"Today we are cancelling the Apocalypse!"

December 12, 2012 6:03 PM

The long awaited robots vs. monsters epic from Guillermo del Toro sees the release of its first trailer: Pacific Rim.

And yes, that is the voice of GLADos you hear in it.





Guillermo del Toro previously, more previously on the Blue.

posted by Kitteh (194 comments total)

On the one hand, I'm bummed that we'll never see his Mountains of Madness movie.

On the other hand OH GOD YES GIANT ROBOTS ROCKET PUNCHES STRINGER BELL JUST HOOK IT TO MY VEIN~!
posted by Aznable at 6:07 PM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

1) I thought the voice-over was Misha Collins.
2) I looked at the cast. There is a "Clifton Collins, Jr." who, apparently is unrelated to Misha Collins.
3) The use the phrase "A portal", and then GLADos. Huh.
4) Wait. "Monsters" and earth creating giant robots to defeat them? So, it wants to be Evangelion?
5) Only, all... Hollywoody?

I really was hoping this might be dark and deep, and maybe it is, maybe it is.

But the starpower combined with the whole "Ooh Rah" military imagery turns me off.

I have a feeling it's not going to be as bad as the trailer makes it seem in terms of the whole military aspect, but... I dunno.

That said -- when can we have a kick ass live version of Evangelion?
posted by symbioid at 6:14 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

"You monster."
posted by symbioid at 6:15 PM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

This looks terrible, but I'll probably see it for GLADos alone. You win, Hollywood.
posted by Vhanudux at 6:15 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am all over this like white on rice!
posted by magstheaxe at 6:18 PM on December 12, 2012

when can we have a kick ass live version of Evangelion?

Never.

when can we have a [snip] live version of Evangelion?

Wait until the sales boost from the latest movies dies down and they'll probably get around to it. Look forward to pointless name changes and a clumsy maid character!
posted by 23 at 6:18 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Who is the badass lady and when during the film does she die?
posted by Mizu at 6:19 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Wait, this is coming out the same year as Transformers 4, Iron Man 3, and maybe another Godzilla movie? Or are they all the same movie and we're just cramming sequels together now?
posted by oulipian at 6:20 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

So Neuromancer, Snow Crash, Diamond Age and Cryptonomicon don't get made, but this does.

Hmmmm.
posted by sien at 6:22 PM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

You win, Hollywood Valve.

FTFY
posted by cthuljew at 6:23 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, but if they did get made they'd be shit and disappointing, whereas you know this thing is brainless SFX.
posted by pompomtom at 6:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

That said -- when can we have a kick ass live version of Evangelion?

In my dreams.

A Hollywood adaptation of Gundam Wing in this vein could work, I suppose.
posted by fatehunter at 6:25 PM on December 12, 2012

Pass.
posted by alex_skazat at 6:25 PM on December 12, 2012

It's a stupid idea, but I have to admit that it looks really good.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 6:25 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Look how slow everything moves compared to Transformers. You actually get time to se shit get destroyed instead of lens flails and bro-boners as fast as the animates can turn the virtual camera. It is nice for what look like amphibious Battleship.
posted by munchingzombie at 6:27 PM on December 12, 2012 [15 favorites]

Fuck yeah!

/sulks a little over MoM.

But FUCK YEAH!
posted by Artw at 6:37 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

So it's Transformers meets Real Steel meets Godzilla?

"Today, we're cancelling the apocalypse!" Good God, why does Idris Elba repeatedly get cast in shit? (Not counting The Wire and Luther S1, of course.)
posted by dobbs at 6:37 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, that's one way to elbow your fiction into the Half-Life universe. It's Canon Now!
posted by cheap paper at 6:37 PM on December 12, 2012

Am I the only one who thinks using a straight-up copy of the GlaDOS voice is really lame?

I'm enthusiastic about Ellen McClain getting more work as a voice actor, but applying the exact same filter to her voice seems as lazy and wrong as if Del Toro had made his creatures look like exact copies the Alien Queen from Aliens.
posted by straight at 6:39 PM on December 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

I think they set up the trailer so that you hear GLaDOS and then see the mech landing in the water (reminiscent of the Eva episode that introduces Asuka) in quick enough succession that the nerd portion of your lizard-brain kicks in and overwhelms sensible objection.
posted by postcommunism at 6:40 PM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

Mmmmmm, Idris. I may see this just for him, like I did for Prometheus.
posted by obeetaybee at 6:40 PM on December 12, 2012

Seemed like a neat idea when I read about it but this looks terrible.
posted by octothorpe at 6:42 PM on December 12, 2012

The trailer makes this look awful. Like Michael Bay making evangelion fanfic. Clearly my nerd hindbrain is defective.
posted by Skorgu at 6:44 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

...a straight-up copy of the GlaDOS voice is really lame?

No copy! It is GlaDOS' voice.

Haters gonna hate. Yes, the premise is ridiculous. But here's why it's going to be awesome: Guillermo del Toro.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 6:46 PM on December 12, 2012 [14 favorites]

It looks big and dumb and 'splodey overall, but the shot of the monster tearing up the bridge is pretty amazing.

In our house we call these "Shit gets blowed up real good" movies, because sometimes it's fun to see shit get blowed up real good. If I'm in such a mood, I'd go see this, because I have affection for Guillermo del Toro and Idris Elba.
posted by gauche at 6:49 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

I hate to break this to you, but GlaDOS doesn't exist. It's a voice actor named Ellen McClain, and her voice doesn't really sound like that unless you apply a particular "costume" to it.

It wouldn't be less lame to make Darth Vader the villain in my movie if I used the same actor in the Darth Vader suit that George Lucas used.

"It's not a copy! It is Darth Vader!"
posted by straight at 6:49 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

So Neuromancer, Snow Crash, Diamond Age and Cryptonomicon don't get made, but this does.

At least two of those are unfilmable. And don't give me your Cloud Atlas rigamarole! To that I say: Johnny Mnemonic!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:50 PM on December 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

I just don't know. GLaDos and Evangelion. Hmm.
posted by Foosnark at 6:50 PM on December 12, 2012

He should have just made the monster Cthulhu and dispense with all the pretense of "originality"
posted by Renoroc at 6:51 PM on December 12, 2012

From the Kotaku blurb:

From there, [Guillermo del Toro] talks about the current state of InSane and how Valve is his dream partner from making his proposed horror trilogy

That would be a delight. Not because Ravenholm was particularly horrific, but because part of Valve's schtick is doing simple concepts carefully and well, and if anyone could make a worthwhile movie/game tie-in...
posted by postcommunism at 6:53 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh good God damn hell yes. However: what was up with the voice-over voice? It sounded like it couldn't decide whether it wanted to have a British accent or a midwestern twang. Anyway, the new Superman trailer bored the heck out of me, but if this is good and Gareth Edwards's Godzilla movie is good, all will be forgiven.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 6:53 PM on December 12, 2012

qxntpqbbbqxlHaters gonna hate. Yes, the premise is ridiculous. But here's why it's going to be awesome: "Guillermo del Toro"

I have nothing but love for everything that del Toro has done in the past but this looks as bad as Battleship.
posted by octothorpe at 6:54 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Q: "What kind of movie is this going to me?"

