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Horse e_shirts
October 23, 2012 9:17 AM   Subscribe

Idakoos is an online t-shirt store that automatically generates t-shirts based on animal types, hobbies, adjectives, and occupations (among other categories). This can lead to some relatively strange combinations.
posted by codacorolla (158 comments total) 73 users marked this as a favorite

 
I see they also carry products for womens.
posted by Nomyte at 9:21 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh my god I fucking love these so much.

If I look Quiet It's Because You Haven't Seen Me With My Euphonium

I'd Rather Be In Sudan

Whaaat? Don't you speak Kyrgyz?

Crazy About Proto-Indo-European

Macedonian Sex Instructor

Also, back when I first stumbled onto these I swear to god there was a shirt that read "STRONG AS A PUGGLE." Strength is not one of the primary aspect I would associate with the noble puggle, but now I just regret not buying it.
posted by griphus at 9:23 AM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh, and the one that said "Trombone: Mankind's Greatest Invention" and it had a little illustration of a bubbling beaker.
posted by griphus at 9:24 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


horse_tshirts
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:24 AM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


Dammit, always read the title first.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:25 AM on October 23, 2012


Oh it is so much better than I remember it: STRONGER THAN AN PUGGLE [sic]
posted by griphus at 9:27 AM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


You ever get that weird feeling that capitalism is eating itself and we're all carving this last rad wave before we smash into the shores of automatically generated World's Best Periodontist mugs
posted by theodolite at 9:28 AM on October 23, 2012 [15 favorites]


Only shirts, eh?

Wait'll I start up Company For Printing Things On Other Things (first move: buyout of both horse_ebooks and idakoos).
posted by DU at 9:29 AM on October 23, 2012


I knew my love of collards and sweet tea came from somewhere: Connecticut, the Heart of Dixie.
posted by turducken at 9:30 AM on October 23, 2012 [6 favorites]


DU: "Wait'll I start up Company For Printing Things On Other Things"

I want to print a t-shirt on a mug now.
posted by boo_radley at 9:31 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Sex and Nit-Picking
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:31 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


The state shirts are great, because it looks like they just took the Alabama shirts and changed the state name, so you get "Maryland: The heart of dixie" and "Maryland: 1819".
posted by amarynth at 9:31 AM on October 23, 2012


griphus: this one?
posted by jazon at 9:31 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shit, I just paid $20 for this shirt last week.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:32 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


O.o
posted by The otter lady at 9:33 AM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


griphus: this one?

Yes! I am picturing an alternate history of the trombone wherein it is invented as a natural byproduct of the Polio vaccine. For while trombones were used as lab-grade disinfectant but eventually their musical qualities were discovered and exploited.
posted by griphus at 9:34 AM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]




That "Sex and Nit-Picking" tote bag is very popular with bonobos.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:36 AM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


This can't be for real, can it?
posted by tommasz at 9:37 AM on October 23, 2012


I'm pretty sure none of the DaDaists would have expected their attempt to destroy culture with random nonsense would be absorbed by global capitalism but here we are, puggle strength and all.
posted by The Whelk at 9:39 AM on October 23, 2012 [21 favorites]


I love this goddamn site
posted by theodolite at 9:39 AM on October 23, 2012


Considering getting my father this.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:39 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's t-shirt Mad Libs.

Oh, and the one that said "Trombone: Mankind's Greatest Invention" and it had a little illustration of a bubbling beaker.

The formula being NOUN (MUSICAL INSTRUMENT): THE BEST INVENTION.

e.g.

AIR HORN: THE BEST INVENTION

A stopped clock, etc.
posted by zamboni at 9:41 AM on October 23, 2012




Darn. I thought there was a glitch and I could buy these shirts for $0.00. Turns out I had to select a size.
posted by scose at 9:42 AM on October 23, 2012


Showed it to him: "That is improper grammar, but the sentiment is nice."
posted by ChuraChura at 9:45 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


What is proper grammar? "The perfect child is aa aardvark"?
posted by xedrik at 9:47 AM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


It seems plausible, though, doesn't it?
posted by scratch at 9:47 AM on October 23, 2012


Born Again Hasidic Jew
posted by griphus at 9:48 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


No option under Cats for tortoiseshell?


FAIL
posted by Kitteh at 9:49 AM on October 23, 2012




Canada Chicago...er, what?
posted by me3dia at 9:51 AM on October 23, 2012


Oh, but they captured New Hampshire's essence!
posted by ChuraChura at 9:51 AM on October 23, 2012


If I Look Quiet It's Because You Haven't Seen Me With My Air Horn
With The Air Horn Inside My Heart
I Only Care About Two Things: Sex And Air Horns
posted by zamboni at 9:52 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Image search browsing is FUN: "20th Century Gives Me Aphrodisiacal Properties."

