDS ME.

Rarely have I ever been so completely freaked out. Nor, I suspect, have my neighbours, because I screamed the neighbourhood down.

True fact about hedgehogs: they blend in perfectly with coir doormats.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:26 PM on October 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, Jehan, it is sad but true we have no wild hedgehogs in the Americas.

In fact, one of the highlights of my last trip to France was seeing a hedgehog crawl out of some bushes and across a lawn. It was huge! I had no idea. The pet ones you see here are tiny.

I hear people in Europe don't have skunks though, which is a shame. They are extremely cute ( I really love the way they smell too, but I'm a freak).
posted by Jess the Mess at 8:47 AM on October 14, 2012


Oh man, I love the skunk smell too. Reminds me of home. *happy sigh*
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:51 AM on October 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


I hear people in Europe don't have skunks though, which is a shame. They are extremely cute ( I really love the way they smell too, but I'm a freak).

Even better, they do not have opossums. There is nothing better than watching an effete European having a tiny mental breakdown at the sight of a 10 kilo "rat" sauntering along.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:47 PM on October 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ha! Imagine then, when they encounter a 35 kilo rat (also known as a wombat), I know I was in awe.
posted by unliteral at 4:24 PM on October 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


and..... MORE
posted by HuronBob at 12:06 PM on October 16, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hedgehogs relax by pretending to be soft boiled eggs.

Well, that's just amazing!
The more you know....
posted by BlueHorse at 10:55 PM on October 18, 2012


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