Hey Guys Ya Wanna Play? No, We Wanna Eat You.

November 17, 2012 5:45 PM

Orcas chase black lab. SLYT
posted by Xurando (68 comments total)

PLEASE DO NOT POST NEGATIVE COMMENTS OR PROFOUND LANGUAGE - It will be deleted.
posted by dmd at 5:50 PM on November 17, 2012 [20 favorites]

Dumbasses. Neither the diver on those rocks or the dog in the shallow water would have been safe if the orcas actually wanted to eat them. (I'm reminded of the short within "Creepshow" called the raft, the very end bit.)
posted by maxwelton at 5:53 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

Man I would have freaked the f#######k out and got my dog out of the water immediately (apologies for the profound language)
posted by palidor at 5:56 PM on November 17, 2012 [6 favorites]

Yeah...very lucky I imagine. Still, amazing footage.
posted by josher71 at 5:59 PM on November 17, 2012

Is profound language like unnecessary Nietzsche quotes or something?

Also orcas are basically the jerkface assholes of the sea.
posted by elizardbits at 6:00 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

Dude, I keep trying to explain Nietzsche using string theory terms but that uploader keeps deleting it.

Also, those orcas are some punk ass motherfuckers.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:00 PM on November 17, 2012 [5 favorites]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD
posted by Burhanistan at 6:00 PM on November 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

but there are ponies here and i like it
posted by elizardbits at 6:03 PM on November 17, 2012 [7 favorites]

HEY FUCKHEAD PLEASE TO PUT DOWN THE CAMERA AND SAVE THE PUPPYDOG
I'm sorry I yelled
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:07 PM on November 17, 2012 [17 favorites]

Orcas are like, totally killer. That's why they're like, called killer whales, dude.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 6:08 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

I love that as soon as the lab got 4 feet under her she turned around to give the orca what for.
posted by SLC Mom at 6:08 PM on November 17, 2012 [8 favorites]

Whenever my dog goes in swimming out here in Puget Sound I have a horrible mental image of an orca coming up and eating her. Thank you for some more nightmare fuel.
posted by The otter lady at 6:12 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Another orca vs. dog video... no chomping, just nuzzling and barking.
posted by Huck500 at 6:19 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Battle not with sea monsters, lest ye become a sea monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you, motherfucker.
posted by Beedogs for Obama at 6:19 PM on November 17, 2012 [7 favorites]

Dumbasses. Neither the diver on those rocks or the dog in the shallow water would have been safe if the orcas actually wanted to eat them.

Dude. Seriously.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 6:19 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why are half of the "Related Videos" of Rene Fleming arias?
posted by benito.strauss at 6:35 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

I just saw this on another site, and had to ask Mr. Sunny to watch so I could know the dog made it. I'm gonna go cuddle my dog now.
posted by annsunny at 6:37 PM on November 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

Surrealist art project ... or Orca bait? Film at 11.
posted by dhartung at 6:41 PM on November 17, 2012

<dog>
stick. stick. Stick. STICK.

fuck. fuck. fuck. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

stick?
</dog>
posted by procrastination at 6:46 PM on November 17, 2012 [29 favorites]

WARNING: for those of you who are loath to click through, this is a vid of several orcas growing legs and chasing the dog through an office building. It's beautiful in its raw portrayal of nature's power, but also a little scary.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:46 PM on November 17, 2012 [38 favorites]

PLEASE DO NOT POST NEGATIVE COMMENTS OR PROFOUND LANGUAGE - It will be deleted.