A: "Well, it's difficult to be too...Pacific!"

yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeaaaah.jpg
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 6:54 PM on December 12, 2012 [6 favorites]

>He should have just made the monster Cthulhu and dispense with all the pretense of "originality"

Except that it didn't look remotely Lovecraftian. Cthulhu does not fight giant robots. Big monsters emerging from the ocean doth not a Lovecraft ripoff make, unless you consider Godzilla a Lovecraft ripoff.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 6:58 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

(Incidentally this looks like probably the best movie that will ever happen.)
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 6:58 PM on December 12, 2012 [4 favorites]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm going to see it, because I've liked every GDT movie I've ever seen, and at least two of them were absolutely fantastic ("The Devil's Backbone" and "Pan's Labyrinth"), but... this looks like mindless jingoistic eye candy blow-em-up-real-good crap.

I hope the trailer is not representative of the movie.
posted by Flunkie at 7:00 PM on December 12, 2012

Oh fuck you all with the hate.

ITS GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING MONSTERS!
Why am I not watching this right now
posted by ShawnString at 7:00 PM on December 12, 2012 [35 favorites]

what was up with the voice-over voice? It sounded like it couldn't decide whether it wanted to have a British accent or a midwestern twang

I *think* it's Charlie Hunnam, but I'm not positive.
posted by fatehunter at 7:00 PM on December 12, 2012

It is indeed Charlie Hunnam.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:06 PM on December 12, 2012

On the one hand, I'm bummed that we'll never see his Mountains of Madness movie.

Hilariously (to me), the solution to this is piracy. The whirling shards of the three Transformers movies made, what, a couple of billion bucks? So now Hollywood has an expectation that movies with robots, explosions, "nonononononononono!" and whatever will rake them in a billion bucks each time. The means there's no point making a movie that isn't going to make you a billion bucks. The only way to ensure a movie doesn't make a studio a billion bucks is to pirate the shit out of it, so their expectations are adjusted and they begin to experiment again. They start making films again, not investments.

That's my utopian take on it anyway. Somebody will pop in and start talking about Pi or some shit though.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:08 PM on December 12, 2012

I'm going to see it, because I've liked every GDT movie I've ever seen, and at least two of them were absolutely fantastic ("The Devil's Backbone" and "Pan's Labyrinth"), but... this looks like mindless jingoistic eye candy blow-em-up-real-good crap.

Sometimes you just want to see robots rocket-punch monsters directly in whatever they have that's equivalent to a face, okay? Don't judge me.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:09 PM on December 12, 2012 [11 favorites]

what is GLADos?
posted by spicynuts at 7:12 PM on December 12, 2012

I'm getting more Hellboy/ BPRD creature than Cthulhu, but it's not like they aren't linked.
posted by Artw at 7:12 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sometimes you just want to see robots rocket-punch monsters directly in whatever they have that's equivalent to a face, okay? Don't judge me.

Or a ball sac.
posted by spicynuts at 7:12 PM on December 12, 2012

what is GLADos?

When you figure it out, you'll be ready to know.
posted by mhoye at 7:15 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Although I gotta say...the "BRAAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH." pulsing that every trailer since about 2009 has been doing has really worn out its welcome. The World War Z trailer (another movie I think looks pretty cool) does this too and god. Annoying.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:17 PM on December 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

I'm not judging you. If you want to see robots punching monsters, that's fine with me. But Michael Bay could give that to you. There's no reason that Guillermo del Toro needs to waste his time providing it.

I'm not necessarily saying it was a waste of his time - like I said, I'm going to see it, and who knows, maybe it will be great in a way that no Michael Bay movie ever will be.
posted by Flunkie at 7:19 PM on December 12, 2012

Accidentally left off the final thing I wanted to say in that comment:

But this trailer does not give me confidence in that possibility.
posted by Flunkie at 7:21 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

This looks fun in an Independence Day sort of way.
posted by Brocktoon at 7:23 PM on December 12, 2012

Is that Idris Elba speaking in his natural accent? *swoons*
posted by schroedinger at 7:23 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why are the robots not controlled by zombies?!?!?!?
posted by blue_beetle at 7:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

sien, see also.
posted by pompomtom at 7:24 PM on December 12, 2012

I'm not judging you. If you want to see robots punching monsters, that's fine with me. But Michael Bay could give that to you.

No, because he makes it shit.
posted by Artw at 7:25 PM on December 12, 2012 [12 favorites]

I cannot believe that no one has brought up Robot Jox yet. They even do the exact same fist-palm-punch-lets-fight thing!

Pacific Rim Punch vs Robot Jox Punch
posted by fidgets at 7:25 PM on December 12, 2012 [4 favorites]

Although I gotta say...the "BRAAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH." pulsing that every trailer since about 2009 has been doing

AKA The Inception Fart.

This looks big and stupid and possibly fun, and I'm down with that once in a while, because I am at least 2 of those things.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:26 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm not judging you. If you want to see robots punching monsters, that's fine with me. But Michael Bay could give that to you.

Michael Bay has tried the robot-punching genre, and rather decisively sucks at it. Guillermo del Toro has not, and moreover has an absolute gift for monsters.

Just because a movie isn't "deep" or a character-study doesn't mean it doesn't take craft to do well.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:26 PM on December 12, 2012 [12 favorites]

The thing is, I like big budget spectacle. I genuinely want to enjoy movies like this. I wanted to enjoy the Transformers movies, but they were incoherent, unpleasant and shallowly "gritty" because they were handed off to Michael Bay. Battleship was handed off to Peter Berg doing his Michael Bay impression.

But this is a project conceived, written and directed by Guillermo del Toro, a man who's one of my favorite working directors. He's someone who is thoughtful and cares deeply about his art and his craft. Even when his films are misfires, that quality still comes shining through. So, big budget movie about mechs fighting kaiju? Sounds like it could be fun. From the mind of del Toro? Fuck yes, I'm in.

I get that people are burned out on this kind of thing. It's totally understandable. And maybe this will suck, but I'm willing to give del Toro the benefit of the doubt. This looks like so much fun. I am positively giddy. Summer can't come soon enough.
posted by brundlefly at 7:28 PM on December 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

Artw: "I'm not judging you. If you want to see robots punching monsters, that's fine with me. But Michael Bay could give that to you.

No, because he makes it shit."

Exactly. The problem with Michael Bay is not that he makes movies with giant robots and explosions. It's that he makes movies with giant robots and explosions that are fucking terrible.
posted by brundlefly at 7:29 PM on December 12, 2012 [13 favorites]

And, yeah. I could have done without the Inception BWWWAAAAAAAAMP. But that's just required these days.
posted by brundlefly at 7:30 PM on December 12, 2012

@pompomtom - Sure. But you'd figure William Gibson and Neal Stephenson have a big enough following that TV adaptations (which would be better) or films would have enough economic support to drive them.