No option under Cats for "wopsical" or "orange"?
posted by steef at 9:52 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


If I Look Quiet It's Because You Haven't Seen Me With My Air Horn
With The Air Horn Inside My Heart
I Only Care About Two Things: Sex And Air Horns


I want a TV show where a background character never talks or interacts with the cast but is always in some kind of air phone loving T-shirt or regalia and the show never, ever attempts to explain or pay this off. Ever.
posted by The Whelk at 9:54 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


HELP ME TO MAKE ANOTHER POPE
posted by griphus at 9:55 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


an infinite number of design monkeys will eventually make every possible shirt. Then the stars will go out, one by one.
posted by th3ph17 at 9:55 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


ALSO I GOT DEPRESSION
posted by boo_radley at 9:56 AM on October 23, 2012 [6 favorites]




I love "Flash Me, I'm catholic"
posted by cross_impact at 9:57 AM on October 23, 2012


Yikes.

(Also these.)
posted by uncleozzy at 9:58 AM on October 23, 2012




Oh, sure, but do they have anything for data managers? Of course not! Just like those name keychains at rest stops never have my name :(
posted by amarynth at 10:00 AM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


HELP ME TO MAKE ANOTHER POPE

Pope, Lover Of Polygamy
Want To Be Mrs. Pope?
I Have Pope Blood In My Veins
posted by zamboni at 10:00 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'd like to imagine that there are no human beings involved with this website. We've all talked about emergent AIs and it looks like instead of Skynet we got this.
posted by griphus at 10:02 AM on October 23, 2012 [10 favorites]


Nothing for rodeo clowns and centimeters. Yet.
posted by queensissy at 10:02 AM on October 23, 2012


KISS ME I'M SENTIENT
posted by griphus at 10:02 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


WTF "balancing things" is a hobby and Dungeons and Dragons isn't?
posted by The otter lady at 10:03 AM on October 23, 2012




This site describes the set of all ironic t-shirts. Finally, we have a working definition of the category. Let's derive some proofs about hipsters.
posted by sixohsix at 10:05 AM on October 23, 2012






I Am Gay And Finnish Mythology And Finnish Paganism Interested.

well I can cross like ..eight people I know off the Holiday Gift list. DONE.
posted by The Whelk at 10:20 AM on October 23, 2012 [9 favorites]


The braying simplicity of this one is making me crack up more than any of the others
posted by Greg Nog at 10:21 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yikes: I ♥ Iraq; I ♥ Pakistan; I ♥ Israel
posted by me3dia at 10:24 AM on October 23, 2012


So much gold. Nothing tops that Pope one really, but these amused me.

Dogging is so mainstream these days.
One for the party animals in your life.
posted by comealongpole at 10:26 AM on October 23, 2012


This is simply the best. thing. ever.

oh, and creepy
posted by reverend cuttle at 10:26 AM on October 23, 2012


Ironically, I don't think this shirt would work on me, as my boobs would get in the way of the up arrow.
posted by maryr at 10:27 AM on October 23, 2012




I um kinda want that "20th Century Gives Me Aphrodisiacal Properties" shirt. For a womens.

Also I kinda want to just buy like $1000 worth and drop them in the Goodwill bin to give the local homeless folks some more surreal options than cast-off software promotions.
posted by egypturnash at 10:34 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Because I do not have a very complex sense of humour, I found their page for gifts related to a small African antelope terribly funny.
posted by frimble at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2012 [12 favorites]




Tried to think of an amusing sport to search for and the sniggering scatological schoolboy in me insisted on curling. "There's Nothing Like Curling In The Morning" and "Life Is Simple... Eat, Sleep And Curling" are wonderfully unfortunate slogans, but then I saw Curling Revolution. Oh my!

I would buy so many of these designs (probably not that one though).
posted by comealongpole at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2012


In memoriam, Jessamyn's star
posted by frimble at 10:57 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


*raises fist* I WILL NEVER LEAVE MINIATURE FIGURE PAINTING *falls on sword*
posted by mudpuppie at 10:57 AM on October 23, 2012




They were even ready for us, with a whole selection of 'meta' gear.
posted by frimble at 11:05 AM on October 23, 2012


This is the shirt I'm going to start wearing to work and I am so totally not kidding.
posted by mudpuppie at 11:08 AM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]






Smelling things is everything
posted by Pyry at 11:12 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


No way some of these are random, no way. It's just too good.
posted by odinsdream at 11:15 AM on October 23, 2012


A little on the nose: I'm gay & poor.
posted by wormwood23 at 11:15 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


This one is quite accurate: Born To Be Dead.

