FLAMMA

December 21, 2012 6:42 PM

For the next apocalypse, you can buy all of your fire starting supplies at IKEA.
posted by ShooBoo (41 comments total)

That is awesome.

On a related note, according to Raleigh's Village Idiots, this is what actually went down with that whole end of the world thing.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:56 PM on December 21, 2012

Cool! And I'm sure that double bandaid on his knuckle was from whittling that notch into the hanger.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 6:57 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

For the next apocalypse

Some dis-assembly required.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:59 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I spent $11.99 for the IKEA NOT lamp and it was really a lamp, so I want my money back.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:02 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Monkey sold separately.
posted by briank at 7:04 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Those mutated neutrinos at the core of the earth are just biding their time.
posted by Artw at 7:07 PM on December 21, 2012

With as much wood unworking as that took, if I'm starting with an IKEA worth of stuff, I'm making a fire piston.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 7:11 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

I go to IKEA and they have this huge showroom where you walk past living rooms and bed rooms and kitchens, all showing beautifully designed and affordable products for a modern efficient life. Really, the place is huge and I've never made it all the way through. So I didn't know about the whole survivalist part toward the end. IKEA has you covered, whatever your lifestyle needs.
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:11 PM on December 21, 2012

I noticed the band-aid too.

I'm still asking y2k preppers how they're enjoying their gas masks.
posted by Pudhoho at 7:13 PM on December 21, 2012

He could have just gotten some batting out of a MYSA comforter for tinder and whatnot.
posted by jquinby at 7:31 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

This also aptly demonstrates why a good knife is almost all a really good survivalist needs.
posted by dazed_one at 7:52 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

I was disappointed he stopped when he did. For a very reasonable cost he could have had a very large and stylish blaze.
posted by Jode at 7:53 PM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

Impressive.
posted by spitbull at 8:01 PM on December 21, 2012

Knife and rope.
posted by spitbull at 8:01 PM on December 21, 2012

spitbull: "Knife and rope."

You can do it with your hands, if your life depends on it.
posted by pwnguin at 8:12 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one that wanted the video to end with him tossing a full coffee table on the flame from off frame?
posted by matt_od at 8:17 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

For the next apocalypse, you can buy all of your fire starting supplies at IKEA.

I was under the impression that, at the end of the world, there would be no particular shortage of flame?
posted by Malor at 8:27 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Pretty sure I saw a BBQ lighter at Ikea...
posted by anonymisc at 8:31 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

That was mesmerizing and impressive. It must help (me having done this in the wild just once, when my trail clearing crew didn't have a lighter or matches among us for our cigarettes, and it took fucking forever) that the wood in Ikea stuff is super dry.
posted by Flashman at 8:32 PM on December 21, 2012

Was going to make the joke, "Don't they also sell matches at Ikea?" Because I was almost sure that they did. Like, the long fireplace ones. Not so, apparently.

Though if you have power, I guess a halogen lightbulb is close enough.
posted by supercres at 8:32 PM on December 21, 2012

I was under the impression that, at the end of the world, there would be no particular shortage of flame

It depends on how you've booked your ultimate travel destination. I used an internet service and got a pretty good deal, so I'm expecting clouds and angels.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:34 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is supposedly from Ikea but this video does not have a blocky outline of a frowning person. I am confused. Can someone draw me a step-by-step pictograph of this youtube?
posted by mcmile at 8:43 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm impressed! I'd be even more impressed if he assembled the fire using one of those little hex keys they include with the furniture.
posted by happyroach at 8:43 PM on December 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I bought all the fire making products from IKEA but I lost the assembly instructions. Now I am cold. So very cold.
posted by twoleftfeet at 8:47 PM on December 21, 2012

This also aptly demonstrates why a good knife is almost all a really good survivalist needs.

Seems it doesn't need to be all that good, either.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:51 PM on December 21, 2012

Seriously, I have to give props to IKEA's assembly instructions. They put almost as much design effort into those instructions as they do for the products themselves. There are no words, only pictures, and they've made them as simple as possible.