A 6 episode Neuromancer at a million or two per episode, like Game of Thrones, could be really cool. If Game of Thrones is viable that way surely other things are too.
posted by sien at 7:33 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Man, between Thor, Prometheus, and this one, Idris is banking up some major nerd cred. Do we have some compromising photos of him or something?
posted by Think_Long at 7:34 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wonder why they need two pilots synchronizing their movements to operate the robots. They only needed a single pilot in Robot Jox.
posted by mediated self at 7:35 PM on December 12, 2012

Is this the Mosterpocalypse movie?
posted by Windopaene at 7:39 PM on December 12, 2012

They have so many opportunities with the tagline: This summer ... PREPARE TO GET RIMMED!
posted by Potsy at 7:43 PM on December 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

Cthulhu does not fight giant robots.

Well not yet.


Also while I appreciate people feeling the need to hop on the "I was hating it before it was cool to hate it" train, the whole nerd hipster crossover thing has gotten a bit old.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:44 PM on December 12, 2012

I wonder why they need two pilots synchronizing their movements to operate the robots.

Here's a fun idea I just had: because the Jägers they are controlling are so incredibly powerful and destructive that the UN (presumably) thinks it would be a bad idea for just one dude/dudette (the Jägermasters...ha) to wield them autonomously, so you gotta have a second pilot in there and be sure there's agreement about what you want to do with the thing. This will be a dramatic device used to some kind of effect until Idris yells "PILOT OVERRIDE! I'M IN CONTROL OF THIS ROBOT NOW, ROOK" because the copilot is some kind of bleeding-heart liberal who says things like "This species is an important discovery" and String is all "That shirt don't fit me rook...I'm a QUINTUPLE-XL" and saves Tokyo L.A. with "DIVERT ALL ENGINES TO ROCKET-PUNCHING" and rocket-punches Cloverfield clear over the fuckin' moon.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:48 PM on December 12, 2012 [13 favorites]

The problem with Michael Bay is not that he makes movies with giant robots and explosions. It's that he makes movies with giant robots and explosions that are fucking terrible.

Well, this actually does look terrible to me.

Assuming that this film is like what it seems to me to be like from the trailer, I'd be interested in a universe where a test could be performed between this and whatever robot-punches-monster schlock it is that Michael Bay has served up, where the audience is misinformed as to the identities of the people involved behind the scenes. I'd be curious to see if it might go something like where wine tasters give high praise to Night Train when it is relabeled as Château Bourgonne au Duc de Montporoix-Sur-Touloubre.
posted by Flunkie at 7:48 PM on December 12, 2012

This summer ... PREPARE TO GET RIMMED!

Fun fact: the monsters are actually called "Rimmers" and when you get into the robot it's because you are going on a "Rim job". "How was the rim job?" you ask when the robot guys get back. And the pilots cast panicked glances at one another until one of them goes "Ohhh...you mean the monsters!" and everybody laughs. Freeze frame. Credits.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:54 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

One of the finest nights I had in college was spent at the drive-in watching a double feature of Robot Jox and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze. To this day I can't hear Vanilla Ice sing a ninja rap without tearing up.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:54 PM on December 12, 2012

So Neuromancer, Snow Crash, Diamond Age and Cryptonomicon don't get made, but this does.

1: don't care 2: yes 3: yes 4: eh, I'd watch it.
posted by sourwookie at 7:56 PM on December 12, 2012

Flunkie: "Assuming that this film is like what it seems to me to be like from the trailer, I'd be interested in a universe where a test could be performed between this and whatever robot-punches-monster schlock it is that Michael Bay has served up, where the audience is misinformed as to the identities of the people involved behind the scenes. I'd be curious to see if it might go something like where wine tasters give high praise to Night Train when it is relabeled as Château Bourgonne au Duc de Montporoix-Sur-Touloubre."

If this were directed by Michael Bay, you wouldn't be able to tell what the hell was going on.
posted by brundlefly at 8:02 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

Only worthwhile if it turns out that the whole thing - monsters, robots, etc. - is GlaDOS' plan to get test subjects.
posted by dragstroke at 8:02 PM on December 12, 2012

CTRL+F "Mazinger Z"

Tsk.

That said, synchronised robot jockeying is really odd. Has any anime/manga/cartoon done that before?
posted by Asimo at 8:05 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

AKA The Inception Fart.

Given the costuming and subject matter, it feels more like a Mass Effect Reaper Fart.
posted by flaterik at 8:07 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

It's also worth noting as backstory that there are 5 giant robots, built by Russia, Japan, China, Australia, and the US. Apparently the US robot is considered to be obsolete and dangerous because of the radiation it produces.

Which is a cool nod to the "Impossible to pilot/somehow superior after however many years of development" trope that crops up in other giant fighting robot shows. Tallgeese, EVA 01, I'm looking in your direction right now.
posted by Grimgrin at 8:07 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

The goddamn Inception music gets me every time!
posted by phaedon at 8:07 PM on December 12, 2012

It is, of course, possible that the trailer was intentionally made to look like the typical Michael Bay crap just to draw in his fanbase. The movie itself could be very different. Tarantino's trailers are always much more over-the-top than the full-length final product.

I hope that's the case. I want to see and enjoy this movie. But yeah, that didn't look promising.
posted by mannequito at 8:08 PM on December 12, 2012

Cthulhu Must Fall: 2097
posted by Serf at 8:09 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Look how slow everything moves compared to Transformers. You actually get time to see shit get destroyed instead of lens flails and bro-boners as fast as the animates can turn the virtual camera.

This. A thousand times. I was really hoping that the first Transformers movie would be good, because I saw that ILM was doing the effects. Then I found out Michael Bay would be directing. It's okay, I thought. Spielberg will have such a heavy hand, there won't be all that cut-cut-cut, brainless mishmash editing typical of a Michael Bay movie.

Boy I was wrong about that. I watched about 45 minutes of that pile of garbage, more attention than it deserved.

This looks dumb, but I can only imagine the script will reflect it knows how dumb it is. del Toro is an intelligent and meticulous director, so I have a lot more confidence in this. Namely the fact that it appears there are shots in the film that last longer than five seconds; I dare you to find one longer in Transformers. At least the trailer is very very very fun to watch. Let's hope it is over 90 minutes.
posted by zardoz at 8:11 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

So, wait, is the character of GlaDOS in the film, or is it just the vocal likeness of the character of GLaDOS?
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:14 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I got Transformers out of the library, the day I finished my first bar exam, because that night I needed something mindless and entertaining. I got half of what I needed.
posted by gauche at 8:16 PM on December 12, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm so happy someone else mentioned Robot Jox because my thought was "this looks like Robot Jox with a budget."

Which means there better be a goddamn 3D chainsaw robot penis.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:27 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

It's also worth noting as backstory that there are 5 giant robots, built by Russia, Japan, China, Australia, and the US...

NICE WORK JULIA GILLARD WHAT ABOUT OUR HOSPITALS AND SCHOOLS FOR OUR CHILDS? THIS IS THE COLLINS-CLASS SUBMARINES DEBACLE ALL OVER AGAIN. THE BRUCE HIGHWAY NEEDS FIXING. HOW COME GAYS ARE SUFFERED TO LIVE?
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 8:27 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

> I got Transformers out of the library, the day I finished my first bar exam, because that night I needed something mindless and entertaining.

A friend of mine called me up one evening a few years ago; it was his first night "off" after the birth of his first child and he wanted to get drunk and watch something mindless and entertaining. So we watched The Core, and it fit the bill perfectly. Flash-forward three years and he has his first night off from parenting after the birth of his second child. This time we watch Transformers. It winds up being a very early night.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:30 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

If you want to imagine future summer blockbusters, imagine a giant robot's rocket-powered fist slamming into a giant monster's face. Forever.