I want one that says Sagacious Individual.
posted by daisyk at 11:18 AM on October 23, 2012


Loose works as well as tight, for similar humour with an extra layer of double entendres.
posted by frimble at 11:19 AM on October 23, 2012


frimble: "They were even ready for us, with a whole selection of 'meta' gear."

holy moly
posted by boo_radley at 11:19 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


quoted for truth.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:26 AM on October 23, 2012




To be fair, nobody said I was a good Trauma Counselor...

In that I can't spell
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:38 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Man Doesn't Live On Bread Alone But Also On Stopping At Crosswalks"
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:43 AM on October 23, 2012


I think I may need I Am Quarrelsome When I Am Drunk
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:49 AM on October 23, 2012 [4 favorites]




Götterdämmerung
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 11:57 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]






I like that these run the gamut from the totally, bizarrely narrow (Kiss Me, I'm A Piggery Worker) to the kind of dark truths that maybe t-shirts should not be sharing:

Kiss Me, I'm Adequate
My Husband Is Dead
My Wife Is Lacking
100% Benign
100% Endurable
100% Helpless
Born To Be Accommodating
Dangerously Law-Abiding
I'm The Oncologist Your Mother Warned You About
I Am Undesirable When I Am Drunk
Drunk Girls Think I'm Pathetic
It's Not Easy Being Afraid
My Wife Is More Panicky Than Yours
Is It Privileged In Here Or Is It Just Me?
Too Busy Being Privileged
So Lonely It Hurts

ALSO: DANGEROUSLY PLAUSIBLE
posted by StopMakingSense at 12:11 PM on October 23, 2012 [14 favorites]


Don't miss the 'Other tshirts' sections at the bottom, which are often even better than the original. eg "Flaming Volcano kills you slowly - I don't care - I'm not in a hurry!!!"
posted by sleepcrime at 12:11 PM on October 23, 2012


Much as I love my church, I really want to wear this one on Sunday and count the number of double-takes.
posted by ZsigE at 12:15 PM on October 23, 2012 [7 favorites]


The drinks section is indeed pretty great, especially with non-alcoholic drinks.
posted by frimble at 12:16 PM on October 23, 2012


"I think I may need I Am Quarrelsome When I Am Drunk"

There should be a fighting leprechaun on that one.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:17 PM on October 23, 2012


got wolfram?

possibly inspired by an instant classic from Grace.
posted by wormwood23 at 12:24 PM on October 23, 2012




This is great.
posted by brundlefly at 12:32 PM on October 23, 2012


I've never actually used this phrase before but I think that's because I've been saving it for this moment:

what is this I don't even
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:35 PM on October 23, 2012


Uh, no. Would milk be OK?.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:36 PM on October 23, 2012


Um...
posted by broken wheelchair at 12:41 PM on October 23, 2012


Dammit, I now have a shopping list.

- Hiding Until I Die
- I <3 Dead Girls
- Trust Me! I'm a Trauma Counsellor (as robocop is bleeding suggested)
- Necromancers Rule (for RPG nights, of course)

Shipping to Europe is pretty high, though. I'll have to spread them out a bit. It is now time to stop looking at T-shirts and do something useful. Thanks!
posted by daisyk at 12:41 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Possibly still too soon.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:42 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure that somewhere in Japan (or possibly China), there is an elderly grandmother or a teen girl wearing each and every one of the shirts that this site creates.
posted by jferg at 12:43 PM on October 23, 2012


My lord, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. This is amazing.
posted by zug at 12:48 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Trust Me! I'm a Trauma Counsellor (as robocop is bleeding suggested)"

That one is just awesome.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:49 PM on October 23, 2012


It's so true
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:54 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


What's funny is that the stranger it offers, the more strange I want. For example, the text that accompanies this one makes me want to buy a t-shirt that says:

"Kiss Me I'm a Prostitute Apron"
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:55 PM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


cool, the human element has been removed completely and art may now be fully automated

i bet i actually didn't survive that car crash
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:57 PM on October 23, 2012 [6 favorites]


ZsigE that's mother fucking sublime
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:01 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure that somewhere in Japan (or possibly China), there is an elderly grandmother or a teen girl wearing each and every one of the shirts that this site creates.

This was pretty much my first thought.
posted by curious nu at 1:02 PM on October 23, 2012




Yes, but why the fedora?!
posted by misha at 1:07 PM on October 23, 2012




Oh my god yesssssss seriously, must be clicked to be believed
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:10 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]




@showbiz_liz Was just looking at that one. Good lord.
posted by broken wheelchair at 1:14 PM on October 23, 2012


Just imagine the reaction at a Mefi meetup if you wore this shirt. I think this one takes the sentiment a bit too far, though.
posted by misha at 1:14 PM on October 23, 2012


Dear God Why Can't I Stop
posted by Philipschall at 1:16 PM on October 23, 2012


Good luck with that.