Barnacle encrusted Horsemen of the Apocalypse plunge through the briny postern of chaotic seas; salty harbingers of wet doom on the geologic eve of the dawning environmental cataclysm.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:52 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE AND GET YOUR FREAKING DOG OUT OF THE WATER
posted by availablelight at 6:59 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Honey, I have some bad news about the dog, but first you have *got* to see this video I got."
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:06 PM on November 17, 2012 [14 favorites]

I think the smiling guy taking the cellphone video probably knew the orca and felt confident that it was just sniffing the dog's butt.
posted by orme at 7:06 PM on November 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

Have Orcas ever been known to eat a dog?
posted by relish at 7:07 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

PLEASE POST PROFOUND LANGUAGE
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:20 PM on November 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

My dog is smart: he loves the ocean beach but will NOT go into the water. He knows there are orcas in there. (Also, he hates to get wet.)
posted by trip and a half at 7:39 PM on November 17, 2012

Orcas are fucking smart. They have long ago learned not to mess with the hairless monkeys and their noisy quadruped companions lest harpoons are introduced to the situation, so, no, neither the dog nor the diver were likely in any danger.

"Ha-Ha! Friendly apex predator, that's me! Yup, we're all good buddies, and no, I'm not a sadistic killer with a fondness for mammal flesh. Watch me do a trick, and forget that I could eat you as easy as breathing, I'm so silly! No need for harpoons or shotguns here, just us pals! Could you give me back my daughter? She's in a swimming pool in San Diego doing tricks for fish. If not, we're still pals, just don't do the harpoon thing to my other kids, 'kay?"
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:42 PM on November 17, 2012 [21 favorites]

Orcas are fucking smart.

Right. A white or tiger shark would at least have taken a bite.

Why are half of the "Related Videos" of Rene Fleming arias?

Little known fact. Orcas also enjoy Don Giovanni.
posted by relish at 7:47 PM on November 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

1 Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down ? 2 Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn? 3 Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee? 4 Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever? 5 Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens? 6 Wilt thy dog, who admittedly is not that bright, make sport of him? 7 Wilt thy dog bark at him, though he stand in the shallows, and could easily become a snack? 8 because, let's be honest, he is a good dog, but labs really aren't the smartest, although super loyal.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:59 PM on November 17, 2012 [10 favorites]

Everyone who lives underwater enjoys Don Giovanni, not just orcas.
posted by windykites at 8:02 PM on November 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

Orcas are seriously impressive creatures. Odds are they wouldn't eat a diver, but why take the chance?
posted by arcticseal at 9:01 PM on November 17, 2012

Oh, they don't want to eat you. You are bone and clothing.

They want to murder you.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:06 PM on November 17, 2012 [11 favorites]

And they can see your insides.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 9:08 PM on November 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

"Orca" my ass. Killer Whale. KILLER WHALE. K-I-L-L-E-R. It's right in the name.
posted by KingEdRa at 9:16 PM on November 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

I read it as "orcs chase black lab"...
posted by cosmologinaut at 11:26 PM on November 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

Whenever I see a seal - y'know, those creatures that bark and have pups - I think, "Ha, they're like the dogs of the sea!"

Orcas are at least as smart as me: that dog was nothing but a land seal.
posted by rh at 11:39 PM on November 17, 2012

Have Orcas ever been known to eat a dog?

Sure. I mean, they're pulling seal pups right off the beach; they'll eat an entire moose right out of a bay. They'll pull a dog out of the water no problem.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:58 PM on November 17, 2012

Orcas are fucking insane predators. There is nothing on land that compares to them. They have better teamwork than wolves, and are probably as smart as chimps if not smarter. They are ten times as large as a tiger, six times as large as a bear. They have teeth the size of your hand. They are ruthless, amoral carnivores with a tendency to play with their food before killing it. Orcas are scary as shit.
posted by Scientist at 12:05 AM on November 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

"Legolas! What do your elf-eyes see?"

"The Orcas turn northeast. They are taking the labrador to Isengard!"
posted by obiwanwasabi at 12:18 AM on November 18, 2012 [23 favorites]

Also, seeing an orca take a moose would be simultaneously mindblowing and horrifying. Moose are huge animals, the biggest cervids in the world, quite dangerous in their own right just due to their sheer size. (The males can also be very aggressive when in rut and are known to literally stomp the shit out of any offending humans who bother them.) Orcas are just in a whole 'nother size class though, they're about six times the size of a moose.