I am so looking forward to this.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:37 PM on December 12, 2012 [6 favorites]

Oh my god that is so stupid I must see it.

As a prequel to The Iron Giant, it answers a lot of questions.
posted by BeeDo at 8:39 PM on December 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

Del Toro has enough cred with me after his Hellboy work and Pan's Labyrinth that I'm willing to chance this. The fact that Idris Elba will be in it is an additional pleasure.

On the one hand, I'm bummed that we'll never see his Mountains of Madness movie.

They made a Mountains of Madness movie, it was called Prometheus.

There's no reason to make a Neuromancer/early postcyberpunk film based off Stephenson's work. Those books, while brilliant, are seriously dated at this point in the future they outline, and so they'd have to be "updated" to a degree that would basically drain out everything that made them original and great, and because most of the stories that they're telling (about AI, about virtual reality, about social/political drift in a post-Cold War, post-nation state world) have been taken up, adapted, and integrated into the genetic legacy of science fiction works, on the screen and on the page.

It's the same reason why John Carter didn't work for most people. The story being told is not only weird and counterintuitive for technical reasons (an inhabited Mars? What?) but the basic colonial adventure story framework - white dude travels to exotic locale, gathers native allies, gets beautiful native girl - has been done cinematically dozens of times since, most recently in Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai, and most obviously Avatar.

I'm not saying that the natural extension of that argument is "more giant robots fighting monsters" films, but I do think that at this point mining old genre properties is not the way to go. I mean, look at the better sort of sic-fi films that have come out this past decade, from the bizarre but interesting Cloud Atlas through Children of Men and Moon to Inception and In Time. All original properties, as far as I am aware. I guess the Rise of the Planet of the Apes remake was rather good, but otherwise remakes/adaptations seem not to do so very well, in execution or at the box office.
posted by AdamCSnider at 8:44 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

turgid dahlia 2: I cannot imagine any politician getting that negative a response to "We're building a giant nuclear death robot".
posted by Grimgrin at 8:46 PM on December 12, 2012

I'm suffering from action blockbuster fatigue, will probably pass on this one.
posted by JHarris at 8:47 PM on December 12, 2012

They made a Mountains of Madness movie, it was called Prometheus.

Then it was a bad Mountains of Madness movie.
posted by JHarris at 8:48 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Between Oblivion, Elysium, After Earth, Star Trek: Into Darkness, and this, next year will be the best time for sci-fi movies since- 2009.
posted by Apocryphon at 8:49 PM on December 12, 2012

Also, you guys are all forgetting the fact that a Snow Crash adaptation is in production, written and directed by the guy who made this.
posted by Apocryphon at 8:57 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Who is the badass lady and when during the film does she die?

Everything I've read about the movie suggests Rinko Kikuchi is actually one of the film's two heroes and is actually plaing one of "two unlikely heroes" and that she is "an untested trainee" which suggests to me that by the genre rules of this kind of thing that she's our unlikely, scrappy protagonist who has something to prove and thusly has a good chance of survival.

That's another thing you gotta give to Del Toro. He seems to make films with the actors he thinks belong in the roles. I'm sure the studio wanted to shove some of the usual hollywood names into the plan but instead we get Elba, Perlman, Kikuchi, heck, that guy from It's Always Sunny is even in there! It's this kind of casting that continues to bolster my optimism and faith in Del Toro's work.
posted by sendai sleep master at 8:58 PM on December 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

I wonder why they need two pilots synchronizing their movements to operate the robots.

That's clearly for merchandising. Coming soon to the Wii U and Kinect, and a licensed cooperative DDR fighting game for the arcades.
posted by ceribus peribus at 9:03 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

It looked like at least one of the robots had at least 6 limbs. That could explain the other person.

It's that, or they're trying to seduce the cephalopods into an alliance.
posted by flaterik at 9:28 PM on December 12, 2012

the basic colonial adventure story framework - white dude travels to exotic locale, gathers native allies, gets beautiful native girl - has been done cinematically dozens of times since, most recently in Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai, and most obviously Avatar.

So you're saying that the concept still works. If it works it works; the Star Trek reboot did pretty well, it's not like Serenity was the last word in the spaceship bridge crew pals genre. So I don't buy this argument that a Barsoom movie was doomed to be too cliche to be successful. You're right about Mars not meaning what it used to mean, and that's difficult to get around. Ultimately though the movie's big flaws were stuff like characters you can't identify with, weird comic/epic tone that failed, and a herky-jerky plot. Maybe they had difficult source material, but it's still on the filmmakers to not tell a dumb story crappily.
posted by fleacircus at 10:08 PM on December 12, 2012

>Those books, while brilliant, are seriously dated at this point in the future they outline.

You are getting hung up on Stephansons description of the internet and timeframe. While that missed a bit the technology is still plausible for the near future and in many cases existent. And politically I think he is dead on. Decentralized currency would have that effect, and it exists in an embryonic form now. For this reason I see governments cracking down on bitcoin like the plague at some point in the near future.

Sure Snow crash seems a bit dated, but its not technical sci-fi, its character, politics and ass-kicking, and that has always been easy to put on the screen.

My favorite, Diamond Age, actually holds up incredibly well in technology too.
posted by darkfred at 10:37 PM on December 12, 2012

cooperative DDR fighting game

why doesn't this exist =[
posted by curious nu at 10:55 PM on December 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Of all people Joe Cornish is working on a Snow Crash film.
posted by Artw at 11:19 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hearing GLaDOS made me irrationally happy. Like really happy. So I'm going to see this movie just to hear GLaDOS.
posted by Justinian at 11:21 PM on December 12, 2012

cooperative DDR fighting game

why doesn't this exist =[

It does in the Scott Pilgrim universe.
posted by thecjm at 11:24 PM on December 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'd love a well-made Mountains Of Madness movie, but in the meantime I'm content to watch The Thing for the 100th time.

also, I think in the right hands, Cryptonomicon would be a fantastic film. I just can't think who's hands are the right ones.
posted by mannequito at 11:47 PM on December 12, 2012

It's interesting to see the heavily divided opinions. I'm definitely in the "fuck yeah!" camp on this one. To each their own, although I don't get the people complaining about how the live action versions of Evangelion, Snow Crash, Mountains of Madness, etc. aren't getting made. I like all of those things just fine, but I have absolutely no desire to see them remade. If you enjoy Evangelion, then by all means...watch Evangelion!

Also, others have said it, but don't let Michael Bay ruin shit-kicking special effects blockbusters for you. The problem with Transformers wasn't the subject matter or the budget; the problem was that they were all deadly dull boring and utterly brainless. Also, again with the remakes. If you liked it the first time, why re-roll the dice?