This is the best post since that thing that mixed movie titles together.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]




Going into my cart.
posted by broken wheelchair at 1:23 PM on October 23, 2012


@showbiz_liz Was just looking at that one. Good lord.

in a similar vein...
posted by ennui.bz at 1:25 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


Dominatrix Is For Girls, Cause Men Can't Handle It well I guess that's the idea right?
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:36 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


A shirt for optimists
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:42 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kiss me, I'm a Solicitor!
posted by Blue Meanie at 1:47 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]






a little too accurate
posted by idiopath at 1:52 PM on October 23, 2012


So wrong.
posted by longtime_lurker at 2:02 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


No, YOU are . . .
posted by The Bellman at 2:03 PM on October 23, 2012 [6 favorites]


It's a micro short story in two words...
posted by yellowcandy at 2:53 PM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


Trust me, I'm wrong.
posted by wanderingmind at 3:27 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Proclaim your mattressness!
posted by wanderingmind at 3:33 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I like to think that this is the result of feeding a Spenser's Gifts catalog into a Markov chain generator.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:33 PM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


No, YOU are . . .

Sold!

This is easily the most links I've clicked in a thread, EVAR.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 3:44 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


I need this in XS (I don't wear XS)

This is the most I've genuinely lol'ed at something online in ages, thank you!
posted by Fig at 3:58 PM on October 23, 2012


The variety of "organ" shirts had me in stitches.
posted by hellphish at 4:02 PM on October 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's a micro short story in two words...

The best part is the possible juxtaposition.
posted by fifthrider at 4:31 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh yeah, it was all fun and games until I found the Leonberger shirts. Just need to keep telling myself I don't need a grammatically incorrect shirt for a breed I don't even have.
posted by Squeak Attack at 4:32 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]


This sounds like a B movie.

I can't be the only one here who looked for this one.

Sadly apt.

I actually kind of want this one, but I'm sure I'd get tired of the joke pretty quick.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:39 PM on October 23, 2012


Wha-? indeed.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:43 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]




NO
TRESPASSING
ADVANCED LIFE
SUPPORT OFFICER
WORKING

VIOLATORS
WILL BE
CRUSHED

*

posted by mudpuppie at 7:03 PM on October 23, 2012


oh god. I need this (in gray). I work on three campuses . . .
posted by exlotuseater at 7:09 PM on October 23, 2012


There are some real mixed signals in this one. Must be for Catholics.
posted by barnacles at 7:19 PM on October 23, 2012 [5 favorites]


No comment.
posted by barnacles at 7:23 PM on October 23, 2012


One downside to this site is that after reading some uncommon word over and over and over again (organ, for example) it begins to lose any sort of meaning it might have once had, and the word becomes strange to you.
posted by codacorolla at 7:55 PM on October 23, 2012


Oh, how to choose?

(And, yeah, codacorolla, totally agree on the semantic satiation point.)
posted by hatta at 8:02 PM on October 23, 2012


US Marine Ice Dance Dept., Yo.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:55 PM on October 23, 2012


I was having a pretty rough day up until this. I never thought I'd say it, but "Thanks, thoughtlessly generated mass produced consumer nonsense, you really lifted my spirits." and thanks everyone for posting all these choice selections...I have not had a laugh this good in a while. Is this supposed to be a sad finger?
posted by nTeleKy at 10:22 AM on October 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


OH GOD NO
posted by exit at 10:40 AM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


I want to spend ALL THE MONEYS.

It's like Frank from 30 Rock opened a t-shirt store.
posted by owtytrof at 1:00 PM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]










Price points are so weird. Because $15 for a fake blood spattered, bright yellow "Trust Me! I'm A Margarine And Edible Oils Process Worker Long-sleeve Raglan T-Shirt" seems like something I'd do, but $20.99 is too steep. Thank God.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:59 AM on October 25, 2012 [2 favorites]


If you go sun's-out-gun's-out and get a tank top then you're well within your price range.
posted by codacorolla at 10:44 AM on October 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Well if that's not enough to get me back to the gym, I don't know what is.

(I wish that was 100% a joke.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:05 PM on October 25, 2012


Just in case anyone was wondering... people on somethingawful have been ordering these shirts, and have actually begun receiving them. It seems totally legitimate. And now I have to buy that Calvinist by Choice shirt.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:24 PM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


I can confirm! I bought my sweetheart a CREEPY INDIVIDUAL t-shirt and it arrived about a week later.
posted by jeudi at 8:01 PM on November 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


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