When the unexpected asteroid or plague hits us, and the world is plunged into darkness, and all that's left is a handful of illiterate human survivors to rebuild civilization, I hope they find the kind of clearly thought out instructions that IKEA has provided. It would be nice if there were instructions for building fire and shelter, for constructing water and sanitation systems, and for growing food. But nobody is doing that now. So post-apocalypse, the survivors may gather together, find the instructions, and begin life anew by rebuilding the POÄNG.
posted by twoleftfeet at 9:14 PM on December 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

I was under the impression that, at the end of the world, there would be no particular shortage of flame

...
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

posted by Songdog at 9:16 PM on December 21, 2012

2 X FIXA Lithium-Ion screwdriver $9.99/ea

Use one screwdriver to drill into lithium-ion battery pack of the other

Voila!
posted by zippy at 9:19 PM on December 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

That's pretty impressive. It's fun to watch people do things.

I think a better way is with a block of magnesium and a blade. Magnesium shavings make fire in any weather conditions. Obviously, it's not excactly a paleolithic approach. Still, this is a fun video. It was strangely hypnotic.
posted by candasartan at 9:25 PM on December 21, 2012

Funny, I just watched X2.

PYRO: I only manipulate the fire. I can't create it.
MAGNETO: You are a god among insects. Never let anyone tell you different.

Superhero used a lighter, man.
posted by dhartung at 9:44 PM on December 21, 2012

That's a pretty expensive "primitive" fire - nearly 23 Euros, or about 30 bucks US.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:03 PM on December 21, 2012

Thankfully the meatballs are already cooked.
posted by Brocktoon at 10:07 PM on December 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think a better way is with a block of magnesium and a blade. Magnesium shavings make fire in any weather conditions. Obviously, it's not excactly a paleolithic approach. Still, this is a fun video. It was strangely hypnotic.
posted by candasartan at 9:25 PM on December 21 [+] [!]

I'm pretty sure that one of the camping fire starting tools my family had was basically exactly this.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 11:13 PM on December 21, 2012

"Magnesium" fire starting implements are more commonly Ferrocerium.
posted by onya at 11:26 PM on December 21, 2012

Zippy's option needs to be a response video - possibly with more other more cost effective options.
posted by grajohnt at 12:15 AM on December 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Magnesium" fire starting implements are more commonly Ferrocerium.

"Folk" were talking about this, a whittleable block of magnesium with a striking-strip of ferrocerium laid on top.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:39 AM on December 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

It's a lot more impressive when Les Stroud does it with his bare hands from stuff scavenged from a damp forest, having not had any food or water in the last 24 hours, and having lugged around and set up the camera gear himself.
posted by Rhomboid at 1:52 AM on December 22, 2012

Seriously, I have to give props to IKEA's assembly instructions. They put almost as much design effort into those instructions as they do for the products themselves. There are no words, only pictures, and they've made them as simple as possible.

The same is true of this video, which I think is part of its charm. Anybody can see this and learn how to make fire from - if there isn't an Ikea handy - some cord, some wood, dry grass or bark and a knife.
posted by Flashman at 6:19 AM on December 22, 2012

I had an IKEA lamp in college that also started a fire.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:14 AM on December 22, 2012 [5 favorites]

Seriously, I have to give props to IKEA's assembly instructions. They put almost as much design effort into those instructions as they do for the products themselves. There are no words, only pictures, and they've made them as simple as possible.

Man, you're not kidding. I spent yesterday assembling a table saw and thought several times throughout the process that the tech writer(s) for Porter Cable could to take a lesson or two from IKEA. That you should label the dozen or so bags of parts, for example, ought to go without saying. I've put together a fair number of IKEA products and never had an issue with the instructions.
posted by jquinby at 9:28 AM on December 22, 2012

Reminded me of another inappropriate use of technology
posted by mjklin at 2:08 PM on December 23, 2012