Speaking of Transformers, I never enjoyed the original cartoon, anyway. By the time I saw it, I had already come back from Japan. The very first day I was in Tokyo, I was treated to the scene in Fist of the North Star where a biker gang forces one prisoner to saw the head off another prisoner. My thirteen year-old mind was seriously shaken, and there was no going back.
posted by Edgewise at 12:10 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

the "BRAAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH." pulsing

I kept hearing that too but then I stopped going to the college bars.
posted by vitia at 12:14 AM on December 13, 2012 [5 favorites]

I too found Michael Bay's Transformers unwatchable, but this looks like pretty much fun. It's got some actors I like in it, and Del Toro's directing is (as others have noted) much more thoughtful and just plain better than the hackish Bay.

Also, you can actually sort of follow the robot vs. monster fight action in this trailer! It's not doing that jumpy-cam, constant-cutting thing so much. That's a huge relief right there, so I'm giving this the benefit of the doubt.

I'm admittedly a sucker for schlocky science fiction films - for example, I found both the much-mocked "Independence Day" and "The Core" to be quite entertaining in a don't-think-too-much, B-movie kind of way - but I wonder if some people's expectations may be too high. They're just trying to do a simple robots-vs.-monsters flick here, not "Citizen Kane" or "The Godfather."
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 12:27 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Go Go Power Rangers!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 12:52 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ultraman is way better.
posted by KokuRyu at 1:02 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

No. You are not allowed to reference Evangelion in this thread. The fact that you even considered it is almost unspeakable given the nature of that trailer.

And the fact that most of you didn't recognize Charlie Hunnam's voice somehow reinforces this fact. I'm not sure how, but it does.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:59 AM on December 13, 2012

That said, synchronised robot jockeying is really odd. Has any anime/manga/cartoon done that before?

Statistically, inevitably.
posted by running order squabble fest at 2:05 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Count me positively thrilled by this. You cannot begin to compare this to Bay's Transformers other than that they share the most basic elements. I'm not that big of a mecha fan but I will be watching this eagerly to see what del Toro can do with genre. That guy is an absolute genius at directing and hasn't failed me yet with any of his films. Haters gonna hate, I guess, but it's going to be a nice summer time surprise when there is much eating of crow.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 2:24 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Although I gotta say...the "BRAAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH. BRAAAAAAH." pulsing that every trailer since about 2009 has been doing has really worn out its welcome. The World War Z trailer (another movie I think looks pretty cool) does this too and god. Annoying.

THIS.

Ever since Half-Life 2's big tripod hunter killer things used this sound, then the big robots in Spielberg's War of the Worlds, every bloody CGI movie since that involves large robots and/or aliens seems to have this set into as the default "ooh scary" sound. Can we please move on? Won't somebody think of the children?

I'm all for a good Wilhelm Scream, but not if it was repeated 20 times in every action film...
posted by LondonYank at 2:34 AM on December 13, 2012

At first glance this looks better than average for a GiantRobotsPunchingStuff movie... I'd like see more of the non-money shots stuff before passing judgement

Oh and there is supposedly an actual Neuromancer film in the works.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:36 AM on December 13, 2012

Someone needs to screentest Benson Henderson for the role of Hiro Protagonist. You couldn't turn up a better avatar. Half African-American-half Korean, a trained martial artist, charismatic and good looking, he'd be a perfect fit for the role (assuming he can act, obviously).
posted by longbaugh at 2:48 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

You know what?

I like giant robot anime series. I love Ultraman. I am an unashamed fanboy of such things.

And I am here for this, not just for the giant robots, or for the monster effects, or for whatever story. (Incidentally, the Asian girl is, probably, the little girl from the very start of the trailer grown up a bunch; please check for yourself but yeah, I think we can get the connection there.)

I am here because Idris Elba's speech is something I wish I had written, and because he delivers it very, very well. I could hear it in my I Get It center of the brain. I am here because I believe that Del Toro can deliver the goods, because he has delivered them in the past.

I am up for this, in for this, and want to see this. I think it'll be pretty awesome.
posted by mephron at 2:51 AM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

No. You are not allowed to reference Evangelion in this thread. The fact that you even considered it is almost unspeakable given the nature of that trailer.

And the fact that most of you didn't recognize Charlie Hunnam's voice somehow reinforces this fact. I'm not sure how, but it does.

In my defense, it's been a very long time since I borderline stanned Charlie Hunnam during his QAF/Young Americans/Undeclared years. I was happy for him when he got the Sons of Anarchy gig, but the godawful facial hair precluded the rekindling of my fiery passion, and those biker gang members in SoA were definitely not what I'd had in mind for Nathan Maloney's harem.

Come to think of it, Nathan/Charlie circa QAF could make a pretty neat Kaworu. BRB making the live action movie in my dreams...
posted by fatehunter at 3:14 AM on December 13, 2012

Someone needs to screentest Benson Henderson for the role of Hiro Protagonist. You couldn't turn up a better avatar. Half African-American-half Korean, a trained martial artist, charismatic and good looking, he'd be a perfect fit for the role (assuming he can act, obviously).

It feels like casting somebody of African-American and Asian heritage as Hiro Protagonist would be a far tougher sell in production terms than casting a flyweight boxer with no previous acting experience.
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:49 AM on December 13, 2012

I was very confused by this until I realized I was thinking of Benecio del Toro.
posted by exogenous at 4:38 AM on December 13, 2012

I went to bed last night hoping for many many responses and you mofos didn't disappoint!

As for the haters, I get that you may be burned out on robots because of Michael Bay (damn you, BAY!), but as many have pointed out, this promises to be better and awesome because of Guillermo del Toro. del Toro loves monsters, loves the fantastic, and if it had been a Zack Snyder production, you bet your sweet bippy I wouldn't have bothered to post a trailer, much less been excited about the existence of it.
posted by Kitteh at 4:55 AM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

Sign me up!

Code Guardian is 5 years old? Argh. Still a yearly go to for WWII fight'n robots.

I wonder why they need two pilots synchronizing their movements to operate the robots.

Because you need to have someone for your characters to talk to. The other option is to not base robot control on the pilot model, but on the submarine model (like Warhammer's Titans are, see Titanicus for more info) but that lends itself to a much different movie.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:31 AM on December 13, 2012

Yet again I have an entirely different reaction to a trailer from 90% of MeFi. I remember wondering why people were getting their panties in a twist over the Prometheus trailer.

This definitely has promise. The monsters appear to be original and genuinely terrifying. The effects are textural without being overly detailed like most CGI.

I also get a fun, intentionally campy feel to some of the sillier elements that people are offended by.
posted by timsneezed at 5:34 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I will be there for anything Guillermo del Toro wants to do.

Cthulhu fighting giant robots....
posted by the_artificer at 5:43 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am here because Idris Elba's speech is something I wish I had written, and because he delivers it very, very well. I could hear it in my I Get It center of the brain.

Really? That's actually part of what turned me off.

People seem to be thinking that I'm dismissing this because it's robots punching monsters. I assure you that's false. I saw this post and was very excited, because, as I have said, I think GDT is great. I was very excited and I knew it was robots punching monsters.

But then I actually saw the trailer. And then the voiceover started. Good lord. THEY NEVER COUNTED ON OUR ABILITY TO ENDURE! TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE! BLAH BLAH BLAH!. It struck me as the worldwide equivalent of U! S! A! U! S! A!

