Is America ready for a white, male Secretary of State?

November 13, 2012 3:16 PM

Erin Gloria Ryan asks: Is America ready for a white, male Secretary of State? She's not the only one satirically contemplating this question - John Norris over at Foreign Policy magazine has also wondered: Is America ready for a male Secretary of State?

Ryan: "In January, Hillary Clinton will be stepping down as President Obama's Secretary of State, and rumors are already swirling over who will replace her... While Huntsman and Kerry have both demonstrated that they have foreign policy chops, the US hasn't had a white male Secretary of State since 1997..."

(wikipedia: Madeleine Albright, 1997-2001; Colin Powell, 2001-2005; Condoleezza Rice, 2005-2009; Hillary Rodham Clinton, since 2009)

posted by flex (46 comments total)

I believe David Petraeus is available.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:21 PM on November 13, 2012 [7 favorites]

America is ready for a white, male X for any high-power high-status value of X.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:25 PM on November 13, 2012

Yes congratulations you got the joke.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:26 PM on November 13, 2012 [18 favorites]

As long as it isn't Kerry.

We just overwhelmingly voted Scott Brown and his truck out of office. I don't want to hand him another low-turnout special election path back to the Senate.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:30 PM on November 13, 2012 [7 favorites]

That Jezebel article makes some good points but they are overlooking the obvious. For too long the US secretary of state has had to rely on expensive staff members to open jars and bottles. In many nations having to rely on others to open jars is a sign of physical weakness. We need a secretary of state that is not phased when confronted with a jar of mayo. In this time of war we need a secretary of state who can look a jar in the eye, open that jar, and say "with god as my witness you will never be closed again"
posted by Ad hominem at 3:31 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

I, for one, am sad to see Ms. Clinton stepping down. As far as I can see she's done a great job.
posted by bswinburn at 3:32 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

I wasn't aware Clinton was planning to step down. :(

She's in town today. Perhaps I can chase her down like a crazy person and ask her to reconsider. And compliment her on her support for non-secular programs.
posted by dumbland at 3:35 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

secretary of state that is not phased

fazed, it is fazed not phased

why are people always wrong about this

also, you can open jars without extreme wrist strength. You put the pointy tip of a bottle opener under the rim, and it bends the metal a little so the vacuum seal or whatever is broken and the thing opens.

on topic: I read this article a few days ago, loved it.
posted by sweetkid at 3:37 PM on November 13, 2012 [7 favorites]

fazed, it is fazed not phased

why are people always wrong about this


It wasn't me, it was autocomplete. I don't know why I trust it.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:39 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

fazed, it is fazed not phased

I think its all so fare too say, however, that you do not wont your Secretary of State phasing in and out of existence at the site of a seeled jar.
posted by dumbland at 3:40 PM on November 13, 2012 [8 favorites]

Hillary's Next Move [NYT]
posted by Kattullus at 3:41 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think Jon Huntsman would be a great choice. It lets Kerry keep his Senate seat and maybe it would even let Huntsman get some traction in a 2016 run. When every crazy repub running in the primaries this time got his 15 minutes of "not Romney" fame, I was disappointed Hunstman never got a serious look.
posted by Arbac at 3:43 PM on November 13, 2012 [6 favorites]

As long as it's not this guy.
posted by curious nu at 4:01 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Howard Berman?!? The Representative from Universal Studios? Does he know anything about foreign relations that was not shown in a blockbuster movie?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:04 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

I want Jon Huntsman if only because I would like to see sane Republicans start reappearing on a national level again.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:21 PM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

Does he know anything about foreign relations that was not shown in a blockbuster movie?

He knows about bombs. Well, of the box office variety, anyway.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:22 PM on November 13, 2012

I must be odd this way, but if I voted for a Democratic president I'd prefer if he appointed a democratic Secretary of State. Especially if the reason to want a Republican SoS is to give him a leg up in 2016. I mean I'm all for a strong opposition party, but I'm voting for a platform and the SoS is a strong position with significant power.
posted by aspo at 4:44 PM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

I second Petraeus!
posted by Renoroc at 4:44 PM on November 13, 2012

Howsabout a NMS (Not Mind Safe) warning on links like this. It will take me hours to get dragified Kerry out of my head.

Jerk.
posted by Samizdata at 4:50 PM on November 13, 2012

I'm honestly super-curious right now whether people aren't reading the links, or if they just didn't find it as amusing (or wry, or an interesting parody on sexism) as I did. I feel like I need to recalibrate my Metafilter meter!
posted by flex at 5:02 PM on November 13, 2012

Note to Ryan: Colin Powell is male, regardless of what Mitt said...
posted by sfts2 at 5:10 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Berman?!? The Representative from Universal Studios? Does he know anything about foreign relations that was not shown in a blockbuster movie?

