Interviews with Virgins
December 7, 2012 6:37 PM Subscribe
The Hairpin's Jia Tolentino holds three interviews with virgins. (Trigger warnings on the second and third stories.)
"Your highness, we have to cancel the March of the Virgins. One of them is sick, and the other refuses to march alone."
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:17 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:17 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
I kind of feel like the compliments "wow! You have a really great level of self-knowledge about this!" are patronizing. I just get the feeling these interviews are not sincere or symmetrical in terms of social advantage, if that is clear.
posted by newdaddy at 7:27 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by newdaddy at 7:27 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
Those were interesting to read. In fairness, though, the first one is definitely not a virgin (she had been having consensual sex with boyfriends, including her current fiance, for many years), and the second one might or might not fit into a particular definition of virginity. It's more like it's three interviews with people who have thought a lot about and grappled personally with virginity, rather than three interviews with actual virgins.
posted by Forktine at 8:37 PM on December 7, 2012
posted by Forktine at 8:37 PM on December 7, 2012
It's more like it's three interviews with people who have thought a lot about and grappled personally with virginity, rather than three interviews with actual virgins.
Virginity is a social construct - there isn't a medical definition - so first of all I'm really not sure how you can say that. Second of all, these people are free to identify as whatever feels appropriate to them individually.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:13 PM on December 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
Virginity is a social construct - there isn't a medical definition - so first of all I'm really not sure how you can say that. Second of all, these people are free to identify as whatever feels appropriate to them individually.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:13 PM on December 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
It's more like it's three interviews with people who have thought a lot about and grappled personally with virginity, rather than three interviews with actual virgins.
"Virginity" as a concept long ago became loaded with so much more meaning than just the lack of sexual experience; it became shorthand one's moral compass or worldliness. Given that we imbue virginity with so much significance--far beyond what it probably deserves--can we really be surprised when people begin using it as a description of their moral fiber, instead of the literal history of their genitalia?
posted by almostmanda at 9:19 PM on December 7, 2012
"Virginity" as a concept long ago became loaded with so much more meaning than just the lack of sexual experience; it became shorthand one's moral compass or worldliness. Given that we imbue virginity with so much significance--far beyond what it probably deserves--can we really be surprised when people begin using it as a description of their moral fiber, instead of the literal history of their genitalia?
posted by almostmanda at 9:19 PM on December 7, 2012
Virginity is a social construct - there isn't a medical definition - so first of all I'm really not sure how you can say that. Second of all, these people are free to identify as whatever feels appropriate to them individually.
Well, but the one interview subject actually says "I lost my virginity, although relatively late . . ." so I don't know if they actually do identify that way. Kind of weird how they act like never having had sex is such a rare-unicorn thing, though, no? It seems almost like confirmation bias -- there's this idea that it's so easy to have sex that not having had it must be a big decision, so they find these people for whom it was a decision, rather than those for whom it was a matter of "Eh, just hasn't happened yet" or "I am super awkward," like what we tend to see on AskMe. Though maybe people for whom it was a decision are just also the ones who are willing to talk about it.
posted by ostro at 10:49 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
Well, but the one interview subject actually says "I lost my virginity, although relatively late . . ." so I don't know if they actually do identify that way. Kind of weird how they act like never having had sex is such a rare-unicorn thing, though, no? It seems almost like confirmation bias -- there's this idea that it's so easy to have sex that not having had it must be a big decision, so they find these people for whom it was a decision, rather than those for whom it was a matter of "Eh, just hasn't happened yet" or "I am super awkward," like what we tend to see on AskMe. Though maybe people for whom it was a decision are just also the ones who are willing to talk about it.
posted by ostro at 10:49 PM on December 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
So (from the first link)... 16 is now a "late bloomer"?!
posted by eviemath at 11:58 PM on December 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 11:58 PM on December 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
I have a friend. Mid-thirties. Beautiful. Socially adept. Atheist. Virgin "Just never happened." I am utterly baffled by it.
posted by dobbs at 12:28 AM on December 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by dobbs at 12:28 AM on December 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
The much vlogbrothers (not generally done well on metafilter) have closed the lexical gap in english for "not a virgin".
"Virgout".
posted by poe at 3:05 AM on December 8, 2012
"Virgout".
posted by poe at 3:05 AM on December 8, 2012
For anyone interested in the concept of virginity and the cultural and religious obsessions surrounding it, I would highly recommend Hanne Blank's Virgin: The Untouched History.
posted by MissySedai at 9:39 AM on December 8, 2012
posted by MissySedai at 9:39 AM on December 8, 2012
FYI, since it's unclear: from a quick skim, the trigger warnings are both for sexual assault.
Didn't see anything else that would be potentially triggering (what a vague term!), although someone can correct me if I missed it.
posted by randomnity at 10:44 AM on December 11, 2012
Didn't see anything else that would be potentially triggering (what a vague term!), although someone can correct me if I missed it.
posted by randomnity at 10:44 AM on December 11, 2012
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posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:16 PM on December 7, 2012