And then that speech that you're referring to. TODAY WE ARE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE! Uh, yeah, OK. It struck me as totally overwrought, ridiculously obvious in playing for the lowest common denominator in the audience's WOOOOOOO GO HUMANS WE'RE SO NOBLE gut, and straight out of some crap blow-em-up real good flick.

I am here because I believe that Del Toro can deliver the goods, because he has delivered them in the past.

Yes, that's exactly why I'm here, and exactly why I'm so disappointed that the trailer makes it look like crap, and exactly why I'm going to see it anyway in hopes that it isn't the crap that the trailer makes it look to be.

I'll shut up about this now. The final thing that I will say about it is that I genuinely hope that the film is good.
posted by Flunkie at 6:04 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

The movie may be good, but the trailer is squarely aimed at Transformers fans which makes it completely unappealing to me. And the duo-pilot thing is just weird.
posted by Vindaloo at 6:12 AM on December 13, 2012

They have so many opportunities with the tagline: This summer ... PREPARE TO GET RIMMED!

Well, it is Charlie Hunnam.
posted by fullerine at 6:25 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Vindaloo: "And the duo-pilot thing is just weird."

That's the Russians for you.
posted by the_artificer at 6:33 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, I guess it's not just the Russians.
posted by the_artificer at 6:35 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

WAIT GUYS IS JUST REALIZED THERE ARE MULTIPLE TYPES OF GIANT ROBOT EACH FROM A DIFFERENT NATION BORDERING THE PACIFIC

WHY IS THERE NOT A POLYNESIAN ROBOT WITH AN EASTER ISLAND HEAD

THIS IS A CRISIS GUYS
THERE NEEDS TO BE A ROBOT WITH AN EASTER ISLAND HEAD

AND A MAORI ONE TOO WITH LIKE FOUR ARMS AND A KNIFE WITH SHARKS FOR TEETH
NOT SHARK TEETH BUT ACTUAL SHARKS STUCK TO A GIANT KNIFE
I CAN ACCEPT SHARK ROBOTS

DO NOT SAVE IT FOR THE SEQUEL DEL TORO DONT YOU DARE

WE REQUIRE:
EASTER ISLAND HEAD ROBOT
MAORI ROBOT WITH FOUR ARMS AND SHARK KNIFE
MEXICAN AZTEC EAGLE WARRIOR ROBOT OF COURSE
AND MAYBE AN INCA ROBOT WITH LIKE ONE OF THOSE HATS THAT IS ALSO A BUZZ SAW OR SOMETHING FROM PERU
OH OH OH AND AN ESKIMO ROBOT WITH NO FACE JUST A GIANT TURBINE THAT SHOOTS FIRE AND OR LASER PLASMA BLASTS

I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY AND I JUST GAVE YOU LIKE FIVE MORE ROBOTS PLUS ALSO A ROBOT WHO IS PART BATTLESHIP LIKE A CENTAUR WHO IS FROM CALIFORNIA AND CAN BE LIKE A SURFER DUDE AND STUFF FOR KIDS AND TOY SALES PLUS ANOTHER ROBOT THAT WILL JUST BE ME IN A BUNCH OF CARDBOARD BOXES ON STILTS BUT THAT ONE WILL BE JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME AND THE ANGRY PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO SIT BEHIND ME AT THE THEATRE WHEN I WATCH OUR MOVIE LIKE FIVE THOUSAND TIMES
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:27 AM on December 13, 2012 [17 favorites]

It appears that the Japanese Jaeger is piloted solo, while the Chinese one requires three pilots. All other Jaegers are manned by two people as the_artificer described.
posted by Kitteh at 7:27 AM on December 13, 2012

Those Jaegers are gonna be the bomb!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:36 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

And the duo-pilot thing is just weird.

It could be like having a copilot on a fighter jet, with one handling the weapons systems while the other controls movement. According to the Wikipedia entry for the film, the two pilots work in tandem using a "neural bridge." So maybe it's more like a dual-processor computer, giving the robots the combined reflexes and speed of two human brains.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:36 AM on December 13, 2012

THERE NEEDS TO BE A ROBOT WITH AN EASTER ISLAND HEAD

That sounds great until they multiply and turn on us.
posted by curious nu at 7:37 AM on December 13, 2012

Robocop, are you proposing Guillermo del Toro's Mobile Fighter G Gundam?

Follow-up question: Are you accepting donations?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:37 AM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

I AM PROPOSING ALL THE ROBOTS

PACIFIC RIM 2: DEFEAT THE MONSTER PLANET

ALL THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD UNITE TO END THE KAIJU THREAT BY SENDING THEIR AWESOME NATIONAL ROBOTS THROUGH THE PORTAL

EGYPTIAN SPHINX ROBOT
PAKISTANI DERVISH ROBOT
INDIAN KALI AND RAKASHA ROBOTS
CANADIAN ROBOT NAMED 'WENDIGO HEARTBREAK'
THE SCANDINAVIANS WANTED TO SEND A THOR BOT BUT DISNEY/MARVEL THREATENED TO SUE SO THEY SEND ROBOT VALKYRIE INSTEAD
IN GRATITUDE DISNEY ACTIVATES EPCOT CENTER BUCKEY BALL MORTARBOT MODE AND SENDS IT ALONG
FRENCH 'CHEVALIER WISDOM' AND ENGLISH 'ROUNDHEAD STOUT' ARE RIVALS
EVERYONE FEELS AWKWARD ABOUT THE GERMAN ROBOT
DUTCH ROBOT IS MOSTLY HAT BUCKLES
SCOTLAND SENDS NO ROBOTS JUST A HUNDRED DUDES WITH RED HAIR AND BAD ATTITUDES
NEW ZEALAND IS ALL LIKE PLEASE STOP CALLING OUR ROBOT FRODO IT IS JUST A BIT SHORTER THAN YOURS
KENYA ROBOT IS A SHARPSHOOTER
MIND BRIDGE IN SOUTH AFRICAN ROBOT HELPS FURTHER HEAL RACIAL STRIFE
CLETUS ROBOT FROM NFL IS COMIC RELIEF BUT SAVES THE DAY THROUGH NOBLE SACRIFICE

ALSO ON MONSTER PLANET THERE ARE A LOT OF BAD DUDES THAT WE SHOULD EXPLORE FURTHER AT LEAST ONE IS A GIANT SPIDER BECAUSE SERIOUSLY THAT IS A FUCKING LEVEL BOSS BECAUSE WHEN YOU ROCKET PUNCH IT IT HATCHES BABY SPIDER MONSTERS FOR THE SCOTS TO FIGHT

FUNDING IS CLOSED NO MOVIE CAN MATCH EPIC MINDSCAPE I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW
WAIT
WAIT
ALMOST OUT OF SUDAFED
FUNDING REOPENED
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:22 AM on December 13, 2012 [30 favorites]

^favorited for the name of the Canadian Jaeger because you know that that would at least be on the list of names^

the rest was good too though
posted by Kitteh at 8:28 AM on December 13, 2012

No no no, Canada just builds arms for the other robots.
posted by oulipian at 8:31 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

CANADIAN ROBOT NAMED 'WENDIGO HEARTBREAK'

FUCK YOU. THE CANADIAN ROBOT IS A GIANT VOYAGEUR HOCKEY PLAYER AFFECTIONATELY NICKNAMED BLAQUE JAQUE SHELLAQUE. IT HAS A CHEST CANNON THAT SHOOTS GIANT 2-4'S OF MOLSON PLASMA BEER AND RUNS ENTIRELY ON MAPLE SYRUP. DURING COMBAT IT APOLOGIZES PROFUSELY AND ENDLESSLY IN A DIVERSE RANGE OF LANGUAGES.