He was chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee back when Dems controlled the house, and he was ranking in the last Congress. He lost his seat in part because his opponent painted him as spending too much time overseas on congressional delegations. He's a staunch supporter of Israel, so if Obama was in the mood to throw the Israel lobby a bone, Berman at SOS would do that.

I don't agree with him on IP issues, at all. But he's not clueless about international relations.
posted by ambrosia at 5:23 PM on November 13, 2012

I feel like I need to recalibrate my Metafilter meter!

I'm not sure either. I think Hillary may be a very serious no joke topic since the purges. Maybe I need to lurk moar.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:30 PM on November 13, 2012

I watched Hillary's favorite HGTV show mentioned in the NYT article to see what it was about. It involves a no-nonsense female co-star (incidentally named Hilary with one L) who competes with her smug male counterpart that happens to have a much easier job. Hilary usually wins.

I wonder why she likes this show.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:34 PM on November 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

We need a secretary of state that is not phased when confronted with a jar of mayo.

I think that's a very polarizing comment.
posted by eviemath at 5:39 PM on November 13, 2012 [4 favorites]

Fighting John Kerry’s Nomination Almost As Dumb As Nominating John Kerry
posted by homunculus at 5:46 PM on November 13, 2012

I think we can all agree on the litmus test for secretary of state. They must be able to use phased and fazed correctly. There may be no hope of finding someone who can use discrete and discreet correctly though.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:46 PM on November 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Well, discreet and discrete shared orthography anyway, according to the time sink.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:49 PM on November 13, 2012

John Kerry for Sec Def, because fuck the Swiftboaters.

If you can't find someone else to beat a Republican in frigging Massachusetts, the state party leadership needs to fire themselves.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:15 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'd be down for a Brown/Capuano campaign, personally, but I like Capuano's attitude. They both adopt a populist strain.

Still, Massachusetts can be surprisingly conservative, and Elizabeth Warren benefited from her national fame. I'm not sure I want to risk a senate seat just so Kerry can get a plum position.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:46 PM on November 13, 2012

That was hilarious. Thanks flex.
posted by medusa at 7:28 PM on November 13, 2012

Yeah, I hope Kerry doesn't get it because of the replacement-in-the-senate issues, but word seems to be that if he doesn't get State, he'll get SecDef. Which, honestly, separate from whether he is or is not qualified, SecDef is a WAY BIGGER F-You to the swiftboaters and the entirety of the republican opposition in that campaign. That guy you believe is a traitor to all that is good in America is now in charge of the Pentagon!
posted by atomicstone at 8:01 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

You don't need a bottle opener to open a jar of mayo, you just turn it upside down and give it one good whack on the counter. And I'm glad Hillary is stepping down, she needs a good long rest before becoming president. And the comments to that Jezebel article were depressing.
posted by HotToddy at 9:29 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's very alarming that seemingly half of the commenters on the Jezebel article didn't know it was a joke.
posted by bleep at 10:02 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think we can all agree on the litmus test for secretary of state. They must be able to use phased and fazed correctly. There may be no hope of finding someone who can use discrete and discreet correctly though.

That's right, we wouldn't want someone to get into such a high and important office and have continuous affairs or something.
posted by eviemath at 10:04 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I hope these goes over better than the joke Robert De Niro made. Although I found his, and the jokes in the OP, to be funny.
posted by Rykey at 11:01 PM on November 13, 2012

I'm honestly super-curious right now whether people aren't reading the links

I'm of the opinion that people rarely read links.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:21 PM on November 13, 2012 [4 favorites]

Is Sarah Palin not available?
posted by Brocktoon at 2:54 AM on November 14, 2012

Oh, Sarah Palin would be such a shot in the arm for world peace. Do it!
posted by de at 2:58 AM on November 14, 2012

Ad hominem: "I feel like I need to recalibrate my Metafilter meter!

I'm not sure either. I think Hillary may be a very serious no joke topic since the purges. Maybe I need to lurk moar."

Purges? There were purges?
posted by symbioid at 8:14 AM on November 14, 2012

When every crazy repub running in the primaries this time got his 15 minutes of "not Romney" fame, I was disappointed Hunstman never got a serious look.

Huntsman is also a Mormon; maybe that's why?
posted by astrofinch at 9:16 PM on November 14, 2012

Huntsman was never going to get a look after working for Obama.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:48 PM on November 14, 2012

The Ultimate Guide To McCain’s Smear Campaign Against Susan Rice
posted by homunculus at 1:39 PM on November 15, 2012

McCain Refuses To Support Any Secretary Of State Nominee
posted by homunculus at 9:37 AM on November 18, 2012

What the Gobshites are Saying About Susan Rice
posted by homunculus at 11:53 AM on November 19, 2012

Susan Rice's Voice: "Always Right on the Edge of a Screech"
posted by homunculus at 1:52 PM on December 7, 2012