Also I just learned that a killer whale in 1997 was reported to have killed a great white shark by holding it upside down in its mouth until the shark suffocated, demonstrating that killer whales are gigantic ruthless intelligent predators who will fuck your shit up.
posted by Scientist at 12:54 AM on November 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

They want to murder you.
posted by Burhanistan

Sorry guys, but I really have no idea what most of you are even talking about. Orcas don't appear to be dangerous to humans or dogs. There has been ONE documented case of an orca biting a human (non-fatally) in the wild. I couldn't find any cases of orcas attacking dogs in a quick Internet search. Neither the diver nor the dog owner really had any reason to be worried.
posted by starfishprime at 1:16 AM on November 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Facetious much?
posted by Burhanistan at 1:21 AM on November 18, 2012

Well, good, as the half-dad of a pure black lab, I felt like the one in the video was like "don't worry I got this" and I was never worried. I dunno, it's true that they have near-zero pain receptors, and probably no concept of mortality, but they're not unconscious, it looked to me like they were playing. Certainly the barking wasn't alarmed, it was like C'MON BACK!

I mean, I guess that doesn't mean he couldn't have become an appetizer. But maybe he's seen whales before? I'm assuming that the blase diver had.


/team dog 4eva
posted by hap_hazard at 1:38 AM on November 18, 2012

This is what I was expecting to happen to the dog, note: don't trust the surprise ending to make it better.
posted by Blasdelb at 2:10 AM on November 18, 2012

For all you "save your dog" people what the fuck do you expect him to do?
Fight the Killer Whale?

I'd be having second thoughts if it was my mum.
posted by fullerine at 3:05 AM on November 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'd be having second thoughts if it was my mum.

At least if Mum eats your dog then comes after you, you can just swim out to sea. She wouldn't dream of chasing you into the water on a full stomach, it's dangerous!
posted by comealongpole at 5:05 AM on November 18, 2012 [17 favorites]

For all you "save your dog" people what the fuck do you expect him to do?
Fight the Killer Whale?

Pick up the dog or call the dog and walk away.
posted by josher71 at 6:41 AM on November 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Orcas don't appear to be dangerous to humans or dogs.

I think Orcas are smart enough to eventually get to the point where they say "Fuck statistics, I'm doing what I want!" All it takes is one.
posted by tommasz at 6:44 AM on November 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Another orca vs. dog video ... no chomping, just nuzzling and barking.

That's Luna, who actually was an annoying "nuisance Orca". She's dead now.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:55 AM on November 18, 2012

Peter Watt's perspective.

I like orcas. Out of all the ruthless superpredators of the oceans, they seem the least likely to kill a random flailing human in the water. But, you know, never forget that they are ruthless superpredators. Respect, motherfuckers.
posted by AdamCSnider at 7:02 AM on November 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Why are half of the "Related Videos" of Rene Fleming arias?

Orcas are sopranos too-- Tony Sopranos.
posted by jamjam at 8:23 AM on November 18, 2012

WARNING: for those of you who are loath to click through, this is a vid of several orcas growing legs and chasing the dog through an office building.

This is about a couple of plastic costume props and silly dance away from being the next PSY video.
posted by maryr at 8:30 AM on November 18, 2012

Sorry guys, but I really have no idea what most of you are even talking about. Orcas don't appear to be dangerous to humans or dogs. ...Neither the diver nor the dog owner really had any reason to be worried.

This is what I call crazy talk. First, while orca attacks on human beings seem non-existent (which in itself is scary just because orcas are some of the most cruel and ruthless apex predators in the world—that they also are as intelligent as they are only adds to this being unnerving) the idea that an orca would not eat a dog is just wrong without any basis in reality.

Killer whales eat pretty much everything except humans (for whatever reason). There are eat polar bears. POLAR BEARS. There have been reports of killer whales pulling swimming horse underwater. Orcas catch seabirds just to play with, tossing them back and forth. Packs of young male orcas are seriously albeit playfully mean.

Having a dog in the water with an orca is stupid. There is no reason to believe that an orca would not eat a dog. There have been documented cases. There is really no reason to believe that an orca would not eat a human. They just don't. (Nonetheless I seem to recall a policy prohibiting Navy Seals in the water when orca are around—just in case.)