THE EXISTING AMERICAN ROBOT IS TAKEN DOWN AND REPLACED WITH A NINE HUNDRED FOOT TALL FLABBY TOURIST IN PLAID ROBO-SHORTS. IT WAITS FOR THE ENGLISH AND RUSSIAN ROBOTS TO DO THE HARD WORK AND THEN CLAIMS CREDIT FOR VICTORY IN AN ENDLESS SERIES OF JINGOISTIC HOLOMOVIES.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:33 AM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

DUDE DUDE THE MISSION TO MONSTER PLANET IS A SUICIDE MISSION

WHY WOULD CANADA SACRIFICE THE BEST THING IT HAS MADE SINCE RUSH
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:39 AM on December 13, 2012 [4 favorites]

BECAUSE ONLY THROUGH HEROIC SACRIFICE CAN BLAQUE JACQUE SHELLAQUE EARN IMMORTAL GLORY AS A CHAIN OF COFFEE AND DOUGHNUT SHOPS, WHICH ANY TRUE CANADIAN WILL TELL YOU IS WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE. YOU DON'T SEE CONAN THE BARBARIAN'S COFFEE IN CANADA, DO YOU? I REST MY CASE.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:25 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Canadian robot contingent, affectionately named CANADARMADA:

The aforementioned obligatory maple-syrup-powered hockey robot who shoots beer and bad coffee and stereotypes

Habitat 67 awakens from its deep slumber and is revealed to be an amorphous cloud of ANGRY ROBOT FISTS from the 1960s retro-future

Creaky, Bill Adama-ish Trudeaubot is constantly clashing with wisecracking chainsmoking upstart Alberta oilbot (who constantly leaks oil that other characters slip on for comic relief) in a battle for the clockwork heart and sparkplug soul of the Canadarmada

Pierre Poutine robot uses robo-calls to distract the monsters and provides subterfuge for the sluggishly powerful AUTHENTIC POUTINE ROBOT who oozes real cheese curds

The Confederation Bridge detaches itself from its moorings and reveals itself to be a sneaky, serpentine robot whose secret weakness is high winds

LOBSTERMOOSE ROBOT is a blinding blizzard of claws and antlers

A team of smaller robots that look like a bunch of Bill Reid sculptures that join together to form a Voltron-style SuperHaidaBot with little heads all over it

Newfoundland sends CARNIVOROUS PITCHER PLANT ROBOT who lies in wait for small monsters to get trapped in its reservoir of rum-and-Pepsi the robot also writes award-winning contemporary fiction

Unfortunately the Canadian robots are built by RIM (people the movie is called Pacific Rim this is PRODUCT PLACEMENT 101) so most of them fail to ship on time and they don't come with email
posted by oulipian at 9:29 AM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Capslock day, back again already?
posted by JHarris at 9:31 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

TODAY WE ARE PROROGUING THE APOCALYPSE
posted by oulipian at 9:40 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

After watching the trailer again I have to say I really enjoy how leisurely the last shot of the robot sliding onto the overpass and recovering its feet was. What Transformers should of and could have been.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:53 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Definitely fits in my personal genre of "popcorn movies". Not supposed to be good, just silly and entertaining for an evening.
posted by mrbill at 10:02 AM on December 13, 2012

Canadian robot contingent, affectionately named CANADARMADA:

YOU FORGOT DUDLEY DUE-BOT
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:16 AM on December 13, 2012

Kitteh: "And yes, that is the voice of GLADos you hear in it."

So... there will be cake?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:19 AM on December 13, 2012

I had the same reaction that I had when I first saw the trailer for "Cowboys & Aliens." Yes, it's going to be crap. Yes, I'm going to hate myself for dumping money on this thing, buying up a bigass popcorn and a bigass drink at the concession stand and then giggling like a school girl when the title sequence comes on the screen. Yes, I'll probably see it in IMAX 3D SUPER DOLBY WITH FREE BLOWJOBS IN EVERY 4TH ROW.

But, whatcha gonna do, eh?
posted by thanotopsis at 10:49 AM on December 13, 2012

People bothered with Cowboys Vs Aliens?
posted by Artw at 10:54 AM on December 13, 2012

I love this because it's got giant Guillermo del Toro monsters, and he is the very best at monsters. I'm a little bummed about the robots because I think giant robots are stupid (Mechagodzilla, I'm looking at you) but still this could be loads of fun.
posted by Mister_A at 11:35 AM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

DIVERT ALL ENGINES TO ROCKET-PUNCHING

If GLaDOS says this line, I retract all of my criticisms.
posted by straight at 11:36 AM on December 13, 2012

GLaDOS would never say anything helpful.
posted by Artw at 11:39 AM on December 13, 2012

I loved Cowboys and Aliens, full stop, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. And I am very much looking forward to this. But not as much as I am looking forward to robocop is bleeding's movie.
posted by Roommate at 11:39 AM on December 13, 2012

Yawn. Another stupid comic book movie. I don't get the fascination with this crap.
posted by brianstorms at 11:45 AM on December 13, 2012

Uh, hello? Giant monsters?
posted by Mister_A at 11:52 AM on December 13, 2012

Also, not a comic book movie.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:53 AM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

Yawn. Another stupid comic book movie. I don't get the fascination with this crap.

Well I, for one, am very glad you took time out of your busy day to tell us we're all idiots. I was getting worried there.
posted by Kitteh at 12:12 PM on December 13, 2012 [5 favorites]

The Card Cheat, I enjoyed "The Core," too, and don't quite get all the scorn it seems to inspire from some people.
Yes, the whole thing is scientifically absurd, but so are are lots of tropes that are routinely accepted in science fiction/action-type films (FTL travel, teleportation, etc.).
"The Core" is like a modern-day version of one of those cheesy late-1950s end-of-the-world B-movies. And in addition to having much better FX than were possible then, it has some fun performances in it - Delroy Lindo and Stanley Tucci chew the scenery in entertaining ways, Aaron Eckhart is a solid choice for the square-jawed Man of Science, and Hilary Swank gets to demonstrate plenty o' pluck while also looking quite fetching in a blue jumpsuit. What's not to like?
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 12:15 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

My god he's right, this is all a boring sham, let's all commit ritual suicide.
posted by elizardbits at 12:16 PM on December 13, 2012 [8 favorites]

Y'all, I just watched it again in HD.

WHY DIDN'T I DO THAT THE FIRST DAMN TIME
posted by Kitteh at 12:21 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm just hoping the voice says that the pilots look too fat for their suits and that their parents don't miss them.
posted by flaterik at 12:55 PM on December 13, 2012 [6 favorites]

The Core has a scene set inside a giant geode, so there's that.
posted by Artw at 1:00 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

My god he's right, this is all a boring sham, let's all commit ritual suicide.

Not before I get to see Idris Elba and Charlie Hunnam make out.
posted by fatehunter at 1:03 PM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

If the Australian Jaeger doesn't have a massive hat with giant corks hanging off it (that are like bombs or something)... well lets just say I'm going to be very disappointed, very disappointed indeed.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:09 PM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Metafilter movie threads are inherently awful because the movie that gets written piecemeal, comment by comment, always overshadows whatever the original movie the thread is about.

I have always felt focus groups created crap but a Metafilter focus group would create pure entertainment masterpieces.
posted by M Edward at 2:09 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yawn. Another stupid comic book movie. I don't get the fascination with this crap.

a) because it's awesome and, b), ur face.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 2:10 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

If the Australian Jaeger doesn't have a massive hat with giant corks hanging off it (that are like bombs or something)... well lets just say I'm going to be very disappointed, very disappointed indeed.

RAZORBACK DUNNY
posted by Artw at 2:13 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Actually, we're writing a movie by committee. It's only a focus group if we use the favorite counts to decide whose contributions to keep.

I DON'T NEED FAVORITES TO TELL ME ROBOCOP IS BLEEDING HAS WRITTEN A MASTERPIECE OF CINEMA THAT MUST BE FILMED.
posted by straight at 2:14 PM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

RAZORBACK DUNNY

"Let's Ayers Rock and Roll, cobber!"
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:39 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

If the Australian Jaeger doesn't have a massive hat with giant corks hanging off it (that are like bombs or something)... well lets just say I'm going to be very disappointed, very disappointed indeed.

1 MILLION SPIDERS ZIPPED UP INSIDE A PEOPLE SUIT
posted by elizardbits at 2:41 PM on December 13, 2012 [4 favorites]

I am on to your seekrits australia. You cannot fool me.
posted by elizardbits at 2:41 PM on December 13, 2012

... and giant boomerang
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:42 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Chris Hunnam rides a giant hogbot into Ron Perlman who explodes into spiders riding iron boomerangs and waving Canadian flags. And this all happens in the main entrance hall...


...of Downton Abbey
posted by Sparx at 2:52 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

(That's just the opening. The rest of the movie is kind of a spider rom-com.)
posted by Sparx at 3:15 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Now I wanna see Love Actually with an all-arachnid cast.
posted by elizardbits at 3:35 PM on December 13, 2012

Love Arachtually?
posted by zombieflanders at 3:38 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

WELLL here's a musical comedy version of Starship Troopers from the PoV of the Arachnids? (via; nb i have not seen it it might be terrible)
posted by ver at 3:43 PM on December 13, 2012

I just hope there's going to be a version of the movie that's not in 3-D, because otherwise I won't be able to see it.
posted by happyroach at 4:39 PM on December 13, 2012

ver, judging from the beginning of the first video, it doesn't look too bad.
posted by JHarris at 4:51 PM on December 13, 2012

Metafilter movie threads are inherently awful because the movie that gets written piecemeal, comment by comment

Reddit has generated a movie deal, what's holding us up, youse guys are smarter and way better educated than a bunch of reddit hackers.
posted by sammyo at 5:02 PM on December 13, 2012

This looked really cool until the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers stuff. The corpse on the ship was a neat shot. I'm sure there will be some eye poppers. I'm curious. There have been, like ten Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla movies that have used this premise, though.

And, though I know I'm in a very small minority, Hell Boy II almost completely didn't work for me, and I lost a lot of my hopes for Del Toro's career because of it.

I'm sort of looking forward to this though. I love big monster movies. Hope it's not a giant CG cheap-out.
posted by Trochanter at 5:35 PM on December 13, 2012

Rise of the giant robots: how one Japanese cartoon spawned a genre
posted by Artw at 5:40 PM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

Comic book movie (a play in three acts.)

Act 1: Meet heroes and villains
Act 2: Villains get the upper hand
Act 3: Fistfight
posted by warbaby at 6:56 PM on December 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Needs about an hours worth of Origin Story and a Moment of Doubt.
posted by Artw at 7:17 PM on December 13, 2012

(Unless it's Dredd in which case you just get Multiple Face-Shootings instead.)
posted by Artw at 7:19 PM on December 13, 2012

Yawn. Another stupid comic book movie. I don't get the fascination with this crap.

I believe the rule is that if you want to post something like that, you also have to tell us what sort of stupid bullshit you enjoy, so we can have a turn on the Condescending Go 'Round, too.

Rise of the giant robots: how one Japanese cartoon spawned a genre

I was hoping something like that had popped up in here, because if I saw one more person exclaim, "Evangelion?!" like that show invented giant robots beating the shit out of monsters, I was going to burst a blood vessel. Also see: Jet Jaguar.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:35 PM on December 13, 2012 [3 favorites]

(Unless it's Dredd in which case you just get Multiple Face-Shootings instead.)

*rasps*

Yeah.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:36 PM on December 13, 2012

if I saw one more person exclaim, "Evangelion?!" like that show invented giant robots beating the shit out of monsters, I was going to burst a blood vessel.

In fairness, this seems a lot closer to Shinji getting sealed inside a weird-looking suit, struggling to make EVA-01 walk, and going after monsters with knives, assault rifles and bare hands and feet than it does to Kouji Kabuto yelling "BREAST FIRE!"
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:48 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

if I saw one more person exclaim, "Evangelion?!" like that show invented giant robots beating the shit out of monsters, I was going to burst a blood vessel

I find it weirder to see people saying "I hope it's a kick-ass fun giant robot thing live Evangelion!"

So they want GdT to give us several hours of circles of betrayal, wrenching doubt, self-sabotage, and despair?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:51 PM on December 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

There should also be a penguin.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:19 AM on December 14, 2012

oh man i woke up today with a splitting headache my walls all covered in crayon drawings of robots and some dude from mgm brewing me coffee and talking about big things

what did i sign terry why wont you show me what i signed
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:36 AM on December 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

Please let Kim Dotcom find this thread and offer to finance Robocop is Bleeding's all-caps film ideas.

I will happily work on this and any other movies from RiB for free, because getting to edit/write with him in the past was a pure joy and I would cherish the chance to do so again.

AND FUCKING ROBOTS, BABY!

no but seriously please let them build a badass game for Kinect and possibly a live robot-controller simulator somewhere in Universal Studios or Japan because I WANT TO GO TO THERE AND DRIVE ROBOTS.

And then I will have noms at the Robot Restaurant in Tokyo. Anybody been there yet? 4,000 yen for a crappy Bento box, from what I hear, but the food's not why people go there...

I love you Idris Elba, please continue your sci-fi projects streak
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:19 AM on December 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also see: Jet Jaguar.
HE JOCK IT MADE OF STEEL
EATS SUSHI FROM A PAIL
JET JAGUAR? JET JAGUAR!
HE MOTHER NEVER REALLY LOVE HIM
posted by JHarris at 4:14 PM on December 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

MTV brought in Guillermo del Toro to do a commentary on the trailer.

He talks a bit about the sense of scale that he was shooting for and there's a teensy bit more about how certain scenes fit together.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:44 PM on December 14, 2012

Recut Pacific Rim Trailer At CES
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:38 AM on January 9

I love the way Idris Elba starts moving towards full Hackney at the end.

Today, we are cancewwing the apocawypse!
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:58 AM on January 9