An orca is not a dolphin. Even if it were I've known plenty of dolphin who are, as dolphins go, jerks. As in mess your sh*t up jerks. I don't know why. I only speak a little dolphin and not enough to know what any given dolphin is thinking. (I have been around dolphins recreationally and professionally, in a variety of settings, since I was a child.) Some dolphins are not cool.

I don't chance dogs I care about around humans I don't know. I'm sure not going to let my dog "play" with the apex predator that may not eat dogs but may just be having a bad day.
posted by Mike Mongo at 12:42 PM on November 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

BTW this video freaked me the frak out
posted by Mike Mongo at 12:47 PM on November 18, 2012

Orcas "playfully" killing seabirds.
posted by Mike Mongo at 12:48 PM on November 18, 2012

Report of transient orca pack attacking dog. (Note: It was a barking dog. So maybe this time it was the dog being a jerk.)
posted by Mike Mongo at 1:04 PM on November 18, 2012

Unrelated but perhaps relevant:

In a coastal Alaskan village where I spend time and where folks eat a lot of whale, there is a dumpster with a cute painting of a whale that also says in jolly letters: SAVE THE WHALE....

On the other side it says:

FOR DINNER!
posted by spitbull at 1:42 PM on November 18, 2012

DarlingBri: Have Orcas ever been known to eat a dog?

Sure. I mean, they're pulling seal pups right off the beach; they'll eat an entire moose right out of a bay. They'll pull a dog out of the water no problem.

You do realize you answered a different question, entirely, don't you?
posted by IAmBroom at 2:12 PM on November 18, 2012

Have Orcas ever been known to eat a dog?

None of the pack ever came back to talk about it.
posted by BlueHorse at 3:35 PM on November 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mike Mongo, I stand corrected that orcas do in fact attack dogs.

However, I disagree that humans should worry about being attacked by orcas. You are correct that they can kill humans and that they don't. The important part is that they don't attack humans. You wrote, "There is really no reason to believe that an orca would not eat a human." Actually, there is every reason, because there has never been a documented case of it.
posted by starfishprime at 7:38 PM on November 18, 2012

Orcas definitely aren't very nice. I've seen a pack of them target a humpback female and her pup (is the correct term "pup"?). They exhausted the female to the point were she could no longer protect her baby and then they closed in, killing it. And after all that, they only ate the pup's tongue, leaving the rest of the carcass.
posted by Devils Slide at 7:42 PM on November 18, 2012

Here's a gray whale tail-slapping a dumbass dog in Alaska.
posted by spitbull at 7:52 PM on November 18, 2012

Calf
posted by spitbull at 7:52 PM on November 18, 2012

"It's cool, I have the dog on voice command".
posted by boilermonster at 9:21 PM on November 18, 2012

starfishprime, actually what I wrote is, "There is really no reason to believe that an orca would not eat a human. They just don't."

The reason for the emphasis is: Why don't orcas eat humans? Huh? Huh? Huh?

I mean, this is a being that eats pretty much everything. And yet having plenty of opportunities to eat humans, they do not eat humans. For some reason, they do not eat "us".

They eat dolphins. They eat sharks. (I mean, they DEVOUR sharks.) They have even been found to have other orcas inside them, meaning they eat themselves? (Sometimes?)

So why not eat—or even attack—humans? Sure, there are cases of orcas in captivity being attacking and even killing a human but it's rare and that's a giant, wild, everything-eating, very intelligent creature held captive in a swimming pool. Chances are most of us would get Shining-quality cabin fever pretty soon, as well.

SO what gives? It seriously freaks me out. I mean, what do the orca know that would stop them from attacking and eating (or just killing) humans.

Once I put a year into locating a single recorded record of a human being being intentionally injured by a wild orca. Nada. I mean, nada. Think about it. What gives? Why doesn't the orca attack humans?
posted by Mike Mongo at 4:51 PM on November 19, 2012

Oh, they do. They just don't leave witnesses.
posted by Atom Eyes at 5:15 PM on November 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

I LIKE YOU.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:17 PM on November 21, 2012